Now this is almost ruining things for me. My man has this weird idea that it's the man that weds the woman and not the other way round, that the idea of putting the woman's name first on the invitation card is a mistake from wherever.

I've checked all the cards in my possession and it's always the woman wedding the man. He has put his legs down that there will be no card if we don't correct that mistake and put his name first . I on the other side don't think this is correct .

Please i need your useful contributions before i ruin my perfect plans

Awwww, congrats dear!


Anyways, the woman's name ALWAYS comes first . . . you can show him other IVs.

Uju nwam ke kwanu

He's seen cards but he thinks they are all mistakes and he wouldn't accept it.
What should i do?

It's the bride's name that comes first, though I don't understand the mentality behind it too. But it would be odd, having your man's name come first. (He must be a tough guy) Have other people talk to him about the issue, since he thinks other past & recent IVs are mistakes. Goodluck!

baby.me:

Uju nwam ke kwanu

He's seen cards but he thinks they are all mistakes and he wouldn't accept it.
What should i do?

I'm fine dear . . . I can see you are!

Well I wouldn't advise you to put his name first . . I mean anybody you give the card to will spot that and think you guys don't know what you are doing!

If he insists, then maybe you shouldn't bother with the cards. Most people give out invitations through SMS these days anyway.

Abby thanks, i'll ask others to reason with him. I hope he agrees, he's one stubborn guy

some men with their stubborn head self, make two cards, one with his name first and the other with ur name first. Give him the one he wants, let him give that to his friends, family etc while u use urs

One thing that kills marriage is trying to follow/keep up norms,traditions or just doing it like others.

OP,Aside because it appears odd to you,what else are your reservations?Why does your man want his name before yours?

It makes alot of sense to see reasons,no matter how silly it might look.Its your wedding,do it exactly the way it suits you.If anyone has problems with the name arrangement,S/he can boycott the wedding simples  . I'm not saying you should just agree to your husband's plan but hey,pls come up with a more tangible reason aside the "it seems odd" blah blah and what are his own reasons for objecting 

@Ify: Personally i don't have any problem with printing his name first on the card,it's just that i wanted to know if there is a good reason why it's usually the woman's name first. I googled it and it seems it's always the woman first,but as you said it's our wedding and we can afford to do as we wish.

..

From memory, I think the woman's name comes first. With weddings/marriages, it seems there are many conventions that still exist long after people have forgotten the reasons for those conventions in the first place.

On a more general note, this topic amongst others that I've seen here e.g. should the woman take her husband's last name, would you accept a proposal without a ring etc appear to be symptoms of a wider trend.
There seems to be quite a growing emphasis on "ceremonial" rights and privileges. Scary.

Praying God's best for the substance of all marriages.

Wahala dey oh. Hmmm, just like another OP asking if she could go ahead and marry a dude whose mind is made up about not leaving his catholic faith, y'all ladies need to wake up and realise this one wey you dey handle like play like play fit burn later, berra sit up and use this opportunity to sit down and sniff around and think wisely if this is the only thing this dude are going to be adamantly and vehemently against.

Dunno any serious suggestion to proffer, but why not tell him too that if yyour name is not coming first, then no wedding then, since he has put his foot down by saying if his name does not come first, then there would be no IV. If he hadn't mentioned this part, I'd not have had any cause for concern.

Remember people can't be changed after marriage, they only typically only change for the worst. (Chei, is change for the worst correct English sef, oops hope my Lecturer nor dey around sha)

On the phone so can't modify, but the point I am driving at is that this is a very very very petty thing for a man to be worried about, so if he is worried about such enough to throw his toys outta his pram, you should be worried too, starting from right about now.

Busy_body:

On the phone so can't modify, but the point I am driving at is that this is a very very very petty thing for a man to be worried about, so if he is worried about such enough to throw his toys outta his pram, you should be worried too, starting from right about now.

LOL
Which kain chinko phone be dat?Dayo gives out free 'Droid phones that lets u modify,upgrade,quote,unquote,attach n do just about everything only If you wud flash him somethiiiiiing. 

