@Poster
The bond emanated from the fact that he is the only child yet the expression of the affection between this mother and son seem to be tilting a bit to the other side of the scale that has the two letter ab affixed to the normal. Wisdom, tactfulness, subtlety can help you wade through this and come out victorious (you and your husband being at bliss, he himself and your MIL being at bliss with themselves in a fuller way and peace reigning among the three of you and all). In other words, bringing in counsellors(going for counselling) or expressing your discomfort here can only bring negative feelings that may make things get out of hand.

I will use this analogy not that I'm saying that anybody is at the edge here. A person at the end of his/her tether that is standing on a precipice for example and threatening to kill himself/herself (as seen in movies and "psychologically" in real life)is always smooth talked out of that mood to save the life of such a person as the use of harsh words can push the person over that edge.

Confrontations and expression of your dislike of their extreme show of affections may push him further into the arms of his Momsie (and we all don't want things to get out of hand when such happens) because if the mum also hears that you are kicking against the love between her and her only child, it may make her very unhappy and we all know that two people that are getting that lovey-dovey will seek succour from each other in that state of mind and that will not be helping the situation but will rather increase the probability of things tumbling down over the edge. It's just like a married woman whose husband is having an affair can nag her husband deeper into the arms of the "other woman".

There are situations in Life that requires no verbal communication but silent yet wise handlings that delivers more than words will and this is one of such! When a child is being weaned off its mother's natural milk. It is not done with words or the drumming in of words. It is done with actions which the child can't comprehend yet day by day that child gets weaned slowly. He is just a Big baby that needs to be weaned off his momsie's apron and you just have to use your brain to get him weaned without letting the weanee (your husband) and the weaner(your MIL) know that "weaning" is taking place as the b-o-o-b-s itself isn't even your own    Cheers Ojare, it's going to be alright.

jennykadry:

Did you not notice all of these during courtship? Because there is no way these two would have hidden their undying love for eachother. Or were you hoping to change things when you ''get married'' but now frustrated because it's not working as planned?

I want to know too. cause this kind of a thing dont just start overtime. or maybe she probably saw it and overlooked it



Op

yes it is very quite understandable that as the only kid, he might be very close to his mom, however, the lying on the same bed, whispering sweet nonsense to each other is somewhat uncomfortable reason being that he is a 27 going to be 30 year old man and married for that matter.  there are certainly other ways to show mother to son affection than this. this is a limit to everything biko.

you do want to be careful with the language/approach you use when discussing because if you talk too much, he will think/say you are being jealous, hateful etc towards his mother and you know how some MIL can be, she will accused you of trying to separate him and his son blah blah. he might not even realize that you are uncomfortable with the "acts" he and his mom engage in.

he is certainly, taking the phrase "mamas boy" to a whole new extra meaning.

it might be worth noting that maybe the mom is suffering from separation anxiety(though more evident in kids) given that your husband is his ONLY child, hence the reluctance to 'release him' so dont expect a quick fix

The problem with you women is your thirst for absolute control of your husband after marriage. You feel because he took vows and signed dotted lines with you, that makes you "entitled" to manipulate him any way you please. This is usually the beginning of the end for many marriages. When will you women ever learn? When will you ever let things be? When will you do away with your continuous yearning for drama you can't deal with?

Leave him and his mother alone abeg. Wetin sef. See the negative impression you're giving of the mother and son relationship. I can place a bet that things are not as bad as you're painting it but you women will go the extra mile to pour sh.it on the situation just to suit your selfish needs. I really hope your husband discovers this post of yours on nairaland.

Na wa ooo!

^^^^^

Im sure you wouldnt be giving a side eye and taking a second look, and be as forgiving, if your future wife enages in this hugging,pecking whispering, and lying on same bed with his father

~Sissy~:

^^^^^

Im sure you wouldnt be giving a side eye and taking a second look, and be as forgiving, if your future wife enages in this hugging,pecking whispering, and lying on same bed with his father

First of all, marriage is totally out of my "things to do with my life" list. Second, i would have called off the relationship if i felt uncomfortable during the dating period.

Shikena!

harakiri:

First of all, marriage is totally out of my "things to do with my life" list. Second, i would have called off the relationship if i felt uncomfortable during the dating period.

Shikena!

Never say Never. remember LIFE is what HAPPENS when you are busy planning. when you NEVER expect/ed it.

Second, i would have called off the relationship if i felt uncomfortable during the dating period.

understandable, if there were any showing of it during courtship. still waiting for the OP to say if this was the case in hers

OP is jealous. I agree with Genius.

