You're Married To A Guy/girl That's Not Smart

Hello all, what will you do if you find yourself married to a guy/girl that is just not smart. Not that he/she is not intelligent, might even have made a 1st class, but u know some people r just not smart in the basic things of life. If they are not taught something in school, they just can never know it, probably because they are too straight to read novels, surf the web or just pick information along. What will u do if you end up with a spouse like that.

Where will you start from. I have a friend who is so classy but i wonder what she ever discusses with her hussy 'because they r so different. He's a nice guy et al, but i just see him as so slow. Like you will have to explain why US has a president and Britain has a Prime minister.

So ladies out there what will u do, the ideal hussy, nice well paying job, good at his job, but is not smart & therefore is a dull.

Guys you too, lovely wife, takes care of the house, you and the kids, 1st class product in university but she just can't hold an intelligent conversation with your guys except they are talking physics and chemistry.

Questions for you:
- How can someone who is not smart get a first class in a Nigerian university? Cheating?
- Why should you marry someone you don't respect? Is it possible that your friend respects her husband more than you do?

Do you know that class is not the same thing as intelligence? If it was, Snazzy would be the smartest lady on the land just for her looks and fashion-consciousness. And Genevieve Nnaji would be the finance minister. And there is a strong possibility that this "slow" husband you are yabbing actually looks down on you, like "pffft empty and flashy vessel". Have you been smart enough to considere that?

Anyway, I would marry a peaceful woman without my curiousity and ambition if she's the last woman on earth. But first I will spend time loooking for a better model. If I'm married to such a woman, I'll just have to simplify my lifestyle and bring it to her level, I guess. Dull and reliable beats smart and devilish in my book.

try and correct the unsmartness with respect and understanding if possible, you should have done that during courtship you know

Questions for you:
- How can someone who is not smart get a first class in a Nigerian university? Cheating?

Monsieur administrator its quite obvious you don't know the difference between intelligence and smartness. It is very possible for someone to make a 1st class, even be a professor without cheating and not be smart, not all intelligent people are smart. Find out.

Smart people make the management team, they run the show while the intelligent ones do most of the work and the research. The intelligent ones talk theory, the smart ones talk life-real life therefore they rule. They know their onions. I take you to be smart 'cos of what you've made out of Nairaland and i can understand that you are not intelligent enough to know the difference between the two or to understand what i've written.

I never said my friend does not respect the husband, infact i respect him because of the way he ensures his family is well taken care of but a fat pay cheque still does not make him a smart guy you can expect to carry an intelligent conversation with except if the topic of discourse engineering.

The igbo business man in Yaba is smart enough to know how to turn 100k into 500k but he's not intelligent enough to understand stocks and shares.

Do you get the drift

Those who understand how to make money are very skeptical about stocks and shares. It's not because they are stupid, it's because they are smart enough to see that the entire system is basically a scam or a gambling ring. They are not educated enough to know how to over-rule their common-sense with the sort of nonsense that some over-educated people spout. Read The Stock Market.

You are saying that someone is not smart because he's only interested in talking about Engineering. That is silly. That's like Genevieve Nnaji saying Bill Gates is not smart because he doesn't know fashion or movie-making, that he only knows software. Sometimes, smart people talk less and perform more. Sometimes, smart people are boring. Yes, maybe the man in question is boring, but how can you say he's not smart. Stupid people don't make money.

I have learnt not to look down on people just because their interests don't coincide with mine. I am offended simply because you are classifying someone as not smart, which is condescending. You could have said he's not sophisticated and I'll have understood. I'm going to be watching your posts on the forum to see just how smart you are since you are bold enough to say someone is not smart.

Teefah, I can see that you are none of the two. Literarily, 'smart' means the same thing as 'intelligent'. It's not possible to be smart and not intelligent or vice versa. Get an English Teacher fast! Olodo

skidoc it's possible to be smart and not intelligent but i don't know how i can explain but i can give u example, the most intelligent girl in my class back at sec school is the doormat of the class she's just there like vegetables but if she's smart she'll be active

teju oso:

the most intelligent girl in my class back at sec school is the doormat of the class she's just there like vegetables but if she's smart she'll be active

You have just described an entirely different thing here. Lack of vocabulary is the problem here, the girl you described above is simply taciturn/inactive/quiet/unsociable and not un-smart. The most intelligent girl in your class is also literarily the smartest girl.
I think Naija mentality is the reason why people interpret words differently, you know in Naija when they say somebody is smart, they are kind of saying the person is crafty or something like that. So children, go and learn your English very well before you start arguing what is not.

i totally agree with teefah in da example using da igbo business man, i think datz how 2 understand da diff. although INTELLIGENT. BRILLIANT AND SMART is used differently in diff. society like western world uses SMART 2 replace their INTELLIGENT, but i go with teefah clearification, SMART is more like a common senseeeee

Hotstepper:

SMART is more like a common senseeeee

Thank you Hotstepper. I wonder why people don't agree that there is a difference btw intelligence and smartness. Oh maybe i should say common sense, like Hotstepper. I don't know how else to explain this but the two are different though they seem very similar.