@Topic,Thinking of printing 2 IV's is as childish and unrealistic as they come,IMO.

baby.me:

@Ify: Personally i don't have any problem with printing his name first on the card,it's just that i wanted to know if there is a good reason why it's usually the woman's name first. I googled it and it seems it's always the woman first,but as you said it's our wedding and we can afford to do as we wish.

Cool but deep down you,are u very comfortable with the way he handled this and the part you too played?
Does this say anything to you,warning bells on how to handle this man in future ?

As it seems u have no further objections,sit your man down and let him know you agree to his suggestion but most importantly the way and manner he went with it is definitely not the best.Now you know u have a hard nut to crack so brace urself for the ride.

Congratulations btw.

Lol @ ifyalways, na so you like me reach, you wan make Dayo baptise me as one of his jumpoffs he bought with a Blackberry, mba, mba, mba, lol.

You got the drift too shey, na so e dey start, and it is so easy to brush such stuffs under the carpet as they don't seem so serious initially. . . It is so easy to miss the subtle signs and mannerism exhibited by a potential chronic control freak.

Thanks ladies for your kind words,i really appreciate.

Busy_body:

Wahala dey oh. Hmmm, just like another OP asking if she could go ahead and marry a dude whose mind is made up about not leaving his catholic faith, y'all ladies need to wake up and realise this one wey you dey handle like play like play fit burn later, berra sit up and use this opportunity to sit down and sniff around and think wisely if this is the only thing this dude are going to be adamantly and vehemently against.

Dunno any serious suggestion to proffer, but why not tell him too that if yyour name is not coming first, then no wedding then, since he has put his foot down by saying if his name does not come first, then there would be no IV. If he hadn't mentioned this part, I'd not have had any cause for concern.

Remember people can't be changed after marriage, they only typically only change for the worst. (Chei, is change for the worst correct English sef, oops hope my Lecturer nor dey around sha)  

He is a good man and i wouldn't want him any different. He is very collected and level headed, he only thinks whoever made that rule must have been drunk and should correct it

ifyalways:



@Topic,Thinking of printing 2 IV's is as childish and unrealistic as they come,IMO.Cool but deep down you,are u very comfortable with the way he handled this and the part you too played?
Does this say anything to you,warning bells on how to handle this man in future ?

As it seems u have no further objections,sit your man down and let him know you agree to his suggestion but most importantly the way and manner he went with it is definitely not the best.Now you know u have a hard nut to crack so brace urself for the ride.

Congratulations btw.

We are still planning and i believe he's going to drop this weird idea and accept it the way it has always been. Thanks

Awwww, he only wants to know, bless him, if this is the only issue on the ground, then your job is not yet done then, I woulda posted the links, but . . . erm . . . er. . . Ify look away joo, lol. . .I have seen the reason why the lady's name comes first online somewhere, nothing major, just some time honoured tradition, search for it and print it off for your Fiance, then feel free to present it to him telling him he can have his name at the front, you could whilst doing this kneel down before him and tell him you are already honoured he considered you worthy enough to step in the role as the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and the Mother of his future children, just to smoothen things over, since you must have rubbed him the wrong way for him to vent that its either his way or the highway.

Not telling you this to turn you into a doormat oh, it will just make him see you are genuinely contrite and also more importantly make him feel guilty and see he too was wrong for his disproportionate "you would do as you are told" response, oya go and grab your man and show him some good loving, lol.

Busy_body:

On the phone so can't modify, but the point I am driving at is that this is a very very very petty thing for a man to be worried about, so if he is worried about such enough to throw his toys outta his pram, you should be worried too, starting from right about now.

Chei!      up on all your shakara of sending me a tear rubber Blackberry phone; you neva upgrade d siemens phone u dey use     

It go better.

