Dear all,
I am in a fix now and I need your candid advice. This isn’t a fiction or a script, it’s my experience which I will narrate over a period of time and I really hope for your candid advice. Criticise me where needed though I now know my mistakes but I don’t want to take another wrong step again yet I want happiness. Pls advice me.



I am in my late 20s, a graduate, from the south-western part of the country, married and I have a beautiful baby girl which I have now cherish. She is less than a year old. My wife is 4 years older than me (I’m aware of this before I married her). I am a fervent Christian and a Minister of God.
When I was in School, I had this girlfriend- Tolu. We were friends for 3 years before we started dating in 200L, she came to my house only 2-3 times. She is a good girl with good morale, perfect for a wife; and I really love her (even till now). But, I met another girl- Lola (a Yoruba as well) in 300L, 2nd Semester through a programme I was presenting on Radio then and we did presented together and my girlfriend know about her. She had warned me but she was sure just as I am that I cannot date her. Lola and I were just friends; she doesn’t know my girlfriend and I know she’s dating someone but I don’t care about her man. Things went on like this till I graduated. Tolu’s parent know me very well since we were friends and later-on when we started dating. During my service year (which was in one of the South-South State), I started getting close to Lola even on phone. My parents saw Lola with me once when we came to my house together. Summarily, I fell in love with Lola. Don’t blame me cos things went fast than I could imagine. We see each other at least twice a week unlike my girlfriend- once in two weeks. I had made a decision to date her if things fell into place.
I gave my mum Tolu and Lola names to pray about them as regards who I should get serious with especially when it comes to marriage as she normally does that for my brothers and Sisters. That day, they (my parents) travelled back to their base as I live in another town where my school is and my temporary base. I had travelled all the way from my NYSC posting to that town (middle belt state) for convocation. Summarily, I went to Lola’s house and without “toasting” her, with mutual conscent as we had got so close, we started a relationship.
Days and weeks later as me and my girlfriend- Tolu had  not been too close of recent, I had to break-up with her cos I couldn’t double-date. I loved Tolu so much as I had done that for over 5 years but I had to break up with her for some personal reasons. Don’t blame me yet as I will share it with you. I know myself and I know that even if I marry Tolu, I might cheat on her because of some things. Not that I’ve Were Intimate with Tolu or Lola before; No, I didn’t Be Intimate with any of them. I like and love somethings in my woman- that is big b.o.o.b.s. Tolu has a small one but Lola had big ones. I loved them both, but I didn’t want o lack anything that might make me commit adultery when I get married,

you are very unserious, who do you think you are dealing with? coming to give us a soap opera You think we are totally jobless abi? you are looking for advice and doing to be continued, you are not serious yeye, you don marry her, na you send yourself, abeg clear comot for road jare

@Debrief 08

so unfortunate that you believe everybody is a lier just because you have seen so many liers. This is my life and if you don't believe me then it's left to you.

, I loved them both, but I didn’t want o lack anything that might make me commit adultery when I get married. I went back to my NYSC base but not after I had seen Tolu- my heartthrob the following day when I left Lola.
I received the shocker of my life when my mum told me that after praying, I can marry Tolu and not Lola. Again my Aunt’s husband who is a Pastor said If I marry Lola, she will not gve me peace till I die. She will be a stain on my life and hinder me from reaching my greatness.
On my way back to my NYSC base I got this mysterious sickness, it was terrible and got worse the following day. On the third day, I couldn’t go out, my face swelled up. I had to travel by air back to my parent’s base via Lagos. Lola was back from School and she came to meet me at the airport in Lagos. Both of my girlfriends were aware that was seriously ill. Lola came to meet me at their airport and saw me to the park where I took a bus to my parent’s base. After 8 weeks I was getting better and Tolu came visiting all the while. At a point Lola also came visiting from Lagos. Within me I had betrayed Tolu. So after about 2 and half month, I was okay.
After much heartache and thought, I went to Tolu house, and on that day, she was happy seeing me after a long time, I couldn’t tell her cos it was hard knowing that the girl I had cherished and loved for about 6 years I will have lose her to another man. It was hard for me cos she loved me dearly; she had make numerous sacrifices for me. She cherished me more than anything else and really trust me. So, on the second day which was Sunday, I went back to her house and I told her I want a break-up. It was hard for me but I left so as not to see her break down. More importantly, I could breakdown and tell her the reason why I wanted it right there. This was because I loved her dearly.

Nice Soap.Would love to see the season 3.

