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Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? - Family - Nairaland

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Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by baby.me(f): 9:02am On May 05, 2011
Now this is almost ruining things for me. My man has this weird idea that it's the man that weds the woman and not the other way round, that the idea of putting the woman's name first on the invitation card is a mistake from wherever.

I've checked all the cards in my possession and it's always the woman wedding the man. He has put his legs down that there will be no card if we don't correct that mistake and put his name first sad. I on the other side don't think this is correct undecided.

Please i need your useful contributions before i ruin my perfect plans embarassed
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Nobody: 9:41am On May 05, 2011
Awwww, congrats dear! wink wink


Anyways, the woman's name ALWAYS comes first . . . you can show him other IVs.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by baby.me(f): 9:56am On May 05, 2011
Uju nwam ke kwanu cheesy

He's seen cards but he thinks they are all mistakes and he wouldn't accept it.
What should i do?
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Abbycrown(f): 10:03am On May 05, 2011
It's the bride's name that comes first, though I don't understand the mentality behind it too. But it would be odd, having your man's name come first. (He must be a tough guy) Have other people talk to him about the issue, since he thinks other past & recent IVs are mistakes. Goodluck!
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Nobody: 10:13am On May 05, 2011
baby.me:

Uju nwam ke kwanu cheesy

He's seen cards but he thinks they are all mistakes and he wouldn't accept it.
What should i do?


I'm fine dear . . . I can see you are! cool cool

Well I wouldn't advise you to put his name first . . I mean anybody you give the card to will spot that and think you guys don't know what you are doing! undecided

If he insists, then maybe you shouldn't bother with the cards. Most people give out invitations through SMS these days anyway.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by baby.me(f): 10:31am On May 05, 2011
Abby thanks, i'll ask others to reason with him. I hope he agrees, he's one stubborn guy cry
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by afrobaby(f): 10:55am On May 05, 2011
some men with their stubborn head self, make two cards, one with his name first and the other with ur name first. Give him the one he wants, let him give that to his friends, family etc while u use urs
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by ifyalways(f): 11:39am On May 05, 2011
One thing that kills marriage is trying to follow/keep up norms,traditions or just doing it like others.

OP,Aside because it appears odd to you,what else are your reservations?Why does your man want his name before yours?

It makes alot of sense to see reasons,no matter how silly it might look.Its your wedding,do it exactly the way it suits you.If anyone has problems with the name arrangement,S/he can boycott the wedding simples  smiley. I'm not saying you should just agree to your husband's plan but hey,pls come up with a more tangible reason aside the "it seems odd" blah blah and what are his own reasons for objecting 

1 Like

Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by baby.me(f): 11:55am On May 05, 2011
@Ify: Personally i don't have any problem with printing his name first on the card,it's just that i wanted to know if there is a good reason why it's usually the woman's name first. I googled it and it seems it's always the woman first,but as you said it's our wedding and we can afford to do as we wish. smiley
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by chaircover: 3:26pm On May 05, 2011
The norm is for the wife's name to be printed first.

1. why is he adamant that he wants his name first? Yes in theory the man weds the woman and I too have sometimes wondered why the ladies name comes first on the invite but even oyinbos whose idea that we are copying have the woman's name first. It is tradition.

2. You do have a family and I would imagine that it will only leave a bad taste in their mouths if they were relegated to second positioning as regards the name. We know how we are as Nigerians when it comes to the matter of in-laws. Now do you want to start your marriage with your family at loggerheads with your husband?

If I were you . . . .I'd go speak to his mum. She would know tradition and may be in a position to explain things to him & get him to change his mind, but if you see that all this is getting out of hand, then please print two sets of invitations and hand his out to his family and yours out to your family.

I would also keep an eye on that stubborn streak in him.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Claus(m): 4:18pm On May 05, 2011
From memory, I think the woman's name comes first. With weddings/marriages, it seems there are many conventions that still exist long after people have forgotten the reasons for those conventions in the first place.

On a more general note, this topic amongst others that I've seen here e.g. should the woman take her husband's last name, would you accept a proposal without a ring etc appear to be symptoms of a wider trend.
There seems to be quite a growing emphasis on "ceremonial" rights and privileges. Scary.

Praying God's best for the substance of all marriages.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Busy_body(f): 4:31pm On May 05, 2011
Wahala dey oh. Hmmm, just like another OP asking if she could go ahead and marry a dude whose mind is made up about not leaving his catholic faith, y'all ladies need to wake up and realise this one wey you dey handle like play like play fit burn later, berra sit up and use this opportunity to sit down and sniff around and think wisely if this is the only thing this dude are going to be adamantly and vehemently against.

Dunno any serious suggestion to proffer, but why not tell him too that if yyour name is not coming first, then no wedding then, since he has put his foot down by saying if his name does not come first, then there would be no IV. If he hadn't mentioned this part, I'd not have had any cause for concern.

