davidylan:

the marriage is effectively over, ngozi this, ngozi that. Madam pack your load and go!

she mentions the ngozis in every other post. its baffling. i wonder how many times the poor guy has heard it.

why did u marry him in the first place. JUNGLE FEVER?

Unfortunately, my dictionary doesn't have this phrase 'irreconcilable differences'. If you haven't exhausted all possible options, I'd suggest you seek for solution instead of seperation. I'd be willing to help in that vein.

Leilah

The only thing I want to ask you is are you banking on alimony payout as part of the deal?

Make sure you don't divorce him while your still living in Nigeria alse your a dead woman. I wonder why you want to divorce him in the first place, are you not enjoying his Dick again? Give us details of what the problem is, but if you really must divorce him I hope your have your passport with you to fly out back to your country immediately,cos he will after you if you marry another Nigeria guy

@poster
u need to get over ur insecurities. jeez! and make up ur mind. whats the story? cos from what i can see so far, u change it as u go along. if ur husband were my brother, i'll advise him to run before u run him mad!!!

u IMAGINE he'll one day divorce u.
u want to SPEND THE REST OF UR LIFE with him,
'NGOZI' is an imagined name etc.

u fear about A DREADFUL FUTURE that has not yet become reality,
u fear and ur attack ur fear by DIVORCING the man u ADMITTEDLY want to spend the rest of ur life with!!!
WHY NOT ATTACK THE FEAR INSTEAD of painting this forum with ur paranoia.

[ it seems u whites have it in for generating fickle reason to split up a marraige]

@Poster.

From your posts, especially the last two, it is clear that:
1. You love your husband very much, or, atleast, like him enough to want the relationship to work.

2. You are a very insecure person.

3. Your husband is not, with all due respects, a very decent person.

The difficulties you are experiencing is not specific to inter-racial marriages, and has nothing to do with you being Caucasian and him African.

I live in the UK.
Here the divorce rate in the African and Caribbean communities is at an all time high because a lot of the men on one hand want to hold on to their ante-deluvian notions that woman should do all the house chores, yet refuse to step up to the responsibility of bankrolling the financial needs of the family.


Ofcourse that's not the only reason as in some cases the women are solely to blame, but you know what i'm trying to say.

If you have to share the financial things 50:50 then you have to sit down and discuss about sharing other responsibilities in the home as well. Otherwise things WILL go sour.

I am married to somebody who is not Nigerian, and though we can afford for her to stay at home and manage the kids, there are times when i come home to meet her exhausted and i do go to the kitchen and get my own food.
And yes, i do cook for the whole family some times   ,  and even do the dishes  , and NO i am not a woman wrapper  .

My wife would tell you that i am as masculine and self-assertive as can be and i can see that my 3 year old son, whom i'm bringing up to be a REAL man, is begining to recognise the respect i and love i have for his mother through my actions.

You see, i want him to grow up knowing that the relationship between a man and a woman is one of mutual respect, and that a man doesn't have to lord it over a woman, in a show of physical strength, for her to submit to his authority.

So, it's not in our culture to be inconsiderate and backward  .

The point about your insecurity, though, is something you have to deal with.
Because as long as you are insecure in the relationship and you are willing to stomach a lot of the rubbish that is thrown your way, then the status quo will remain.

I hate it when some men throw up the "tradition card"  .

I think that it's just an excuse for laziness  .
Men who continue to live as if they are still in their villages are not truly representative of  the contemporary Nigerian man.

Times are changing and real men are changing with the times.
Any man who refuses to change should go to his village and look for an Mgbeke, a servant-wife, who will worship him and bear all his children,

That's my take on the topic  .

@leilah,
All these attacks does not mean Nigerians hate, but we are to tell you the state of our minds, that is, we have to frown any negative move that will give satan an opportunity to operate in your home. You are not the Satan I mean here. You are really loved by Nigerians, no matter the way our reponses are to your post. In fact, I have come to love you more, because of the way you followed our responses. You didn't get annoyed despite all the attacks. You must be such a mature lady and responsible. So, why do you want to divorce your nice husband upon possessing all these qualities I have identified in you - patiently accepting all responses as expression of our individual opinions. Leilah, I repeat, Nigerians love you.

Ofcourse that's not the only reason as in some cases the women are solely to blame, but you know what i'm trying to say.

If you have to share the financial things 50:50 then you have to sit down and discuss about sharing other responsibilities in the home as well. Otherwise things WILL go sour.

