Does Ethnic Group/class Matter Where Love/Marriage Is Concerned?

Why should a person's culture or tribe matter when love or marriage is concerned? I have seen so many couples break up due to the fetish belief of marrying your own tribes person. Isn't it weird that it is still practiced in this 21st century?

i think it's really weird, i don't see the reason why culture or tribe should stop ya from marring someone you love

It does matter. Lets forget 21st century and all those ideas. Its in your best of interest to marry from your tribe but its advicable not to marry from any other tribe or culture different from yours except u are ready to face or u have enough knowledge and understanding of what u getting in to (marriage). One should only get involve in such engagement if at least 85% of ur inlaws agree with the marriage unless its future trouble u playing with. Simply because each of ur respective family attitudes towards the marriage will always have effect on their child or daughter.

Tribe matters oh! We are not americans or british that marry anyhow and then divorce anyhow. We have a culture and tradition and that doesnt make us any less civilized, All of us Nigerians who are ashamed of our values should change, Our values make us unique, and even the so called oyinbo's are envying it! if not, then why are they investing so much in africa history and artifacts and cultures, even our dance is now a talk of the entire world, Abi u neva see oyinbo wey dey dance makossa?

I agree that our cultures are unique and make us unique
but i dont really think is that much important in whom you
choose to love or marry,
i be hatin them shiit about ooh you cant marry him/her cause he/she
from this tribe, (love is all dat matters)

i think it matters a little imagine a yoruba guy marrying an hausa girl apart from family there is religon and a few other things, but not to say love cannot over come it but there will be difficulties in a marraige between people from different tribes

U rite even though theres da love, theres also the differences
and that is always the problem

why do we Nigerians seem to think we have the monopoly on culture and tradition i fear it makes us look foolish!

i cannot speak for America as i have never spent any real time there, but i did grow up in Scotland and they have so many traditions regarding who you can or cannot marry. until recent history you would not have been permitted to marry anyone from a diffrent clan that is any one not belonging to you tribe- and if a man married a woman who's family were more wealth or powerful (from a different tribe) than his own he would have to take on the womans family name if it is stronger than your own.

A man would also no have been allowed to marry a woman younger than him ,as his family would have to be sure she was strong enough to help her husband through his life, indeed a young couple were not permitted to marry until the girl was pregnant. the couple had to live together in the man parents home until the woman became pregnant ,if after 1yr she was not pregnant they were forced to split and not allowed to try and marry anyone else for 1yr.

none of these things are still practiced but Scottish culture has not fallen appart they are a patriotic people second only in my own experience to Nigerians. culture is built on the peoples of a land, people are not built on the culture they are the culture.

every culture has traditions but the world is becoming smaller and we must move with the times or be left behind

marry the person you love.

We are not americans or british that marry anyhow and then divorce anyhow

Hmmm, take heed to your own signature my friend!

Besides, not all Americans marry anyhow and divorce anyhow(as you put it).

although i agree dat we r all Nigerians but culture and tradition matters 2 me. big up 2 those who marry outside their tribe.good if they like it and enjoying it. i don't mind. on a personal note, as am an igbo gurl, i can't marry a non-igbo and even in igbo, tradition differ 4rom town 2 town or even state 2 state, wheneva i tell ppl i cannot marry a non-igbo, they alwqatz say am tribalist but am like NO, itz a choice and I have ma reasons 4 dat. am da kind dat learning language very diffcult, i want my kids to speak igbo bot where by they r stuck in between etc and i have friends 4rom oll ova 9eria but ma choice remains 2 be an igbo man, anambra or even Nnewi if itz God's will, ppl do it and it works 4 dem, if u now ur capability, do wat u can handle.

@ hotstepper

i am from anambra  will u marry me

Indeed ethnic group, class and religion matter in a case of love and marriage so that one is not unequally yoked. Some ethnic groups in Nigeria demand as much as five hundred thousand naira when it comes to the marriage project and as such i will be very careful when the time comes for love because i think its absurd. Not to talk of the fact that this particular ethnic group will make sure you train all the sibblings in addition to other "useless" demands.