Outstrip:

       
This is serious. Are you people serious. I don't even care so much about the baby talk. It is the lying in bed and hugging his mother that is shocking to me. The fact that she was a snigle mother makes it even more disturbing. I will use my leg and kick her out of the bed and then shove her son out with her. They can go and do that nonsense in her bed. What sort of shamelessness is that. Goo goo gaa gaa my a.s.s

Gbam!!!

I'm sure OP is exaggerating and telling a one-sided story.

I still shake my head @ some people's post. Please stop insulting the OP it is quite not fair. I am sure many of you here would have taken actions instead of asking for general advice like she did. But come to think of it what would you have said if it had been the OP's husband who posted something like this? I am quite sure most of you would say that her father isn't her biological father so they must be sleeping together. Her husband shouldn't be inconsiderate to her feelings too na, after all she also have parents and is not displaying strange affections with them. As a man no body is saying he shouldn't love his mum to pieces but when it's getting as strange as bed hugs then there's problem. Abi is he the first man on earth to be an only child? Before you talk think deeply can you accept your husband in bed with his mum? Or your wife in bed with her dad?

If this was happening in my house, I will honestly kick them both out, like seriously which dude whispers sweet nothings into the ears of his mum and cuddles her in bed like an agbaya oshi? All these justin timberlake kinda men sef

Poster have you got kids yet? My advice forget about having kids now until this rubbish's been sorted out, that's if you don't have a child

^ Whats wrong with Justin Timberlake.


Anyways the thought of a fully grown man cuddling his mother in bed is disgusting. Certain boundaries should never be crossed especially within the family.

jennykadry:

  If this was happening in my house, I will honestly kick them both out, like seriously which dude whispers sweet nothings into the ears of his mum and cuddles her in bed like an agbaya oshi? All these justin timberlake kinda men sef

Poster have you got kids yet? My advice forget about having kids now until this rubbish's been sorted out, that's if you don't have a child

quite good! And i like ur location lol

jennykadry:

If this was happening in my house, I will honestly kick them both out, like seriously which dude whispers sweet nothings into the ears of his mum and cuddles her in bed like an agbaya oshi? All these justin timberlake kinda men sef
Poster have you got kids yet? My advice forget about having kids now until this rubbish's been sorted out, that's if you don't have a child

ROTFLMAO. Please it is too early to be laughing like this. I remember his episode of PUNKED when they were moving all the things out of his house. He walked in on it and the first person he called was Mommy. Not the police o. It is was kind of like "Mommy come and get this bad people in my house" LOL

Honestly, i find it rather disturbing - lying and hugging your mom while you wife sit and watch.

But why is it common on this site that every issue been discussed here has to to dissected across 'gender dichotomy'. if the poster if a guy all the males line up behind him and it's a lady all the females tow behind her. It's unfair to the posters cos the response the get is rather tilted than it would have,had everyone bear the mind irrespective of his/her gender.

Why do Nigerians always have to insult others who are simply looking for advice?

I don't know why some people on Nairaland like to belittle another persons feelings. It's a very stupid thing to do. What might be ok for you may be unbearable for someone else.

@Poster ; Are you brave enough to talk to your mother in law about this? If you've spoken to your husband and he's vexing , let him continue. In the meantime, it might be a good idea to talk to your MIL directly. I'm sure some people here will cry " Off with her head!!" because I'm saying this but really that is the only option you have , aside from walking out of the marriage.

Outstrip:

ROTFLMAO. Please it is too early to be laughing like this. I remember his episode of PUNKED when they were moving all the things out of his house. He walked in on it and the first person he called was Mommy. Not the police o. It is was kind of like "Mommy come and get this bad people in my house" LOL

That guy is an irritant . Imagine bringing his mum along for a vacation he was supposed to have with his Gf alone?  and the eediot has the mouth to announce that he is a mummy's boy. I was watched him on one entertainment channel where he told the interviewer that '' No woman can be like his mum and his mum is free to come with his gf and himself on any outings/ dates. I was like STFU and go get stuffed.

Thats exactly who this OP's hubby is. ''A nigerian made Justin timberlake''

Funny, but some mothers actually raise their sons to be mommy's boy na. You can see it with the way they smother the son with attention and deny him the chance to take his own shots in life.

harakiri:

The problem with you women is your thirst for absolute control of your husband after marriage. You feel because he took vows and signed dotted lines with you, that makes you "entitled" to manipulate him any way you please. This is usually the beginning of the end for many marriages. When will you women ever learn? When will you ever let things be? When will you do away with your continuous yearning for drama you can't deal with?

