Me And My Husband Syndrome - Family - Nairaland
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| Me And My Husband Syndrome by akanbiaa(m): 1:34pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
i have noticed that most of the single girls whom i ask the question 'what type of matrimonial home do you wish for'their response is self centered on they and their husband alone,no inlaws,no friends and even the husband mum must not visit her son at will.so nairalanders is these the true reflection of things all over or is it just a minority view that me and my husband syndrome has come to stay.let me hear your views and solutions to it if it is indeed a problem in your view. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by sistajay(f): 2:02pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
Cant speak from experience ooo, cos im still lovin the single life ooo, sweet well well. . . hehehehe! Yeah, id embrace every body, family o, friends o, girlfriends o, lovechild o, pets sef from my future hubby side, I know say, I go dey ready for every single one of dem . . . .just one look from me, dem go pick race commot, na wetin!!  |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Goldieluks: 2:03pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
sista-jay i thought you is married?  |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by sistajay(f): 2:05pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
Goldieluks: My dear, im not o! I will when I reach fifty . . . . .hehehehe!!  |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Goldieluks: 2:06pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
Say God forbid ! BIKO!  1 Like |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by omega25red(m): 2:10pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
poster its not only the woman's point of view we men feel the same way. who wants family from either side hanging around? your marriage home will never be happy with everyone hanging around because they will always try to influence the decisions you and your wife try to make. example: i live in the u.s and i have less family here than my GF if we get married i wouldn't want all her family members hanging around my home and for sure i will not disrespect them |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by lookmangiw(m): 2:12pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
I think i have to contribute to this thread cos that was i'm currently witnessing from my brother's wife, When she was still a girlfriend she had this great attitude, she came as a good,learned muslim and everything about her that time was good,but immediately my brother got married to the bitch,she brought out her real attitude and she was so disrespectful that nowadays she talks shabishly to her mother-in-law and she also does not want her husband to relate with his relatives anymore, infact the situation is pathetic at the moment, i think thats the trend among the girls of this generation. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by MMM2(m): 2:52pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
op dats self-centred. @Lookmangiw u people should send dat muslim wife of ur brother 2 d villa were she belong, dont even tell ur brother ur plans 4 him till u get a new wife 4 him. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Mynd44: 2:53pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
^^^ And have you sat down to put yourself in her shoes. Has the mother-in-law being fair to her? Have you yourself being fair to her? |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by tellwisdom: 4:03pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
I believe nothing happens for no cause! You are not telling us what we needed to hear  |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by apache77(m): 10:02pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
very true o, even at d boyfriend girlfreind level sef, i notice dis with my own girl. she doesnt lije my own family around me, is never comfortable with my friends and always wants just two of us together. or at worst wit her own people. am thinking of movin to a bigger place and she has already chosen her younger sister's room, her younger brothers room and is already warming up to inviting her bestie over.i now said so u want all d rooms for your people abi  so my own people nko? she said my people dont need to precipitate, dat dey r in dia own place. most times wen my younger brother comes around, she reduces her prescence in d house, she's respectful-prolly adopts an attitude of patronizing tolerance, serves everyone food, but i cant help but wonder how her attitude wil be if i eventually marry her. i just tire for dis mata o |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by MrWaters: 11:38pm On Jun 26, 2011 |
Its your <wife, husband and kid> family not ur moms/dad family. not extended family |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by MsYam(f): 2:17am On Jun 27, 2011 |
I love hosting parties in my own home so Im sorry, THERE WILL BE NO SUCH THING AS ME AND MY HUSBAND SYNDROME in my dictionary! |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by soreola(f): 3:14am On Jun 27, 2011 |
i dont see anything wrong with the responses u have received to the "what type of matrimonial. . ." question you've been asking. Maybe if you re-worded your question and asked "what type of family dynamics do you wish for". The term matrimonial has to do with marriage i.e. husband and wife not mother-in-laws and father-in-laws, brothers etc. . . but who knos u may still receive the same response. Your parents and sibs should have absolutely no place in your marriage. In your family, most definitely. . . but not in your marriage.   |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Nobody: 9:55pm On Jun 27, 2011 |
Ms. Yam: Love this girl. She says all the right things. I feel like I'm being toasted  |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by iice(f): 7:18am On Jun 28, 2011 |
It's understandable if you have those bloodsucking family and friends. As for mother-in-laws. . .sometimes just to ease tension, better to not always be around each other Anyway. . .even in my singlehood years. . .didn't care for family except my brothers. Friends are always welcome. Because them few. . .no need useless things in the name of 'friendship'. Before my hair start to fall out coz of unnecessary stress |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by chines4(m): 11:07am On Jun 28, 2011 |
Personally I believe that we need to focus more on our immediate family. Me, my wife and our kids that is my number one priority, others are welcome after I have taken care of these ones. Beside my family members are all doing well, we inter visit, and its always fun. The same with my wife family. But from day one I made it clear to my family members, that now that I have my own immediate family that they will always come first. And this my father agrees with. A lot of ppl believe that theirs wife is stopping their brother from giving them money, without bothering to ask how mush is their brother earning and what is his immediate family needs, which is his major responsibility. A lot of my Igbo brothers will not marry until he have finished training his younger ones. so that the responsibility will not be too much for him. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by AjanleKoko: 11:08am On Jun 28, 2011 |
Unfortunately, if we are talking Nigeria here, extended family means gbese. Leeching, to put it less mildly |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by proudly9ja(m): 11:22am On Jun 28, 2011 |
