This is just so disgusting

“Wuse Berger! Wuse Berger!! The conductor shouted, as the long coaster bus slowed to a stop.

A few of us standing at the bus stop rushed to board it, eager to get to our destinations on time and avoid the slightly uncomfortable heat of Abuja’s morning sun. We found seats and settled inside, except for one man. He stood by the rusty open door of the bus, hanging on with one hand.

“Oga enter inside,” the conductor snapped, glaring at him.

“I no go fit enter o,” he replied, chuckling.

“I no wan wahala this early morning,” said the driver.
“My conductor don tell you to enter inside. Enter inside or comot for my bus.”

“Make una no vex,” the man said, this time with a jocular laugh. “If una see wetin I chop this morning...beans with two eggs and the food get plenty pepper. The kind mess wey I go soon mess ehhh…make I just stand here, so that when I mess, breeze go carry am dey go.”

We all laughed as he continued to describe his meal in detail. The journey went well as the bus trundled along past Bulet to Finance bridge. I flinched as the driver finished drinking a sachet of water and tossed the empty bag out the window.

A few minutes later, he hawked, coughed in a vio-lent manner, and spat out a generous amount of yellow phlegm. Snatched by the force of the breeze, the phlegm went backwards, entered through the window two seats behind the driver, and splattered on the face of the woman seated there.

She was singing at the time. Some of the phlegm made it inside her mouth.

The scream!

Oh, the screaaaammm she scrummed and scroomed!

Pandemonium erupted as the bus screeched to an abrupt halt. The woman was bleating like a beleaguered goat dragged outside for Christmas slaugh-ter. Men yelled and women screamed without knowing why. My stomach heaved but I swallowed hard, determined not to throw up.

“What’s the matter?”

“Driver what is it?”

“Wetin happen?”

“Conductor, open the door!”

“Madam shift, make I comot. I no wan die.”

The conductor was shoved aside as people rapidly exited the bus. The victim of phlegm was now having a full-blown breakdown. She sobbed and shrieked in turns as she vigorously brushed her face and lips with a patterned blue handkerchief. As if that wasn’t enough, she switched to the shawl around her neck.

I tried to explain what had happened to a fellow passenger but each time I opened my mouth, I saw an image of that hot mucus landing on her lips.

Ptueh!

Some semblance of calm was soon restored as another passenger who’d seen everything, narrated what had happened, to the dismay of everyone and the remorse of the driver. Neither his apology nor the pure water someone gave her to wash up were sufficient to stem the woman’s tears. Someone offered to swap seats with her, so she could sit inside and he, next to the window.

The trip resumed not long after, and we arrived at our destination with no other mishaps.

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*barf*

Something similar has also happened to me, only it landed on my hands which were sedately folded on my laps. The slimy, badly aimed projectile emanated from a Volkswagen Passat beside my bus.

The memory still gives me PTSD

Many are mugu but few are roaming, that's just the summary of the story.

Oh my gawd... This is very very funny.

Thanks for making me laugh tonight.

Am sorry but this is more funny than disgusting. I've been having a bad day and this lightened me up

Ọ̀rọ̀ yí só sí'ni lẹ́nu ó buyọ̀ si. Isó ò se pọ́nlá, iyọ̀ ò se tu dànù

Hmmmm

Who go laugh with me?

Ishilove:
This is just so disgusting


https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0aYNz2tthqP5DpFw1HgbFWKUWLes8fx37ox6PZ6JL6pZjAKHCyuQXGVypHpaZecAyl&id=1613901482

*barf*

Something similar has also happened to me, only it landed on my hands which were sedately folded on my laps. The slimy, badly aimed projectile emanated from a Volkswagen Passat beside my bus.

The memory still gives me PTSD

I see many Nairalanders vomiting after reading this article.

This I have seen.

I have experienced the same thing exactly

Though maybe happened long ago back while I was in uni

I boarded a bus back to school and sat directly behind the driver

Unfortunately for me, the driver spat through the window while at high speed and the breeze blew the sputum to my face

I usually get irritated whenever I remember this incident

My concern is how do you pronounce the word "phlegm"

Is it flejim
Is it flegum
Is it fleg-mm

The word look and sound like the stuff....white men kudos

Lol. Funny story.

