Advised by some mothers, what do you think, brothers and sisters
Love.

lol Cork can we have a normal conversation with you one day?

you ae right u might later start acting weird in life since u end up hooking up wit s0meone u dnt love just because he/she loves u.

Tosnville I think it's about balance, I mean for some mothers better getting married to someone who really loves and make you shine even though you don't feel passion for him rather than loving too much someone who most of time don't deserve it.

Ideally, yes but practically nope cos you'd wait a very long time
The less boxes to tick the better chance of meeting that Man vice versa

lol jay bee, ok thx

^^^
Makes sense or u don't buy it?

As i told before I think it's not insane, cause everybody knows that in a couple there's someone who loves more than his partner, so that it's about balance.

That's exactly it. Finding the balance.
making sure the 2 peeps getting together have common goals bla bla bla

I feel it is nice to get married to someone who loves you but at the same time you must also have a great passion for this person so you dont become the villian.You must like what you do or face the wrath

mytcollins that's the challenge to my opinion, nowadays balance btw couple is a real issue

And if you get married to someone who loves you more, and later meet someone you love, what happens?

Long one if you respect the fact he's a good husband and respectful, you'll never think about leaving him, trust me.

You might not leave him, but there is no guarantee you won’t cheat. Where do you put emotion, temptation, lust? I have heard ladies say ‘…ah, but he swept me off my feet, I simply could not resist’. On the other hand, are you saying you will learn to love him in time?

It just sounds like a sad thing to do, I may be wrong but it seems the only thing holding you is the fact that you are ‘grateful’. No passion, no nothing, just duty and children probably, plus you would have denied yourself something great.

Are you also speaking from experience?

No Long one I've never been married but this is advice frome some mothers who maybe didn't have these kind of advices before, but thinking about it, this is not insane, I mean everybody can be attract by temptation, we're human being but the difference is the sense of feeling guilty. Do you think a woman who's cherised in her house could deliberately cheats on her husband? don't think so, now as I told you we're all humans, so not perfect.

@ Long one
Our mothers are right in the sense that if you marry someone that loves you then you are almost guaranteed to have a successful marriage in the sense that the person will cherish you and most probably put you first in all they do whereas if you marry someone that you love and doesn't necessarily give a reciprocal love back then the chances of things not working out is a lil higher.

look at this scenario, u marry your long term gf that has always been there for you all through life challenges. Chances that this lady or man will continue to be there till death do any apart is way higher than you just meeting a random bimbo who ticks all the box in terms of sexiness bla bla bla but have reservations when it comes to her kind of man.

So many sense in what our elders say ma friend but the reality of things makes it difficult to find that perfect match

Jay bee I totally agree, I think that's the point for a "good couple"

Yes that why I'm coming from the angle of it being an ideal situation but marriage these days is all about being realistic.
Ain't no perfect match out there. We have to work with those that complement us.

iice we don't talking about having no feeling, but you can have any affection for someone but it's different from the great love and passion which is dicreasing with years

if we all marry who loves us and not who we love, then it means we all dont love, and if we dont love, then who is doing the loving, there wll therefore be no marriage cos there will be no love.

@ Nayah and jay bee
Well, that’s a mature way to look at it, particularly as we are now in the ‘jet age’ where nothing seems to last.


Still find it difficult coming to terms with telling her, I love you, and her saying, oh I like you too.  If she says love, then that’s a whole other topic on lying  . Also consider; having bleep (this censorship na wah) as opposed to making love.


As iice put it, whatever works for you, as there is no correct answer.

smooooooth:

if we all marry who loves us and not who we love, then it means we all dont love, and if we dont love, then who is doing the loving, there wll therefore be no marriage cos there will be no love.

True, and love is supposed to be the greatest gift.

lol iice
smooth let me tell you something, I think utopically speaking yes marriage is about GREAT LOVE but reality is completely different, marriage become more an art to live with than just a love, of course you have to feel at least something but for real I prefer being cherished and not passionnated than the reverse.

anoda
luv thread,
so sick of luv.

Bottomline, it's just plain selfish and greedy at the sametime.

but it works too . . at times

@ OP if you want your marriage to be like a business deal yeah go for it!

There really are a lot of broken hearts going around because of this way of thinking but meh!!! What do I know!

Why do I have a feeling that this is a direct translation from mothertongue to English and she dint really mean it the way you describe it.
You know what I think she meant? Shes addressing the 2 of you and not one party alone.
In other words both parties must apply it for it to make sense, So it plays both ways.Ok pic this

1.Man marries woman cz woman loves him
2.Woman marries man coz man loves her.

In the end you both love each other!!.Its just a reverse thing.Its not a statement meant for one party only but both people contemplating marriage.

Imagine this,You asking the man,why do u marry this woman? he says 'coz she loves me.
Next ask the woman,why do u marry this man? she says' coz he loves me.
Now tell me who doenst love the other?? Nobody.Thy both marry cz they love each other more than themselves.
Do I make sense?

Now tell me is that a 9ja proverb or what?

upengo hi, actually I'm not Nigerian and again reality is not always waht we think, of course I want to get married with my great love but as I told you reality can be totally different!

Marry your best friend who is also your lover.
Love in marriage is more than just a feeling.It becomes a strong solid foundation,upon which everything is built upon.so if its weak then evrything falls.
Thts why some people stay 99 yrs married. You only need to hear their stories.