Why would a man stay in a marriage if he doesn't love his wife anymore? Or why a married man would not love his wife?

A man should stay in a marriage if he does not love his wife anymore because:

1. When he says "I do", he does not get to say "I don't"! Marriage is for better for worse. Marriage is NOT a revolving door.
IT IS A CLOSED DOOR!

2. Love is the least requirement in a marriage. You can only TRULY fall in love with your wife after she is dead, when you finally understand what she means to you.
MARRIAGE IS ABOUT COMMITTMENT AND RESPECT NOT LOVE.

3. If children are involved, he really has no choice. He should love the children even if he does not love his wife. He can find love somewhere else, but he must STAY in that marriage to raise his children. He can only set himself free after the children are grown and on their own.
THE CHILDREN NEED THE LOVE MORE, NOT THE WIFE OR THE GIRLFRIENDS.

Bottom line?
Too bad he fell out of love with his wife. No one cares. He should sit there and honor his obligations. Especially if children are involved. If children are not involved, he does not get a second chance at love either. Marriage is 'for better for worse'! If a man cannot honor such a difficult decree, he should NEVER get married because falling out of love with the wife is a sure banker in MOST marriages!

But the grass is NEVER greener on the outside. NEVER.

.

Blazay, always on point.

Blazay:

A man should stay in a marriage if he does not love his wife anymore because:

1. When he says "I do", he does not get to say "I don't"! Marriage is for better for worse. Marriage is NOT a revolving door.
IT IS A CLOSED DOOR!

2. Love is the least requirement in a marriage. You can only TRULY fall in love with your wife after she is dead, when you finally understand what she means to you.
MARRIAGE IS ABOUT COMMITTMENT AND RESPECT NOT LOVE.

3. If children are involved, he really has no choice. He should love the children even if he does not love his wife. He can find love somewhere else, but he must STAY in that marriage to raise his children. He can only set himself free after the children are grown and on their own.
THE CHILDREN NEED THE LOVE MORE, NOT THE WIFE OR THE GIRLFRIENDS.

Bottom line?
Too bad he fell out of love with his wife. No one cares. He should sit there and honor his obligations. Especially if children are involved. If children are not involved, he does not get a second chance at love either. Marriage is 'for better for worse'! If a man cannot honor such a difficult decree, he should NEVER get married because falling out of love with the wife is a sure banker in MOST marriages!

But the grass is NEVER greener on the outside. NEVER.

thats one i dont agree

you sound as if he nolonger loves the wife it means the kids too, thats not it you will always love your kids and staying and having a girlfriend is wrong your kids wont learn what is really love they will learn your cheating becoz to them mum and daddy are still together

ZIM DRILL:

thats one i dont agree

you sound as if he nolonger loves the wife it means the kids too, thats not it you will always love your kids and staying and having a girlfriend is wrong your kids wont learn what is really love they will learn your cheating becoz to them mum and daddy are still together

Oh please.
When an African man runs off with another woman, he forgets ALL his children period.
Most African women HATE the children they have when they end up hating the men they had the children with.
Children are not 'stoopid' you know. They really would appreciate their parents being together EVEN IF THEY PARENTS ARE NOT HAPPY TOGETHER.
No child wants to be in the same house with a STEP MOTHER OR STEP FATHER.
I would prefer my parents to cheat and remain together than to have a step mother and step father. HEAVEN FORBID. . . THAT NEVER HAPPENED. THANKS TO MY GOOD GOD!!!

We were all children once (some of us on NL still are, unfortunately. ) The presence of our parents physically in our lives became paramount even if they were cheating, and passed out drunk every night in the gutters around the neighbourhood. We get to know them and can point to who they are no matter how shameless. They are ours and we learn to love them JUST LIKE THAT.  The only parents we can EVER have that our GODS gave to us. We do not want any other parents.
As for seeing the parents cheat, children will have a choice too when they get into the same shoes and chances are THEY WILL ALL CHEAT TOO.
Just human nature and a choice. Cheating is a choice, (POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE) AS A COPING MECHANISM not A LEARNED BEHAVIOR!


