Ok, i have this my husband niece come stay with us so we can assist in training her but since her arrival in the house, things are begining to fall apart. She will always look for a way to upset me either by not running the house errand for me or causing me to talk too much. Seriously, it is turning me into wat i dont know and my husband always seems to remain adamant as if nothing is wrong. PLease i need the way out of this cause already the girl is in school. NOTE: this is an 11 years old girl but she behave and acts more than her age. SOMEBODY HELP!!!

peaceoo:

Ok, i have this my husband niece come stay with us so we can assist in training her but since her arrival in the house, things are begining to fall apart. She will always look for a way to upset me either by not running the house errand for me or causing me to talk too much. Seriously, it is turning me into wat i dont know and my husband always seems to remain adamant as if nothing is wrong. PLease i need the way out of this cause already the girl is in school. NOTE: this is an 11 years old girl but she behave and acts more than her age. SOMEBODY HELP!!!

She is behaving like that because you are trying to control her and that is the natural response to confinement, She is not your child and you recognised that, and from what you said you seem to be irritated with her, do you not think she feels that as well TRY LOVING HER UNCONDITIONALLY TOO SEE THE DIFFERANCE.

(and by-the-way why is an 11 year old girl doing the house errand maybe its a cultural thing)

Could not have said it better

peaceoo:

Ok, i have this my husband niece come stay with us so we can assist in training her but since her arrival in the house, things are begining to fall apart. She will always look for a way to upset me either by not running the house errand for me or causing me to talk too much. Seriously, it is turning me into wat i dont know and my husband always seems to remain adamant as if nothing is wrong. PLease i need the way out of this cause already the girl is in school. NOTE: this is an 11 years old girl but she behave and acts more than her age. SOMEBODY HELP!!!

@ poster, you are in the same situation with me except that mine is 21yrs old.

@ iyatrustee I can't beliv u r comparing an 11 year old to a 21 year old. SMH!
@OP I think u c her staying in ur house as an oppoertunity to have a maid. If u want a maid go get one don't use her circumstances to treat her like trash. She is a child so let her b a child. Don't giv d xcuse of spoiling cos u should teach her little by little. Personally I think she is far too young to not b staying wit her parents. If u don't stop n think of how to treat her like ur own child as she grows she will either become a mumu or become very wayward. Mark my words. If a girl does not receive love where she is supposed to she will look for it elsewhere. And she won't stop looking, needless to say she will not find. Give her a sense of self worth. Make her feel like like a princess, make her forget the pain of not being with her parents.if u can't send her away,its not a crime. But u do not know what tmrw holds for ur kids so sow good seeds today.

i am not comparing them cos i made it clear that the difference is that mine is a 21yr old.

Nobody at least myself sees a relation staying with me as an opputunity to get a maid. but somethings dont just add up. if you live with someone, there are some house chores that you must take up automatically.

@iyatrustee I feel u oh. A 21 year old should automatically take up some chores in the house and build a cordial relatioship with every1 in d homee including the kids. However an 11 year old is still a child oh and has so much to learn. U can't just sit back and expect things to runn smoothly cos she doesn't know what to say, do or even think. Its a huge resposibilty cos d kid needs guidance. I know a girl who got married @ 21 and didn't know how to fold clothes properly cos no1 showed her how to as a child and she just grew that way. She couldn't relate wt her husbands family well too cos shE grew up with only her mum n her mum was antisocial. She has had to hav so many issues and basically trained herself. So how much more an 11 year old.

An 11yr old should be taken as your child and try to be friends with her, She is still a child

Madam poster weldone oh. So its people like you that will go and take relatives under the guise of training them put them in one mushroom N500 school and turn them to maids. Well time has changed everybody eye don open, you want a maid hire a real one, you want to train a child then love her and train her like your own child

Interesting thread

no 11 year old child should have such a life if you can not love her send her back to her mother, i mean come on



life is suppose to be fun and i do not expect my guest to do any house work no matter what the age

When will u ppl learn not to let relatives move in. Nairaland is full with topics like this. We have a 3bedroom apartment and its only me and my hubby. Marriage on its own is hard work. I dnt need a maid or his relatives to come and add their own. Stay alone with ure hubby and take care of the house and ure men. I dnt get why u ppl bring others into ure homes. Sighs,

@ poster Can this girl live with her parents while you and your husband foot the bill for her education? If yes then I think it's the best way to operate.