Leave him and his mother alone abeg. Wetin sef. See the negative impression you're giving of the mother and son relationship. I can place a bet that things are not as bad as you're painting it but you women will go the extra mile to pour sh.it on the situation just to suit your selfish needs. I really hope your husband discovers this post of yours on nairaland.

Na wa ooo!

Correct yans, my guy. I'm almost sure what happened was that the man simply gave his mom hug while she was on the bed. Guess what, the emotional woman has turned that into cuddling on the bed with his mom. Nonsense. Instead of the woman to cultivate a better relationship with her husband, she's busy being jealous of his mom and whining about it. And you have all these clownish women on nairaland egging her on,  Na real wa for women,

The same women whining on this thread probably have a similar relationship with their moms, but all hell must break loose because a guy is close to his mom. His mom took care of him for 27 years, now someone that just came into his life wants him not to be close to his mom. Nonsense!!

Genius100:

Correct yans, my guy. I'm almost sure what happened was that the man simply gave his mom hug while she was on the bed. Guess what, the emotional woman has turned that into cuddling on the bed with his mom. Nonsense. Instead of the woman to cultivate a better relationship with her husband, she's busy being jealous of his mom and whining about it. And you have all these clownish women on nairaland egging her on,  Na real wa for women,

The same women whining on this thread probably have a similar relationship with their moms, but all hell must break loose because a guy is close to his mom. His mom took care of him for 27 years, now someone that just came into his life wants him not to be close to his mom. Nonsense!!

I hate to say this but you guys sound extremely biased, not to mention ignorant. It's one thing to say that there are 2 sides to every story, but another thing to say that you're almost sure that she's lying. People have different perspectives of situations and because she doesn't like what's going on doesn't mean she's jealous of her mother in law. If you don't know what you are talking about, then keep quiet. She's just said that she's uncomfortable with this situation, not that she wants to raise hell.

The reason why she's here is BECAUSE she wants to cultivate a relationship with her husband. Also, contrary to what you just said, I do not have a similar relationship with my mom or my dad for that matter.

Also, it is no secret that some single mom's turn their sons into the husband they never had. Single mothers tend to pamper their sons and treat them like princes in an attempt to compensate for the father who just isn't there. I'm not saying that all single mums do this, but what is happening here is clearly a case of a woman putting her son where her husband/ boyfriend should be.

@Poster develop a tough skin when you see them lying display that inappropriate affection and play two can play the game. Is you father -in-law alive? just try and be very very close to him then let him(your husband) raise a red flag about it then he will realise the emotional/psychological trauma he is putting you through

Hi,
I need help! My husband and I are married for a year and a half now. He is 27 and i am 26. My husband is too close to my mother in law, emotionally and physically. They peck and hug each other all the they they spend together. so much that they even lie down on the bed hugging each other. Their relationship is pure, but their closeness makes me uncomfortable. He is the only kid. We live separate from his family but, they talk to each other everyday. He even makes comments like "Im missing mumma" and talks to her like a baby at times. When i tried telling him that their physical closeness upsets me, he got very angry and he hasn't been talking to me since then. Please help, am i sick to feel this way? do i need counselling?
Thanks

Awww feel so sorry,  You are barely married and you should be the ones spending time cuddling and whispering, etc all the time.

Whatever happened to "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall[i] cleave[/i] unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh."? How can you two become one when there is another one involved? It is important that parents contribute in helping you people being one, you two have a home to build and the woman is not really helping.

Man and woman need to leave their parents. You should have a place that your husband gives you and vice versa. Try to smoothly talk to him, and start taking your place; share more and more sweet moments with him, take part in their cuddling so much that the MIL understands she is the "other" woman and understands she can trust you (she handed him to your care didn't she?). For the love and respect you share, please set boundaries with "outsiders" to your marriage, so that none of you feels belittled or jealous. And this man needs to take good decisions for the sake of your marriage oh.

Take heart, go easy but hold on to what is yours.

Truth is, some guys have a special relationship wit their mothers.
Maybe because of what they went through together over the years.
its not that easy to break such a relationship.
Yes, you can say you're the wife and all that but the truth is, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
If you try to fight them, you'll end of having serious problems with them.
A single word from his mom, he'll kick you out without thinking about it for a second.
The guy is still young too. Doesn't really know much about marriage but i'm sure with time, he'll come around.
All you need do is to take care of your husband as much as you can and have faith.
What is yours is yours.

dayokanu:

Wetin OP dey talk, is she suspecting that son and mother dey collabo?

