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Husband Cheating - Family - Nairaland

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Husband Cheating by Kachichi(f): 5:54pm On May 03, 2011
my spouse just happened to have cheated on me with a white woman. apparently he must have done this while I was away and I took the kids with me, do I tell his family in nigeria for our dissolution in marriage as I feel like I cannot continue anymore with this character?pls help
Re: Husband Cheating by Nobody: 6:05pm On May 03, 2011
You have kids with him? shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked

hmmmm this is gonna be a little bit hard lipsrsealed lipsrsealed
Re: Husband Cheating by ifyalways(f): 6:11pm On May 03, 2011
Kachichi:

my spouse just happened to have cheated on me with a white woman. apparently he must have done this while I was away and I took the kids with me, do I tell his family in nigeria for our dissolution in marriage as I feel like I cannot continue anymore with this character?pls help
How did u know or found out he cheated?
Are u black or white?

The divorce decision is urs ALONE to take,You married the man so you know whats best for you.
Re: Husband Cheating by Osama10(m): 6:47pm On May 03, 2011
This is so sad but never be in a hurry to make such weighty decisions in life, allow sometime to pass first.
Re: Husband Cheating by macjive01: 6:56pm On May 03, 2011
If u re black and he cheated on you with a whit woman, Mehn go and sit down, it means nothing, just a whiff fantasy that wud never take his attention, luv or care away from u and ur family.

Have a word with him and I bet he wud be more careful or completely desist from it. A black, Nigerian married man can never wud never compare a White girl's life style with his. I absolutely believe it is just a fling. Every body does it, it's nothing- more like smoking weed- not good but just want to have a taste.

If u re White? ? ? undecided
Re: Husband Cheating by DrummaBoy(m): 7:15pm On May 03, 2011
I must confess your situation is not enviable and since I have not (and hope not to) experience such before basically all I would be saying would be theory but I pray it helps you. If I was to come into my house someday and I find my wife has cheated on me with a white man what should I do (note, I didnt say what will I do).
1. I expect to be hurt and for that hurt to take time to heal.
2. But because I am a christian I would call upon the name of the Lord to heal me.
3. I must forgive my wife; divorce is not an option, even for a case of infidelity.
4. I would talk to her. Maybe take a vacation and sort it out, without the kids present.
5. I would judge myself. If I have been satisfying her sexually there is a 90% chance she would not cheat on me.
6. I would attack satan; and command him to take his hold off my home. Every single challenge couple have is from the devil. While God seeks to build our homes, the devil seeks to pull it down. I would rebuke the cloud of darkness hovering over my home.
7. I would turn to my wife and give her intense lovemaking; I would show her I can do it better than that SOB white chap, and there is no need seeking outside what can be found inside.
8. I expect it to change me; giving me a new outlook to life.
9. I would come to appreciate my wife more.
10. When I have responded in love to her, my wife would be broken and will for the rest of her life be indebted to me for loving her when she was unlovable.

That, my sister, is the story of the Easter season we are in. We all have been unfaithful to God. We have been miserable adulterers. But "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly", not when we were perfect but sinners. We today feel indebted to him for his love for us and have chosen to live all of our lives for him.

Show the God kind of love to your husband and the God of heaven will heal your home, and begin you both on a path of bliss that you will never recover from.

My prayers are with you.
Re: Husband Cheating by Kachichi(f): 7:19pm On May 03, 2011
@rokiatu, I have two children with him but he does not take his responsibilities seriously. He leaves me to have the whole responsibility alone and I have decided to take it without arguing with hiom about it. He just doesnt want to help out on this part at all sad

@ifyalways, I found condoms and saw telephone calls made to this gal, she even admitted and my husband turned abusive both verbally and physically on me. I dont want to stay in this bad relationship,it is tainted and not of love,he is out to fulfill his desires and i have forgiven him before of his sins. it feels so sad that he didn´t think of his family first before his bodily needs.

@osama10, nomatter how much time i should allow to pass,,it will still not rub the fact out that he forgot his family.i am so resentful as i know that had we traded places,he´d not have forgiven me for straying. my heart can´t take and accept this behaviour as i have forgiven him before.