Teefah,i understand wat u mean,n i kno u r lookin at smart n intelligent 4rm d Nigerian English perspective.Meanwhile,Seun is lookin at it 4rm d standard English perspective,in which case smart is a somewhat informal usage n a less precise equivalent 4 intelligent,clever n alert.So 4rm d Nigerian aspect,avin a husband or wife dt isnt smart n intelligent cn b a pain in d butt,annoyin,borin,irritatin.But like wat Seun said,i think its beta 4 my husband 2 b reliable n not smart[i'l find ways of compromisin our interests],dn smart n unreliable.Actually I'd really prefer he is smart n intelligent.

reniks:

Teefah,i understand what u mean,n i kno you're lookin at smart n intelligent from d Nigerian English perspective.Meanwhile,Seun is lookin at it from d standard English perspective,

Exactly my point.

it's up to you to teach him/her to be smart

Anyway sha, if any woman I'm dating is 'smart' enough to tell me I'm not smart, I'll definitely be 'intellingent' enough to make her understand that she's not intelligent!

Tellin a guy he isnt smart can be quite awkward,it could be as awkward as tellin him he has body/mouth odour.D good thing is it aids gettin d solution.

word

i'll make him smart

hopefully you were his or her boyfriend/girfriend before you married him/her , then you would already have known that he / she wasnt smart , really, then if you didnt like the fact that they arnt smart you wouldnt marry them, duh!

as u ppl r dating, u should know whether he is smart enough 4 u so why wait till u r married?lol so dat makes u da dumb one, lol

i think your definition of smartness in your relatonship is one sided. your partner may also feel you are not smart when it comes to some other issues on which you don't place much priority. i belive every one has areas where they are better than others. you only need to be honest and obsrvant and you'll find your partner's. cheers!

I guess we cannot all be smart all the time.  Something must have attracted me to him to make up for all his "silliness".  I guess to get married to him, it could not be all that bad.

No one is completely stupid.  Unless there is some genetic or congenital anomaly.  Most people act silly when trapped in a "retarded" environment that does not forster any type of cognitive developement.  Take them out of that habitat and you will really be amazed how well they can change. It all has to do with exposure.

almondjoy:

I guess we cannot all be smart all the time. Something must have attracted me to him to make up for all his "silliness". I guess to get married to him, it could not be all that bad.

No one is completely stupid. Unless there is some genetic or congenital anomaly. Most people act silly when trapped in a "retarded" environment that does not forster any type of cognitive developement. Take them out of that habitat and you will really be amazed how well they can change. It all has to do with exposure.

Thank you!

@ poster why wud a smart woman be stupid enough to marry an silly guy?
what wud an intelligent lady be doing with an unintelligent guy?
the fact that the so called smart or intelligent woman is marry a stupid/silly and unintelligent guy makes her so stupid/silly and unintelligent too.

everybody is smart in his/her own way.
everybody has his/her own weakness too.
in marriage we complement each others smartness and sillyness/weakness

ifyalways:

@ poster why would a smart woman be stupid enough to marry an silly guy?
what would an intelligent lady be doing with an unintelligent guy?
the fact that the so called smart or intelligent woman is marry a stupid/silly and unintelligent guy makes her so stupid/silly and unintelligent too.

your answer suggest that you are innocent to this world.
let me tell you why an intelligent woman would marry a dumb guy
The Penis. don't know the local expression for the Penis in Nigeria
but here its called the Cocky, The Anaconda, third leg, etc
when a woman gets a good taste of one
she just can't leave it alone

you go ask some of the married women here
ask them how many times they have tasted good cocky
and how many times it has tempted them to leave their husband

The answer to the question might be either of 3 possibilities.

1. Either the person who is saying the other is not smart or intelligent is dumb herself/himself to have decided to marry a dumb person in the first place.

OR

2. It may be Cut_ N_ Hot reason(as in good cocky) but i think women in particular wouldn't marry solely for that.

OR

3. Maybe the stupid, dumb non-smart, unintelligent guy is loaded as in having money. and if this couple are in Nigeria, I think this answer is more propable.

Anyway, as they say ' the beauty is in the eyes of the beholder' what may be smart or dumb may be opposite to the other person

and there is also this thing with an average Igbo business man, he is only interested in making his money and selling and buying, to him that is smartness and intelligence and not big grammer. and as in Nigeria you will be suprised that it is good enough for them.

Intelligence is not relative.

You always know if someone is smart or not.

Sure he/she has other positive sides. Maybe a good cook or good in bed!

ifyalways:

@ poster why would a smart woman be stupid enough to marry an silly guy?
what would an intelligent lady be doing with an unintelligent guy?
the fact that the so called smart or intelligent woman is marry a stupid/silly and unintelligent guy makes her so stupid/silly and unintelligent too.

everybody is smart in his/her own way.
everybody has his/her own weakness too.
in marriage we complement each others smartness and sillyness/weakness

Well spoken.
Good to be intelligent/smart and all but 10 for the price of 1 intelligent/smart men out there that don't know how to treat a woman or their family. Well done to your friend for getting a good man and keeping him, brains or not brains.

Ummm. . . .thats weird. . . .well hopefully she's extremely smart and he's not completely daft!!!!!!

At least there's a likelyhood of things balancing out so to speak Abbi??

Abeg i no fit shout!!

@ Poster

I guess what you mean is incompatibility in the area experts call Fluid Intelligence (the ability to find meaning in confusion and solve new problems). Book smart (First Class, etc) is different from Fluid Intelligence.

Excelling in standardized tests require Book Smart, building a successful marriage requires compatible Fluid Intelligence.

It's not a case of one party not being smart enough, but a case of not being compatible, intelligence-wise, with a partner.

Smart and intelligent is like saying "o ni brain sugbon ko jasi"

You are married to complete the other person.
So if he is not smart and you are smart, that is all that is needed and together you could climb all the mountains of importance.