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Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? - Romance - Nairaland

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Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MsSophista(f): 10:25pm On May 27, 2011
[b]Darla wrote:

I'm figuring what to do.  I loved him so much that I lied to get his attention.  Why?  I was trying not to desire and love him but I felt the love fire blazing in my heart.  It was consuming my mind and soul.  His touch and speech set me on high.  This was the first time in all my 40-something years that I actually fell in love with someone.  Married before but no love abounded-I was more like a stone- without feelings.  After telling him I needed time to sort things out, he became upset and never spoke to me.  Barely answering my texts, never returning calls.  Dang!  I was stuck  and sick with love!  How did I get myself into this position, I continually questioned myself.  No slept, eat, drink,  Nothing but sadness and tears filled my heart. 

In foolish desperation I ranged his phone, telling him he had given me a disease.  I wanted to stop in the middle of the lie and say "I'm joking!  Ha!Ha!" before I knew it he was telling me that he had forgiven me.  What the heck is this now!  It is too late to undo my stupid words!  I toiled in guilt all day and throughout the night.  Asking the God above to forgive me for such an act.  Begging with tears, "God take away the guilt and shame;  I will NEVER EVER do this again!"

Around 1 am I still could not sleep.  I felt God pressing on my heart to tell Him the truth.  I weighed the probability of him never speaking to me again against further disobedience to God.  Who can say no to God and slept peacefully again?  I couldn't,   I knew he was asleep and probably would not answer.  I texted him the gruesome details.  I expected anger, shock, fear, disgust, and untrust towards me.   Well, his answer was that he has limits with me now.   He would forgive and be friends but nothing more.  I agree that once trust is broken it takes time to rebuild.  I wanted him to give me a chance to rebuild his trust again.  This heinous act was so wrong and I understand his feelings.  Could you forgive your love if they confessed to something so horrible?[/b]  Thank you in advance for responses.
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by 190: 10:27pm On May 27, 2011
Ahhh my eyes
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by sexylogan(m): 10:40pm On May 27, 2011
MsSophista:

[b]Darla wrote:

I'm figuring what to do.  I loved him so much that I lied to get his attention.  Why?  I was trying not to desire and love him but I felt the love fire blazing in my heart.  It was consuming my mind and soul.  His touch and speech set me on high.  This was the first time in all my 40-something years that I actually fell in love with someone.  Married before but no love abounded-I was more like a stone- without feelings.  After telling him I needed time to sort things out, he became upset and never spoke to me.  Barely answering my texts, never returning calls.  Dang!  I was stuck  and sick with love!  How did I get myself into this position, I continually questioned myself.  No slept, eat, drink,  Nothing but sadness and tears filled my heart. 

In foolish desperation I ranged his phone, telling him he had given me a disease.  I wanted to stop in the middle of the lie and say "I'm joking!  Ha!Ha!" before I knew it he was telling me that he had forgiven me.  What the heck is this now!  It is too late to undo my silly words!  I toiled in guilt all day and throughout the night.  Asking the God above to forgive me for such an act.  Begging with tears, "God take away the guilt and shame;  I will NEVER EVER do this again!"

Around 1 am I still could not sleep.  I felt God pressing on my heart to tell Him the truth.  I weighed the probability of him never speaking to me again against further disobedience to God.  Who can say no to God and slept peacefully again?  I couldn't,   I knew he was asleep and probably would not answer.  I texted him the gruesome details.  I expected anger, shock, fear, disgust, and untrust towards me.   Well, his answer was that he has limits with me now.   He would forgive and be friends but nothing more.  I agree that once trust is broken it takes time to rebuild.  I wanted him to give me a chance to rebuild his trust again.  This heinous act was so wrong and I understand his feelings.  Could you forgive your love if they confessed to something so horrible?[/b]  Thank you in advance for responses.

is this real life or one of those stories?
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by Nobody: 11:19pm On May 27, 2011
@poster
1) if his love was so great then why did you said you needed time? and to sort WHAt out?
2) then when he gave you time to "sort things out", you still were not satisfied. i guess he figured that you were talking shiit.
3) then, in all the BS that you could come up with, "you gave me a disease" is what came to your mind?! if he didnt reply anything then it says a lot about his sexual life.
4) when learning that you didnt have anything, he should rejoice that he aint as dirty as you claimed.
5) thanks to your little stunt, you have now become the perfect FWB. he can come and use you as he wish and not feel guilty about the act.

before he can fully forgive you, you have to FULLY come clean with that man. that means putting yourself at risk of being used even further by the man of your dreams.
good luck!
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MsSophista(f): 11:46pm On May 27, 2011
So the question is could YOU PERSONALLY forgive? What's a FWB anyway? smiley If you couldn't forgive, what if she was a really sweet person who couldn't handle someone loving her?
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MsSophista(f): 11:49pm On May 27, 2011
sexylogan: it could be either way, right? Scandals of all sorts take place? What do you think, real or imagined?
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by HighChief4(m): 1:36am On May 28, 2011
MsSophista:

So the question is could YOU PERSONALLY forgive? What's a FWB anyway? smiley If you couldn't forgive, what if she was a really sweet person who couldn't handle someone loving her?

