Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage - Family - Nairaland
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| Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by jeff1980(m): 8:25pm On Apr 13, 2011 |
Pls everybody in the house i want your comment.I am a victim of this issue.My wife had several abortions(More than 5, 6 times) before we got married.And i asked her several time during our courtship that as she ever have an abortion before?but she denied but after our marriage when some issues arises she confessed she had series of abortion in the past.Pls as a man what can i do and can i still trust her? |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by OAM4J: 2:52am On Apr 14, 2011 |
Take this to family section, you'll get a fair response there. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Pweety4me(f): 4:14am On Apr 14, 2011 |
@Post SMH. . . |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 3:11pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
jeff1980: You are right not to trust her anymore . . . what she did was absolutely wrong! But such things are not what you freely talk about, even to your husband . . . Because human beings are by nature judgmental . . . Of course she knew telling you the truth will risk everything and she chose the easy way out . I'd be lying if I say I won't do the same thing!  |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by OAM4J: 3:38pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
Ujujoan: ^^OK confess to me now: Have you done 'it' before? if yes how many times? you know your secret is safe with me. I will not tell my brother  |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 3:47pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
^^^ I've done 'it' 15, sorry 16 times!  But I'm going to deny it if your borda ever finds out!   |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by dayokanu(m): 4:01pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
That still means you were conned into marriage. SMh at some ppl sha. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by OAM4J: 4:25pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
Ujujoan: Yepa ripa o! Osa no gbua o!!   Yeah, your secret is |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by kokoye(m): 4:26pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
Pele Dayo, bawoni. A whole bunch of people have been conned into marriage. We'll never know how many since most of them end up having children rightaway. . .and some start going to church to become born again just for that purpose . . to get some dumb guy who's looking for a bride in church. @ poster, you have a perfect case for a divorce. How can you ever trust or want to sleep with such a woman . . she can kill you! |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 4:58pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
OAM4J: Chei . . see this traitor!  I knew this would be your reaction, that's why I told your 16 instead of the real truth!  |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 5:00pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
kokoye: Pssssssshh! Don't be so dramatic. Do you know what the word 'secret' means? As far as it wont affect their marriage in any way, I don't see why he really needs to know. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by armyofone(m): 5:02pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
sad case esp that it is affecting you both now. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by kokoye(m): 5:24pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
Ujujoan: OK . . having multiple abortions may not affect their marriage . . how about what they are goin thru now? what's ur point? She prolly knew she would have issues with giving birth but yet she kept that from him so she could be a Mrs. Yes . . she could kill him. I said it 1 Like |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by dayokanu(m): 5:26pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
Uju, How do you feel if the guy had a STD that he didnt tell you about it before getting into marriage. Bros kokoye, I dey ok o. I was in your town last weekend to see my people. But my eyes block so tay i no fit holla you. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by ifyalways(f): 6:08pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
@OP,she lied to you,deal with it.Have u been 100% honest to her ? At this point what she needs most is ur forgiveness and readiness to move on and NOT trust . . .she wud have to [b]earn [/b]that herself. Well,If you can't look beyond the lie to see the motive behind it,forgive her and work towards a better marriage with her,there's always the exit door. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 6:09pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 7:48pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
@ Kokoye The woman didn't know it would be an issue (maybe) . . Sometimes you can't tell these things. If she knew the abortions damaged her womb and still concealed it then that is wrong. But people have series of abortion and still have healthy children, she had no reason to think her case will be different. @ Dayo An STD will affect me too so I have a right to know. an abortion is very different. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 9:01pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
@poster I feel your pain. . . . . . . A) to just realize that the woman you've been sleeping with and cherishing was/is a H O E. B) that she was a careless skank who would have unprotected sex with anyone dikc and Tom. C) that due to the amount of butchering that she went through, no wonder you have "problems" in that dept. D) the DECEIT of looking at you, dead in the eyes, and lie through her teeth. IMHO divorce is the only possible way to solve the problem because I doubt you will ever respect her again or look at her the same way. So far you don't know who she really is, she may show you in the future or not. It will all depend on the size of the skeletons in her closet. Its just too much! |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by dayokanu(m): 9:03pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
@Uju, The numerous abortions were stopping the man from having a child, That much I can deduce from the OP. The same way you should know about a STD history even if it was treated should be the same way you should disclose 5 abortions |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 9:48pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
Ujujoan: Err, I beg to differ. Any medical procedure, that has even a 10% chance of preventing a lady from having children, should be disclosed to her husband-to-be! Sure, he might have walked, he might have blown a gasket, and continued the relationship, progressing to marriage. But at least, he would have had a clear choice! In this case, the wife didn't give her guy that luxury. An abortion isn't a procedure like having a splinter taken out of your toe, it's serious stuff, and shouldn't be concealed from your man. It begs the question, what else hasn't she told him? What would she consider serious enough to disclose to him, before they tied the knot? The worse part is, her man asked her several times whilst they were dating, if she'd ever had an abortion. And her response? No, which was a barefaced lie. C'mon! |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nekai(f): 10:23pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
