My hubby and I are both brown/dark skinned.

Our first child was verrry light skinned with straight hair.

If my hubby was not there to see the baby come out - I would have thought the nurses switched my baby with someone else's.

BTW: My son is a Spitting image of my husband now and my hubby explained that his grandfather was  HALF African/Asian-Indian and maybe that's where the light skinned gene came from. [color=#006600][/color]

OH, THANK YOU FOR THAT EXPLANATION , I WAS STARTING TO GET WORRIED FOR U

You know, spoilt made what is probably the best observation in this thread. Nobody enjoys the pain, the procedures, the blood and the difficulty that giving birth brings with it. But it has to be gone through. Due to the nature of the plumbing, we males cannot (yet) bring forth babies. Does this mean that we should be any less involved in--to the degree that we can be--the awareness of the birth process?

I surely respect that there are those who choose not to be there. If those persons genuinely feel that they would be more of a hinderance than a help to the birth of their babies, then by all means, let them stay away from the delivery rooms!

I, however, have every intention to be there for all my children, from Day 1 until I am no longer able to fulfill a role as positive influence on their (and their mother's) lives.

drrionelli:


I surely respect that there are those who choose not to be there. If those persons genuinely feel that they would be more of a hindrance than a help to the birth of their babies, then by all means, let them stay away from the delivery rooms!

Thats my point, it makes so much sense to be willing to go, so the man does not become the main problem in there rather than the woman that is actually in labour.

tell them oooo!!
so it wont be like its the man giving birth.

Hi,

yes it would be great to have one's husband in the labour room(or so i wanted),until i read a piece in a newspaper by a journalist(a woman),that women should be careful what they ask 4 cos it may be to their disadvantage.i didnt understand what she meant until she explained thatsome men after seeing their wives in that can of state(unkempt,foul mood, not too great state etc ),may not find her sexy again!!!

when i read this i thought twice o!After i carried the baby for 9 months alone (he only supports),so him being there would not neccessary add to the childbirth,because i would love to still be sexy to my Sweetheart o!!!

My dear, any woman who gives birth to a man's child is sexy in his eyes!

rachiwise:

Hi,

yes it would be great to have one's husband in the labour room(or so i wanted),until i read a piece in a newspaper by a journalist(a woman),that women should be careful what they ask 4 because it may be to their disadvantage.i didnt understand what she meant until she explained thatsome men after seeing their wives in that can of state(unkempt,foul mood, not too great state etc ),may not find her sexy again!!!

when i read this i thought twice o!After i carried the baby for 9 months alone (he only supports),so him being there would not neccessary add to the childbirth,because i would love to still be sexy to my Sweetheart o!!!

how can this argument hold water? Your husband doesnt have to see you in labour to not find you sexy. You can do that by just being unkempt and slobby!

Abi o,but now i'm not so keen on that again.He can be there fine, if not,no much fuss about that for me.

I am having C-section, so I dont think he needs to be there, It would be over in a flash.

~I dont think Anything would have kept mine away from that Labour Room!!

Mine was there! Infact he opened my legs wider when the baby was coming out. Ever since he has respected and valued me more

i cant stand the sight of blood so ill prolly faint so ill not be any good being there i can appreciate women and the pains they go though from the waiting room thank you

This week, the Mail reported a new survey which said fathers should be allowed to stay overnight in hospital on the day their baby is born.

But how much should a man be involved in his child's birth? Leading obstetrician Michel Odent has been instrumental in influencing childbirth practices for decades.

Here, with a view that will outrage many - but will strike a chord with thousands of others - he describes why he believes that when a woman goes into labour, her partner should stay well away.


For many years, I have not been able to speak openly about my views that the presence of a father in a delivery room is not only unnecessary, but also hinders labour.


To utter such a thing over the past two decades would have been regarded as heresy, and flies in the face of popular convention.

But having been involved in childbirth for 50 years, and having been in charge of 15,000 births, I have reached the stage where I feel it is time to state what I - and many midwives and fellow obstetricians - privately consider the obvious.