@macjive01,so if i was a bisexual and cheated on my man with another woman, that wouldn´t be considered cheating,it´d be a "whiff fantasy"??
Re: Husband Cheating by Kachichi(f): 7:25pm On May 03, 2011
DrummaBoy:

I must confess your situation is not enviable and since I have not (and hope not to) experience such before basically all I would be saying would be theory but I pray it helps you. If I was to come into my house someday and I find my wife has cheated on me with a white man what should I do (note, I didnt say what will I do).
1. I expect to be hurt and for that hurt to take time to heal.
2. But because I am a christian I would call upon the name of the Lord to heal me.
3. I must forgive my wife; divorce is not an option, even for a case of infidelity.
4. I would talk to her. Maybe take a vacation and sort it out, without the kids present.
5. I would judge myself. If I have been satisfying her sexually there is a 90% chance she would not cheat on me.
6. I would attack satan; and command him to take his hold off my home. Every single challenge couple have is from the devil. While God seeks to build our homes, the devil seeks to pull it down. I would rebuke the cloud of darkness hovering over my home.
7. I would turn to my wife and give her intense lovemaking; I would show her I can do it better than that SOB white chap, and there is no need seeking outside what can be found inside.
8. I expect it to change me; giving me a new outlook to life.
9. I would come to appreciate my wife more.
10. When I have responded in love to her, my wife would be broken and will for the rest of her life be indebted to me for loving her when she was unlovable.

That, my sister, is the story of the Easter season we are in. We all have been unfaithful to God. We have been miserable adulterers. But "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly", not when we were perfect but sinners. We today feel indebted to him for his love for us and have chosen to live all of our lives for him.

Show the God kind of love to your husband and the God of heaven will heal your home, and begin you both on a path of bliss that you will never recover from.

My prayers are with you.

so easy for you to say cool

haba! shocked
Re: Husband Cheating by Genius100: 8:20pm On May 03, 2011
Kachichi:

@rokiatu, I have two children with him but he does not take his responsibilities seriously. He leaves me to have the whole responsibility alone and I have decided to take it without arguing with hiom about it. He just doesnt want to help out on this part at all sad

@ifyalways, I found condoms and saw telephone calls made to this gal, she even admitted and my husband turned abusive both verbally and physically on me. I dont want to stay in this bad relationship,it is tainted and not of love,he is out to fulfill his desires and i have forgiven him before of his sins. it feels so sad that he didn´t think of his family first before his bodily needs.

@osama10, nomatter how much time i should allow to pass,,it will still not rub the fact out that he forgot his family.i am so resentful as i know that had we traded places,he´d not have forgiven me for straying. my heart can´t take and accept this behaviour as i have forgiven him before.

@macjive01,so if i was a bisexual and cheated on my man with another woman, that wouldn´t be considered cheating,it´d be a "whiff fantasy"??

What do you mean he does not take his responsibility serious? Are you saying you are the breadwinner or are you saying he does not help you take care of the kids?
Re: Husband Cheating by macjive01: 8:50pm On May 03, 2011
only a stupid naija man wud think of a divorce finding out his wife having sex with another woman. it whiff fantasy. a good talk wud do.
Re: Husband Cheating by Nekai(f): 10:00pm On May 03, 2011
Please go back to your husband. Tell him that you two are not to speak of the issue again. Don't tell anyone about this, not even your own family. The broadcasting of his sins is almost as bad as the sin. (In his eyes anyways.) Go on with life like normal. Force some responsibility on him concerning the kids. Leave them with him every chance you get. If he does a bad job as far as leaving the kids in shambles (as long as they are fed and kept from danger) say nothing and complement him for doing a good job and ignore the mess. People who resent responsibility purposely mess up so that you won't put the responsibility on them again. He has the capacity to to everything for the children that you do, and a busy man is one that has less opportunity to cheat.

Act so calm and cool that he will be confused. Kill him with kindness. Take this opportunity to invest in yourself, since it sounds like you have had very little free time. Call your family and his family in his presence and tell them how wonderful he is being.

Your husband will transform back into the man you married. Even though you are suffering more, he is suffering at the thought that his wife will never trust him again, and that you will make him miserable as long as he lives over this issue.

If you don't mention it, he will bring it up and most likely appologize. Don't go into how hurt you were and how you felt, even though I know you are bursting at the seams to tell him. Actions accomplish more than talking.

In the meanwhile, carefully plan your escape. If he transforms back into the man he was when you fell in love with him, great. If he doesn't, you will have a chance to plan a proper exit on your terms. If your family has to be broken don't let it be at the hands of some girl.
Re: Husband Cheating by OAM4J: 11:38pm On May 03, 2011
OP

Only you understand what you are going through in your marriage and only you can decide if ending it is the best choice.

For such a weighty matter, I will advice you inform/involve his and your family.
Re: Husband Cheating by obowunmi(m): 3:26am On May 04, 2011
You hv kids with him --- its tough being a single mother. You knew he was a cheater but you married him --- FORGIVE him!
Re: Husband Cheating by Blazay(m): 9:51am On May 04, 2011
Learn to keep your affairs tidy with less talk-talk.
If you want to dissolve your marriage, do so quietly.
Involving others would make for great distractions and you might just lose focus.
You will have to change your mind to accommodate all their "solicited" advices.

