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|Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by pmdaboh(f): 7:52am On Jul 04, 2007|
The Immigration Process (Part I)
I am an African American woman, and I am married to a Nigerian man. I wrote two articles entitled Nigeria is Beautiful to Me and Rejected for Loving a Nigerian Man. These articles are posted on nigeriansinamerica.com and nigerianmuse.com. After writing those articles, I was, and continually am, being contacted by women who are in the process of marrying Nigerian men and want information about how to go about traveling to Lagos, preparing for the wedding, and the Immigration Process. In an effort to address the many inquiries, I wrote The Immigration Process (Part I), and I would like to post it here if anyone is interested in reading it.
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by tpia: 12:34pm On Jul 04, 2007|
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by pmdaboh(f): 12:58pm On Jul 04, 2007|
[b]Yes, as was pointed out by Tpia, I registered my traveling plans with the US Embassy online as well. I was highly encouraged to do so due to "Travel Warnings" in that part of the world.
A FEW MORE THINGS:
[/list]If you desire to communicate with family and friends after you cross over into another country as you travel, you must purchase a "World Phone", for the cell phone you were using (even if it has international service on it) will not allow you to call from another country back to the United States. I found out that the hard way! As I said in my article, it was my first time flying, and my first time traveling out of the country.
[/list]You will also be highly encouraged to purchase "traveler's insurance", which can be purchased on the internert. Usually if you purchase your tickets online with a particular airline, they have a section that will give you a quote for insurance coverage. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! If you become ill or get injured while traveling or while in Lagos, Nigeria, your American insurance coverage does not have to be accepted to cover the medical costs, and you then MUST pay for all services, then and there, out-of-pocket.
As I think of more things that come to mind, I will add them here. I want to thank "Tpia" for reminding me about registering with the US Embassy, for I did not include it in my article.
Again, thank you, Tpia.
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by tpia: 12:28am On Jul 05, 2007|
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by Blatant: 4:23pm On Aug 05, 2008|
I have a few friends who will be happy some of those women who contact you about marriage to Nigerians so please tell them to contact me
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by masawa: 12:36am On Aug 07, 2008|
wow ,nigerian men are so desperate!!lol
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by stalliontp(m): 1:42am On Feb 25, 2009|
You shouldn't generalize the way you did. Are you jealous?, lol
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by Nobody: 2:14am On Feb 25, 2009|
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by MaryamIfe(f): 3:47am On Feb 25, 2009|
I read the article and I can certainly agree that what she is saying is very important. I have been submitting forms, documents, and fees for the past 1 year and 7 months. No problems thus far with Immigration, it is just that the US National Visa Center is not as concerned with getting my husband here in a timely manner as I am!!! We were wed in The Gambia since that is where my husband resided, but I too had to have many shots. I was living in a large city at the time and spent nearly $500 for the 6 immunizations that I had to have. (Geez, and that was suppose to be the reduced rate!) Documentation is a huge issue. My greatest suggestion is to start looking at each step of the process and gathering the documentation EARLY. Also, be sure that both husband and wife have either original copies or office certified copies of the marriage certificates, birth certificates, and criminal background checks. My husband and I have found that even after we have submitted these items to NVC, they stil ask for the original or cert. copies form each of us. (I'm not really comfortable with mailing the documents back and forth overseas!)
As far as the process, it seems that you still have a long way to go too. So with my sincerest thoughts, good luck. Waiting for our husbands is no easy task!
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by pmdaboh(f): 12:56am On Mar 15, 2009|
My husband joined me on June 19, 2008, and we are doing well. Our immigration process was 17 months, which many say is good compared to how long many others have to wait. I want to thank those who wished us well. God bless!
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by kayusa: 3:42pm On Mar 19, 2009|
American women will not stop to suprise me.
I am happy for you all for finding someone you love and who love you inturn but I just want to drop a piece of advise here although you don't have to take it to heart it's just a piece of advise.
It is such a shame when this foreign women go to online dating site or just met someone on a trip for the first time knowing that they are both of different race,nationality,background and financial.Men I do hope so many of you don't regret you actions later on.Because we've seen this allot on this site when this woman will come asking for advise on how to bring their man here and 6 months to 1year later the are divorced or the experience is different.
The bottom line is why will you want to marry someone who you know little about his culture,tradition and customs because when this people come here they know nothing about cross cultural and inter racial marriages they find it difficult to make it work.Don't get me wrong I am not saying everyone is bad but you know your hubby better than anyone else just make sure you count the cost and be prepared just in-case things go the other way round.
Wishing you the best.
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by pmdaboh(f): 5:51pm On Mar 19, 2009|
Don't you realize that you can marry someone from the same culture with whom you like the same things and come to realize (after marriage) that person is "not" what you thought they were, want them to be, or need them to be. There is a website in America called eharmony.com, in which many couples have met and married, so American woman do not only associate and communicate with foreign men, but women AND men do that within the United States as well.