FWB = Friends With Benefits
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MsSophista(f): 1:46am On May 28, 2011
Wow! I sure hope she doesn't lower herself to those standards. Could you forgive if she confessed, High Chief? Why or why not?

After all it wasn't like she got caught red handed, If you couldn't forgive, is it better to keep quiet letting the conscious destroy you and hope that love doesn't find out? undecided
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by iice(f): 2:50am On May 28, 2011
Little lies yes. Big ones no.
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MrsChima1(f): 3:44am On May 28, 2011
Depending on the lie.
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by Nobody: 7:02am On May 28, 2011
@topic depends. lying about something so big is not going to cut it, especially if it
resulted in my panicking, heart break or having to alter my life(style). A little white lie or maybe something
a little deeper might be ok but to claim to be pregnant, cheat with my family/bff or to have an STD or something
like that won't cut it.

[size=4pt]@4190 good for you. just like your 16 hour worth of reading essays in pink font. ode. [/size]
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by 190: 7:13am On May 28, 2011
undecided undecided
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by Nobody: 7:25am On May 28, 2011
190:

undecided undecided

no need to modify it.
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by 190: 7:46am On May 28, 2011
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by HighChief4(m): 10:55am On May 28, 2011
MsSophista:

Wow! I sure hope she doesn't lower herself to those standards. Could you forgive if she confessed, High Chief? Why or why not?

After all it wasn't like she got caught red handed, If you couldn't forgive, is it better to keep quiet letting the conscious destroy you and hope that love doesn't find out? undecided

It depends on the magnitude of the lie and the intended purpose, but like the one you explained if she is remorseful I might just forgive her
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by tosyne007(m): 11:14am On May 28, 2011
like some people said, it depends. But the lady took it too far and if i were in d guy's shoe, will forgive her but wouldnt want anytin to do wit her again

you cant be toying with someone's feelings. It's not just right!!!.

iice:

Little lies yes. Big ones no.

if you can tell little lies, den u can tell big ones too. there's really no difference, a liar is a liar.
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by 190: 11:17am On May 28, 2011
^No mind iice -- she just like controversies trouble grin
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MsSophista(f): 12:50pm On May 28, 2011
CORRECTIONS FOR THE SAKE OF CLARITY

@ tosyne007: if you can tell little lies, den u can tell big ones too. there's really no difference, a liar is a liar

I agree. So you have never told even a tiny lie? Lies come in so many forms. Like exaggeration, leaving out information, changing information; even for instance, telling some girl they looked nice in a dress and inwardly knowing she looked bad. Even lying to spare someone's feelings.

So, is there a difference between lying and being a liar?
I guess I'm wondering because I don't think a liar would confess such damaging confessions. A pathological liar will continue to lie even after being caught
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MsSophista(f): 1:01pm On May 28, 2011
@High Chief
It depends on the magnitude of the lie and the intended purpose, but like the one you explained if she is remorseful I might just forgive her[b][/b]

I also have the tendency to think along those lines. I think that lie was absolutely outrageous! At the same time, she had the heart and audacity to she; and do so within hours as opposed to days, weeks, months----leaving the poor guy in torment. Also, she explained her reasoning behind the lie which tells me that although her used unscupulous ways in getting his attention, her intention was to hear his voice because she loved and missed him.

I think I would forgive him. If I truly loved him and he his good qualities outweighed the bad, I'd allow him time to rebuild my trust again. Time and testing would tell whether the relationship would just a platonic friendship or some more intimate.
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by tosyne007(m): 1:04pm On May 28, 2011
MsSophista:

CORRECTIONS FOR THE SAKE OF CLARITY

@ tosyne007:  if you can tell little lies, den u can tell big ones too. there's really no difference, a liar is a liar

I agree.  So you have never told even a tiny lie?  Lies come in so many forms.  Like exaggeration, leaving out information, changing information;  even for instance, telling some girl they looked nice in a dress and inwardly knowing she looked bad.  Even lying to spare someone's feelings.  

So, is there a difference between lying and being a liar?  
I guess I'm wondering because I don't  think a liar would confess such damaging confessions.  A pathological liar will continue to lie even after being caught

Lying to spare someone's feelings? i dont buy that sis. A liar will always lie for personal benefits and that's all i could deduce from the story. Moreover, all i wrote up there are personal opinions, take it or leave it.