Let's look at the situation as if the abortions are not the cause of her fertility issues. I will explain why in a min. OP, I think she is dead wrong for concealing her past from you, especially when you asked her. However, (and I could be dead wrong here) not everyone discloses the exact nature of everything that they have been through in the past. I'm sure you haven't told your wife about every single woman you have been with, and if you have, I'm sure you didn't tell her how "sweet" this one was, or how many of them were great lovers, or how many of them you cheated on back in your young days. Even if your wife asked you if 'Samantha' was better in the bedroom, I'm sure you wouldn't say, "Oh yeah!" even if it happened to be true, likewise, if you ask your wife if you are the best lover she has ever had, you don't expect her to say no. Although I am personally pro-life, I can understand how overwhelmed she must have felt when she made the choice to have an abortion. I don't know why she would put herself in the situation so many times, but she was probably just being young and silly. Everyone has skeletons in their closet, some may not be as bad as others. She may have changed her life around and didn't want her past being used against her. Which brings me to the issues of fertility. Do you know that stress can prevent a couple from conceiving? Many couples struggling with problems in this area consult many doctors, even turning to fertility specialists, and adoption only to give up and fall pregnant soon thereafter. It's possible that this could be your wife's problem. She may be feeling so much guilt about her past it may be causing her body too much stress. Your wife is feeling a great deal of pressure now. She conceived those other times when she least expected it, so she wasn't stressed out at the time. You guys should go get all the fertility testing done and find out if this is a physical problem or a psychological one. If it's not a physical problem, then just support her, and trust that she wasn't trying to decieve you. Now that she doesn't have to be scared of being found out, with your love and support she may relax enough to let nature take it's course. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 10:50pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
@nekai Are you claiming that lying is right?! It doesn't matter how many do it or for whatever reason: TO LIE TO YOUR PARTNER IS WRONG. If I listen to you then if a gal aint a virgin and know damn well that her future husband will only marry a virgin, its ok to lie? The OP wanted to know her sexual history because it was VERY important to him and the only reason she lied is because her hubby would have A) known she was a H O E B) probably not married her. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Outstrip(f): 10:50pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
I know someone who did this. Lets just say he divorced her eventually but now she is remarried with a child. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 10:54pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
Is having a child gonna erase the shame of being duped in marrying the neighborhood skank?! |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nekai(f): 11:16pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
MRbrownJAY: No, it's not ok to be dishonest. The OP suggested that some issues came up that caused her to confess, and it suggested fertility issues. Lying was dead wrong, but she doesn't have to be especially loose to have had this situation happen. The abortions could be from one or two guys. (It happens). If she lied about her virginity that is wrong in a whole other way, but he knew she was sexually active, and everytime a woman has sex there is a possibility of pregnancy. No pill, cream, patch, shot, or condom is 100% effective. MRbrownJAY: What if the neighborhood skank is now reformed? Many loose girls were once victims of sexual abuse, causing them to make unwise decisions before they 'saw the light'. (I'm playing devil's advocate here  )1 Like |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 11:33pm On Apr 14, 2011 |
@nekai Lol ok mrs devils advocate: A lie is a lie regardless of how why when or where it was delivered. If what was concealed was no biggie then they would have told the truth. That little piece of information would have saved OP a lot grief, money and probably embarrassment. How can he ever trust her? How can he build a loving union when trust is gone out the window? How can he be a loving father when he hates mummy through his guts? You are right, there is nothing wrong in marrying the neighborhood skank or former one (to each their own) AS LONG AS YOU FULLY KNOW HER SKANKISH HISTORY, but if that damsel pretends to be an angel and lie through her teeth when you ask about her past then that is DECEIT and nothing can save this marriage when hubby finally finds out. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nekai(f): 12:00am On Apr 15, 2011 |
MRbrownJAY: Well, you are right, he probably will never trust her fully again. The deceit in lying about the abortions are probably causing more grief than knowing she had abortions in the first place. I was going to give a senario in which the wife comes clean about the abortions after 10 years of marriage and 5 kids. I was going argue that the man wouldn't be as upset about it after 10 years of marital bliss. However, what you say about trust is very important. If this had been a case of cheating, where the wife suspected her future husband was cheating with a specific girl before they got married and he denied it, I don't think the wife would ever trust him again, whether she finds out a few montrhs into the marriage, or 10 years. She will feel like a fool and also will question the husband's fidelity during the marriage. Chaircover says it best when she say that they may want to consider counseling, because to dissolve a marriage shouldn't be taken lightly. The lack of trust is very difficult to overcome, but not impossible. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Brite02(m): 4:36am On Apr 15, 2011 |
Since am not well informed back in da courtship years and now after the marriage i come to realize this! I tell ya>>>>> TRUST IS GONE immediately have realized what she'd done aback |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 9:55am On Apr 15, 2011 |
dayokanu: Errrrm . . No. That's not what he said. He said they were having 'issues', he wasn't specific. You guys are just concluding because of the abortions. Abortions don't stop people from getting pregnant, except it was badly done. If I have an STD and gets cured of it, I'm not going to see the need to discuss it with my husband, and I honestly do not want to know about his. MRbrownJAY: So having an abortion made her a skank? Gosh you are sooooo prejudiced! |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 10:04am On Apr 15, 2011 |
Siena: I agree . . . he should have been told . . . But clearly, I can see why she didn't! You guys might as well stone her to death . . . . she'd be better off than this judgment! |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by Nobody: 11:10am On Apr 15, 2011 |
.. |
| Re: Your Wife Did Not Tell You She Had Several Abortion Until After Marriage by babyme1(f): 11:12am On Apr 15, 2011 |
Na wa o |
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