If you want to leave, leave.
Avoid drama.
If it bothered me that much. . . I would just up and leave. . . I will not even involve MY own parents. kiss
Re: Husband Cheating by Kachichi(f): 12:12pm On May 04, 2011
Genius100:

What do you mean he does not take his responsibility serious? Are you saying you are the breadwinner or are you saying he does not help you take care of the kids?
hi,
no am not the breadwinner,he makes his own money and he doesnt even help around with bills, add that to the fact that he does not spend enough time with his children and you´ll see just how much am struggling and suffering in this relationship lipsrsealed

its not fair to allow children to pass thru this kind of hardship. undecided
Re: Husband Cheating by Kachichi(f): 12:17pm On May 04, 2011
Nekai:

Please go back to your husband. Tell him that you two are not to speak of the issue again. Don't tell anyone about this, not even your own family. The broadcasting of his sins is almost as bad as the sin. (In his eyes anyways.) Go on with life like normal. Force some responsibility on him concerning the kids. Leave them with him every chance you get. If he does a bad job as far as leaving the kids in shambles (as long as they are fed and kept from danger) say nothing and complement him for doing a good job and ignore the mess. People who resent responsibility purposely mess up so that you won't put the responsibility on them again. He has the capacity to to everything for the children that you do, and a busy man is one that has less opportunity to cheat.

Act so calm and cool that he will be confused. Kill him with kindness. Take this opportunity to invest in yourself, since it sounds like you have had very little free time. Call your family and his family in his presence and tell them how wonderful he is being.

Your husband will transform back into the man you married. Even though you are suffering more, he is suffering at the thought that his wife will never trust him again, and that you will make him miserable as long as he lives over this issue.

If you don't mention it, he will bring it up and most likely appologize. Don't go into how hurt you were and how you felt, even though I know you are bursting at the seams to tell him. Actions accomplish more than talking.

In the meanwhile, carefully plan your escape. If he transforms back into the man he was when you fell in love with him, great. If he doesn't, you will have a chance to plan a proper exit on your terms. If your family has to be broken don't let it be at the hands of some girl.


thank you for your kind words. a person,man or woman does not derserve to go through this much suffering and neglect. i have to put myself first and thats heavier than allowing this man to ruin my life.

smiley
Re: Husband Cheating by Kachichi(f): 12:27pm On May 04, 2011
obowunmi:

You hv kids with him --- its tough being a single mother. You knew he was a cheater but you married him --- FORGIVE him!
it is tough being a single mother, but actually i didnt know he was a cheater. assuming i did i wouldnt have involved myself with him in the first place. he had once strayed after three years in the marriage. i was devastated,torn and heaartbroken, why a person would put his bodily needs before that of his own family. why he was willing to break down his own home for matters of the flesh, that is really absurd. i am openminded and can understand that people can err and forgiveness should only come after a sincere apology and a dire need to avoid the temptation to do a bad deed. he proved himself worthy after his first affair but he seems to have taken me for granted,thinking that just because i have children with him,i won´t opt to struggle on my own. he is so ungrateful and i have had enuff time to think and rethink, my children come first this time.

living with an enemy,a person who wont opt for a loving marriage,is like living a bitter life,forcing yourself to accept conditions that will never change.

i will forgive him, with time smiley
Re: Husband Cheating by Kachichi(f): 12:29pm On May 04, 2011
Blazay:

Learn to keep your affairs tidy with less talk-talk.
If you want to dissolve your marriage, do so quietly.
Involving others would make for great distractions and you might just lose focus.
You will have to change your mind to accommodate all their "solicited" advices.

If you want to leave, leave.
Avoid drama.
If it bothered me that much. . . I would just up and leave. . . I will not even involve MY own parents. kiss

i am seriously weighing these options, thank you for seeing what am seeing wink
Re: Husband Cheating by DrummaBoy(m): 1:27pm On May 04, 2011
Kachichi:



so easy for you to say cool

haba! shocked

I did not mean to sound self righteous and that is why I used phrases likes "what I should do and not what I would do" because I know that it may be a different case if I am in your shoes. But you came all the way to post this in NL because you felt some people may help you. Now its true that you should not make such a thing open but posting a topic like this under an anonimous name could help, just that you must watch out for some advices; like those that encourage you to divorce your hubby. That will certainly not lead to anything. It would hurt you more and it would affect your children's future.

But you said " I would forgive him with time". Now that is the glimmer of hope that would bring the breakthrough you need.

I need to ask if you are a Christian, because if you are not I confess you do not have the resources to battle this particular onslaught of Satan. But if you are, you would need to draw on the strenght of God through the Power of the Holy Spirit in ernest praying. I hope my advice helps you but if it does not, discard it. You may find help some other way - maybe via counselling.

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