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Cohabitation: Will You Do It? - Romance - Nairaland

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Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by luxoire(f): 11:01am On Jul 03, 2007
In one forum, someone said u should make the weight to the alter short (probably 1 year) and that got me thinking, that means u know someone, date them and within one year, u are waling down the alter making them your partner for life

i know for sure, I WILL NOT do it oh, i don't buy the idea, one year seems 'short', WILL YOU DO IT?

that begs question, WHAT IS YOU VIEW ON CO-HABITATION?[/b]RIGHT OR WRONG?, AND WHY

[b]please, i don't want to hear all those bible studiers/hypocrites, come in here and tell me it is wrong by GOD, i'm sure most in here will agree it is religiously wrong to co-habitate, (now that we have established that), what i want to know is YOUR PERCEPTION/OPINION on the subject!, would u consider it?
if u don't have an opinion, waka je-je
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by MILITIA(f): 11:11am On Jul 03, 2007
@Topic
Neither right nor wrong!  But a matter of preference.  I choose to live by alone please because I like my space.  I lived with me husband for 6 months before we got married only because of circumstances beyond our control.  I had to let him to live with me because we had decided to get married and he was going back to school, quit his job and get rid of his apartment---due to limited finances.  If not, I would have waited till we got married first. I do not support living together with just a waka pass "boyfriend" or "girlfriend'!  No respect with that type of arrangement.   Everyone should have some degree of independence before coming together!  So it is a matter of preference!



luxoire:

please, i don't want to hear all those bible studiers/hypocrites, come in here and tell me it is wrong by GOD, i'm sure most in here will agree it is religiously wrong to co-habitate, (now that we have established that), what i want to know is YOUR PERCEPTION/OPINION on the subject!, would u consider it?
if u don't have an opinion, waka je-je



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Just touch a raw nerve! Thanks for warding off those "grace of God" and ask for "his grace" irritating nitwits! I really wish I could do something about them! grin
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by VOR(m): 11:24am On Jul 03, 2007
I truly believe that you never really know someone properly till you live with that person.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by luxoire(f): 11:28am On Jul 03, 2007
@Militia

i can see, but surely before u live with that person u would have been living ur life independently before that, wouldnt u?, i mean its more a step of getting to know each other, ok, what about those that realise only after marriage that though they might love each other, they just can not live in same circumstances! e.g an obessively clean guy with a dirty girl, who refuses/can not be changed!
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by luxoire(f): 11:33am On Jul 03, 2007
@ militia, about those ppl, they sha annoy me, its almost like they have been brainwahsed, and what anoys me most, is i am all but certain that all of those preaching with the banner of GOD have acted in exactly the opposite manner to what they are preaching
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by MILITIA(f): 11:35am On Jul 03, 2007
luxoire:

@Militia

i can see, but surely before u live with that person u would have been living your life independently before that, wouldnt u?, i mean its more a step of getting to know each other, ok, what about those that realise only after marriage that though they might love each other, they just can not live in same circumstances! e.g an obessively clean guy with a dirty girl, who refuses/can not be changed!



Oh sure!  But we must be engaged for us to live together oh!  In case you break up, you get tired of moving your things in and out of his or your apartment due to contamination and bad memories! I like the sound of my own keys to my house and car as they jingle in my pocket! grin  I can know the guy from a distance.  We can spend some weekends together or travel together to neutral places.  There are a lot of things you find out after marriage as people grow and change with time.  You just roll with the punches till------------------------something gatta give! grin Independence is good before marriage! Especially for females--so you do not put up with abuse when it decides to show up!
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by MILITIA(f): 11:37am On Jul 03, 2007
luxoire:

@ militia, about those people, they sha annoy me, its almost like they have been brainwahsed, and what anoys me most, is i am all but certain that all of those preaching with the banner of GOD have acted in exactly the opposite manner to what they are preaching

Look, I wish it was possible to use rat poison over the cyber airways! These group of people are more irritating than nail fungus! Spits! angry
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by Aproko(f): 11:38am On Jul 03, 2007
VOR:

I truly believe that you never really know someone properly till you live with that person.


so how many people will you live with just so you can know them properly? haven't you realised that you can live with somebody and still not know the person?

personally, cohabitation is a no no. if you cant afford your own place, go stay with a friend and share the rent.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by iice(f): 12:08pm On Jul 03, 2007
I'll go with MILITIA on this one, its neither wrong or right but a matter of perception like she said.
Personally i like my space but i am open to co-habitation when the time is right or rather when i know am capable of withstanding the being around a person sooo many hours in a day not to mention how days in a year. E go hard sha but people wey dey do am dey try. I go don tire for the guy! grin grin
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by luxoire(f): 12:20pm On Jul 03, 2007
@iice

hahahahaha, i understand u jarre!, personally i value my space too, a friend of mine on here calls me brat!, lol, hey what can i say?, aint my fault is im selfish, but like u, i would do it, if i feel the time is right or the situation calls for it, it is not a definite yes or no on my part