I can't imagine how horrific it was.

Some people are addicted to spitting out saliva at the slighted provocation. Once they perceived a bad odour, the next thing is to spit even if it is a public place..., I will rather hold my breath than spit in such situation.

This is disgusting in every sense of the word.

Yuck! Disgusting.

I knew it had to be one of Ishi stories.Thats y am always careful wheneva i want spit wen am inside a public transit.Have got a question for you Ishi,did d lady still pay her fare after d incident?

Finally e be like say na dirty people full inside the bus

detectivejones:
This is disgusting in every sense of the word.

Fidelismaria:
Yuck! Disgusting.

And the powers of description of the writer! Vivid!

A few minutes later, he hawked, coughed in a vio-lent manner, and spat out a generous amount of yellow phlegm. Snatched by the force of the breeze, the phlegm went backwards, entered through the window two seats behind the driver, and splattered on the face of the woman seated there.

She was singing at the time. Some of the phlegm made it inside her mouth

Spitting out phlegm and leaving it everywhere is the human habit I hate the most.

It's hard to jog early in the morning in some places because of thick phlegm everywhere

I pray all phlegm that people spit to transfer evil to the world will not fall on us in Jesus name. Keep clean and stay safe always

vinceyinnovation:
My concern is how do you pronounce the word "phlegm"

Is it flejim
Is it flegum
Is it fleg-mm

The word look and sound like the stuff....white men kudos

I think it's pronounced as flem.

This is small I once witnessed something during my nysc ..

I was heading to Lagos from Katsina then at one point we stopped for women to pee in bushes near by and I and two other make corpwrs decided to come done and rush one stick of Benson and hedges quickly while is dragging and reminiscing on TemiTope's fine botty I would devour when I get to Lagos ... My guy David tapped my shoulder that he wants to pee by a near tree he turned asking me if I have signal on my phone while walking forward and he didn't see a pile of big human shìt on the floor suddenly he slipped and landed face down inside and huge pile of like three or 4 people's shīt ... Probably different travelers who pooped there as I reached forward to help him and saw his face deep inside a huge pile of shīt of different colours with some in side his mouth his nose his beard his eye I I froze ... Cigar feel from my lips...

Omo conductor and some of us helped him up the guy had eaten shit well ...
My soul just lef tmy body sha...
He couldn't scream loud because as he opwnwd his mouth more shït went down his throat

Omo he started vomitting uncontrollably like heavy vomitting and some women in thw his staryed vomitting too Omo I quickly lot another Benson so I don't vomit room the driver and a passenger came over an reach begged me for a stick too because the sight was too horrifying ...

Water u stool shīt hard shīt , shīt with maggots the guy had swallowed all types.

We diverted the bus into a near by in okene looking for hospital o..

That event still gives me nightnares sha

Something similar happened to me back then in Uniben Hall3 Block B(Arrow block )

I just came back from church o on Sunday. My roomies cooked rice then i was in a hurry to join them before the food finish. I stepped out to wash my spoon from 200 series down. As I stretched forth my hand, someone from 400 series spat a very thick catarrh (phlegm) and it landed on my hand as I was washing the spoon.

I threw the spoon away, lost appetite and felt like cutting of my hand

Ghahah

Please Allow us to eat our Sunday rice & chicken in peace o

Gawd!

I just lost appetite now, discontinued eating my Sunday rice and chicken.

Just imagining the bacteria wriggling in the phlegm under microscopic view

Very funny ��. The OP is a good writer. Keep it coming. Can't stop laughing .

When one mofo threw a bucket of urine from the 2nd floor of my school hostel and it found its way on top the sweet tray of Egusi my dear mom had given me and I was trying to sundry.

A minute my tray of over 15cups of egusi was glistening,the next minute it was floating in conc. urine.I cried hot tears throughout that day.
This thread is hilarious and disgusting though.Eewwww��