This country is too big and there are a lot of traditions to observe. In some cultures, you pay once and take all, meaning that once you pay the dowry, you are free to take your wife and warn her never to return to her parent's house again .
I once asked a friend why he is comfortable paying so much for a wife that is supposed to be his friend and he gave me an insight into his beliefs. He told me that in Igbo land, once he pays the bride price he has unlimited, unsharable access to his wife and that if she dare commit adultery, she will face the wrath of the gods scary - that is his believe and the only way he thinks he can have a faithful wife and I can't blame him.
Those who don't believe in marrying from other tribes have valid reasons, but once you get over those reason, you can marry from any tribe and make it work. Another fear is not wanting your children to be strangers to your culture. Maybe you as a Yoruba man wants Yoruba children and not Edo children; the same could be traced to religion as in not wanting your kids to be raised as christians when you are a muslim.
As I said, once you are not bothered about those things, you acn comfortably marry from any tribe and enjoy your wedding and let's face it - we are already relaxing most of those cultures.

Na So true true

[He told me that in Igbo land, once he pays the bride price he has unlimited, unsharable access to his wife and that if she dare commit adultery, she will face the wrath of the gods scary -/quote]

It just pisses me off that only in Nigeria is there so much divisions of ethnicities, I guess that is the plight of the black man
Unity will never prevail if we have such feeble minded people that will actually say that ethnicity does matter. So that what do you think about interacial marriages?
Let us all grow up and stop differenciating ourselves. Do you think when the white man sees a hausa mann he is like look at that hausa man? he classify's him as black not even african. Yet in Nigeria this could never be the case, we must have our own perjudicial behaviour even amongst our fellow neighbour. Well i think any relationship can work because culture does not define love, nor does race, colour, size etc. You get the hint?

@ JosBoy

i am sorry the divisions bother you. but it is what it is. and just b/c there is division does not mean that other unhappiness/bad things also HAVE TO EXIST. dont assume that one leads to another. and who cares that white ppl cant distinguish hausa from igbo should i throw my culture to the ground b/c of another's ignorance. at first glance i cant distinguish russian from german but the person surely corrects me when i get it wrong. do i not have that privilege b/c the western world finds it MUCH MORE CONVENIENT to paint me w/ a brush called BLACK?

listen to yourself!

anyhow, i love all ppl and seeing ppl make their relationships work is always inspiring. but ppl should think TWICE. especially WOMEN. women are the ones left to raise children ALONE when relationships dont work out. i live in america and even here men DO NOT pay their child support when court ordered. however, when their ethnicities are similar ive noticed that men seem more inclined to take care of their responsibilities AND THE EXTENDED FAMILY of the MAN does NOT FORGET THE CHILDREN.

i also think that LOVE & GOD can carry a relationship t/o a lot but before someone jumps the broom he/she must be prepared for any hostility here on earth from family.

imagine going to live w/ your husband and his ppl being rude to you? i say husband b/c this is the plight of women. i see that you live in canada, well even here in the USA it happens w/ african/carribean/white/black american relationships

so if you're going to do it, good luck. but dont be SO NAIVE! and dont be mad at others for speaking the obvious truth about pitfalls!

Well,one cannot generalize on this topic. It depends on a lot of factors,which I wont enumerate for now. Me,am from CRS,am married to a Yoruba lady,and I know for a fact that am much better than if I were married to someone from my tribe. My most senior brother was married to an Ibo lady till she died,and he did not have any complains,the boy next to him is married to a lady from Plateau state with no regrets!2 of my sisters are married to boys from Delta,and one of my other brothers,married to a lady from Delta. Non of  us has any problems with these choices.BUT the fundamental thing, is that we all live independent lives and do not tolerate family interference in our homes. The only person with marital problems is my sister married to a guy from our tribe!
I guess the extended family consider us all rebels!
So does tribe matter in love and marriage?- YES and NO,BUt the most important factor is the couple concerned and how they choose to live their lives-To please others OR to ensure their own happiness. Me I know what I want,and no tradition,cultural expectations will influence me! There are as many broken homes in same tribe marriages as there are in different tribe relationships(don't quote me sha!)

