....

@op, i want to believe u and ur intended are good christians, if u are i suggest u take the matter to God in prayer, contrary to what is portrayed in movies, it is not always jolly on the marital front(all families have their own probs), pls pray that u dont miss it maritally, that is one place most ppl never get it again.

Also discuss it with ur intended and if need be, see ur pastor ( one u trust and believe is filled with the holy spirit).

I am sure the married ppl in the house will drop in soon with their advice.

Greggj:

For a while now I've been in courtship with a wonderful lady whom
I believe is my missing rib. She is smart, honest, funny, sweet and
incredibly beautiful yet humble. I would love to make her my
wife in the nearest future.

However, just recently she let me in on the fact that she and her parents
do not get along. In fact, her family is so dysfunctional that even her
parents are like cat and dog but still remain married for religious and
cultural reasons. They've been sleeping in separate rooms for
the past 15 years of marriage and never agree on anything. They also took
out their frustrations on my fiance throughout her childhood and for the
fact that she always had a mind of her own, they saw her as a rebellious
child and treated her with much resentment.

I love her so much but im worried that her dysfunctional background
might affect our own home in the future. What do I do?

Funny how people use the word LOVE loosely!

I've got news for you buddy: Love is kind and understanding; love supports; love guides; love does not CONDEMN; love is patient!

Tell me, do you really LOVE her

....

..

Greggj:

For a while now I've been in courtship with a wonderful lady whom
I believe is my missing rib. She is smart, honest, funny, sweet and
incredibly beautiful yet humble. I would love to make her my
wife in the nearest future.

However, just recently she let me in on the fact that she and her parents
do not get along. In fact, her family is so dysfunctional that even her
parents are like cat and dog but still remain married for religious and
cultural reasons. They've been sleeping in separate rooms for
the past 15 years of marriage and never agree on anything. They also took
out their frustrations on my fiance throughout her childhood and for the
fact that she always had a mind of her own, they saw her as a rebellious
child and treated her with much resentment.

I love her so much but im worried that her dysfunctional background
might affect our own home in the future. What do I do?

You are such a dullard no offence.  She told you this obviously so that you can do something about it(in a positive way) because she considered you a life partner. Sweetheart, the question you should be asking here is "how do i bring this family back together" not such a selfish question.

....

If the girl was from a broken home, it would be used against her.
But her parents stayed together and it is still used against her.
Nobody comes from a perfect home, you know?

@ Poster . .

You want advice? Listen to madam CC, she gives the best . . But then she won't need to be telling you these things IF you really loved your girl. Love looks for opportunities, not weaknesses.

I don't c any reason y you should be worried. Your girl friend is obviously very comfortable with you and trust you that is why she told you about her parents marriage. If she did not see anythng wrong with her parents behaviour, she will take sides with one of her parents and even keep it away from you. Then wen you get married to her she will exhibit the same behaviour as her mum or dad. But obviously she is not happy with their behavior and for her not to like it means she is different from them and will not want to have the same type of marriage they have , hence will try her best not to go through or want her kids to go through the same thing.

Sounds to me like you're with a smart woman. She's also pre-warning you for the time when you may end up meeting them - at least you should know who you are dealing with.

I have to say I agree with Ujujoan. Do you really love her? What have you seen in her that makes you think her dysfunctional background will affect your future home?

@ OP everyone has a dysfunctional family life --- no one comes from perfection. You and your wife-to-be can always create your own reality. You are adults doesn't mean that you replicate hate. Work with her in love to create your own reality and the type of family life that you want, desire, and hope for. Good Luck.

I don't think this OP deserves the name calling atleast not yet. I really understand where he is coming from and him coming here for advice does not mean he does not love her.


Alot of people back out of relationship because of their genotypes, some do because of HIV, some do because of this ''osu thing'', does it really mean they never loved the other person? Nope

Sicherheit:

If the girl was from a broken home, it would be used against her.
But her parents stayed together and it is still used against her.
Nobody comes from a perfect home, you know?

True.

Like alot of people have said a lot of homes are not perfect.In this case background has alot to do with it because we are all products of our experiences.
I will advise you get to the root of her problems with her Parents and help her build a better relationship with them. Do you really mean she Hates her family or you just exaggerated the case because if she hates her family thats something else. She has not forgiven her parents for real and perceived hurts. What about her rship with her siblings or does she hate them too? What if your family offend her will she hate them too? and when you really offend her will she hate you too? you guys need to work on her "hate" because you cannot have a healthy rship with her in the longrun if she is still carrying that baggage.

I kind of agree with both CC and andromida, since she told you about the situation, she might be ready to go the extra mile to not reproduce it in her own marriage. However, entering married life with resentment or "hate" towards her own parents might be an heavy burden. You should try to help her forgive her parents and be at peace with the situation. She might also be afraid to have a marriage like theirs. It's a good thing to talk about it so she will be more aware of her feelings and deal with them before getting married, that will make her more ready for marriage, imho.

@op I used to have a friend with a similar behavior.is she moody or sad at times? What is the relationship with her siblings?
If it affects the way she relates with you or others you better be careful, she might need counselling.

Sicherheit:
If the girl was from a broken home, it would be used against her.
But her parents stayed together and it is still used against her.
Nobody comes from a perfect home, you know?

True.

Topic

If she feels hate towards her family then she needs some kind of counseling as well as prayer because that's not a good foundation to start on.

Its about her coping skills and how she reacts to stressors both real and imagined.