True story.
I had a male cousin who went crying to my paternal grandma that his father was cheating on his mother, got another woman pregnant, married the lady traditionally and his mother was miserable. My grandmother in her 80s laughed in his face and her exact words were these:

"Why you dey cry?
You grand papa do am.
Your papa do am.
You sef go do am
Your pikin sef go do am
Your pikin pikin sef to do am kpa kpa
My grandson, abeg nor kill yaself.
Sorry oh!".

Words on marble. This was a woman who had NINE children of her her own as the THIRD WIFE and CO-WIFE to some 6 other women or more.

We still tell this story to each other years after the wise woman has passed on. The good old woman never had so much as a toothache. No hypertension, no diabetes. Died peacefully in her sleep long after her husband(my dear grand pa) had died on top of one of his younger wives some 50 years younger than himself, with heart failure/stroke of course. The poor young woman was who was accused of killing him was banished from the village and her children ostracized to this day. Ignorant, bush peeps! Mu he he he he

True to this day, my male cousin is married with children and is on his second wife already. He is only 42.
Did he learn this from his grandfather or his father? Why did he not excercise his sense of autonomy as an adult male to practice monogamy?
Was a gun put to his head to cheat on his own wife? We can NEVER blame our parents for our own actions as adults.
WE ALL HAVE CHOICES.
Go figure.

Man was not created to be monogamous. The African culture is DISGUSTINGLY POLYGAMOUS even in the advent of the so-called Christianity.
Why people make it such a big deal has always baffled me.
The children need the attention as dependants not the adults.
So, who cares how they feel?
You can cheat all you want as an adult male of female. . . but your arzzzze stays in that marriage to take care of your responsibilities.
The children will be just fine. They understand and appreciate your presence even if you are not happy.
If the men and women do not make public spectacles of themselves with all that emotional neediness and in-fighting, perhaps the children will be spared all that drama.
They only want their parents, and do not care if they are happy or not. I support them totally, they come first. Not the selfish needs of some parents who think they get to return the goods that they have used for a new set of female and male anatomical parts.

No! Not an option!
Cheat and sit in that marriage.
Your happiness is irrelevant to your children's happiness.
After you have children, the world really does not care about your happiness.
Single parenting is not an option when BOTH parents are alive.
A parent's happiness can NEVER come before that of a MINOR child.
When they grow up and are out of the house, you are free to find your true love, if he or she has any tooth left, and the sight of him or her still conjures up such feelings of love you had when you felt like abandoning your children for a new flame!

Arrrrrrrrrrrrantus Nonsensicus!!!

Happiness ko, Blissfullness ni!

Cased closed!

it's a question of personal ethics and individual personality.

also, familial/generational spirits.

@OP,love is to me one of the minor requirements for a successful "marriage" hence the absence of love is NOT enough reason to leave ur marriage,try girlfriend.

It depends on the people involved, thier understanding of marriage and their orientation on family life. When children are involved, they maybe stucked but first thing first, no one forces anyone to be married or remain married. Its a personal decision.

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! There are so many things that can bring down love in marriages. if love fails try UNDERSTANDING and RESPECT .

Blazay: A man should stay in a marriage if he does not love his wife anymore because:

1. When he says "I do", he does not get to say "I don't"! Marriage is for better for worse. Marriage is NOT a revolving door.
IT IS A CLOSED DOOR!

2. Love is the least requirement in a marriage. You can only TRULY fall in love with your wife after she is dead, when you finally understand what she means to you.
MARRIAGE IS ABOUT COMMITTMENT AND RESPECT NOT LOVE.

3. If children are involved, he really has no choice. He should love the children even if he does not love his wife. He can find love somewhere else, but he must STAY in that marriage to raise his children. He can only set himself free after the children are grown and on their own.
THE CHILDREN NEED THE LOVE MORE, NOT THE WIFE OR THE GIRLFRIENDS.

