Zaynee63:

I am a young man in the throes of a bitter break up right now with my now ex-girlfriend.
We liked each other or I think it seemed she liked me as much as I genuinely liked her when we first started about a year ago but I must confess that throughout the relationship, we were at loggerheads for at least 70% of the time over this or that one… in short we have so many individual differences. The most important thing in development stage of any type of relationship is to LISTEN/LOOK for red flags or warning signs. You had a warning sign all along and YOU CHOSE to continue. Next time when you get into a relationship, please list all of the pros and cons of the person whom you are settling down with. I am not talking about just casually dating, but seriously thinking of becoming permanent with. If your CONS weighs more than your PROS you may want to take the next exit to sanity. Just a suggestion.

But I trudged on with her because I figured that it was normal since we were from 2 different individual backgrounds and personal histories. I must confess that I think she did her bit too in trying to tolerate my negatives too. There is nothing wrong with being individuals but if you are thinking of becoming one with the woman, you need to make sure that you are COMPATIBLE despite your differences. There are people who are totally THE OPPOSITE of each other and have very successful marriages or relationships. The key word: COMPATIBILITY.

Anyway, I committed everything about myself to this relationship: my hard-earned money, all my spare time, everything- she made me decide to abstain from sex (or even romance during our few moments alone together, she’d say she is fasting etc) until we get engaged and I have ensured that I did (unless self service is cheating!). If you guys had an agreement to abstain from sex with each other until further notice there is nothing wrong with that however if YOU HAVE committed more than 50% of the time in the relationship that is another red flag or warning sign. You can not have a relationship with yourself therefore you was not in a relationship if you invested more than half.

Now we have fought again as usual and this time around, she pulled an emotional trigger that seems to have dissolved everything I feel for her. I don’t want to go into the long details but my problem now is that I very much want to believe that this relationship is a wreckage and cannot be salvaged but I am finding it difficult*. The reason I need to is because on her part, she has said that she is no longer interested and has in fact totally shut down on me. If a woman tell you in your face regardless of the delivery that she DOES NOT want YOU please take heed to that. Do not try to add, multiple, divide, and subtract what she is saying take the message she is conveying AS IS. There is no such thing as I loved her and now I don't love her. You either do or you didn't in the first place.

I feel she is treating me as if she has been doing me a favor staying in a relationship with me and that why should I be begging her anyway- afterall, if she really loves me, she’d fight to keep the relationship? You said it right, IF she loves me, she would fight to keep the relationship. From the look of things, she gave up LITERALLY.

In my line of work, I run into young single ladies who are veritable replacements for this girl but I don’t want to start another relationship that will get scuttled once this girl decides to come back. If you are still in love with this girl and have not let go, the next girl you do hook up with is a rebound. For the dummies, rebound is when a person who is going through a dispute with a spouse or a mate with feelings still attached then enter another relationship to "forget" about the person they love so much for a time being. Instead of saying in my line of work I run into young single ladies (there are more women than men so duh) that can replace this girl try focusing on getting her out of your system. The next girl will thank you.

I need to bury her in my archives but I don’t know how to. Can anyone help? You don't get over someone that quick especially if you have invested so much into the relationship and what you will need to do is take some time and let things go naturally. It will be okay and eventually you will let go and move on.


*I got an air of clarity that the reason am finding it so difficult is because I am yet to come to terms with the fact that I should let slip away what I have invested so much in. And I think this is close to the truth. Life goes on. Good luck.

Zaynee63:

@kaycrystal  - for a male to be making such a comment as yours, i can only say to you that you will get there 1day.