That there is little good to come for either sex from having a man at the birth of a child.

For her, his presence is a hindrance, and a significant factor in why labours are longer, more painful and more likely to result in intervention than ever.


As for the effect on a man - well, was I surprised to hear a friend of mine state that watching his wife giving birth had started a chain of events that led to the couple's divorce?

Or another lady describing how the day after her husband had watched her deliver their child, he had fled to his hometown of Rome, and never returned again?

For many men, the emotional fallout of watching their partner have their baby can never be overcome.

When I was first involved in obstetrics in the Fifties, it was unheard of for a man to be present as their child was born.

Childbirth was predominately a woman's business - usually carried out at home - and while a man may be in the vicinity at the time of labour, he would usually be found in the kitchen, boiling copious amounts of water, and therefore would miss the actual event.

However, by 1970, a handful of women started to ask for their husbands to be present at the birth, a shift that began to occur in many Western countries at about the same time.

There are a variety of reasons for this, including the fact that birth was being increasingly concentrated in hospitals rather than at home, and the rise of the smaller nuclear family meant women increasingly turned to their husbands for support in all areas of their life, rather than relying on their mothers or aunts.

What we didn't anticipate at the time was that this occasional demand from a handful of women would, in a matter of years, become doctrine.

By the late Seventies, all pregnant women were saying they could not imagine giving birth without their husband at their side.

And not only was the husband now nearly always present at birth, but with his wife clasping his hand during labour and screaming out for reassurance, he became an active participant.

At the time, it was widely believed there were many benefits to be had from the father's presence.

It was said sharing such an experience would strengthen ties between the couple and help the father bond with his baby.

It was said his reassurance would make birth easier, and that the rate of intervention in pregnancy would decrease as a result.

This shift to having the father in the delivery room was one which was shrouded by optimism.

However, little scientific study was conducted to find out if there was any truth to these claims.

And even at the time, I had my reservations. I didn't want to judge, but I knew from experience that the presence of a man is not always a positive thing.

Fast-forward to today, and there is still a lack of scientific study on this subject.

But having been in charge of thousands of births, at homes, in hospitals, in the UK, in France, with the father present, with him absent, I have reached my own conclusions.

I am more and more convinced that the participation of the father is one of the main reasons for long and difficult labours.

And there are a number of basic physiological reasons for this.

First, a labouring woman needs to be protected against any stimulation of the thinking part of her brain - the neocortex - for labour to proceed with any degree of ease.

This part of the brain needs to take a back seat and allow the primal "unthinking" part of the brain connected to basic vital functions to take over.

A woman in labour needs to be in a private world where she doesn't have to think or talk.

Yet, motivated by a desire to "share the experience", the man asks questions and offers words of reassurance and advice.

In doing so, he denies his partner the quiet mind that she needs.

The second reason is that the father's release of the stress hormone adrenaline as he watches his partner labour causes her anxiety, and prevents her from relaxing.

No matter how much he tries to smile and appear relaxed, he cannot help but feel anxious. And the release of adrenaline is contagious.

It has been proven that it is physically impossible to be in a complete state of relaxation if there is an individual standing next to you who is tense and full of adrenaline.

The effect of this is that, with a man present, a woman cannot be as relaxed as she needs to be during labour, and hence the process becomes longer and more difficult.

We must keep in mind that mammals cannot release oxytocin - the key hormone in childbirth - when they are also being influenced by the stressful effects of hormones of the adrenaline family.

I have been with many women as they struggle to give birth with their partner at their side.

Yet the moment he leaves the room, the baby arrives. Afterwards, they say it was just "bad luck" he wasn't there the moment their child was born.

Luck, however, is little to do with it. The truth is that without him there, the woman is finally able to relax into labour in a way that speeds up delivery.

After birth, too, a woman needs a few moments alone with her baby, particularly between the time the child is born and she delivers the placenta.

And this is not just about her need to bond with her baby.

Physically, in order to deliver the placenta with ease, her levels of oxytocin - the hormone of love - need to peak.