When a man marries, he marries the girl and her family. And vice versa. This doesn't mean that they will live with you in your house or you have to cater for ALL their needs, however, my personal advice is that the husband and wife should never be far from each other's family. I am not married yet but from what I have seen of married couples who practice this my husband and I only thingy, when trouble arises in that marriage, there is usually noone to run to. This is just my opinion. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by biilwwu(m): 11:39am On Jun 28, 2011 |
A Tree cannot make a bush, in the western world their culture doesn't believe in extended family ,but in Africa once you marry a person you become part of the whole family ,when there is an occasion you buy the same cloths together, they can even contribute money to support you, interference, but if you what me and my husband syndrome they will avoid you, but in the day of trouble be ready to go through it alone,but i will say it is good to have people around you. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by VALIDATOR: 11:49am On Jun 28, 2011 |
Marriage is the union between one set of family and friends and another set of family and friends. If we keep this in mind when making our choices,things will go smoothly afterward. People misbehave less frequently because they know that many people care about them and will be affected by their actions. Most of the rants that we hear from people about not enjoying their marriages is because they choose to ignore this common wisdom. Most single ladies are so obsessed with Rich TDH men with six-pack abs that they don't really have the time to look deep and see the real person inside the flesh. Likewise, most single guys are too obsessed with sex appeal and a lady's physical beauty and outward behavior (which is just a marketing strategy from the ladies) that they can't really see the real person inside the flesh. My family and my wife's family (we really don't distinguish between the two) come around and are free with us and we are all happy together. They don't live with us and hardly pass the night. That is also my recommendation for everyone except if impossible. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Ecash1: 11:59am On Jun 28, 2011 |
I don't know to which extent you mean, but Me myself and I syndrome never takes any one anywhere. Remember, minus you and your wife , there are over six billion people on the planet. @ AjanleKoko In as much as the extended family are leeching they also CAN provide joy and sources. (Symbiosis) |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by toppiyano(f): 12:01pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
well the topic is nice am married and i understand most of us females. The sense of distraction from our man is the first when you find his siblings or extended families around. because there will have to be some level of respect and nice behaviour attached so that the person wont have to go back and give the others the impression that you are not a nice person. As for me and my husband before we got married, we agreed that neither his siblings nor mine would live with us and we have sticked to this for the past 5yrs now at least we both have peace of mine.dont get me wrong they can come spend a day or two with us and i feel much pleased cos at least i will be my real self and dont have to form miss perfect for anyone |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Ubiero(f): 12:14pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
Ok,no big deal in having family members come to visit.But the idea of family members coming to live in my home .I don't think I am receptive to that idea at all .They can come for visits,stay short periods of time but please not overstay their welcome.  It's not really the idea of family members coming to stay in the home that's the problem,it's the interference they bring along with them.Esp. here in naija.It's that bad. They'd take everything you do as not right. And when you try to explain that this is how you want to make your home look like,they'd make you feel insignificant cos they'd want to try and control the home.In the husband's absence, of course. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Nobody: 12:58pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
apache77: Have you ever heard of the word I[i]D[/i]IOT ? That's what you are. Insult intended |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Nobody: 1:15pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
bi ilw wu: Why do people keep repeating this ridiculous notion? I am yet to meet white people who don't associate with their extended family. That people refuse to let their extended family overun their homes does not mean they do not associate with them. My personal opinion is that the whole thing boils down to selfishness and immaturity. Otherwise, tell me the reason why a mother-in-law or sister-in-law will go to another woman's house and simply refuse to respect her or why young woman would think it's okay to ill treat people because they are in-laws. Live and let live, abeg. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Ubiero(f): 1:22pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
Not that having the extended family is much of a crime.It's when thye become overbearing and difficult that it becomes a huge problem. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by OAM4J: 1:25pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
jennykadry: Oh Jenny! |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by OAM4J: 1:26pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
naijababe: +1 |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Nobody: 1:51pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
OAM4J: Ehen naaa, me I am just leaving a mark incase he comes back after 4 yrs to tell us how his wife controls him or how he is tired of the marriage. I mean, how can someone A MAN for that matter be in such a useless relationship? if the gurl does not want both families understandable, but she wanting hers and keeping his away from HIS OWN HOME is just way beyond me, and the dude is here telling us ''I don taya for the matter'' I need to know if we have real men left in this world. |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Nobody: 1:53pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
jennykadry: Kai! You are brutal o sister |
| Re: Me And My Husband Syndrome by Nobody: 2:02pm On Jun 28, 2011 |
If you are a Christian or you married under the common law which is applicable to the western world and Nigeria, marriage is the union of one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others. The couple will have to decide who they want and who they do not want. simple. The husband cannot impose on the wife and vice versa. However, if the couple celebrated the traditional marriage along with their church marriage, then the woman technically becomes the property of the man's family. she cannot claim me and my husband as the necessary rite was done by the husband's family. Her right may be statutory, but it is still limited by virtue of the traditional marriage expectation that she is a chattel of the husband's family For Muslims, marriage under the Muslim personal law is a union of two families. The women are chattels and have no rights as against the man's family. Therefore, if you celebrated an Islamic marriage, you have no right to stop in-laws from flooding your house. However, your husband has a valid right to kick you and your family out at will. Now you choose |
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