The long and short of it is you married Lola and now she is showing you her true colors is it not?
Good for you

Sicherheit:

The long and short of it is you married Lola and now she is showing you her true colors is it not?
Good for you

ROFL kai i don die

After my service I got a job in Lagos. My parents knew I was still dating Lola, they warned me so many times and tell my siblings , aunt and everybody to warn me. Lola got to know by this time but was not happy. Because she’s from Ijebu, they said she charmed me. I was not happy. So I asked my mum to take me to the man of God who prayed on the name. She directed me to different men of God telling me it’s God’s voice. After much frustration I visited 2 of the men of God and they told me she was right for me. Even my Aunt’s husband who initially said she is the right person for me later said she isn’t and that she will not give me peace till I die. She will be a stain on my life and hinder me from reaching my greatness. My aunt also said she prayed with another prophet and the prophet said the same thing. I got the prophet’s contact and later on went to him anonymously. He prayed about Lola and said she is okay and will not be a problem. After much trouble, I told my parents I will still marry her no matter what because God is not an author of confusion. Afterall, my mum’s pastor said she’s okay so also is my Aunt’s prophet.
I arranged for a Court wedding (Registry) and we got married without my parent’s conscent. Her mum is late but her Dad was aware. My parent had earlier went to Lola’s house to warn them that I won’t marry her and that I am only wasting her time. On that day, we had the wedding. Though my mum called me a day earlier to tell me about a dream she had that I got married without their conscent. Eventually we got married. My parents didn’t come as I didn’t inform them. None of my family members came. I later informed my elder brother who lived with me and he informed my other siblings except my parents.
After about 6 months Lola got pregnant and after 9 months, she delivered a baby girl. I informed my brother who had left me months after we got married. I didn’t inform my parent about the baby as they were not aware I was married. We were at loggerhead. My babay is about 6 months now.
A year after we got married, my wife- Lola had changed. She no longer obeys me. She doesn’t respect me anymore. 6 months after we got married, I had problems at work, my car with company valuable was stolen; everything stolen was worth 1.5million naira. My boss demanded that I had to pay it back. For 4 months, I didn’t collect any salary. Not a dine. The following 1 year plus, I was repaying the loan as the company deducted 80% of my salary and I go home with only N20, 000 as monthly take home. Throughout this time, I was down financially, she took care of our expenses, it was pretty hard. So, she started behaving strangely, she disrespects me. I am a minister in our Church- even in church she misbehaves. At one time, after she delievered our baby, 2 days to christianing, she abused me with unimaginable words, telling me all sorts including this “that she’s not the cause of my life’s problem, I am the cause and I should go find solution to my life”. I got mad and told her that I’m tired of her troubles that she can go back to her father’s house if she wants. But she told me I will be the one to leave as she rented the apartment. Truly, she had brought about N350,000 out of the N450,000 we used to rent our 3 bedroom apartment. Since then, she humiliate me regularly. She gets home anytime she likes, she flauts my orders.

Now, I have no happiness in my life. I have just finished repaying all my money I owe my company due to the car theft. I have another official car now and also my own car and I fulfill all my financial responsibilities at home.  I take care of my home. She is just there, she does cook for me. But she doesn’t cook well, if I complain a bit, it’s troubles for me. She doesn’t take care of our house, I do it on a daily and weekly basis. She even dirties the house.
As a result of my responsibility in church, I counsel youths, anytime they come to my house she behaves normally. At times, I wish I have another opportunity to choose a wife. She’s just a sorrow to me. She makes me regret my life. I can’t go back to my parents now. I have choose  a path and I must tread that path. I have prayed to God for forgiveness an he has forgiven me and given me a second chance. Everything is okay now but my wife gives me heartache. I want happiness but she doesn’t give me. I have decide to get close to a female friend that I can share my burden with, that can make me happy but not a girl friend. I will not cheat against my wife and not God because I am a minister of God now with a divine calling and as such will not cheat on her but I just want to share my heart’s burden.

too bad you didnt know tpia@ the whole time you were zigzagging and perambulating all over the place.

i could have been in this story as one of your options.

or maybe as the doctor treating you for std.

tpia@:

too bad you didnt know tpia@ the whole time you were zigzagging and perambulating all over the place.

i could have been in this story as one of your options.

or maybe as the doctor treating you for std.

Una go make me kolomental i swear
i don laugh die
@Poster, \sorry, just try to talk and work things out with your wife, these are not major offenses, am sure you may have told her that she brought you bad luck during your time of trial as such her response Plus she stood with you in hard times, she deserves love and respect. Everyone goes through hardtimes, its not badluck or a curse but just the way the world works, everything has a time and season Love her, show her care, shower her with love and gifts, she will submit, toast her as if it was the first time you were meeting her, put all that has happened behind and build a good life. I see no major issues here

Zero your mind and make your marriage work, you have married Lola, put in some efforts, most people react well to love

A potential love cheat in the making.
He is being pushed to the wall.
If he runs into Tolu today,I bet he will cheat on Lola.(Big bosom and all)
This is how women push their men to cheat,even if they have no intention to do such.