Remember people can't be changed after marriage, they only typically only change for the worst. (Chei, is change for the worst correct English sef, oops hope my Lecturer nor dey around sha)
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Busy_body(f): 4:34pm On May 05, 2011
On the phone so can't modify, but the point I am driving at is that this is a very very very petty thing for a man to be worried about, so if he is worried about such enough to throw his toys outta his pram, you should be worried too, starting from right about now.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by ifyalways(f): 4:54pm On May 05, 2011
Busy_body:

On the phone so can't modify, but the point I am driving at is that this is a very very very petty thing for a man to be worried about, so if he is worried about such enough to throw his toys outta his pram, you should be worried too, starting from right about now.
LOL
Which kain Chinese phone be dat?Dayo gives out free 'Droid phones that lets u modify,upgrade,quote,unquote,attach n do just about everything only If you wud flash him somethiiiiiing.  cheesy

@Topic,Thinking of printing 2 IV's is as childish and unrealistic as they come,IMO.
baby.me:

@Ify: Personally i don't have any problem with printing his name first on the card,it's just that i wanted to know if there is a good reason why it's usually the woman's name first. I googled it and it seems it's always the woman first,but as you said it's our wedding and we can afford to do as we wish. smiley

Cool but deep down you,are u very comfortable with the way he handled this and the part you too played?
Does this say anything to you,warning bells on how to handle this man in future ?

As it seems u have no further objections,sit your man down and let him know you agree to his suggestion but most importantly the way and manner he went with it is definitely not the best.Now you know u have a hard nut to crack so brace urself for the ride.

Congratulations btw.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Busy_body(f): 5:04pm On May 05, 2011
Lol @ ifyalways, na so you like me reach, you wan make Dayo baptise me as one of his jumpoffs he bought with a Blackberry, mba, mba, mba, lol.

You got the drift too shey, na so e dey start, and it is so easy to brush such stuffs under the carpet as they don't seem so serious initially. . . It is so easy to miss the subtle signs and mannerism exhibited by a potential chronic control freak.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by baby.me(f): 5:09pm On May 05, 2011
Thanks ladies for your kind words,i really appreciate. smiley

Busy_body:

Wahala dey oh. Hmmm, just like another OP asking if she could go ahead and marry a dude whose mind is made up about not leaving his catholic faith, y'all ladies need to wake up and realise this one wey you dey handle like play like play fit burn later, berra sit up and use this opportunity to sit down and sniff around and think wisely if this is the only thing this dude are going to be adamantly and vehemently against.

Dunno any serious suggestion to proffer, but why not tell him too that if yyour name is not coming first, then no wedding then, since he has put his foot down by saying if his name does not come first, then there would be no IV. If he hadn't mentioned this part, I'd not have had any cause for concern.

Remember people can't be changed after marriage, they only typically only change for the worst. (Chei, is change for the worst correct English sef, oops hope my Lecturer nor dey around sha)  
He is a good man and i wouldn't want him any different. He is very collected and level headed, he only thinks whoever made that rule must have been drunk and should correct it cheesy

ifyalways:



@Topic,Thinking of printing 2 IV's is as childish and unrealistic as they come,IMO.Cool but deep down you,are u very comfortable with the way he handled this and the part you too played?
Does this say anything to you,warning bells on how to handle this man in future ?

As it seems u have no further objections,sit your man down and let him know you agree to his suggestion but most importantly the way and manner he went with it is definitely not the best.Now you know u have a hard nut to crack so brace urself for the ride.

Congratulations btw.
We are still planning and i believe he's going to drop this weird idea and accept it the way it has always been. Thanks smiley
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Busy_body(f): 5:32pm On May 05, 2011
Awwww, he only wants to know, bless him, if this is the only issue on the ground, then your job is not yet done then, I woulda posted the links, but . . . erm . . . er. . . Ify look away joo, lol. . .I have seen the reason why the lady's name comes first online somewhere, nothing major, just some time honoured tradition, search for it and print it off for your Fiance, then feel free to present it to him telling him he can have his name at the front, you could whilst doing this kneel down before him and tell him you are already honoured he considered you worthy enough to step in the role as the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and the Mother of his future children, just to smoothen things over, since you must have rubbed him the wrong way for him to vent that its either his way or the highway.

Not telling you this to turn you into a doormat oh, it will just make him see you are genuinely contrite and also more importantly make him feel guilty and see he too was wrong for his disproportionate "you would do as you are told" response, oya go and grab your man and show him some good loving, lol.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by busybody20: 7:41pm On May 05, 2011
Busy_body:

On the phone so can't modify, but the point I am driving at is that this is a very very very petty thing for a man to be worried about, so if he is worried about such enough to throw his toys outta his pram, you should be worried too, starting from right about now.

Chei!  shocked   shocked up on all your shakara of sending me a tear rubber Blackberry phone; you neva upgrade d siemens phone u dey use  undecided  cry 

It go better.

