Delete

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Does anyone around here speak Spanish?
I need an interpreter.
Habla Espanol?

*sighs*

Next please.

Poster
Your reason for wanting to settle down is a good one yet it wasn't enough reasons dearie. If we all deci de to settle for that reasons we may all end up in tight corners but you are here for advice not to be blamed. Two things seem to be happening to you right now.
It's either there is something dreadful about him (which you are yet to mention) that you are finding hard to relate to OR
You may just be developing jitters and cold feet from trying to get used to being with him (or can it be that the pregnancy had you uncomfy?).

As you are here to seek the solution to the problem, check whether what it is that is making you want out is redeemable/changeable. Marriage is not "a-sweet-all-the-way" thing, it's sweet and nice to have your husband/partner/companion/lover but when the realities of the everyday drudgeries of life set in, the two people involved may get on each other's nerves. In marriage there are times of bounty, there are times of scarcity, sicknesses may even come, some people have been unfortunate enough to wade through disabilities/terminal illnesses of their spouse. It's one long journey with another which we all pray & wish that it be nice for us all.

If what is making you want out is a little thing that irks you, a minor issue that does not pose threat to your life, lack of love for him or on his part then you should start facing up to the reality of marriage sweetheart and communicate & work hand in hand with him to resolve issues. All in all don't bottle it up, if its something you can't talk about here, let it out to mature adults (other than your mum if she is seeming to want you married at all cost) around you and have their views.

@OP,What do u want nld to do for you ni?
why not face the responsibilities u hoisted upon urself?Face and deal with ur warrant squarely.
From what you wrote,it seems u are incapable of making a decision and sticking with it . . . after all u have said,heard and done?Please,you are no more a baby. . .take off the fairy tale idea of marriage from your head.

First,u noticed whatever before this trial marriage was sealed traditional but u were advised [/b]by family and friends to do it. . .and you did it gbam . . .not stopping for a moment to think abt how [b]YOU feel,u forget own happiness,now u want out cos u are still "unhappy".No,those reasons that made u bend the first time shld be enough to keep u in there.

You were[b] talked into[/b] the marriage and 5 years along the line after 1(possibly 2 now)kid/s,a man(that from your accounts so far)is as good as they come you still need talks/advices on to stay or not to stay? Haba,for how long wud u be bottle-fed?What do u want?Someone to advise you to stay or go and then 2 years down the line you are back to square 1 . . .undecided as ever.

I wud have said talk with the guy but in all honesty,how do u tell a man that u married him cos of pressure and talks from parents?or u gonna edit that part?The problem im seeing is YOU.

You are expecting so much from the man/marriage but you ain't ready to give too.Enough of talking to people and seeking for advise . . .advice urself.

GET REAL WOMAN!

@ OP: How many kids ?

Deleted

OP is making shit up, because more and more, she doesn't make sense. Story seems illogical.

.

chaircover:


Moving on, ask your mum or someone else that you can trust to come and look after your son for a few days and you and your husband take yourselves away somewhere on break away from things. Spend quality time together, relax, unwind & try to relight your relationship. Talk things over and both agree to changes. Let go of all of your hurt, anger, emotions etc and start again.

oh dear chair cover you are indeed a life saver, i really do appreciate your contributions.

back to your word: yes your idea was right, but how do you convince a man who do not see anything wrong with the marriage to come to an agreement of finding a lasting solution to this?

.

Another case of someone whom the case of marrying for genuine love is important to If i talk now and start blaming the Parents for always trying to leave their dreams through their children or not willing to cut off the apron strings even if said child is 30 years old, the likes of Pro01 and Harakiri would jump on my throat . . .


@ OP

There is no two ways about this, you are either in or out, no inbetweeners. It is already hard enough as it is putting up with our loved one's shortcomings talkless of someone we don't love. So like ifyalways intoned, you are the one wearing the shoes and the one who knows where it is hurting and the only one who knows how high your pain threshold is.






