Naominna:

You all are my sweet angels!  And I dearly appreciate your kind thoughts. I am grateful for all your contributions and would be more grateful for even more contributions to overcome this phase of life which has placed me on anti-hypertensive pills on daily basis.

I still maintain that I would be very glad to be linked to an NGO that would provide me with some legal aids and backing. The issue here is very complicated  that I cannot face it  all by myself, this is judging from all I know about this man and his family.
I love you all and would be needing very much all of your support and assistance.

maclatunji:

Reading your posts, you seem okay. I take God beg you, do not kill yourself. God is in control of all situations. First, you have to understand that the child has a life of his own distinct from yours (I know I sound cold but it is the truth). Killing yourself won't help him and will only lead to your personal damnation (God forbid). As for NGOs, I am not sure that is what you need at the moment or if there is any reputable one that can help you in Niger.

However, there must be a Ministry of Youth and Sports or something like that. Most parents won't do this, but if it bothers you that much you can go the Niger state child welfare office. Tell them what you have told us. I am sure they can help you contact your son's father or his family to either take custody of the boy or provide financial support for his education. He can be encouraged to go into sports maybe football, basketball or hockey with government support.

It is difficult to give you help from afar, but I encourage you to seek information at least at your local government level and then the state. You are also computer savvy, use the internet to your advantage. Be strong!

macjive01:

IMO, I think u shd talk to your boy. Talk to him like an adult. Not telling him to b a good boy oh, but telling him u still want to b alive.
Make him understand that from now henceforth he wud hv to take responsibility of his actions  .
Then on your own part, free him to make mistakes, he will learn from it, cos nothing u Wud say at the moment wud sway him, he see u as weak, broke arse, a man ditched your arse, u don't hav a tight career, u absolute don't have the pedigree to advising him, I know u luv him and wants d best for him, but how do u know what u think is best is the actual best. For him.
Woman, take this life easy ooh, Find ursef a man- any decent man, married or unmarried, boy or grandpa, even if it wud mean u begin d one to say the first hi. Look, this is not to mk ursef a slut but to divert your attention away from wat made u want to kill ursef and also provide u with some kinda of strength and confidence.
After your child had done with his mistakes he wud come back into your outstretched arms. If his route turns out good for him he will still luv u for giving him the freedom to achieve his aspirations.
So Na win win for u.

@Macjive
You have this way of making great sense sometimes ^{have another way of having it disappear with other things.}.
The bolded statement you made above is very true, I thought about that too, now let me rephrase it the way it passed through my mind
" What you (the poster Naomina) think is the best (career/education wise) for him may be different from what he(your son) thinks is the best for himself. I don't agree that he should be allowed to go and make mistakes, we all made mistakes and matured from the experience but nobody should leave his/her child to go and make mistakes. Children need direction and guidance.

@Naomina
We are all oriented differently, we all grow into the goals, aspiration and dreams we set for ourselves which is why I mentioned that the child needs a role model to look up to and learn from. You may be wishing and dreaming all kind of career and education for him while the career appealing to him may be different, this is why it is important that you strive to surround him with people and friends that can motivate him good things. Some great people of today were motivated by the positives in their environment and in the people around them. I read in the paper today where Obama was narrating to graduating students "How education made him what he is today and how his single mother motivated him greatly after his father left when he was 2 years old" Find ways to motivate him, what are the good things and subjects that interest him, buy books and videotapes of that for him. Keep motivating books around him etc

I agree that he needs education to be able to socialize good in our world but if he has skills and wants to develop that, you should let him do that in technical institutions, schools or universities and not try to stream line him into what the children of others are doing.
Don't alienate yourself from him, you have to be friends so that you can be getting through to him easily. I hope you have cheered up dearie and is smiling some more now. Plenty hugs and kisses to you. M-u-a-h,m-u-a-h, mu-a-h.

@Macjive
You have this way of making great sense sometimes have another way of having it disappear with other things,
The bolded statement you made above is very true, I thought about that too, now let me rephrase it the way it passed through my mind
" What you (the poster Naomina) think is the best (career/education wise) for him may be different from what he(your son) thinks is the best for himself. I don't agree that he should be allowed to go and make mistakes, we all made mistakes and matured from the experience but nobody should leave his/her child to go and make mistakes. Children need direction and guidance.