Is this storyland or what? The OP hardly knows how to type coherently, i wonder how you can manage to hold a conversation not to talk of a relationship. And you are here talking about being married. Sorry poster, you are not a writer. Not now or in this century. Find other hobbies.

Sorry for your pain. You are a minister of God right forget all the stories about the vision that she is going to be a pain in the ass the damage or not has been done.Pls live in the present. From what i can see you You are unhappy because you have offended your family and you blame her for the loss of rship btwn you and your family that loss is so big to you although you think you are over it but you are constantly pained especially when you look at the fact that you guys still associate with her family so you get jealous,angry and when you see her she is the cause of all those feelings. Truly you have not told us the mean things you equally tell her e.g my mom warned me not to marry you. with words and actions like this you worsen your situation.

You need to make peace with your parents. You cut them off for no just reason because you felt you could do as you please when you could easily have worked things out with them you ran off to marry. This tells me two things you are either a weak man who allowed himself to be manipulated by a woman who was desperate to marry him or you are a very sturbbon man who does as he pleases and now you want to blame your wife. Love is never enough for a marriage to stand the test of time. I hope your wife also realises her mistake that she should not have allowed you to cut off from your family and treat them spitefully afterall she is equally suffering the sin of your arrogance.

now you tell us you want to get close to another woman to ease your pain i am not sure you are a minister of God at heart seems you just like the title otherwise you would be praying to God to heal your marriage and help you but you are running into the arms of another woman. Its not too late to retrace your step go make peace with your family esp your parents you will always be their child humble yourself. Learn to love your wife again she is not responsible for any misfortune in your life even Jesus got tested so man up and do the right thing.

@ Andromida,
Your words are like arrows piercing through my body. Every sentence means a lot to me. They criticise my centre of thought and make me feel guilty. Thank you.
Let me tell you that I am greatly unhappy cos I desire a happy family; I want complete joy and not “compartmentalized” joy; she doesn’t give me that joy and also because I desire to give my parents complete joy but I can’t cause I’m hiding some things from them. But, I don’t blame my wife for the conflict between me and my parents though she always mention this any time we have misunderstanding. Your words that “the loss of relationship between you and your family that loss is so big to you although you think you are over it but you are constantly pained” is really right. We have misunderstanding and at times when she behave strangely and badly and disrespectfully, I utter the words you mentioned, “that I regret marrying her cos I was warned as she is doing what they said”.
Actually, I do visit them from time to time and we talk from time to time. But, they were not ready to listen to me then, I felt they always want to dictate to me like they did to my brother. This is cos, they did it for my brother (first born) who was a Pastor and afterwards, he married the lady with their forced conscent. They did same for my brother (second born) about 4 times (4 different girl) and he is yet to marry. They also then have personal reasons like she’s from Ijebu and other trivial reasons. I could remember I told my mum that her Pastor said God was in approval of my marriage with Lola. So it’s not that I was manipulated my Lola-my wife; I’m not a weak man.
Now, not that I wish to sin against God or cheat aon my wife but I just desire and miss what can be seen in a happy family. I am a minister of God not by title; not that I already have a n affair, No.I don’t have friends- male or female, I am a devoted family man. I have never cheated on my wife but I just need someone that can understand me and feel my pains; my wife cannot or has decided not to. Let me tell you that not that I want to go back to Tolu, No cos she's even getting married on the 20th of this month. It’s just painful- I mean what my wife is doing to me, she's unrepentant, she does it and even if I talk to her gently at night about it, she doesn't feel bad about her acts . Imagine this, I choose to be with my wife made a sacrifice of leaving my parents and now I don’t get the happiness I desire form my wife. It’s like losing on 2 fronts.
My issue now is how do I tell my parents that I married her without their consent and that I have a baby girl. Though my brothers and Sister know about this; my wife also wants them to know and has been pestering me for me to tell them. I just feel I made a mistake and don’t know how to right the wrong.

Smdh. Did u personally enquire from God?

@ Ayanfe-Ire, you are not serious.  Please don't thing saying you are a man of God is supposed to make me trust your judgement any more.

You chose Lola over Tolu because of her "physical attributes" (for want of a better phrase).  You basically said as much:

Don’t blame me yet as I will share it with you. I know myself and I know that even if I marry Tolu, I might cheat on her because of some things. Not that I’ve Were Intimate with Tolu or Lola before; No, I didn’t Be Intimate with any of them. I like and love somethings in my woman- that is big b.o.o.b.s. Tolu has a small one but Lola had big ones. I loved them both, but I didn’t want o lack anything that might make me commit adultery when I get married

That is a superficial reason to marry someone but hey, your choice.  You were already emotionally cheating on Tolu with Lola, so you really didn't love Tolu as much as you would like us to think.