Chai, see indepth catalogue of the man's shortcomings when it is glaringly obvious the only missing ingredient is that you never loved him at all

lola sammy:

Thanks for your contribution.

1st and for most I admit I did not love him in the first place, but I respect the fact that he was willing to share his life with me.

In the cause of living with him for that one year ; I realize I did not know much about him

1. He had a daughter which I never knew about.

2. I got to know the truth from his younger brother he lied about his state of origin to me claiming he is from Osun instead
of Ogun though he was born and bread in Osun they even have a family house there and all his certificates is shown
Osun.

3. Due to the way I am being brought up, I don’t keep friends. Which means all the comfort you derive from friendship is
solely on my husband, I believe one of the most important reason why we get married is to partner /companion whom
we could share both the good and the ugly moments of our lives as the day goes by even the bible says in the book of
Gen 2-18 - it is not good for a man to be alone so he made a help for him. We should be help to one another but the
case is reverse.

While we were still dating, we could talk on phone and in person for hours without complains from him. I remember in several occasion we could talk all night till about 3: am in the morning (while we are still going to work the next morning )on matter that I consider in evitable and I never saw or sense he was not comfortable with that not until that period of one year he would say things like “Are you not tried of talking” or sometime for almost an hour discussion with him he would not even give a response until I ask if he was listening and all I will get is “yes /ok”


He has this habit that just put me off:

- He leaves the house with telling me
- Most time he will rather have his bath at night that morning
- He doesn’t stay home at weekend
- In cases where a child misbehave and his parents is expected to correct him, he ignore that, and when he does thing
that normally you as a parent is to ignore he beat the boy almost in to coma.
- His spiritual life is as stagnant as ever, in fact we don’t sit together in the church as he would not clap, sit while other are
standing , ever since I know him has being in a bible class where is he expected to be promoted every year ; and he is
not bothered it.

That is what I get to cope with all this while.

We have discuss this issue on several occasion, I have realize I end up being more depressed that I was before our discussion. He not just that type who has no definite definition for marriage, he doesn’t see anything wrong with our marriage. He thinks is all just paying the bills.

Yes, we later had a traditional marriage.

My mum spoke to him and he promise to make it up to me, but I am yet to see any changes till now.

My mum still thinks I have to be patient.

I have always had a cause to be strong in virtually every aspect of my life even while growing up. I once taught there could be a chance of survival in this relationship but am getting tied of holding on.

As I specks my 4yr old son is the only reason I fell it was worth the pain.

lola sammy:

oh dear chair cover you are indeed a life saver, i really do appreciate your contributions.

back to your word: yes your idea was right, but h[b]ow do you convince a man who do not see anything wrong with the marriage to come to an agreement of finding a lasting solution to this?[/b]

Please Hang in there oo! Marriage na do or die affair!    It go better   

lola sammy:

oh dear chair cover you are indeed a life saver, i really do appreciate your contributions.

back to your word: yes your idea was right, but how do you convince a man who do not see anything wrong with the marriage to come to an agreement of finding a lasting solution to this?

The man ain't seeing anything wrong with the marriage because he went into the marriage himself,off his own free-will,not talked into or advised to do so,honey 

He did not expect a fairy wind marriage with the novel "and they lived happily ever after" at the back of his mind,he has learnt to accept you and your faults and shortcomings,live one day at a time and therefore he believes he has a near-perfect marriage.

Don't involve the man in your own personal problems . . .absence of living will,insecurities and all,Please.

Make a decision today,by you and for you.
Take off the spectacles from which u view marriage . . .You are stuck in it,decide to make it work._{the man does not abuse u in any way}
You married to make your family happy,now that you are in there,its time to make urself happy.A good start is expect less,give more,talk less love more.

If you are still considering divorce,go ooo,u wud watch another woman move in instanta and enjoy that man.
Work on your self and your mindset.

OP,

I think you are a wicked and evil person.

Reason you deceived an unsuspecting man into marrying you when you did not love him, He loved you and offered marriage, You didnt love him, Infact you cant stand him but you still married him to now shatter him 4yrs down the line.