@Aproko
sometimes it isnt just about the finances, sure u can both afford ur own plavcs, but u decide to share and live together

@Militia
Engaged or not, if he wanna leave ur ass, he will still do it oh, engagement doesnt hold anything, he will ust say the engagement is off, lol

AND IF I DECIDE TO CO-HABITATE, WE WILL BOTH MOVE INTO A NEUTRAL HOUSE, i aint moving to his place, and he aint moving to mine, we'll start new, in a new place with both names on the tenancy agreement, where we btoh share the rights and responsibilities
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by RuuDie(m): 12:26pm On Jul 03, 2007
Co-habitation wouldn't be a probs, all it needs to work-out is the right person and you ain't even g'onna be bothered about "your space"!
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by luxoire(f): 12:31pm On Jul 03, 2007
@ruudie

co habitating wiv u, hmmm, lol(joke), sha, som ppl r very territorial oh
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by RuuDie(m): 12:48pm On Jul 03, 2007
luxoire:

@ruudie
co habitating with u, hmmm, lol(joke), sha, som people r very territorial oh

i was refering to the topic  smiley  but it wouldn't be a bad idea now would it  grin  grin

no matter how territorial a person is, there's always some folks that you can quite comfortably live with and i'm not talking about just tolerating 'em - i mean actually enjoy living with and when you have that someone/people they pretty much become an integral part of "your space" !
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by iice(f): 1:14pm On Jul 03, 2007
That's why a certain amount of time is needed to know each other before moving in together.  Initially, one is used to the space but over time, the partner can integrate themselves into the space gradually.  Can't butt all the way in when only a small crack has been given. 
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by MILITIA(f): 1:39pm On Jul 03, 2007
luxoire:

@Militia
Engaged or not, if he want to leave your ass, he will still do it oh, engagement doesnt hold anything, he will ust say the engagement is off, lol

True! That is why I used it as an example.  It must be an extreme case for me to support co-habitation.  Why would I want to commute myself a longer jail sentence with a guy that I will probably see all my life?  He can't be that cute!  I said I love my space! grin



RuuDie:

Co-habitation wouldn't be a probs, all it needs to work-out is the right person and you ain't even g'onna be bothered about "your space"!

I feel I am married to the right person and have the right kids! I still need my space!
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by RuuDie(m): 2:46pm On Jul 03, 2007
MILITIA:

I feel I am married to the right person and have the right kids! I still need my space!

if you really, really, really need "your space", you'd be divorced by now !
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by luxoire(f): 2:49pm On Jul 03, 2007
@RuuDie

hahahaha, just cos ue married to someone does not mean they have to impinge on ur space
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by tasiana(m): 3:09pm On Jul 03, 2007
Personaly i wnt cos it leaves room for *see finish *which in my opinion is not healthy in courtship.
No matter how tight,i'd rather squat with friends until the deal is sealed.When u co-habit and break up it brings about lots of bad belle.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by MILITIA(f): 3:26pm On Jul 03, 2007
@RuuDie

Oh! Married people do not need space abi? Like husband and wife should be siamese twins! Sorry oh! I have all girls outing and the hubby has his own guys only outing! That is what I call "space"! Come suffocate man pikin in the name of marriage! shocked
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by luxoire(f): 4:12pm On Jul 03, 2007
MILITIA:

@RuuDie

Oh! Married people do not need space abi? Like husband and wife should be siamese twins! Sorry oh! I have all girls outing and the hubby has his own guys only outing! That is what I call "space"! Come suffocate man pikin in the name of marriage! shocked

ROFL
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by viee(f): 4:36pm On Jul 03, 2007
no. i personally will not live with anyone until we are married
we will visit each other , spend quality time together
but defienetly not live together.


@ VOR,

u can never truly say that you know someone
human beings are as unpredictable as the weather
situations and environment always affect our behaviour


@Aproko,

i agree with u absolutely.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by Aproko(f): 6:02pm On Jul 03, 2007
@ luxoire,

what happens when the relationship ends? how many would you really cohabit with in a life time considering how unpredictable human beings are?

a man that loves you and wants to marry you would do just that, whether you live with him or not. so why give any man the pleasure of enjoying your wifey abilities for free? and sometimes at your own expense?

to me, cohabitation is still a HELL NO!
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by adeboo(f): 9:53pm On Jul 03, 2007
Personally, i wouldnt do it.
I feel that you need to have something to look forwsrd to when you do get married. I feel that why pay for something u are already getting for free. Why marry someone when u have them at ur beck and call unmarried.

Even though u havent said we shouldnt be too holy holy on this matter, i really do think when God tells us to avoid something its cause He knows they will hurt us.