I am married to somebody who is not Nigerian, and though we can afford for her to stay at home and manage the kids, there are times when i come home to meet her exhausted and i do go to the kitchen and get my own food.
And yes, i do cook for the whole family some times   ,  and even do the dishes  , and NO i am not a woman wrapper  .

My wife would tell you that i am as masculine and self-assertive as can be and i can see that my 3 year old son, whom i'm bringing up to be a REAL man, is begining to recognise the respect i and love i have for his mother through my actions.

You see, i want him to grow up knowing that the relationship between a man and a woman is one of mutual respect, and that a man doesn't have to lord it over a woman, in a show of physical strength, for her to submit to his authority.

So, it's not in our culture to be inconsiderate and backward  .

The point about your insecurity, though, is something you have to deal with.
Because as long as you are insecure in the relationship and you are willing to stomach a lot of the rubbish that is thrown your way, then the status quo will remain.

I hate it when some men throw up the "tradition card"  .

I think that it's just an excuse for laziness  .
Men who continue to live as if they are still in their villages are not truly representative of  the contemporary Nigerian man.

Times are changing and real men are changing with the times.
Any man who refuses to change should go to his village and look for an Mgbeke, a servant-wife, who will worship him and bear all his children,

That's my take on the


Thanks a lot beneli.

Dont be deceived into marrying a man that feels like its ur job to take care of the kids, go to work, cook clean etc

How fair is that, tell me how fair. I will neva marry a man like that at all. thats not love at all.

As
i said b4, i am not one to live in a dirty home, if its dirty i will clean, if there is no food i will cook (i love cooking) but sometimes, A GOOD MAN WOULD ATLEAST IF NOT ANYTHING HELP WIT THE CLEANING. IF HE CANT COOK, THATS UNDERSTANDABLE BUT HE CAN HELP WITH THE COOKING IF I ASK 4 HIS HELP, HE CAN CUT ONIONS, BLEND TOMATOES, PREP THE INGREDIENTS 4 ME. HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT, THATS IF I ASK HIM TO! IF HE REFUSES TO, I WILL NOT NAG, BUT, I CAN GUARANTEE THAT WE WOULD HAVE A NICE DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL!!!!!!

THATS WAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT. SHARING AND COMPROMISE.

@ poster

i think u just feel inferior of urself and suspicious of ur husband

if u have anything in mind bothering u against him, other than a broken marriage, why dont u iron it out with him since u claim to love him and he loves u 2

afterall, some marriages have worse problems and they make it work at the end of the day

think about it

dont make decisions u will suffer at the end of the day

"to get husband no be rice and beans"

@echidime. I have no taste for sex I can actually live without it. I understand why you think all white women are leg opening dick craving sluts, no echideme we are not ALL like that.

I am not looking for flimsy reasons for a divorce I was CONSIDERING it due to our cultural differences in which he will NOT compromise on coupled with the fact that we have a different mentality thats not to say I dont love him I was trying to be practical and I figured should I draw the line now it may have been better than him drawing it in about three or four years time when it would be harder for our child to deal with ( of course together with the horror stories). But know what call me all the names you want. I love this person and I want the best for our family. I had gotten to a stage where I just found it very hard to understand the different mentality and felt like I was not good enough for him. But thanks to the opinions of some which have been genuine practical opinions I will be patient and continue as I normally do. I now feel a lot of it is down to laziness as opposed to culture. I will endure torture to prove it if I have to.

PS white ladies do not look for flimsy reasons to divorce for god sake especially with naija men they usualy fall head over heels with them and some of them put up with terrible S***.

Leilah,, Enough of your Naija men dissings,, as fat as you are no Sane Irish man wld marry you except the drunkards, Now brother decided to help you and help himself too buy cleaning the Mess while getting his Resident permit,,, you shld be grateful to him for hanging on that long,,. Hurraaaayyyy, its now time for Ngozi, Funmi or Adesuwa to take over and did u hear me say,, Forever and for better for worse

Please I advice you to strongly divorce your husband. I am still single and I will marry you. But na you go dey spend for me sha

you are just 26 right?

too young to feel this disenchanted with married

Your husband should learn to buckle up

if you had to adapt to his culture then he has to bend some for yours

if the bills are split 50:50 and you evne buy your own clothes(which you probably wouldn't in nigeria)

Then you need to sit him down, its not nagging and if he says it is then he's just avoiding the topic

Leilah:

@echidime. I have no taste for sex I can actually live without it. I understand why you think all white women are leg opening privates craving sluts, no echideme we are not ALL like that.