May God save us from desperate women like you who would go to any lenght to marry.


People you think say i harsh. Imagine see excuses she gave below. I am tempted you think either a teenager is making this up or you are actually 12yrs old.

He said he is from Osun while he is from Ogun Imagine!!

2. I got to know the truth from his younger brother he lied about his state of origin to me claiming he is from Osun instead
of Ogun though he was born and bread in Osun they even have a family house there and all his certificates is shown
Osun.

he would say things like “Are you not tried of talking” or sometime for almost an hour discussion with him he would not even give a response until I ask if he was listening and all I will get is “yes /ok”

- Most time he will rather have his bath at night that morning
- He doesn’t stay home at weekend
- In cases where a child misbehave and his parents is expected to correct him, he ignore that, and when he does thing
that normally you as a parent is to ignore he beat the boy almost in to coma.
- His spiritual life is as stagnant as ever, in fact we don’t sit together in the church as he would not clap, sit while other are
standing , ever since I know him has being in a bible class where is he expected to be promoted every year ; and he is
not bothered it.


See excuses for Gods sake

He takes his bath at night, He doesnt stand up in church, He hasnt been promoted in bible class, He is from osun and not Ogun Jesus Chris. I thought I have heard it all

Just get out of his house and stop making the guys life miserable. I really pity the man who unknowingly married a deceitful snake like you.

Just tell us you are already cheating on him and we would understand better instead of these useless excuses

^^^^ can you blame her for not liking a black man with no teeth and no job ?

Then why did she deceive the unsuspecting man into marriage?

^^^ Aren't you Nigerian ? Don't you know its a societal necessity for women to be married at all cost --- whether they love the man or not.

dayokanu:

OP,

I think you are a wicked and evil person.

Reason you deceived an unsuspecting man into marrying you when you did not love him, He loved you and offered marriage, You didnt love him, Infact you cant stand him but you still married him to now shatter him 4yrs down the line.

May God save us from desperate women like you who would go to any lenght to marry.


People you think say i harsh. Imagine see excuses she gave below. I am tempted you think either a teenager is making this up or you are actually 12yrs old.

He said he is from Osun while he is from Ogun Imagine!!

2. I got to know the truth from his younger brother he lied about his state of origin to me claiming he is from Osun instead
of Ogun though he was born and bread in Osun they even have a family house there and all his certificates is shown
Osun.

he would say things like “Are you not tried of talking” or sometime for almost an hour discussion with him he would not even give a response until I ask if he was listening and all I will get is “yes /ok”

- Most time he will rather have his bath at night that morning
- He doesn’t stay home at weekend
- In cases where a child misbehave and his parents is expected to correct him, he ignore that, and when he does thing
that normally you as a parent is to ignore he beat the boy almost in to coma.
- His spiritual life is as stagnant as ever, in fact we don’t sit together in the church as he would not clap, sit while other are
standing , ever since I know him has being in a bible class where is he expected to be promoted every year ; and he is
not bothered it.


See excuses for Gods sake

He takes his bath at night, He doesnt stand up in church, He hasnt been promoted in bible class, He is from osun and not Ogun Jesus Chris. I thought I have heard it all

Just get out of his house and stop making the guys life miserable. I really pity the man who unknowingly married a deceitful snake like you.

Just tell us you are already cheating on him and we would understand better instead of these useless excuses

How is she evil and wicked? Didn't she explain her misgivings to the dude whose solution was to knock her up? Abi she tie rope around his neck marry am ni? He was even the one who made her Mum travel from the village and used to emotionally blackmail daughter into going ahead with the wedding nau

This is what people get when they come and post their story warts all. If she had left some details out, some people would have been calling her out as a liar or as someone holding back, now she'd told all including the few niggling bits and she is being hung out to dry Na wa oh.