^
Truth is there is no kind of sane special relationship that will lead to the kind of behavior we are reading about here. What is unnatural is unnatural.

Something can still be done about this, call the mommy boy to order.

IyaBasira:

I hate to say this but you guys sound extremely biased, not to mention ignorant.  It's one thing to say that there are 2 sides to every story, but another thing to say that you're almost sure that she's lying. People have different perspectives of situations and because she doesn't like what's going on doesn't mean she's jealous of her mother in law. If you don't know what you are talking about, then keep quiet. She's just said that she's uncomfortable with this situation, not that she wants to raise hell.

The reason why she's here is BECAUSE she wants to cultivate a relationship with her husband. Also, contrary to what you just said, I do not have a similar relationship with my mom or my dad for that matter.

Also, it is no secret that some single mom's turn their sons into the husband they never had. Single mothers tend to pamper their sons and treat them like princes in an attempt to compensate for the father who just isn't there. I'm not saying that all single mums do this, but what is happening here is clearly  a case of a woman putting her son where her husband/ boyfriend should be.

Nonsense. With all due respect, you are the ignoramus here. I made assumptions in the same way you made assumptions. Even in this post I'm responding to, your claims are based on assumptions suited to your biases. The single mom raised her son for decades, they cultivated their relationship and now some melodramatic woman that's been in his life for a few years is complaining about mother and son hugging each other! Please!! What she needs to focus on is building her own relationship with her husband.

Hugging and pecking your son equates putting him where her husband should be? What a display off crass ignorance. If your parents did not hug you, na your wahala be dat. Don't project your subjective realities onto others. She herself said their relationship is pure. She did not complain about his mother unduly interfering in their relationship, all she's complaining about is that he is close to his mom. As if a lot of women are not close to their mom. What she really needs to do is get a life, and stop whining about inconsequential crap,

Genius, well said.

women can be crazy atimes

This thread is pointless

I can see the OP dying of jealousy very soon

OP: Seriously, you need counseling, if possible deliverance from the spirit of jealousy at MFM.

Genius100:

Nonsense. With all due respect, you are the ignoramus here. I made assumptions in the same way you made assumptions. Even in this post I'm responding to, your claims are based on assumptions suited to your biases. The single mom raised her son for decades, they cultivated their relationship and now some melodramatic woman that's been in his life for a few years is complaining about mother and son hugging each other! Please!! What she needs to focus on is building her own relationship with her husband.

Hugging and pecking your son equates putting him where her husband should be? What a display off crass ignorance. If your parents did not hug you, na your wahala be dat. Don't project your subjective realities onto others. She herself said their relationship is pure. She did not complain about his mother unduly interfering in their relationship, all she's complaining about is that he is close to his mom. As if a lot of women are not close to their mom. What she really needs to do is get a life, and stop whining about inconsequential crap,

What assumptions did I make? Kissing, and lying down with another on the bed is what people in love do! Come on, please use your head, Their relationship is more like that of a woman and her lover than that of a mother and her child.

If something bothers you, it's better to say it and let it be known that you have a problem with it. If you had a wife who was doing what her husband is doing, would you be 100% ok with it? I'm sure you wouldn't because someone like you would probably accuse her of sleeping with her dad. Fine, the woman here has said no such thing, but all she's saying here is that some boundaries have been crossed that's making their relationship a grey zone. 

You can call her melodramatic all you like, but what is unnatural is still UNNATURAL! Nobody wants a man who is still holding on to his mother's apron strings.

IyaBasira:

What assumptions did I make? Kissing, and lying down with another on the bed is what people in love do! Come on, please use your head, Their relationship is more like that of a woman and her lover than that of a mother and her child.

If something bothers you, it's better to say it and let it be known that you have a problem with it. If you had a wife who was doing what her husband is doing, would you be 100% ok with it? I'm sure you wouldn't because someone like you would probably accuse her of sleeping with her dad. Fine, the woman here has said no such thing, but all she's saying here is that some boundaries have been crossed that's making their relationship a grey zone. 

You can call her melodramatic all you like, but what is unnatural is still UNNATURAL! Nobody wants a man who is still holding on to his mother's apron strings.