_{Thanks for the BB i dey enjoy am though i neva subscribe to get BB pin etc as you no send my subscription moni join na lol} 


@post,
It doesn't matter whose name comes first o jare IMO, as long as both names are on the card

They say "Ladies and gentlemen" and not "Gentlemen and ladies"

But as said, watch that stubborness; "everybody is wrong but me",

Oba lola willy's name came first on IV they sent me before gbademu katerine's name.
Its your wedding do it your way. What's more important as everyone has said is your hubby's petty stubborness makes it seem to me like you will be joining the plasma and fridge as possesions as opposed to co-pilot sha.
Congrats and best of luck!

horny4u:

Oba lola willy's name came first on IV they sent me before gbademu katerine's name.
Its your wedding do it your way. What's more important as everyone has said is your hubby's petty stubborness makes it seem to me like you will be joining the plasma and fridge as possesions as opposed to co-pilot sha.
Congrats and best of luck!

Hey! He isn't that bad,in fact,he's the best when it comes to asking ma opinion and all that. Sister, rest your mind, i'm not going to join dem plasma and fridge .

Busy_body:


Awwww, he only wants to know, bless him, if this is the only issue on the ground, then your job is not yet done then, I woulda posted the links, but . . . erm . . . er. . . Ify look away joo, lol. . .I have seen the reason why the lady's name comes first online somewhere, nothing major, just some time honoured tradition, search for it and print it off for your Fiance, then feel free to present it to him telling him he can have his name at the front, you could whilst doing this kneel down before him and tell him you are already honoured he considered you worthy enough to step in the role as the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and the Mother of his future children, just to smoothen things over, since you must have rubbed him the wrong way for him to vent that its either his way or the highway.

Not telling you this to turn you into a doormat oh, it will just make him see you are genuinely contrite and also more importantly make him feel guilty and see he too was wrong for his disproportionate "you would do as you are told" response, oya go and grab your man and show him some good loving, lol. 

We googled and read the article on why it's usually the wife first y'day. One write-up has it that the reason is because it's the wife and her family that hosts the wedding party. He said if that is the reason (which he never heard of till now) that he may give in to that custom.

As for his stubborness, it comes with the whole package and can be damn sexy sometimes

Thanks y'all

BTW is there any difference btw Busy_body and busybody20

Interesting responses here. What do you ladies make of the following wedding card - note whose name comes first.

I was the one who designed my wedding IV. I only showed it to my hubby after it was ready. I put his name first because I liked it that way.

Actually I broke a lot of conventions during my wedding. I believe in doing things my own way as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

OP

If you don't mind whether his or your name comes first and your partner does, then I suggest you go his way.

But seriously is this a big deal? Why would anyone take offense if their name comes second on the wedding card?

I think the name of the lady.

hmmmm

Too bad, my people no get brain at all.


Na so so to dey copy Oyinbo relics na hin we know

Cant think outside of what Oyinbos taught us from 1960

:::::SMH:::::

Ok, here is my input, if tradition says that a woman is wedding a man hence her name should come first (when in actuality, it's the man that weds the woman), I'd have to ask, why cant we put an end to such traditions? it's the man that is wedding the woman and not the other way round. Hence, his name comes first. I dont care if the norm of adding the woman's name first on the IV card has been around for donkey years, the right thing is for the man's name to come first. Haba, who is wedding who? Is it not the man? Is it not the father of the bride who is GIVING her away to the man? Lets apply common sense and forego tradition!

Bawss1:

But seriously is this a big deal? Why would anyone take offense if their name comes second on the wedding card?

I wonder oh.
I am just suprised that something as irrelevant and inconsequential and utterly meaningless as whose name appears first on an invitation is actually being fussed over  na wa oh. I designed my invites, and it didn't even cross my mind what 'appropriate' order to put names in. Mine appeared first on the invitations, and his was first on the program and other things.
@OP, why does your fiance care about something so irrelevant? Anyways, if it'll make him happy, then go along peacefully, there are no 'rules' for ones wedding. Do it as you see fit.

What is the source of lady's name first?
I am sorry to inform you that God created the man first!
However, individual is at liberty to choose whose name come first.

Understanding is very important here. Remember both of you
still have years to live together.Therefore, don't allow SMALL
thing to cause wahala!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pesin wey no wan do wedding b4 don see excuse.  

If you like put the ring bearer's name in front, the ultimate thing is to get married,. Talk about making mountain out of molehills.