While you have a right to your opinion, for we all do, your opinion of me, without knowing who I am, or maybe not even desiring to get to know me in the least, takes nothing away from my personal life and decision; nor does it add anything to it. My husband and I are doing well (thank God), and we are learning to mend and blend our cultures through the word "compromise", which by the way is what any couple must learn to do once they actually live together. You really get to know one another after the wedding vows are exchanged and you live together under one roof, for that is when the "real" person comes out--the good and the bad side of each of us--and believe me we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
And you know what, no matter whether you marry within your culture or not--when you actually co-habitat under the same roof is when the learning, mending, and blending begins--from the simplest things of how you like the same thing cooked (well done or not, etc.). I do not allow negative comments from people who do not know me or my husband to move me one way or the other. I know who I am and why I, Patricia Daboh, choose to enter into a relationship over the internet, accept that man's proposal, and he is now my husband. I do not need YOUR approval to confirm that I did what was best for me. If you are adverse to that type of relationship, then enter into one that makes YOU happy.
Just remember: Just because two people are of the same culture is no reason that marriage is guaranteed to survive and be successful; and just because two people are from different cultures and from a different country, does not mean that marriage will fail or not be successful. Since I am married to a Nigerian man, many of our associates are Nigerian living here in America. Some couples came here on the lottery (many in fact), and some met and married African American women once they came to America. I have met some Nigerians that were from the same cultures, were married for some years in Nigeria, and after a few years in America, divorced. Why did their marriage fail, it failed for various reasons probably. So a same-culture marriage does not GUARANTEE a successful marriage.
I wish you the best in your relationship and/or marriage, and I wish that you would not be so tunneled vision in your perception of the "recipie for happiness", for life does not turn out the way that we often think it will based on our misconceptions. To each its own.
One more thing: Your comment, "American Women Will Not Stop to Surprise You" is condensending and offensive. How many American women do you know personally? Are you implying that American women are of less caliber, quality, and tact because we dare to be DIFFERENT from Nigerian or African woman. We are ALL different, Kayusa, and God created us uniquelly in that way. I am glad I am African American, for that is how God fashioned me, and I am glad to an American; for God decided that I would be born in America. What I learned of my African culture, I voluntarily learned it; for it was not handed down to me from my mother or father; and my schools did not require that we learn African History. I, Patricia Daboh, voluntarily choose to take a course in African History, for I wanted to know where I came from and how we came in America. I am your African sister, who to no choice of her own, was born in America through the avenue of slavery. Your comment implies, American woman are less . . . . , and I say we are not. We are just humans who have the God given right to make a choice concerning our future, and we do that. By the way, there are American men who also marry African women. Did you think that there are no African women who also follow there hearts and come to America to marry American men? People, Kayusa, have a right to decide the path they will choose. You also have a right to make your own choice, but you should not criticize others for living their own lives--you did not create anyone, and we do not have to give account to you for the path we choose to walk down.
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by bigbumper(f): 7:02pm On Mar 19, 2009|
I kinda sense what you are saying but It is not just AA women who have cultural issues with Naija men who are just fresh off the boat. Ladies raised abroad too face the same problem, hence the reason these men label the female in the UK as "omo London" or the ones in the US as "pretending to be akata"
They expect you to treat them the way their mothers treated their fathers despite the fact that we are in a different era. You both go out to work the same hours, yet they expect to come back and meet food on the table, they expect so much respect from you and want to lord it over you, yet don't want to accord you the same respect . . .
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by pmdaboh(f): 7:20pm On Mar 19, 2009|
@ big bumper
That is where the mending and the blending comes into play. Sometimes Nigerian men take foreign wives, knowing that they are foreign and have a culture in which they were raised all their lives, and then want them to behave as Nigerian women. If that is the case, then marry within your own culture (and vice versa when it comes to American women marrying foreign men). Just because my skin color is brown and my husband's skin color is brown, does not mean we understand or agree on everything. African Americans and Africans are as different from night and day due to the way we were raised and our cultural practices--although many Africans believe African Americans have no culture at all as compared to there cultural traditions.
It takes time, understanding, misunderstanding, compromise, and forgiveness in order for "two to become one flesh" as the bible says of a married couple. Even if one is of the same culture, the mending, blending, compromising, disagreeing, and forgiving goes on until you both reach a point that you try to make one another happy to a point that you totally do not forget what makes you happy as an individual person. We both need certain things to make us happy, and we must find that balance to make the marriage work. It is not easy, but if you both love one another and want your marriage to work, you work at it through understanding and compromising (both compromising--not just one giving into the other person's culture, but both give into one another's cultures).
For instance, my husband likes me to greet him at the door (if I get home before he does), and offer assistance with anything in his hand--asking him about his day. He likes me to place his food on the table before him, and most days I cook--although he cooks sometimes. I, on the other hand, want him to say "please and thank you", which is considered polite in my culture when he asks me for things, and I want his full attention (like most women) when I am discussing an issue. Of course there are other things that we both need to make us individually happy. We are discovering what those things are and are BOTH mending, blending, and compromising to make our marriage work.
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by Treetop20(m): 7:33pm On Mar 19, 2009|
i pray this marriage of yours is real
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by bigbumper(f): 7:36pm On Mar 19, 2009|
I feel you Patricia, hence the reason I was trying to gently admonish Kayusa about his/her preconceived notion about the "cutural" differences he/she raised.