@Naomina
We are all oriented differently, we all grow into the goals, aspiration and dreams we set for ourselves which is why I mentioned that the child needs a role model to look up to and learn from. You may be wishing and dreaming all kind of career and education for him while the career appealing to him may be different, this is why it is important that you strive to surround him with people and friends that can motivate him good things. Some great people of today were motivated by the positives in their environment and in the people around them. I read in the paper today where Obama was narrating to graduating students "How education made him what he is today and how his single mother motivated him greatly after his father left when he was 2 years old" Find ways to motivate him, what are the good things and subjects that interest him, buy books and videotapes of that for him. Keep motivating books around him etc

I agree that he needs education to be able to socialize good in our world but if he has skills and wants to develop that, you should let him do that in technical institutions, schools or universities and not try to stream line him into what the children of others are doing.
Don't alienate yourself from him, you have to be friends so that you can be getting through to him easily. I hope you have cheered up dearie and is smiling some more now. Plenty hugs and kisses to you. M-u-a-h,m-u-a-h, mu-a-h.

macjive01:

@ivynwa, why am i not seeing your post? i can see it in your log but not on the thread? ? are u blacklisting me or what? i hav done nothing wrong luv.

CC where re u ? hav been hoping to see your comment same wit Jenny.

Naominna:

Dear ALL,
Thanks for all you do. It has helped somehow.  What I really need from this man is for him to play a role in contributing to the welfare of this child as the burden is overwhelming for me having done it all by myself to this point.
He is married and doing well for himself now. That's fine by me, but I just need him to take responsibility in providing for my child - his child.
For the very first time in many years, I just called him up and proposed that we need to see to iron out issues about our son, which he has agreed  but when my son misbehaved some few days ago, I couldnt bear it. I called him again amidst anger and told him that time is of essence that i may not be able to wait till the time he is proposing to come. I told him i needed to see him urgently and settle things ones and for all. But, I dont know if my tone was harsh enough for him to make a retreat or refuse to show up.
I am very confused and dont know how best to handle this situation. If he eventually shows up, i dont even know how to approach the discussion or present things as i want them or as best as they should be.

Comrades, I need more of your wise cousels. I feel really empty withing me. If i dont hear from him soon do i need to call him again. another term has started and have not been able to pay for my souls school feels. I need him to help now.
What do you say, ?
A million thanks

Naominna:

Dear ALL,
Thanks for all you do. It has helped somehow.  What I really need from this man is for him to play a role in contributing to the welfare of this child as the burden is overwhelming for me having done it all by myself to this point.
He is married and doing well for himself now. That's fine by me, but I just need him to take responsibility in providing for my child - his child.
For the very first time in many years, I just called him up and proposed that we need to see to iron out issues about our son, which he has agreed  but when my son misbehaved some few days ago, I couldnt bear it. I called him again amidst anger and told him that time is of essence that i may not be able to wait till the time he is proposing to come. I told him i needed to see him urgently and settle things ones and for all. But, I dont know if my tone was harsh enough for him to make a retreat or refuse to show up.
I am very confused and dont know how best to handle this situation. If he eventually shows up, i dont even know how to approach the discussion or present things as i want them or as best as they should be.

Comrades, I need more of your wise cousels. I feel really empty withing me. If i dont hear from him soon do i need to call him again. another term has started and have not been able to pay for my souls school feels. I need him to help now.
What do you say, ?
A million thanks

Naominna:

@ Ifyalways:
You 've made such an impact and I so adore you for that. He should be coming all the way from warri delta state for this meeting in lagos. I do not know what plans he has, i do not know either if he has friends/relations in lagos he intends to put up with. sincerely, i would like to be in control of my life. where exactly do you thing would be the best place for this meeting. does it make sense to let him know where we live.

Naominna:

@ Ifyalways:
You 've made such an impact and I so adore you for that. He should be coming all the way from warri delta state for this meeting in lagos. I do not know what plans he has, i do not know either if he has friends/relations in lagos he intends to put up with. sincerely, i would like to be in control of my life. where exactly do you thing would be the best place for this meeting. does it make sense to let him know where we live.

Naominna:

@ Ifyalways:
You 've made such an impact and I so adore you for that. He should be coming all the way from warri delta state for this meeting in lagos. I do not know what plans he has, i do not know either if he has friends/relations in lagos he intends to put up with. sincerely, i would like to be in control of my life. where exactly do you thing would be the best place for this meeting. does it make sense to let him know where we live.

ifyalways:

Have u told the boy yet?You don't want to give him a rude/pleasant shock do u?

Naominna:

My Dear Friends,
Many thanks for all you do. I have made 'notes' and jotted down very important points and counsels from all of you. I feel some form of 'empowerment' and a great sense of belonging here.

I have always have the fear that he might want to take the child someday, but i do not trust him enough to afford him that privilege. I have reservations that the child will not be better off with him at least for now. Please, just in case he raise the issue of taking the child with him how to i respond to that?
I have some cockroaches, lizards and all sorts dancing in my belly. Am so scared.