Her only crime here is adding the important bits to the non-important issues, IF SHE HAD ONLY COME TO POST THAT SHE WANTED OUT COS HER HUSBAND KEPT THE FACT THAT HE HAD A CHILD OUTSIDE FROM HER UNTIL AFTER, 80% OF RESPONDENTS WOULD HAVE BEEN BEEN ON HER SIDE. And i bet this figure would be higher if it was a guy posing this question

Oga o.

Busy_body:


Chai, see indepth catalogue of the man's shortcomings when it is glaringly obvious the only missing ingredient is that you never loved him at all
   

I have to tell myself off here too, no be only love dey miss for this story Just read the story again and apart from him conveniently not telling her he had a child outside, he never stays in the house during the weekends and leaves the house anytime without letting her know his movement, chei, Oluwa oh, me i nor fit take this oh, 5 years, yepa, over my dead body

And why is he beating a two year old child to the point of coma, is he mad? Or could he be unwittingly hating on your child because he is not with his first born Hope not though I seriously hope this ain't the case

Since you are only traditionally married to him, what is the guarantee he is not married to the baby mama sef At least it is obvious he is running two marital homes judging by his regular absences from home

dayokanu:

Then why did she deceive the unsuspecting man into marriage?

obowunmi:

^^^ Aren't you Nigerian ? Don't you know its a societal necessity for women to be married at all cost --- whether they love the man or not.

abi ooo na to be a MRS by all means even when things aren't working.

OP,
Pls hang in there! The Lord is your strength

Busy_body:

How is she evil and wicked? Didn't she explain her misgivings to the dude whose solution was to knock her up? Abi she tie rope around his neck marry am ni? He was even the one who made her Mum travel from the village and used to emotionally blackmail daughter into going ahead with the wedding nau

This is what people get when they come and post their story warts all. If she had left some details out, some people would have been calling her out as a liar or as someone holding back, now she'd told all including the few niggling bits and she is being hung out to dry Na wa oh.

Her only crime here is adding the important bits to the non-important issues, IF SHE HAD ONLY COME TO POST THAT SHE WANTED OUT COS HER HUSBAND KEPT THE FACT THAT HE HAD A CHILD OUTSIDE FROM HER UNTIL AFTER, 80% OF RESPONDENTS WOULD HAVE BEEN BEEN ON HER SIDE. And i bet this figure would be higher if it was a guy posing this question

Oga o.

The guy told her he wanted to marry her and she deviously agreed when she knew she didnt love the guy what more could be worse?


The guy knocked her up? Did he rape her? Wasnt it a mutual agreement? The guy thought he was sleeping with someone who loved him not knowing it was actually a snake in human clothing.

She could choose not to give the whole detail and she would get advice based on what she says, But to her she would know she is just deceiving herself and would never get to the root of her problems.

She can come and tell us the husband attempted to kill her she would get responses based on nthat? is she doing anyone a favour by telling her story the way it is?

My huband is from osun State instead of Ogun, He baths in the night instead of morning, He sleeps on the left side instead of right, He sits down in church instead of standing, His shyt is black instead of brown

What more ridiculous excuse can one hear.

Abeg leave the man alone and go find someone who baths in the morning, Stands up in church, Got a PhD and distiction in bible class

-   In cases where a child misbehave and his parents is expected to correct him, he ignore that, and when he does thing
that normally you as a parent is to ignore he beat the boy almost in to coma.

Is this what is abnormal about your husband? havent we seen several parents who beat children at the slightest reasons yet pardon them for bigger errors?

Just leave the guy and let him be. God would provide a man who uses iphone instead of Blackberry that you want

lola sammy:

Thanks for your contribution.

[size=18pt]1st and for most I admit I did not love him in the first place,[/size] but I respect the fact that he was willing to share his life with me.

Thank you for that, May God also provide another man who doesnt love you but just agrees to marry you because he respects that you are willing to share your life.

Can I hear a AMEN to that?

^I don't believe I missed those details.wow . . .Did she edit her post
@OP,If he was born and bred he Osun then he ain't lying entirely If he told u he is from Osun.Perhaps he prefers to be seen as an Osun man.
The church scenario IMO is nothing.If however u are bothered abt his spiritual welfare and growth.try praying earnestly for him,prayer works.Do u organize and observe daily devotions in your home?it wud also help.