@ Chinani
Because you are marrying someone froma different tribe does that mean that u must give up your culture, no. And secondly i only bought up that analogy with the white to serve as a reminder that we are all the same. If you believe that the only way u can save ur culture is by marrying within ur sect that is "naive". Now where im from if you and me were marry my family would whole heartadly accept you, the fact that other people may not just goes to show how ideotic people can get, afterall wouldnt i be the person marrying u not my mother or father?it

But its comforting to here that you believe The Almighty Lord can carry any relationship through. I never said there was not going to be any pitfalls, but culture, race should not be allowed to become one of the barriers in marriage. Though they often do, THIS DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT. But then again marry whom you please, I know who am marrying, and she aint from my villege either

@ JosBoy

well, i'd like to agree to disagree. you said that "we are all the same". i think you think this is the beauty of it. i think that "we are all different" and that the difference is the beauty of it, etc. you see the glass as half empty and i see it as half full. it is a difference of perspective but nothing we should argue about.

and, no, i do not believe that marrying w/in a tribe or village is the only way to preserve culture. ( in fact i think that culture(s) change(s)!) but, i do think that ppl, esp. children can loose or be deprived of knowledge of their culture/heritage if/when they're parents are from 2 different cultures. i say this as a woman but also as someone who has never DATED anyone from my tribe/village. i only wanted to list the possible pitfalls in order to say what a person might want to avoid.

as for myself, when i marry, i dont know who i'm going to marry yet, but congratulations to you! , whether it be a CHINAMAN or a villager i'm going to pass on and teach my children something that respresents my cultural/"tribal" background. my choice, i guess.

chinani:

whether it be a CHINAMAN or a villager i'm going to pass on and teach my children something that respresents my cultural/"tribal" background. my choice, i guess.

I completely agree with this idea. My boyfriend is Nigerian, I'm American and I think it's essential to pass on cultural traditions no matter what cultures are represented. I'm American but my family is Irish in heritage, I grew up with a lot of traditions from the Irish culture because it was important to my family. It's important to instill in children where they come from so I completely agree that you shouldn't give up your culture. It's all about making adjustments without abandoning who you are.

Shannon, why is it so important to pass on traditions? Any reason in particular, or is this belief in itself just another tradition that your mom passed on to you "because"?

@ Seun

My traditions and heritage are part of who I am, they're part of where I come from. Especially in a place like America where it's a giant melting pot of different people. It's part of respecting my parents and grandparents, appreciating where they came from and the struggle they went through so that I could have a better life. It's my history and if you can't hold on to some part of where you come from what are you left with? I think it would be different if my family had lived in the US for hundreds of years, maybe it wouldn't be so important, but my family has been here for less than a hundred years. I'm American, but the history of my family is more closely tied elsewhere. It was passed from my father anyways, my mother doesn't have as much connection with her heritage because her family is French Canadian and when you're living in New York, Canada is just the "state next door."

My traditions and heritage are part of who I am,

Says who? The same traditions and heritage! This is the same way people justify religion. "The bible is true because the bible says , " "Tradition is important because my mother said , " I just see culture - like religion - as something that arbitrarily divides people, who are more alike than they want to believe they are.

@ Seun

Who said that I think people are more different than they are alike? And who says that they are part of who I am? I do. Do I think that they should matter in terms of relationships with people? No. But they are still part of my life just as they are a part of everyone's lives even if they don't want to admit it. Everyone is ruled in some way by the traditions of their heritage because it affects the parents, who raise the children, who then raise their own children and so on. Even if I wanted to completely ignore my heritage there are still things that I do or think that are an effect of that heritage in some way. We cannot completely shun our heritage in the hopes that it will somehow make the world a more unified place. There will always be cultural differences because on a globe this large there are different ideals and practices that will benefit the peoples of different places. Why ignore that for the sake of "unity?"

There will always be cultural differences because on a globe this large there are different ideals and practices that will benefit the peoples of different places. Why ignore that for the sake of "unity?"

I am[i] not[/i] suggesting that we should ignore differences that are rooted in tradition rather than necessity. I am suggesting that we should recognize and work against such (arbitrary) differences the same way we recognize but work against racism. The less arbitrary traditions we hold dear, the greater the chance of finding hapiness!

Anyway, I respect your own point of view and I look forward to reading more of your posts!

@Seun

I get your point and although I love a good debate, it's 1:30 in the morning here and I'm going to bed so I can go to church in the morning (I know, another thing that causes unnecessary separation between people, but I do love church ) Just the same, I see what you're saying and that's all good.

they shd not matter but shd not ignored

preferences.