I am not looking for flimsy reasons for a divorce I was CONSIDERING it due to our cultural differences in which he will NOT compromise on coupled with the fact that we have a different mentality thats not to say I don't love him I was trying to be practical and I figured should I draw the line now it may have been better than him drawing it in about three or four years time when it would be harder for our child to deal with ( of course together with the horror stories). But know what call me all the names you want. I love this person and I want the best for our family. I had gotten to a stage where I just found it very hard to understand the different mentality and felt like I was not good enough for him. But thanks to the opinions of some which have been genuine practical opinions I will be patient and continue as I normally do. I now feel a lot of it is down to laziness as opposed to culture. I will endure torture to prove it if I have to.

I think you have just realized your problem. This has nothing to do with culture. Even in Nigeria, when both parties are working then it is only fair that both parties contribute in the home front.

Don't have any kids unless your problems are fully worked out. These advisers will not raise the kids for you.
For an inter-cultural relationship to work out, your understanding of each other must be beyond perfect.
If it is not, then quit now. It's not going to get any better when you have kids; it will be much much worse.

@ Seun Go read her posts and then come back and modify yours.

ngozi, ngozi , ngozi, ngozi this , ngozi that.
2much ogogoro( irish whisky ) no good oooh.
oyibo take am easy with ur naija loverboy.


@seun

Quite unfortunate u are in this mess, pls i implore u to reconcile vividly with ur man, scoop for his friends/relatives to intervene for a better attitude from u both. If nothing happens at the end of the day, pls feel free to contact me via abbeyodunayo@yahoo.com for an alternative remedy.

Olu-hak

Just tell him you're dating a Suicide Bomber
trust me, no Naija man is willing to die and give up his pepper soup and pounded yam for any woman

funny how time flies, if you don't want him anymore, please do the right thing, there are 1001 women out there looking for a nice, caring husband like him, have you ever told him to come assist you in the kitchen before? well as for me and my house, we all can cook cos we are all boys, our mom taught us everything about cooking, if you want a cook as a husband, come back to Naija, you will get alot to shop on,
and if you think you need the proper hubby that would do all these things for you, please from my advice, why not look for a white man to marry? that marriage should last for 1 year and then you will get another one for another year, period, that's how white men take marriage as, contract marriage, bring i bring, bang i bang, discreet marriage, laid back marriage. you need to stick to your old ways in the western world, i think that is the one that suites you,

Caradona:

Just tell him you're dating a Suicide Bomber
trust me, no Naija man is willing to die and give up his pepper soup and pounded yam for any woman

Shay you know now? That is why most of them look 12 months pregnant! Alameyesiegha belle syndrome!  Laff wan kill me!

abeg who dey mention pepper soup and pounded yam here ?
na my all time favourites abeg make una no joke go that side ooooh.

Uche2nna:

@ Seun Go read her posts and then come back and modify yours.

MP007:

hbrednic:

ngozi, ngozi , ngozi, ngozi this , ngozi that.
2much ogogoro( irish whisky ) no good oooh.
oyibo take am easy with your naija loverboy.


@seun

Please pardon him. The poor man just woke up from sleep. You think it is easy to run Nairaland?

this overweight irish woman sef. u should be happy a Nigerian man stooped so low to marry your frigid self

n-guage:

this overweight irish woman sef. u should be happy a Nigerian man stooped so low to marry your frigid self

you dont need to be so harsh.

Hope everyone is happy now. I am a fat used alcoholic white lady according to besteric and gauge. You really know how to paint a good picture for yourselves.

instead of encouraging me here I am called name like this? do you think many white ladies want to live by a different culture? I am one who is and look what besteric and m guage have said? that has really upset me.

also what makes you think i am fat?

Leilah:

instead of encouraging me here I am called name like this?

You need to be encouraged to keep your marriage together? The onus lies on you and your husband, whether your marriage succeeds or not has nothing to do with ours. Its up to you both to decide your own futures, if you didnt need any encouragement to get married you certainly dont need one to keep ur marriage.

Appologies for the names.

Leilah:

do you think many white ladies want to live by a different culture?

It is the inherently snobbish attitude as evidenced by statements like this that have gotten everyone's backs against the wall. Do you also think that many Nigerians are dying to live by the white culture? You should be pleased that one is interested, the vast majority of Nigerians i know would prefer to settle with a partner with similar culture. No one is begging the white ladies to live by a different culture, you walked into it with your eyes open so live with it!

Leilah:

I am one who is and look what besteric and m guage have said? that has really upset me.

Sorry if besteric and n-guage have upset you with strong language but do you really think you were doing us a favor by choosing to live with a Nigerian?
Last i checked no one is frankly bothered.