This whole "going to man of God" thing just sounds like the "Christian" equivalent of going to a spiritualist:

My parents knew I was still dating Lola, they warned me so many times and tell my siblings , aunt and everybody to warn me. Lola got to know by this time but was not happy. Because she’s from Ijebu, they said she charmed me. I was not happy. So I asked my mum to take me to the man of God who prayed on the name. [b]She directed me to different men of God telling me it’s God’s voice. After much frustration I visited 2 of the men of God and they told me she was right for me. [/b]Even my Aunt’s husband who initially said she is the right person for me later said she isn’t and that she will not give me peace till I die. She will be a stain on my life and hinder me from reaching my greatness. My aunt also said she prayed with another prophet and the prophet said the same thing. I got the prophet’s contact and later on went to him anonymously. He prayed about Lola and said she is okay and will not be a problem. After much trouble, I told my parents I will still marry her no matter what because God is not an author of confusion. Afterall, my mum’s pastor said she’s okay so also is my Aunt’s prophet.

God is not a God of confusion, you are the one who is confused.  It was easier for others to make the decision for you so you could blame someone else and not take responsibility.

I'm surprised that you still haven't told your parents that you have married Lola - and you wonder why you are having problems in your marriage.  Lola didn't cause them, you did.  You now need to be a man and address them.

Even if u had married a woman approved by your parents you could still have problems. Or haven't you seen threads of ppl saying they were forced to marry someone not their choice by their parents and how they ended up suffering. I think u should have a heart t heart with your wife and even let her know your plans of getting a f[b]emale friend[/b].

Most marriages have problems in the infancy and theses problems can be ironed out.

Chei God don suffer . . . Everybody dey claim 'Minister of God'!

I have only one remedy for overcoming fears- just do it and then you will know whats been scaring you or not. Go and make peace with your parents no matter how hard it seems they wont kill you the worst they can do is give you a cold shoulder and you will get over it. You have not told your parents about your wife she resents you for this she feels your unhappiness about the union but accepts no blame for her actions keep on being gentle with her.Pray for her and amend your own faults. Try leadership by example maybe when she sees you are a better person she will try and become a better person too. Rekindle that love again its not dead just so much resentment in the air you need to kill it fast.

Talk to your wife. Soften her up you should knw which buttons to press take her on a date and tell her you dont like the state of your marriage and you accept your faults.Tell her to let you know where you are going wrong. Pls do not criticize her. When talking watch your tone, manner and you face. If you are sincere i am sure it will be fine.

The goodnews is you can never lose your parents irrespective of wht you have done they love you. Atleast you are man enough to stand up for what you want and now you want to run to one woman outside for comfort better snap out of that thought because if you go there in your present emotional condition you will think any woman is better than your wife and fall for her and as a minister (i know you are just human) what happened to running to God?

@op
The sad truth is that we sometimes have to agree that something we did was wrong. Marrying Lola was a mistake. Now you have to get rid of the biatch.
Don't waste time, they are incurable, get her out of your life now before she does something to you that you will forever remember.

HellPoster,

Do as Andromedia has said.In addition take your family to your parents ,its long over due,thats the first step in healing the relationship,Past mistakes cant be undone.Dont mention to your wife again that u regret marrying her,all marriages passes through the same challenges yours is passing,so what is happening is not because u did not listen to ur parents.

Be strong,and u are a mn of God as u said,trust in the Lord.
i hope this bible verse will be of help
Luke 6:27-36
New International Version (NIV)
Love for Enemies
27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

All because of big boobs.

obowunmi:

All because of big bosoms.

Be a man make it work or walk away from your unhappy marriage
Be bold and decisive rather than feeling sorry for your self go and make peace with your parents

Its good you married who you wanted, not what woli chose for you jare. Even Tolu could have changed and become a vampire too, e no mean at all. Always follow your heart and i mean this without any sarcasm.

P.s Has Lola's b.reast reduced ?

Work on your marriage and disallow fear to take control jo.

Take heart, I feel your pain. Try and make it work. If there still seems no way you have to give her the red card treatment. Believe me you will be better for it.

Please would someone be kind enough to give me the gist of the story.I'm allergic to epistles,see why I never read novels.I would really appreciate,thanks

All because of big bosoms.

I tell you. Ikebe/chest apple dey turn some of us to original mu-mu o.

av u ever ask her what she really want from,what u need to do for her 2 b happy so that she can make u happy.God d architect of our lives,u nd to consult hm always b4 u do anytin.