Like i said, its just not something that i would do,i have seen cases of men that refuse to marry their live in partners. - it was horrible.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by MILITIA(f): 10:15pm On Jul 03, 2007
Yup!  Why buy the milk when the cow is free of charge!  Co-habitation works to no ones benefit!  Male or female!  Just a longer sentence to seeing only one arse! grin What a bore!


adeboo:

Even though u havent said we shouldnt be too holy holy on this matter, i really do think when God tells us to avoid something its cause He knows they will hurt us.
Like i said, its just not something that i would do,i have seen cases of men that refuse to marry their live in partners. - it was horrible.

Don't even try to go there and sneak that "religious section" in here! We are watching you oh! grin
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by ghengis(m): 10:36pm On Jul 03, 2007
I wont Cohabitate. Don't you know that the Bible says that the, thats just to get MILITIA's blood hot grin.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by Nobody: 10:48pm On Jul 03, 2007
if we preach bible, they accuse us of being judgemental, yet they have just tried, convicted and hanged those who hold the bible in one hand. Na wa for these women o. shocked
why do bible people irritate so much? could it be our conscience in the way?

Ok back to the topic before they send rat poison my way; cohabitation is a huge NO. Live in your house and i live in mine, when we are finally joined together as husband and wife then we can start thinking of butting heads together in the same house.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by MILITIA(f): 10:51pm On Jul 03, 2007
Kai! GAME OVER! This thread don spoil! running away---on tip toe! Una don buy farm oh! cool
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by Nobody: 10:53pm On Jul 03, 2007
no be to spoil thread be our job? grin yeye woman dey run for bible.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by Nobody: 9:11am On Jul 04, 2007
Its a matter of chioce i think. Personally i will not Completely co-habitat but i will prefer weekend visits if i feel we need to learn each others habits.
Most Nigerian Men will turn you into a free cook, laundry maid, and house cleaner without giving one kobo to your father. Any way it depends on the type of man but some Nigerian men will disrespect you if you live with them.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by sanrima(f): 9:18am On Jul 04, 2007
shocked i don,t think cohabiting with a lover is a really good idea because most of d guys may end up not marrying u after they,ve finished turning u into a free house wife. besides in most cases u find d guy still cheating and having fun outside.
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by luxoire(f): 11:51am On Jul 04, 2007
hahahahaha, people people,

To the religious fanatics, i thought i had already said we have established that it is wrong religiously to cohabitate, so WHY bring it up again?

any way going back, i say it DEPENDS on the guy u meet. sometimes u meet a guy who is willing to pull his own weight, he will cook, and clean for u, other times u meet a guy who is willing to use u for free. Married or not, if a guy wants to leave u, he will, these days THERE IS VERY LITTLE SANCTITY IN MARRIAGE, PPL (MALE/FEMALE) do not respect it, they will out just as easily walk out on u when they marry u as they will when they are dating you.

and GUYS also get used and abused in courship NOT just ladies, i have friend who are guys who have been in this situation, only thing we hear more about it from the ladies, cos from teh guys it seems somewhat embarassing

@Aproko, u ask if i would live with everyman i date?, i say NO, i am not saying u should move in with a guy after just having started to date him, or if deep down in u, u have doubts. I am saying, if e.g u've been dating a guy for 2 yrs and u feel u 2 are going to end up together and for whatever reason (financial, emotional etc) the need to live together arises, then why should u?, same way he can change his mind about marryinng u, u too can change ur mind about marrying him, u SHOULD BE ASSERTIVE, in what u both bring to the household.

women tend to get hurt most times because, DEEP DOWN IN THEIR HEARTS THEY HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT THINGS WORKING DOWN IN THEIR R/SHIP, YET THEY CONTINUE TO TAKE STEPS FORWARD IN THAT RELATIONSHIP, WHEN IT ALL BREAKS DOWN IN FRONT OF THEM, THEY SAY HAD I KNOWN, WELL IF THEY HAD LISTENED TO INSTINCT FROM THE START IT NEVER WOULD HAVE GONE THAT FAR
Re: Cohabitation: Will You Do It? by RuuDie(m): 3:06pm On Jul 04, 2007
MILITIA:

@RuuDie

Oh! Married people do not need space abi? Like husband and wife should be siamese twins! Sorry oh! I have all girls outing and the hubby has his own guys only outing! That is what I call "space"! Come suffocate man pikin in the name of marriage! shocked

luxoire:

@RuuDie

hahahaha, just because ue married to someone does not mean they have to impinge on your space

@ Luxoire / Militia

i don't quite dig this your theory of "your space" being a defining factor of co-habitation. everybody has such periods where they w'anna preserve "their space"; it ain't a permanent thingy - one sec, you w'anna have people around you, the next you w'anna go solo; it happens to everybody !

but when you talk about co-habitation, which simply translates to living together (in our instance here) as spouses - the "space" thing doesn't count. why ? c'os its simply something you got without even having to ask for it.

it all boils down to how much you and your partner like each other, how much you understand each other, how much you can tolerate each other; when he/she's moving, in the last thing on your mind's g'onna be how to work-out "your space" management ! i mean, we're not talking room-mates at skool or stuff like that.

MILITIA, like i said; if you really valued "your space" more than anything else in this world - you'd be single !

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