Bottom line?
Too bad he fell out of love with his wife. No one cares. He should sit there and honor his obligations. Especially if children are involved. If children are not involved, he does not get a second chance at love either. Marriage is 'for better for worse'! If a man cannot honor such a difficult decree, he should NEVER get married because falling out of love with the wife is a sure banker in MOST marriages!

But the grass is NEVER greener on the outside. NEVER.

Chief BLAZZZZZZAY!!!
You toooo mussssssssh.
Your wealth of experience dey show gaaaaan!!!!
It is gonna be a LOVELY, PEACEFUL NIGHT!

Time for a quick snack. Time for round one!

Blazay:

Oh please.
When an African man runs off with another woman, he forgets ALL his children period.
Most African women HATE the children they have when they end up hating the men they had the children with.
Children are not 'stoopid' you know. They really would appreciate their parents being together EVEN IF THEY PARENTS ARE NOT HAPPY TOGETHER.
No child wants to be in the same house with a STEP MOTHER OR STEP FATHER.
I would prefer my parents to cheat and remain together than to have a step mother and step father. HEAVEN FORBID. . . THAT NEVER HAPPENED. THANKS TO MY GOOD GOD!!!

We were all children once (some of us on NL still are, unfortunately. ) The presence of our parents physically in our lives became paramount even if they were cheating, and passed out drunk every night in the gutters around the neighbourhood. We get to know them and can point to who they are no matter how shameless. They are ours and we learn to love them JUST LIKE THAT.  The only parents we can EVER have that our GODS gave to us. We do not want any other parents.
As for seeing the parents cheat, children will have a choice too when they get into the same shoes and chances are THEY WILL ALL CHEAT TOO.
Just human nature and a choice. Cheating is a choice, (POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE) AS A COPING MECHANISM not A LEARNED BEHAVIOR!


True story.
I had a male cousin who went crying to my paternal grandma that his father was cheating on his mother, got another woman pregnant, married the lady traditionally and his mother was miserable. My grandmother in her 80s laughed in his face and her exact words were these:

"Why you dey cry?
You grand papa do am.
Your papa do am.
You sef go do am
Your pikin sef go do am
Your pikin pikin sef to do am kpa kpa
My grandson, abeg nor kill yaself.
Sorry oh!".

Words on marble. This was a woman who had NINE children of her her own as the THIRD WIFE and CO-WIFE to some 6 other women or more.

We still tell this story to each other years after the wise woman has passed on. The good old woman never had so much as a toothache. No hypertension, no diabetes. Died peacefully in her sleep long after her husband(my dear grand pa) had died on top of one of his younger wives some 50 years younger than himself, with heart failure/stroke of course. The poor young woman was who was accused of killing him was banished from the village and her children ostracized to this day. Ignorant, bush peeps! Mu he he he he

True to this day, my male cousin is married with children and is on his second wife already. He is only 42.
Did he learn this from his grandfather or his father? Why did he not excercise his sense of autonomy as an adult male to practice monogamy?
Was a gun put to his head to cheat on his own wife? We can NEVER blame our parents for our own actions as adults.
WE ALL HAVE CHOICES.
Go figure.

Man was not created to be monogamous. The African culture is DISGUSTINGLY POLYGAMOUS even in the advent of the so-called Christianity.
Why people make it such a big deal has always baffled me.
The children need the attention as dependants not the adults.
So, who cares how they feel?
You can cheat all you want as an adult male of female. . . but your arzzzze stays in that marriage to take care of your responsibilities.
The children will be just fine. They understand and appreciate your presence even if you are not happy.
If the men and women do not make public spectacles of themselves with all that emotional neediness and in-fighting, perhaps the children will be spared all that drama.
They only want their parents, and do not care if they are happy or not. I support them totally, they come first. Not the selfish needs of some parents who think they get to return the goods that they have used for a new set of female and male anatomical parts.