The difference between "lying and a liar" is that one is an act and the other is the person indulging in the act. they are inseparable though cos one cant be without the other. Dont believe there's anyfin called "pathological liar", a liar is a liar period!!!
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MsSophista(f): 1:08pm On May 28, 2011
@iice
Little lies yes.  Big ones no

Would you rather have someone tell you many little lies or one big lie?  What if your were always catching your bf in little lies?  Would you rather choose that over him telling you a Big lie that he confessed within hours?
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MsSophista(f): 1:15pm On May 28, 2011
@tosyne007

Lying to spare someone's feelings? i dont buy that sis. A liar will always lie for personal benefits and that's all i could deduce from the story. Moreover, all i wrote up there are personal opinions, take it or leave it.

Thanks for your comments. Yes, everyone's opinions are appreciated and respected the same. Let me tell you, I love to engage in thinking and conversations that spark thinking on a higher level. I'm not intended to offend or debate.

Anyway, if you reread my comment you'd see that I gave examples of various forms of lies. That they come dressed in some my outfits, so to speak. I agree, a lie is a lie, a liar is a liar, and it doesn't matter as to what forms the lies appear.
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by tosyne007(m): 1:43pm On May 28, 2011
MsSophista:

@tosyne007

Lying to spare someone's feelings? i dont buy that sis. A liar will always lie for personal benefits and that's all i could deduce from the story. Moreover, all i wrote up there are personal opinions, take it or leave it.

Thanks for your comments. Yes, everyone's opinions are appreciated and respected the same. Let me tell you, I love to engage in thinking and conversations that spark thinking on a higher level. I'm not intended to offend or debate.

Anyway, if you reread my comment you'd see that I gave examples of various forms of lies. That they come dressed in some my outfits, so to speak. I agree, a lie is a lie, a liar is a liar, and it doesn't matter as to what forms the lies appear.

cool!! got no hard feelings towards u babe, why should I? this is supposed to be an interactive thread and i cant do dat all alone. Moreover, i see u as an intelligent person and ur comments are thoughtful. I appreciate u agreeing that a lie is a lie. What am saying in essence is that lie(s) should be avoided if possible in relationship cos trust and truth are the bedrock of relationship. Truth begat trust so they go hand in hand. we wont be having problems in our relationships if we can be wholly truthful to ourselves though it's easier said said than done. I try so much to be truthful to the best i can but i gottta admit that i tell little lies too shocked
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by iice(f): 4:16pm On May 28, 2011
190:

^No mind iice -- she just like controversies trouble  grin
Says the kettle

tosyne007:

if you can tell little lies, den u can tell big ones too. there's really no difference, a liar is a liar.
Somehow i didn't know differentiating between the gravity of the lie equalled being a liar or not. Up naija cheesy
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by 190: 4:18pm On May 28, 2011
Goood lord iiceeeeee angry angry
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by Omolola1(f): 4:26pm On May 28, 2011
maybe, maybe not, still pondering
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by MsSophista(f): 5:27pm On May 28, 2011
@tosyne007
Truth begat trust so they go hand in hand. we wont be having problems in our relationships if we can be wholly truthful to ourselves though it's easier said said than done. I try so much to be truthful to the best i can but i gottta admit that i tell little lies too

I guess I will eventually learn how to highlight comments smiley

I really appreciate your comments. Sometimes, written words cannot fully express a persons true thoughts and intentions. Truthfulness is definitely the perfect and best way. I also believe that truthfulness about untruthfulness is good beginning to repair trust, make us more cognizant of what we are saying and doing, and keeps us from falling into the trap of constant lying---becoming a career liar.
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by iice(f): 5:16am On May 29, 2011
MsSophista:

@iice
Little lies yes.  Big ones no

Would you rather have someone tell you many little lies or one big lie?  What if your were always catching your bf in little lies?  Would you rather choose that over him telling you a Big lie that he confessed within hours?

I don't like lies but if you have to lie, keep it to small ones. Note the 'if' which translates to rare occasions before pesin con talk say i mean constant lies. Big ones like i already said no. Small ones i can handle just keep it to once in a blue moon thing.
Re: Could You Forgive Your Love If They Confessed To Lying To You? Why Or Why Not? by DereI(f): 5:05pm On May 29, 2011
MsSophista:

  Could you forgive your love if they confessed to something so horrible?  .

The thing is, We are not perfect. All lies are lies. Big or small. I used to lie in my relationship. I remember. That was when i started. But as time goes on, i started correcting all those mistakes and things went well.

I believe truth in a relationship is the foundation of trust. And without trust, the relationship will be a shackle.

But as for me, i am not God. i can forgive easily. But if the lies persist, its better to just quit.

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