This happens if she has a moment in which she can forget everything about the world, save for her baby, and if she has time in which she can look into the baby's eyes, make contact with its skin and take in its smell without any distractions.

Often, as soon as a baby is born, men cannot help but say something or try to touch the baby.

Their interference at this key moment is more often than not the main cause for a difficult delivery of the placenta, too.

But it is not just the fact that men slow down labour that makes me cautious about their presence at the birth.

There are two other important questions that I would like to see answered scientifically.

The first is, are we sure that all men can easily cope with the strong emotional reaction they have when they participate in the birth?

Over the years, I have seen something akin to post-natal depression in many men who have been present at the birth.

In its mild form, men often take to their bed in the week following the birth, complaining of everything from a stomach ache or migraine to a 24-hour bug.

Their wives, meanwhile, are up and about, caring for their baby and in good spirits, and tell me how unfortunate it is that their husband has been struck down by one ailment or another.

But it is well known by those who study depression that rather than admit a low mood, men often offer up a symptom as a reason to why they have taken to their bed.

There are also men who try to find ways to escape the reality of what they have been through.

This could just be a night at the pub, or a day playing golf when their child is a day old.

I've known of perfectly well-balanced men who held their wife's hand through labour then left the next day never to return again.

And in the most graphic example, one perfectly healthy man had his first experience of schizophrenia two days after watching his wife give birth. Was this his way of escaping reality?

Generally speaking, I have noticed that the more the man has participated at the birth and the worse his wife's labour has been, the higher the risks of post-natal "symptoms" are.

Of course, this is not the case for all men, but it seems without doubt that some men are at risk of being unwell or depressed due to having seen their partners labour.

The final question I would like to see answered is what, if a man is present at birth, will be the effect on the sexual attraction he feels towards his wife over the long term?

When men first started standing at their partner's side during labour, I remember my mother's generation saying, very matter of factly, that the couple's intimate life would be ruined as a result.

And, given that the key to eroticism is a degree of mystery, I am left believing they had a point.

There are many things we do in private in order to preserve a degree of modesty and mystery.

And, for the benefit of our sex lives, it may be worth adding childbirth to this list.

I have three children and wasn't present at any of their births.

My first two were born before it was considered normal for a man to be at the birth of their child. But my youngest son was born in 1985, at home.

As it happens, at the exact moment our son arrived in the world, the midwife was on her way down the street and I, having made my excuses realising he was about to be born, was fiddling with the thermostat on the central heating boiler downstairs.

My partner did not know it, but I had given her the exceptionally rare, but ideal situation in which to give birth: she felt secure, she knew the midwife was minutes away and I was downstairs, yet she had complete privacy and no one was watching her.

If there are any doubts, we only have to look across the rest of the mammal world in order to see that no other female, save the human female, invites her sexual partner to witness her giving birth.

Of course, it would not be possible for women to give birth alone.

But the optimum situation for women is to give birth with an experienced midwife, or another woman - known as a doula.

The key to the perfect birthing partner is finding a mother figure who can help, keep a low profile and remain silent.

It is only 35 years since men first entered the delivery room, yet we have welcomed them in without question.

At the present time, when birth is more difficult and longer than ever, when more women need drugs or Caesareans, we have to dare to smash the limits of political correctness and ask whether men should really be present at birth.

When we take into consideration the effects of this on male and female, it seems the answer is not.

It is time to go back to basics, and turn modern convention on its head.

When it comes to the delivery suite, men would be well advised to stay away.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/fema, in_page_id=1879

By MICHEL ODENT - More by this author »

Last updated at 23:46pm on 15th April 2008

As for women handling their business, as far as I'm concerned the second you put your baby inside someone it is no longer her business but YOURS. It takes two to get pregnant and companionship means being there for each other. I would never consider a man who is out somewhere getting his drink on while I spend hours alone enduring the pain of child birth a partner, more like a sperm donor. How degrading.