No! Not an option!
Cheat and sit in that marriage.
Your happiness is irrelevant to your children's happiness.
After you have children, the world really does not care about your happiness.
Single parenting is not an option when BOTH parents are alive.
A parent's happiness can NEVER come before that of a MINOR child.
When they grow up and are out of the house, you are free to find your true love, if he or she has any tooth left, and the sight of him or her still conjures up such feelings of love you had when you felt like abandoning your children for a new flame!

Arrrrrrrrrrrrantus Nonsensicus!!!

Happiness ko, Blissfullness ni!

Cased closed!

I am typically too arrogant to acknowledge a smart, witty and almost perfect psyche, but I humbly submit this is the most impeccable piece I have ever read on NL. Goodness what a rationale you have. Kudos. Thumbs up. High five, chup knuckle ....

@ blazay, i really learnt from your epistle here.
Thanks.




However, respect, understanding and sometimes, fear of what pple will stay/being seen as a failure often makes a man to stay in a loveless marriage.

I don't see how I can ever be who is suggested on this thread! Ta! Not possible honestly. For those it works for, no problemo. But some people were raised under different circumstances and know it is possible for a Nigerian man to be faithful. That also, some Nigerian men choose to work hard and remain in love with their wife and family. You don't miss what you never had, I am guessing. A man is an adult, a leader in the home for God's sakes. Too many excuses for men here, no wonder why they take advantage. . I would tOo, if everyone had such low expectations of me. I have a different idea of marriage, and would honestly rather be single than be this miserable. I wouldn't raise my daughters to settle for this or expect this either. Neither would I raise my sons to fail themselves like this.Just creating a cycle of men without self respect, family respect and no accountability. But different strokes for different folks.

baby_123: I don't see how I can ever be who is suggested on this thread! Ta! Not possible honestly. For those it works for, no problemo. But some people were raised under different circumstances and know it is possible for a Nigerian man to be faithful. That also, some Nigerian men choose to work hard and remain in love with their wife and family. You don't miss what you never had, I am guessing. A man is an adult, a leader in the home for God's sakes. Too many excuses for men here, no wonder why they take advantage. . I would tOo, if everyone had such low expectations of me. I have a different idea of marriage, and would honestly rather be single than be this miserable. I wouldn't raise my daughters to settle for this or expect this either. Neither would I raise my sons to fail themselves like this.Just creating a cycle of men without self respect, family respect and no accountability. But different strokes for different folks.

you did not string your words coherently. Put it succintly

dick hardener: you did not string your words coherently. Put it succintly

Huh? You don't understand what I wrote? You want it in igbo, Yoruba or Hausa? I know how to use google tranlslator . Just saying my own opinion, if you don't agree, jump over it abeg.

baby_123:

Huh? You don't understand what I wrote? You want it in igbo, Yoruba or Hausa? I know how to use google tranlslator . Just saying my own opinion, if you don't agree, jump over it abeg.

na quarel? say I be illiterate no be crime na? Na wa for u today o

dick hardener: na quarel? say I be illiterate no be crime na? Na wa for u today o

No be quarrel. I taya, long day in the rat race. Oya read it slowly.

baby_123:

No be quarrel. I taya, long day in the rat race. Oya read it slowly.

do you have opposing views to blazay's write-up. Seriously I'm a jerk in terms of comprehension, so abeg no blame my mumu nature

dick hardener: do you have opposing views to blazay's write-up. Seriously I'm a jerk in terms of comprehension, so abeg no blame my mumu nature

Yea I do. I don't see myself settling into such. All this written does not prove respect or even friendship. Seems everyone sees the marriage as a duty, instead of what it is. I don't see how such things can be justified. People have different ways of doing things. I can never have married someone I don't love. Won't be able to even stand or touch the person sef. Blood runs through my veins not wood. What has been written above just won't work for me. If I ever get to that point, honestly it won't be good at all for all parties involved. I will totally turn off, and it will end. That is why I said different strokes for different folks. I believe it is the responsibility of each party to work hard at the marriage, not settle for easy excuses. Except I married for other reasons. Which is not the case.

Btw how is wifey? Everything cool now? You didn't update us.