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40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate - Romance (9) - Nairaland

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Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by claremont(m): 9:40pm On Sep 01, 2011
Good Girl:

And you are sure it's her yanga that is responsible for it?

I ask this because I know several single mature women (+35) who are just single because they've not met their compatible partners. They are just nice, homely lovely ladies that have not been lucky to be involved in mutually enriching relationships. If anything the ones with shakara are the ones happily married in their homes. So you see, you cannot always blame it on the shakara. In fact in some cases, too much niceness is to blame.
Assuming a lady starts dating at 16, and now she is 40 years old, that means she has spent 24 years of her life searching for a "compatible partner". Surely, 24 years should be enough for even the ugliest lady in the world to find someone she agrees with; except maybe she is looking for Mr.Perfect, in which case, we all know that perfect person does NOT exist.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by tpia5: 9:50pm On Sep 01, 2011
@2buff

enough with the expiry talk.


@topic

never too late as they say.

What you need to do is lower your standards a bit if you really are searching for a man.

Dont come across as haughty or stuck up since this will reduce your chances of finding someone who isnt an unsavoury type.

By lowering your standards i mean dont exclude men who might not be as educated or rich as you.

And develop a thicker skin btw. The expiry talk isnt gonig to end any time soon and 40 is a bit late for a nigerian woman to still be looking for a husband. People havent yet been westernised to the extent that they'll consider it normal for a woman of 30+ to remain unmarried.

We're getting there but havent quite reached it yet.

Also, pray without ceasing and try to not be sneaky because that's usually counter productive.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by jobest1: 10:01pm On Sep 01, 2011
i think this has exceed physical problem,you have to go for spiritual deliverance.for it is abnormal 4 a lady of your age to still b searching.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Nobody: 10:53pm On Sep 01, 2011
Actually I left my laptop on and stepped out briefly. Someone here in my house must have posted crap with my account.

As I've already stated, I have a sadly realistic understanding of the OP and where she's coming from. I too am the only black person in my entire office building and the prospects for nigerian ladies in the city are quite scarce indeed. Luckily I'm only 25 and I intend to do a lot of travelling soon.  cool

As much as I may pick on some nigerian girls, forming aside and with all honesty, I would still really love to end up with (the right) one.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Nobody: 10:58pm On Sep 01, 2011
2buff:

Actually I left my laptop on and stepped out briefly. Someone here in my house must have posted crap with my account.

As I've already stated, I have a sadly realistic understanding of the OP and where she's coming from. I too am the only black person in my entire office building and the prospects for nigerian ladies in the city are quite scarce indeed. Luckily I'm only 25 and I intend to do a lot of travelling soon.  cool

As much as I may pick on some nigerian girls,[b] forming aside [/b]and with all honesty, I would still really love to end up with (the right) one.

Had to laugh at that phrase as I don't think I've ever heard a naija babe say it. grin
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by kandiikane(m): 1:10am On Sep 02, 2011
Good Girl:

Her happiness cannot be pegged on her marrying a Nigerian. That is probably the mistake she's been making over the years and I will [/i]discourage her. Just glance at what the males on this forum have been typing about her. Do you seriously think they are capable of making ANYBODY happy, let alone the OP? Just be honest with yourself! Can any form of happiness emanate from those venom-speaking men who just lash out at a woman for the simple reason that she's 40 and unmarried (like she chose to be in that situation in the first place)?

ZE, about white guys not having "sweet priks" as you've put it; do not underestimate your opponent. I've also heard that the white boys have their own strengths in the art of love-making. I repeat, I've heard. They are not as lousy as you'd want to believe. It's all in your head. There are many things which give pleasure to a woman beyond "priks" and the white boys do not hesitate to explore those options. That [i]Black Men are Good in Bed
saying should not get into your head; it's a myth that fellas need to stop spreading because it inflates the egos of the lousy lays.

I still insist that the lady should try out dating other races or other African nationalities. She should avoid jerks.
The Op did not say she wanted a Nigerian man but a black man. .Or, is black man now Nigerian man? She does not want men from other races, is it by force?
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by sexsinners(m): 5:06am On Sep 02, 2011
claremont:

Assuming a lady starts dating at 16, and now she is 40 years old, that means she has spent 24 years of her life searching for a "compatible partner". Surely, 24 years should be enough for even the ugliest lady in the world to find someone she agrees with; except maybe she is looking for Mr.Perfect, in which case, we all know that perfect person does NOT exist.

a 16 year old that starts dating is a vvhore, she should be thinking about school
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Nobody: 6:57am On Sep 02, 2011
kandiikane:

The Op did not say she wanted a Nigerian man but a black man. .Or, is black man now Nigerian man?

I mentioned Nigerian because she mentioned that her aunties, relatives, blah blah blah would always tell her to go back home to get a husband and the poster I was responding to was also suggesting that the lady should go to Naija.  angry

kandiikane:

She does not want men from other races, is it by force?