Personally I cannot date such men, I can compromise to a certain extent but because I can be a bit opinionated as well, it would never work. Kudos to you.
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by pmdaboh(f): 8:01pm On Mar 19, 2009|
Yes, I am really married to Ebiminih Zacharia Daboh, and we reside in Greensboro, North Carolina. I am not one of those authors that choose a topic in which they have no experience just to keep a good story going. I have a Nigerian friend who is an author, and he writes beautifully. Once I was so moved by what he wrote that I wrote him an email to discuss the matter, and that is when he told me the situation did not happen to him personally, but he was writing from the perspective of "if it happened to him". From the way he wrote, I thought it was real. I must admit I was disappointed when I found out it was not. I am writing from real life experience though, for I know no other way to write.
Ironically, my husband, and now I, want to write an article about, "The Real Deal About America" for prospectie Nigerian travelers who desire to come to America. Nigerians have many misconceptions about America, in which many they think they are coming to the country where milk and honey is flowing--and everything is easy. One such misconception is that you will come to America and walk into your dream job. There are Nigerian men who were lawyers in Lagos that are now driving taxi cabs, for their degrees and work experiences were not deemed acceptable here in America. Many Nigerians actually take "a few steps backwards" from the status that they once enjoyed in Nigeria when they reach these great shores of America. My husband and I want to write an awakening piece to Nigerians concerning the REAL DEAL when you come to America, so you can have some factual information prior to making your decision and coming here. We have some Nigerian friends of ours who came here on the lottery, and are still not working after almost a year.
Nigerians find it hard to adjust to the way of life in America (culture, exposed immorality conitnually displayed, etc.). I won't get into it deep on here even if I am asked questions, but I, along with my husband (co-author), will write about how the American reality pales compared to Nigerian misconceptions concerning America. I am NOT talking negatively about my beloved country, for I am an American afterall and was born and raised here, but many Nigerians, for some reason, think they are coming to a perfect place. Once we put the facts out there, you can make your decision as to whether you want to come or not.
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by kayusa: 8:53am On Mar 21, 2009|
I must apologise sis, if my post did offend you in any manner I was just making my opinion known, and like I said it's just an advise and not a statement of command.Thank God The other people who posted their blog know what I am talking about.I leave it at that.
I wish you and your hubby the best of married life.
By the way I really don't need to know you for you to make a point.
Just in case FYI someone post a blog which you really don't like don't start to tell people about yourself.
Love you as a fellow African
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by pmdaboh(f): 5:17pm On Mar 21, 2009|
Thanks for the reply. Writers share information, for that is what we do. I am hoping to share many things about the adjustments, positive and negative aspects of the transition that takes place when Africans come to America. Again, thanks for your reply. Have a good day!
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by martho(m): 12:50pm On Mar 24, 2009|
pmdaboh:nice idea but ur story will not change d mentality of nigerians.As naijas will say"WHO NO COME NO GO KNOW".It's like flogging a dead horse.
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by pmdaboh(f): 1:12pm On Mar 24, 2009|
I am not trying to change the mentality of Nigerians by writing the "Realities of America", but I will write an informative piece of work; so Nigerians (or any foreigner) who come to America will not think they will have a "Fairy Tale Ending" here. Many Nigerians may face some harsh realities when starting their life over in America. Most college degrees from Nigeria are "not" compatible or accepted by American universities and colleges, and therefore, many Nigerians come here with their hard-earned degrees just to be told it is not accepted here--even if they have years of experience in their particular fied--they will not be hired if an American "degree" is required to get that particular job. They, therefore, must take jobs which pay much less until they are able to go to school here and get what American job employers require. This is a real blow to their pride, accustomed status, and financial situation. Like I said, my husband has a friend who was a practicing lawyer in Lagos, and he now drives a taxi cab. Driving a taxi cab is far better than a minimum wage job--especially if you own that cab--for you can control your daily earnings depending on the hours you work and the opportunities that come your way. But can you imagine going from practicing law in Nigeria to flipping hamburgers in McDonald's, which pay only minimum wage. Another friend of ours told us he had a high position in Africa, but he could only get a fast food restaurant job at Denny's when he came to America until he got his Master degree here. It took some years for him to get his degree, for he was not eligible to receive financial aid to assist with the cost of his college courses, so he had to pay for them as he worked in a low-paying job. It was a real financial struggle for him and his family. My husband and I just want to bring some realities to Nigerian readers, so they will be warned of some possible adjustments they may face when they come to America. I would rather be informed about what I may expect to find here than to come here with misconceptions and become depressed once I face American realities after I get here. If someone wants to read what I wrote and try to position themselves beforehand by acquiring an American degree (online) before getting here, they will be in a better position than those who do not. My information will be for those who desire to read it.
|Re: Going Through The Immigration Process To Bring Your Nigerian Husband To America by candylips(m): 1:13pm On Jul 06, 2009|
nice one pmdaboh . wish u a happy married life
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