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Stats: 1063015 members, 1236215 topics. Date: Friday, 24 May 2013 at 12:42 PM
|DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by swiftycool(m): 1:31pm On Jul 19, 2011|
Emeka was a co-tenant of mine way back in Nigeria who moved in to the building I rented as a 100 level undergraduate several years ago with his girlfriend. I remember he was a very funny guy, very friendly and nice company too. I also remember the big embarrassment and the trials he went through when his live in girlfriend became pregnant and her dad a naval officer arranged for him to be picked up and locked up in a cell for three weeks after the discovery. He was forced to bring his family to rush the marriage rites and accept her as his wife since it was obvious he was the father of her child.
The girl was in a way abandoned to his care by her family after the wedding to take care of her needs till she had the baby. Being a student, he had to struggle to make ends meet. He deferred his admission while in the second semester of the 3rd year of his five year engineering course. I helped him get a job as a part time okada rider, while he worked in a shop as a barber just to make ends meet. But within a few months he moved out of the house we shared, saying he had gotten somewhere cheaper to afford him save better for his family.
Most times when he came to ask for money from guys, myself inclusive, we were quick to judge him for being careless and having impregnated a girl he wasn’t married to; however what always amazed me was that he always swore that he had only slept with the girl less than 10 times and always timed her cycle and used an airtight condom in all situations; I just think it was destined to happen he always said as he went away baring his cross. The last time I saw Emeka was I think around 2003, two years before my graduation from uni, he cut my hair in the salon he jointly owned by him and two others and insisted I didn’t pay. He looked a wretch and had completely dropped out of Uni to work to enable him pay his wife’s fees and complete her bride price as well as take care of his 11month old son. I really felt pity for him though, I thanked him and left.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by swiftycool(m): 1:32pm On Jul 19, 2011|
All that was over seven years ago. In June this year (last month), I travelled to Naija for business and came across Emeka in Lagos at the local airport where he now works, we got talking and he opened up to me with a very disturbing story. He had met two of our former housemates five months ago who had seen him with his son on different occasions when he travelled to the old city to see his in-laws and they joked that his boy looked like one of our then co-tenant who happened to be the landlady’s semi-literate steward. A few months later he had run into the former landlady herself while on a similar trip with his son and she made a similar thought provoking comment amongst other jokes when she saw the little boy; “this boy is a carbon copy of Ikoedem my house help!” She’d laughed. This got Emeka thinking and he decided to visit the old house where Ikoedem the former co-tenant still lived.
When Emeka got there he saw the old house it still looked a bit as it had been but for the little repainting and few renovations and the memories came back to him of his days years ago in the house when he was jolted back to his senses by a voice; Mekuuus!, he turned around and saw who called him and was shocked by the perfect resemblance of his eight year old son to this person. It was Ikoedem looking more matured now, as he was just about 16 when Emeka had left the house.
The shock took quite some time to wear off his face and enable him re-comport himself, so many questions like those in your own minds right now were running through his mind; could it be that he had disrupted his life and gone through all the trouble for something he was innocent of? His heart boiled with anger not really for ikoedem but for his wife and the child if thing were as he imagined.
Back to our meeting, after Emeka’s narration of this ordeal, he told me he has not betrayed his thoughts to his wife yet but she knows something is amiss. However he also wants to give her the benefit of doubt; perhaps this strong resemblance might just be a coincidence, he trusted and still trusts his wife with all his heart.
Now Nairalanders , I intend to advise him on the step to take but I need your help. Should he question her directly about the issue, which she is likely to deny or should he just go for a DNA test with the boy which though he knows is expensive he claims is worth every penny as it would bring him out of his current disturbed state. And then if the results or the answer goes the wrong way what do you suggest he does? Remember, his dreams were destroyed because of this issue 8 +years ago.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by mirob(f): 2:32pm On Jul 19, 2011|
What has happened has happened,he cant turn bk d hand of time,yes he shd go 4 a DNA test to ascertain d paternity of d child to keep his mind at rest but watever d outcome he shd let sleeping dog lie, unless his wife has not been faithful since he married her, if not still accept the child afterall he has been calling him dad since he was born and U have really sufferd cos of him. Reap d FRUIT of Ur labour.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by andromida(f): 2:42pm On Jul 19, 2011|
He should do the DNA and confront his wife. If the child is not his may God help him because if i were in his shoes it will take minimum of 10 years to get over the hurt although the past is the past.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by ronkebp(f): 3:09pm On Jul 19, 2011|
he shoould go for the DNA first, we will talk about what the outcome of the result would be later.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by Ujujoan(f): 3:24pm On Jul 19, 2011|
Shyte happens . . . .
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by swiftycool(m): 4:05pm On Jul 19, 2011|
presently his wife does not know anything about his thoughts or plans yet. but what if she denies it outrightly, should he still do d test and if its positive can she still be trusted?
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by kreamstaff: 6:43pm On Jul 19, 2011|
swiftycool:He should do the test even if he gets her to confess she is guilty of earlier infidelity. And eventually the kid would have to meet his real father, if he is proven not to be. i suggest he forgives but that can be hard.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by dami_paul(m): 6:59pm On Jul 19, 2011|
I think he should do the test. if it turns out the child is not his, he should pretend as if nothing's up, meet is wife and ask her, if she denies, he should show her the results of the test, ask her why she destroyed his life, get to the root of the matter, before i continue, do they have any other issues besides the boy?