I find it hard to swallow the child abuse part but giving u benefit of doubt sha,how do u mean,"he beats the child like an adult"?Do u know abt his own background,was he abused as a child?how do u correct the child and is your method effective?

When u got pregnant ie the one that finally lead to the marriage was he skeptical abt your keeping the pregnancy?
na wao,im gradually going blind.

ifyalways:

^I don't believe I missed those details.wow
@OP,If he was born and bred he Osun then he ain't lying entirely If he told u he is from Osun.Perhaps he prefers to be seen as an Osun man.
The church scenario IMO is nothing.If however u are bothered abt his spiritual welfare and growth.try praying earnestly for him,prayer works.Do u organise and observe daily devotions in your home?it wud also help.
I find it hard to swallow the child abuse part but giving u benefit of doubt sha,how do u mean,"he beats the child like an adult"?Do u know abt his own background,was he abused as a child?how do u correct the child and is your method effective?
When u got pregnant ie the one that finally lead to the marriage was he skeptical abt your keeping the pregnancy?
na wao,im gradually going blind.

How woud you notice when you are busy admiring my crotch?

He claims Osun instead of Ogun Is now an excuse for breakup, I am sure Igbo people who claim Lagos must have been lying too despite that the guy was born bred in Osun and even has all Osun documentation.

What an excuse!!!

lola sammy:


2. I got to know the truth from his younger brother he lied about his state of origin to me claiming he is from Osun instead
of Ogun though he was born and bread in Osun they even have a family house there and all his certificates is shown
Osun.

Ify,

I dont believe there is any child abuse going on Look at what she said in her own words

- [size=18pt]In cases where a child misbehave and his parents is expected to correct him, he ignore that[/size], and when he does thing
that normally you as a parent is to ignore he beat the boy almost in to coma.

Does the item in bold look like child abuse to you? isnt that what a lot of parents do? Ignore some obvious offence and punish "trivial offences. How many here would say that is strange to them

dayokanu:

The guy told her he wanted to marry her and she deviously agreed when she knew she didnt love the guy what more could be worse?


The guy knocked her up? Did he violation her? Wasnt it a mutual agreement? The guy thought he was sleeping with someone who loved him not knowing it was actually a snake in human clothing.

She could choose not to give the whole detail and she would get advice based on what she says, But to her she would know she is just deceiving herself and would never get to the root of her problems.

She can come and tell us the husband attempted to kill her she would get responses based on nthat? is she doing anyone a favour by telling her story the way it is?

My huband is from osun State instead of Ogun, He baths in the night instead of morning, He sleeps on the left side instead of right, He sits down in church instead of standing, His shyt is black instead of brown

What more ridiculous excuse can one hear.

Abeg leave the man alone and go find someone who baths in the morning, Stands up in church, Got a PhD and distiction in bible class

Is this what is abnormal about your husband? havent we seen several parents who beat children at the slightest reasons yet pardon them for bigger errors?

Just leave the guy and let him be. God would provide a man who uses iphone instead of Blackberry that you want

They were not married before she told him she did not want to continue because she did not love him, yet he begged her alongside with her parents, and when she indicated she wanted to move out, he forced her to remain by reporting her to her Mother. They were still not married at this stage, so she did not put a gun to his head.

We are not privy to the first story of the Ex so who knows whether this man loves her too and she ain't a rebound or baby mama number 2. And if he is constantly without fail going to mark register elsewhere during weekends, who knows if he is shacking up with baby mama number 1 or a potential baby mama 3

And if she had gone straight to the point instead of complaining about all and sundry, we will not have initially tembelu'd her matter, which is a serious case

Come wetin are you from Osun cos it seems na this part dey pain you pass

Fake hometown and fake ID, how are we sure sef say the man is Nigerian, is the age he says he is, etc, wow this is deep

bankeaj:


Please Hang in there oo! Marriage na do or die affair! It go better

bankeaj:

abi ooo na to be a MRS by all means even when things aren't working.