I guess the only way for it to make sense for some guys would be to think of it in a way you can relate to. How would you feel if your wife played an active part in a predicament in which imposed a dramatic lifestyle change for close to ten months, hours of painful pre-surgery endurance, major surgery on your genitals and months of recovery and instead of being a partner and taking responsibility for her participation in the situation she insisted you "handled your business" and went out and had a few drink with the girls?

I don't think any guy, or anybody would appreciate being treated in such a way. If you believe a pregnancy is only a woman's business that she should handle alone then maybe getting pregnant is a woman's business in which she should handle alone. Give her the sperm and let her insert it herself, sperm donors are greatly appreciated these days.

bad bad bad idea.

Theres no big deal in going into delivery room with your wife if the love is there and you see her pain as yours. My husband was there with me throughout my 36 hours of labour and even told me later how i told him to shut up and get out when he was telling me sorry. My second was thru c.s so he couldnt do much but he was still there which i will forever appreciate.God bless WE mothers jare.

its d cutest syt eva.neva knew naija guys wuld wnt 2 b dr,its v swt of u guys.4 d odas b men 4 1ns,its nt lyk ure pushn...

My hubby,was there and it was agr8 moment

I'm in UK so its normal here but I actually didn't want him there second time around. I actually found it easier on my own. Its a strange thing is childbirth and although you want your husband to be the first to see the child etc, I felt totally detached from him during my labour. I felt closer to the midwife who was helping me. Is it a female thing? I don't know really.
I also made him sit up top at the first one because I didn't want him seeing all the stuff down there. I was embarrassed and felt kind of uncomfortable him seeing me in such a state which only made the labour worse as I couldn't relax. Luckily second time labour was really quick and he had popped out to get some chocolate when the baby appeared!

Micheline - I read the Michael odent thing and I think I agree with him on many points there. Even though he is a male and has never been through it himself!

Hell to the fcking No.

I repeat: "Hell to the fckinng No" will I be, or have any interesting in being, there.

Sagamite: Hell to the fcking No.

I repeat: "Hell to the fckinng No" will I be, or have any interesting in being, there.

Storyyyyy. You dey fear? abi it will put you off s3x

Sagamite: Hell to the fcking No.

I repeat: "Hell to the fckinng No" will I be, or have any interesting in being, there.

Such a wimp

chaircover:

Such a wimp

Gerrout, my friend!

jennykadry:

Storyyyyy. You dey fear? abi it will put you off s3x

I am sure it would diminish, if not wipe out, my sexual attraction to her.

It is in her best interest I am outside.

I don't see how someone can call such rubbish romantic.

Romantic my arse!

I am also a bit squeamish sha! Don't let that yeye CC hear that.

Sagamite:

I am also a bit squimish sha! Don't let that yeye CC hear that.

Quoted for posterity!

Was there for both my kids. Passed out during the second one
Stayed overnight sef.

AjanleKoko: Was there for both my kids. Passed out during the second one
Stayed overnight sef.

Admitted to hospital overnight because of observing labor? lmao

ileobatojo:

Admitted to hospital overnight because of observing labor? lmao

Stay there. One man fainted once and by the time he woke up, his wife was resting in the recovery ward.

One man went white, like pure white in the face when he saw his son's head wanted to run away but was pulled back.

jennykadry:

Stay there. One man fainted once and by the time he woke up, his wife was resting in the recovery ward.

One man went white, like pure white in the face when he saw his son's head wanted to run away but was pulled back.

Chei! The person popping out the whole pikin is not fainting, it's the observer that is fainting all over the place! Lmao

ileobatojo:

Admitted to hospital overnight because of observing labor? lmao

I hit my head on the way down, sustained a mild concussion.

ileobatojo:

Quoted for posterity!

I will repudiate that statement if I need to.

I AM A MAAAAAN! [Flexes his arm]

Sagamite:

I will repudiate that statement if I need to.

I AM A MAAAAAN! [Flexes his arm]

I don hear. Ole alapa stainless

A man should be right beside his wife in the labour room even if it takes taking a leave from work that is how it is supposed to be. I will like to witness how it will all happen but I guess many men won't be able to bear d sight of it