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by 2mch(m): 7:05pm On Jul 19, 2011|
Swifty cool the good story teller. i hope we are not wasting our time here by responding to one of your novels. Anyway tell him to do the test secretly. He should take the child by himself without the wife's knowledge to have the test done. If the child is not his he can promptly give her the child and leave. Which will help him focus on himself and catch up to all he has sacrificed. If that child is not his, the woman must be very wicked. I would not want to stay under the same roof with such a person that can keep such a big secret. She could have confessed not knowing who the father was, before making him go through all this. This is simply an act of sheer selfishness and wickedness. In the future it would not take her anything to do the same again, if the situation presents itself. Besides, taking care of a child and family that was not meant to be is financially impossible for him. Ikoedem can have his family back
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by tpia@: 8:17pm On Jul 19, 2011|
Always use a condom.
Btw if he and ikoedem are from the same village nko?
The boy can resemble anybody and ikoedem`s son can also resemble the original protagonist. ie the one impregnating everybody.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by Genius100: 8:37pm On Jul 19, 2011|
This is a no brainer. He should not say anything to his wife. He needs to take the boy for a DNA test immediately, it does not matter if it costs him 1 million naira. Once he gets the result, if the child is his, he should continue to live his life and say nothing to the wife. If the child is not his, he has a decision to make
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by tpia@: 11:05pm On Jul 19, 2011|
it does not matter if it costs him 1 million naira
yes it does.
that's good money being wasted.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by Ystranger: 11:16pm On Jul 19, 2011|
Tpia do you have a daughter?
Can we do a three/so/me? Foursome with your mother added?
I am really h/o/r/n/y this afternoon? How old is your mom? Big Bottom? how many kids did she give birth to? Were they Vaiginal or C/S? Is she still intact/tight down there? Can we do a th/r/ees/o/m/e?
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by tpia@: 11:22pm On Jul 19, 2011|
blazay, blazay give me your answer do.
I have kolo crazy finish and entered Aro all for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet,
Upon the seat,
Of a bicycle made for two.
fstranger, ystranger, here is your answer true.
I'm not crazy all for the love of you.
There won't be any marriage,
If you can't afford a carriage.
'Cause I'll be switched,
If I get hitched,
On a bicycle built for two!"
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by Natasha,,(f): 11:23pm On Jul 19, 2011|
tpia@:really you call it a waste? for you to use I m to know the truth and stop wallowing in torment is a waste , please
2 poater please tell him to go for a DNA test ASAP even if it cost 5 million naira, if he has the money he should do it
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by Genius100: 12:38am On Jul 20, 2011|
You can't put a price on peace of mind,
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by Yield(f): 3:44am On Jul 20, 2011|
He should go for the DNA.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by swiftycool(m): 6:50am On Jul 20, 2011|
Thanks 4 d replies so far, please can anyone help us with answers to these
1. Is there a place in Nigeria where they do DNA tests or an agency that can help without having to travel out of the country?
2. can we have a realistic cost estimate 4 d process?
3. is it true that the mother's consent is required 4 such a test to be done.
Thanx 4 replies coming
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by swiftycool(m): 7:02am On Jul 20, 2011|
@2mch, it could be hard to believe but i asure u all the stories u read 4rm me are real and happening to people i know from a distance, people i relate with directly or people i heard or read about . i only emphasize on the salient details & important basic info to develop a storyline, believe me some situations i have seen are worse than i made them sound
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by Siena(m): 8:51am On Jul 20, 2011|
Wow! What a hot mess.
I would go for a DNA test, but if it turns out the child isn't his, he'll have to decide his next course of action. I would be inclined to remain a father to a child, who'd called me dad for eight years, regardless of the circumstances.
I'm not sure how DNA tests are performed in Nigeria - is the mother's consent required?
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by Kinikini: 4:50pm On Jul 20, 2011|
Only Emeka himself can take the decision considered right for himself.
The decision will be easier if no other issue exist between them but could become complicated if any other exist.
Scenario 1- Child fails DNA. Confront wife, she owns up, what does Emeka do? Send her away with the child. What does he achieve? Does he have his wasted life back? No. He has his honour back. What is destroyed? Other people maybe other children from same woman for Emeka. Can Emeka bear the emotional turmoil and bitterness this will bring to him?
2 - Emeka accepts wife's apology presuming she owns up again. Keeps family stable and everybody happy but Emeka sad. He sees himself as the goon and used . But the child could have been his anyway since he slept with the woman back then. Sometimes, when something has been on for too long, it is best to let sleeping dog lie.
I do not know what I would have done in this situation myself and that is why I repeat only Emeka can do what is right for himself in this matter. Whichever way it goes, Emeka will be further hurt. But we should remind ourselves that the peculiar thing about this case is the fact that it ruined Emeka's life though he allowed it to. There are many taking care of children they did not father without knowing.
It is a sad tale and one that makes one wonder if truly justice can be done in some situation.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by 2mch(m): 5:28pm On Jul 20, 2011|
Post in the health section about DNA labs. I am sure they have them. Good thing with the Nigerian system is that we dont follow laws. Just paddy paddy with a doctor and tell them your story. they will be willing to do even more than that. I doubt the issue of the mother's consent will even come up. As long as he is the "supposed" father or ward of the child, nothing dey happen.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by Genius100: 6:40pm On Jul 20, 2011|
The woman's consent is not required in America, so its highly unlikely that it's required in Nigeria that has little to no laws.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by swiftycool(m): 11:05am On Jul 21, 2011|
Thanks guys, i was just wondering besides DNA is there any other cheaper and easily accessible proven procedures to confirm a childs pertenity even though it might not b 100% as accurate, ill like to profer an option if the DNA route 4 him would be daunting.
pls if u have info. kindly share.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by maclatunji: 12:28pm On Jul 21, 2011|
Ujujoan:when you do not play by the rules.
|Re: DNA DILEMA!!! What do u advise he does? by coogar: 1:27pm On Jul 21, 2011|
you might get lucky with ordinary blood tests. if the genotype of the steward does not match that of your co-tenant then it's bingo!
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