OP,
Pls hang in there! The Lord is your strength

^{*crosses self and says the Lord's prayers 10 times*} Everytime I see this username, what comes to mind is Banke Aje (winch) Geez scary Can you please stop frequenting the same section as me abegi I come in peace

Dear poster.

If you are miserable get a divorce.
You need no reason. It is clear you never wanted this marriage.

lola sammy:

At twenty four I met this guy who was 8 years older than I do, we dated for a year and he proposed marriage which I said yes but the only reason was because I saw a sense of seriousness in him and I felt it pays to settle down than to be jumping from one mans bed to another. So I got pregnant,

Which part of this statement suggests that she was forced into getting pregnant?

During this time I had an opportunity to do a test run of the marriage, there and there I knew this will not work. I spoke to him and my parents about the need to go our separate ways than having a filed marriage after all but they insisted we give it a trail instead of assumption but I know how important this is to my future I stood on my ground I was making arrangement to move out of his house when he informed my parents.

At this point what should the guy have done, You have a woman at home and mother of your baby, She said she wants to move out?

I think any reasonable man would like her man inform her parents so what did he do wrong?

A man who was born in osun State, grew up there, His family house is in Osun State so what link does he have with Ogun State as much as to be a reason for divorce?

Busy_body:

We are not privy to the first story of the Ex so who knows whether this man loves her too and she ain't a rebound or baby mama number 2. And if he is constantly without fail going to mark register elsewhere during weekends, who knows if he is shacking up with baby mama number 1 or a potential baby mama 3

We can only work with what we are given, we cant turn ourselves to emergency sootsayers and fortune tellers when we dont know.

Since you can read the future, So Iyalode tell us which of ifyalways, Jennykadry, Ujujoan or Mukina2 would grace my bed tonight?

And if she had gone straight to the point instead of complaining about all and sundry, we will not have initially tembelu'd her matter, which is a serious case

She has told us the things that are of major concern to her or you want her to change it?  She said she wants divorce because the man bath at night and also failed bible school.

dayokanu:

Which part of this statement suggests that she was forced into getting pregnant?

Can you stop glaring at Ifyalways breasticles for once and concentrate on the topic Do I have your attention now Ehn hen na marriage matter she bring come table, nor be belle matter, comprende

dayokanu:


At this point what should the guy have done, You have a woman at home and mother of your baby, She said she wants to move out?

I think any reasonable man would like her man inform her parents so what did he do wrong?

Yes he had to do what he had to do, but I am sure she did not just tell him she was no longer interested only two times. He shoulda taken it like a man and taken it in his strides, it ain't the end of the world. When a woman's fed up . . .

dayokanu:


A man who was born in osun State, grew up there, His family house is in Osun State so what link does he have with Ogun State as much as to be a reason for divorce?

I am suspecting you are from Modakeke He falsified documents and stuffs for crying out loud, who knows what atrocities he committed and is hiding from And to think it was his own Brother that grassed him, his hands deffo not clean jare

dayokanu:

We can only work with what we are given, we cant turn ourselves to emergency sootsayers and fortune tellers when we dont know.

So what logical reasons could you come up with that would make your wife understand and not question you dissappearing from home every weekends to go and mark register or sow your wild oats elsewhere Or maybe he is secretly building them a mansion with some Bugattis parked on the lawn which he wants to surprise the OP with, now that'd be nice He will be forgiven rightaway in my books

dayokanu:

Since you can read the future, So Iyalode tell us which of ifyalways, Jennykadry, Ujujoan or Mukina2 would grace my bed tonight?

None of the above, Big_bumper is all the woman you need All those other chickenheads you listed above are just gum-chewing-conji-killing-log-of-wood who loves counting sheep in the ceiling Don't you dare tempt fate and destiny and disobey this ingenious special gift of prophesy of mine Now go and ravish your chosen bone of your bone, I can foresee she is willing and waiting too

.