I grew up in an evironment where my parents were constantly training and housing one relative or the other, cousins, dad's nephew, niece etc etc just name it. I can tell you that it wasn't a pleasant experience. Each relative came with his or her own personal baggage.

The issues were plenty, from laziness to talking badly of my mum and insulting her behind her back, acting like they had a right to our home not to mention the shortages my siblings and I had to suffer because of these extra mouths to feed, cloth and educate. I believe we would have had a better quality of life without all these people my father had to train. And you know the worst thing is that these same people are hardly ever grateful for the help they get.

I am not against helping people (family and friends) financially and otherwise but I am against having people live with you for long periods of time while you also cater to their needs if it is not absolutely necessary . From my personal experience the disadvantages far outweighs the advantages.

Personally having external relatives live with me and my family is not something I would want not because I am antisocial but because I have seen first hand the sort of havoc these people can wreck in a home.

It is normal for kids her age to start feeling like they are big girls now, remeber she is getting close to the teenage age, you have to bear with her and don't over-burden her with chores, remember kids can sense if they are not liked, all you have to do is show her love and don't complain on every little thing, try to overlook most things as you would with your own child.

peaceoo:

Ok, i have this my husband niece come stay with us so we can assist in training her but since her arrival in the house, things are begining to fall apart. She will always look for a way to upset me either by not running the house errand for me or causing me to talk too much. Seriously, it is turning me into wat i dont know and my husband always seems to remain adamant as if nothing is wrong. PLease i need the way out of this cause already the girl is in school. NOTE: this is an 11 years old girl but she behave and acts more than her age. SOMEBODY HELP!!!

An average African woman goes into marriage with the mindset that inlaws are terrible and should be avoided.
I understand you and my best advise wld be that you pls send the girl back to her parents who will be able to see her as a kid and love her, obviously no amount of preaching will make you get on well with that girl because you are biased already. Anyone from the husband's family is seen as an intruder but any from the wife's side is seen as important guest. Men have no issue with their inlaws around but majority of women cant cope, its unfair, its bad, its sad but unfortunately that is the reality.

On the other hand a girl going to live in her 'brother's house' is also going with the mindset that 'it is my brothers house' and believes all wives are bad and never want to accomodate their inlaws. If the same girl is going into her married sister's house she is going with the same mind that she is going to 'her sister's house' Fortunately, men dont care and are able to maintain cordial relationship with thier inlaws and of course the fact that they dont stay that much at home compared to the woman who spends all the time with the guest.

Inside a wife's mind:

Inlaws staying with us bad news, you can never please them, they have come to cause problem 'im my house' and i will show them

Inside the husband's family mind:

I am going to 'my brother's house' and i will show the wife if she tries any nonsense because they are selfish and always want their husbands to themselves only.

The result of these 2 will be calamity in the house it happens everyday esp where the husband/brother is well to do.

Love her and make her love you, work towards changing her mindset and prove her wrong that wives dont want to see their inlaws live in their house, if you cant then her go back to her parents (who also will still hate you for sending their brother's niece out of their brother's house)

Its still fair if the husband's family coming to live in the house is male but female versus female? it is not advisable really.

All of you talking love here , love her as your own, try and win her over with love, blah blah blah I hope you do realize we are not God. Only God is capable of loving us no matter what we do.

Do not misunderstand me, as human beings our natural tendency is to care more for those who relate to us well, to those who do not give us attitude and disrespect us without good cause. Our tendency is also to ditch those who have little or no regard for us, it takes the anointing of the Holy Spirit and the grace of God to be able to care for someone with a bad attitude who also displays that attitude towards you.