It's amazing how clowns like you can't see beyond your nose. She said they peck, not kiss. Like I said, perhaps you were raised in a household where your papa will slap you if you try to hug him, but let your reality be your reality and don't make the rule in your household universal. If she does not want a man that's close to her mom, then she can leave. It's that simple. Was she not aware that he was close to his mom when they were dating?

Genius100:

It's amazing how clowns like you can't see beyond your nose. She said they peck, not kiss. Like I said, perhaps you were raised in a household where your papa will slap you if you try to hug him, but let your reality be your reality and don't make the rule in your household universal. If she does not want a man that's close to her mom, then she can leave. It's that simple. Was she not aware that he was close to his mom when they were dating?

Maybe you were raised in a household where near- incestuous relations were allowed. Doesn't mean everyone else was brought up the same way. As far as seeing beyond your own nose goes, at least I can see beyond my nose. You , on the other hand, are completely blind. This isn't something that happened just once. It has happened time and time again to the extent that she is fed up with it.

You keep going on about imposing realities on someone else, but you are the one who said she was being melodramatic. THAT is imposing your beliefs on another person. If she's not okay with it, then she's not ok with it, simple. It doesn't mean she's overreacting. Oh yeah, and you still haven't answered my question. If this was happening to you, would you like it if someone called you a manipulative, melodramatic control freak ?  I guess not.

I know you still have a long way to go before becoming an adult so that's why I will remind you that not everyone just gives up on a marriage for something that can be changed.  Something can still be done about this and it hinges on the mother and son relationship. Both need to respect themselves.

Please disappear. I don't want to have to educate you anymore.

IyaBasira:


Maybe you were raised in a household where near- incestuous relations were allowed. Doesn't mean everyone else was brought up the same way. As far as seeing beyond your own nose goes, at least I can see beyond my nose. You , on the other hand, are completely blind. This isn't something that happened just once. It has happened time and time again to the extent that she is fed up with it.

You keep going on about imposing realities on someone else, but you are the one who said she was being melodramatic. THAT is imposing your beliefs on another person. If she's not okay with it, then she's not ok with it, simple. It doesn't mean she's overreacting. Oh yeah, and you still haven't answered my question. If this was happening to you, would you like it if someone called you a manipulative, melodramatic control freak ?  I guess not.

I know you still have a long way to go before becoming an adult so that's why I will remind you that not everyone just gives up on a marriage for something that can be changed.  Something can still be done about this and it hinges on the mother and son relationship. Both need to respect themselves.

Please disappear. I don't want to have to educate you anymore.

You are obviously a bone headed numb skull. If she's not okay with it, does that mean she's right? What an emotional wreck. Some women are really hopeless!! I do not have the kind of relationship she described with my parents, but I fully recognize the right of people to have close relationships with their parents as long as it is pure. The poster clearly said it was pure, but that's too difficult to get into your vacuous brain.

So she did not see that the mom and son were close before she married him. Now she married him, she has no complaints about undue interference, but that he is close to his mom. Like I said, you broads need to understand the world does not revolve around your sorry a-ss emotions. If she does not like it, she can waka,  Enough said. You are obviously an intellectual midget, so I won't waste more time on you.

Genius100:

You are obviously a bone headed numb skull. If she's not okay with it, does that mean she's right? What an emotional wreck. Some women are really hopeless!! I do not have the kind of relationship she described with my parents, but I fully recognize the right of people to have close relationships with their parents as long as it is pure. The poster clearly said it was pure, but that's too difficult to get into your vacuous brain.

So she did not see that the mom and son were close before she married him. Now she married him, she has no complaints about undue interference, but that he is close to his mom. Like I said, you broads need to understand the world does not revolve around your sorry a-ss emotions. If she does not like it, she can waka,  Enough said. You are obviously an intellectual midget, so I won't waste more time on you.

Dude,

If there's anything i've learnt the hard way, it's NOT to banter back and forth with illogical people. Even if something is red in color and you point it out to them, they will still delude themselves and call it blue. She and the poster are making it look as if the mother and son are bedtime lovers (sick ) all because they hug and peck. I wonder how they would react in the midst of Italians,Sicilians and other European people who not only peck constantly but actually kiss on the lips a lot (not wet kisses oooo! lol. . .before someone comes and predictably misquotes me out of context).

This thread is about a woman's jealousy of the love her husband has for his mother and NOTHING MORE! It's about territorial battle and utter selfishness. Women can be so myopic and illogical sometimes and i advise you not to bother bantering with YOU KNOW WHO anymore. It's pointless,senseless and a pitiful waste of mental energy. You should know better.

End of!