Thanks for the BB i dey enjoy am though i neva subscribe to get BB pin etc as you no send my subscription moni join na lol  grin


@post,
It doesn't matter whose name comes first o jare IMO, as long as both names are on the card
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Kanou(f): 8:34pm On May 05, 2011
They say "Ladies and gentlemen" and not "Gentlemen and ladies" wink

But as said, watch that stubborness; "everybody is wrong but me",
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by horny4u(f): 7:49am On May 06, 2011
Oba lola willy's name came first on IV they sent me before gbademu katerine's name.
Its your wedding do it your way. What's more important as everyone has said is your hubby's petty stubborness makes it seem to me like you will be joining the plasma and fridge as possesions as opposed to co-pilot sha.
Congrats and best of luck!
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by baby.me(f): 8:52am On May 06, 2011
horny4u:

Oba lola willy's name came first on IV they sent me before gbademu katerine's name.
Its your wedding do it your way. What's more important as everyone has said is your hubby's petty stubborness makes it seem to me like you will be joining the plasma and fridge as possesions as opposed to co-pilot sha.
Congrats and best of luck!

Hey! He isn't that bad,in fact,he's the best when it comes to asking ma opinion and all that. Sister, rest your mind, i'm not going to join dem plasma and fridge grin.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by baby.me(f): 9:07am On May 06, 2011
Busy_body:


Awwww, he only wants to know, bless him, if this is the only issue on the ground, then your job is not yet done then, I woulda posted the links, but . . . erm . . . er. . . Ify look away joo, lol. . .I have seen the reason why the lady's name comes first online somewhere, nothing major, just some time honoured tradition, search for it and print it off for your Fiance, then feel free to present it to him telling him he can have his name at the front, you could whilst doing this kneel down before him and tell him you are already honoured he considered you worthy enough to step in the role as the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and the Mother of his future children, just to smoothen things over, since you must have rubbed him the wrong way for him to vent that its either his way or the highway.

Not telling you this to turn you into a doormat oh, it will just make him see you are genuinely contrite and also more importantly make him feel guilty and see he too was wrong for his disproportionate "you would do as you are told" response, oya go and grab your man and show him some good loving, lol. 

We googled and read the article on why it's usually the wife first y'day. One write-up has it that the reason is because it's the wife and her family that hosts the wedding party. He said if that is the reason (which he never heard of till now) that he may give in to that custom.

As for his stubborness, it comes with the whole package and can be damn sexy sometimes embarassed

Thanks y'all wink

BTW is there any difference btw Busy_body and busybody20 undecided
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Bawss1(m): 9:12am On May 06, 2011
Interesting responses here. What do you ladies make of the following wedding card - note whose name comes first. smiley

Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by zayhal(f): 11:25am On May 06, 2011
I was the one who designed my wedding IV. I only showed it to my hubby after it was ready. I put his name first because I liked it that way.

Actually I broke a lot of conventions during my wedding. I believe in doing things my own way as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

OP

If you don't mind whether his or your name comes first and your partner does, then I suggest you go his way.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Bawss1(m): 11:37am On May 06, 2011
But seriously is this a big deal? Why would anyone take offense if their name comes second on the wedding card?
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by dj187: 8:54pm On May 06, 2011
I think the name of the lady.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by zstranger: 8:58pm On May 06, 2011
hmmmm

Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by zstranger: 9:02pm On May 06, 2011
Too bad, my people no get brain at all.


Na so so to dey copy Oyinbo relics na hin we know

Cant think outside of what Oyinbos taught us from 1960

:::::SMH:::::
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by Ndipe(m): 9:03pm On May 06, 2011
Ok, here is my input, if tradition says that a woman is wedding a man hence her name should come first (when in actuality, it's the man that weds the woman), I'd have to ask, why cant we put an end to such traditions? it's the man that is wedding the woman and not the other way round. Hence, his name comes first. I dont care if the norm of adding the woman's name first on the IV card has been around for donkey years, the right thing is for the man's name to come first. Haba, who is wedding who? Is it not the man? Is it not the father of the bride who is GIVING her away to the man? Lets apply common sense and forego tradition!
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by JeSoul(f): 9:05pm On May 06, 2011
Bawss1:

But seriously is this a big deal? Why would anyone take offense if their name comes second on the wedding card?
I wonder oh.
I am just suprised that something as irrelevant and inconsequential and utterly meaningless as whose name appears first on an invitation is actually being fussed over  na wa oh. I designed my invites, and it didn't even cross my mind what 'appropriate' order to put names in. Mine appeared first on the invitations, and his was first on the program and other things.
@OP, why does your fiance care about something so irrelevant? Anyways, if it'll make him happy, then go along peacefully, there are no 'rules' for ones wedding. Do it as you see fit.
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by fxtopedia(m): 9:09pm On May 06, 2011
What is the source of lady's name first?
I am sorry to inform you that God created the man first!
However, individual is at liberty to choose whose name come first.

Understanding is very important here. Remember both of you
still have years to live together.Therefore, don't allow SMALL
thing to cause wahala!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: Whose Name Should Come First On The Wedding Invitations? by denzel2009: 9:10pm On May 06, 2011
Pesin wey no wan do wedding b4 don see excuse.  

If you like put the ring bearer's name in front, the ultimate thing is to get married,. Talk about making mountain out of molehills.

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