A child of 11 years old is displaying the sort of attitude mentioned above without good reason, if you live under a person's roof whether for a day or two it is only proper that you assist them in anyway you can around the house.

How can the poster begin to love a difficult relative who is giving attitude at a tender age of 11? You all say love as if it comes easy tolerance and not love is the word I would apply here. But I still maintain this girl shouldd be sent back to her immediate family while the couple pays for her education. She doesn't have to live with them

Maybe you should reduce the number of errands you send her, or stop barking orders and be rational with this girl.
I know how 'so-called' aunties in Nigeria would send you errands till you quench.
When she was not there, who was doing the errands?
She's not your child, you can bark orders at your own kids and they might just wave it off, because they are used to it. Another person's child would call you a devil.
She's not your maid, unless you are hiding under the guise of 'training' to cover up using her as a maid.

@OP,wud u have opened this thread If she were ur sister?
Treat her as you wud treat ur own kid sister and believe me,everything wud be fine.

debrief08:

Madam poster weldone oh. So its people like you that will go and take relatives under the guise of training them put them in one mushroom N500 school and turn them to maids. Well time has changed everybody eye don open, you want a maid hire a real one, you want to train a child then love her and train her like your own child

+1

If this child have done worse you would have said it here. So it is obvious that the only problem is that she does not run all the errands you send her and she makes you talk too much. Do you think that the one you give birth do will do any different? She is acting exactly her age. Be more patient with her. Treat her the way you would treat your own little sister.

@ Poster, I think the first thing U r supposed to do is to call ur husband's attention to this once he's kind of unaware about everything, and be sensitive to his reply.

From there U should know where to go.

Pls house,this my husbands niece was put in one of the most expensive school in the area. My hubby is very much aware of her insolent behaviors but he overlooks them, waiting 4 me to come and talk. 11 years old girl that acts and behaves more like a 34 years woman. i think it will cut me cost and stress if we send her back cos her mind has already been polluted by her parents against my hubby the first day she came over to stay with us. Although i have tried to manage her, but it looks as if the more i tried, the less respect and approval i gets from her. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

what would you do to your insolent 11 year old sister? Why are you not giving her consequences? I highly doubt that an 11 year old would just be buck wide crazy enough to be that stubborn especially when there will be consequences. Give one example of something she did wrong and how you handled it?

Abeg let the girl go jare. You have made up your mind to treat her as a bad in law, let her go now before you label her a witch soon.Hgod forbid if anything should happen now you go say na her do you.

If it was her younger sister, you would have seen the Poster defending/covering up everything so that the hubby won't know. You brought someone else's daughter to your house to use her as a maid. Even @11 my mum did not believe I could wash my own ''pants'' well.

Please send the gurl back and stop looking for probs where there isn't

how will u react when a total stranger come to statswith u , and thats the first time both of u are meeting since ur married into the family, she wakes up the day after her arrival, without thinking of any other thing, went outside with 2 of her cloths to wash that morning with the view of staying away from sweeping the house??/

being her first time in that area, she staets entering into neighbours apartment to chat , NOTE; this is people that she dont know and have not seen have not me or the uncle in close contact with the neighbours before??

Ok, she enters house and u serve her food only for her to ask u silly questions of what u gave her?? In all u were just washung and taking them to be childish character until when the 11 years old girl walk up to u to warn u to stop asking her to do anything for u. All this was happening within a space of 1-2weeks of her stay with us.

My husband noticing all this at first react, and wants to send her back only to complain to her elder sister thru phone and the story changes since then. Even if the girl is insulting me, he wil pretend as if he is not aware and when i tell him, he will say she is just a child and am complaining alot.

Ok this continue and 4 peace to reign, i try to accommodate her for more than a year, but it happen that we went for XMAS at villa, this girl was doing all the house chores for her parents without even been told of what to do till all the time we spend in the village that my husband was very surprise, telling me that if anybody will tell him that that her niece will work like this from morninh till night, he will not believe it, so that means all this while she knows what she ia doing. SO when we are returning back, we decided to left her behind with the parent, but for her school expenses we will cater for them.

Now coming back, both me and my husband where managing ourselves untill when that her elder sister called again inquiring him to go and bring back the girl to stay with us, and this is where everything started. My hubby now turn back against me that i have not embrace his people, am this am that, he is going to bring back the girl. Before i knew it, she was back to stay with us and it looks like her troubles tripled since then that no day passes we dont quarrel because of this girl.

Tell me, how will u be housing someone,feeding and catering for, and training a person that is not ready to take up little house chores for you. Before she does any, it must cause trouble in the house.

But if its to talk, eat, apply my husband or mine perfume and cream, tell neighbours around of how fairer she wants to get and other bizarre attitudes that u dont expect from an 11years old child, she will come out and show u that she knows them very well.

I think i have tolerated her enough and that got to stop before she pass her rudeness to my little boy.

IF NA YOU, WHAT WILL U BE THINKING OF DOING?

If you can't manage an 11 year old, send her back and stop being such cry baby!

My sister i had a worse case but God helped me to handle her differently, maybe because of my orientation, i grew up in a house where my mom will pack people from every corner of Nigeria and we had to love and treat each other like brother and sister. Anyway, my Husbands Cousin stays with us, she came at 13, just about to get to SS1, my case was worse because she was dealing with puberty, raging hormones and liked boys too much, always too distracted, will wake up at 7 just bath and rush to school. I used to nag and complain till my elder sister came to visit once and when i was complaining reminded me that that was the same way i behaved at that age, then i changed strategy, i stopped nagging and started talking with her, not talking to her, when i get back no matter how tired i will ask her how her day went, any interesting gist, ask her about tv programs i know she liked to watch, i will ask her to gist me what happened just so we would have conversation topics, from there we started talking about boys, and once in a while i will chip in advice, i encouraged her to focus more on studies and let the boys rest for a while, it was hard or still is, we still quarel but i remember that i still quarrel with my elder sisters too. Anyway the girl just did amazingly well in JAMB, scored 265, i had promised to throw her a party and that party is costing me over 150k cos the things these teenagers want hmmm. Anyway, the point is i have taken her like my sister.
my dear the problem you are having is you regard her as someone who has come to help you and she regards you as someone who want to make her work. this is the age of rebellion for teenagers, she need guidance, friendship , love and sisterly protection not someone on her case. Send her back if you are not ready for teenage wahala cos more will come

Even with what you have said (though I stopped at the point you said she walked up to you and said that you should never send her errands) I still see you as not doing what you are not supposed to do. You are behaving like an 11 year old kid. When an 11 year old under your care talks to you that way you give her consequences. Not whine over how she is insolent. Unless she has attacked you physically I am not sure what you concern is. You seem to be one of those women that want to portray to in laws that you are good so you will not talk but the whole time you are boiling like a volacano that is about to erupt. Now the child is the one that will receive the frustration. Even if an in law that is older than me comes to my house and acts that way it will not be long before they understand what's up. She is a child for christ's sake. Discipline her and if her mother has a problem with it then she can come take her child. A situation like this does not even necessarily need yoru husbands input. You are the woman of the house. I don't think you understand that. I don't think this child even feels that you are a day older than her. Not with the way you are carrying on. You need to re strategize. There are rules in every home and they need to be obeyed or there will be consequences

an 11yr old sweep the house the next day she arrived you did not even bother giving her a break? Before she moved in were you not sweeping your house? Oh to do ''madam'' dey hungry you at the detriment of the young child? Are you naturally crazy or is this some kind of act? Tell me the latter please.

Even my own mother did not ask me @ that age to do all that you have asked or better still expect that gurl to do for you.

Listen to me woman, send the gurl back to her parents and stop whingeing like an 11yr old yourself, from what you've posted that gurl is actually playing a far more matured role than you are.

Send her back and shut up let us hear word. Moderators lock this silly childish thread