It is not by force. It is just a suggestion for Pete's sake!  angry

But if she is still fixated on one race, then she can knock herself out.  angry

claremont:

Assuming a lady starts dating at 16, and now she is 40 years old, that means she has spent 24 years of her life searching for a "compatible partner". Surely, 24 years should be enough for even the ugliest lady in the world to find someone she agrees with; except maybe she is looking for Mr.Perfect, in which case, we all know that perfect person does NOT exist.

Why this thing is being made to be about her, I don't understand.

Fellows are assuming that she is looking for Mr. Perfect, others say she could be ugly, others say she could be snobbish, daddy's girl, spoilt. . . . blah blah blah.

I have an example of an aunt. She's single at 38, so you can imagine the panic (praying and fasting) around my family members. She's a really nice lady, not bad-looking, very fit body and has been involved in two relationships. Yes, 2 relationships in her whole life. Those two relationships did not work out. The first guy she dated left the country and the second relationship ended because she realized that the man was married. I don't think she has high expectations really. All she wants is a sensitive man because heartbreaks scare the sh[i]i[/i]t out of her.

But even at that, am sure somebody will just be quick to judge her probably saying that she's choosy, she had too much shakara when she was younger, she had it coming. . . . blah blah blah. . . . while that's not really the case.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by ZE: 4:18pm On Sep 02, 2011
Good Girl:

Her happiness cannot be pegged on her marrying a Nigerian. That is probably the mistake she's been making over the years and I will [/i]discourage her. Just glance at what the males on this forum have been typing about her. Do you seriously think they are capable of making ANYBODY happy, let alone the OP? Just be honest with yourself! Can any form of happiness emanate from those venom-speaking men who just lash out at a woman for the simple reason that she's 40 and unmarried (like she chose to be in that situation in the first place)?

ZE, about white guys not having "sweet priks" as you've put it; do not underestimate your opponent. I've also heard that the white boys have their own strengths in the art of love-making. I repeat, I've heard. They are not as lousy as you'd want to believe. It's all in your head. There are many things which give pleasure to a woman beyond "priks" and the white boys do not hesitate to explore those options. That [i]Black Men are Good in Bed
saying should not get into your head; it's a myth that fellas need to stop spreading because it inflates the egos of the lousy lays.

I still insist that the lady should try out dating other races or other African nationalities. She should avoid jerks.

@ Good Girl
you only heard but those who had dated oyibo and blacks gave a first hand account of their experience. they said oyibo prik no pass the exam(e de do yobo-yobo). Please dont deceive the OP its her happiness.

oyibo's are hardworking, intelligent, honest, financially very ok. but she said she want a black guy. she can still get a black guy that will make her happy.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Nobody: 4:23pm On Sep 02, 2011
^^ It's likely possibly not about the prik, but connectability.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by oceangreen: 5:39pm On Sep 02, 2011
hmm! this is serious! undecided
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by oceangreen: 5:46pm On Sep 02, 2011
baby,calm down else ur desperation can earn u emotional devastation. don't worry i know it ain't easy,you'll get over ur probs. on a the other hand, don't u think ur criteria is too high. besides,men don't grow on trees.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by tpia5: 11:32pm On Sep 02, 2011
She's single at 38, so you can imagine the panic (praying and fasting) around my family members. She's a really nice lady, not bad-looking, very fit body and has been involved in two relationships. Yes, 2 relationships in her whole life. Those two relationships did not work out. The first guy she dated left the country and the second relationship ended because she realized that the man was married. I don't think she has high expectations really. All she wants is a sensitive man because heartbreaks scare the poo out of her.

But even at that, am sure somebody will just be quick to judge her probably saying that she's choosy, she had too much shakara when she was younger, she had it coming. . . . blah blah blah. . . . while that's not really the case.

hmm, this is serious.

maybe she could have dated more [sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince], but i know for a fact that some women, if they find out they've been inadverdently dating a married man, get kind of scared and lay off having relationships for a while. Some women, not all.

as per the first boyfriend who travelled out- yes, many single nigerian men who go overseas, marry where they are. It can be hard sometimes especially if the man is looking for paper.


no offence, but i think your aunt might have to look inward a bit, at the type of men she's attracted to, and why. The low frequency of her relationships might be a pointer, and no, i'm not endorsing sluttiness either.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by claremont(m): 11:49pm On Sep 02, 2011
Good Girl:


I have an example of an aunt. She's single at 38, so you can imagine the panic (praying and fasting) around my family members. She's a really nice lady, not bad-looking, very fit body and has been involved in two relationships. Yes, 2 relationships in her whole life. Those two relationships did not work out. The first guy she dated left the country and the second relationship ended because she realized that the man was married. I don't think she has high expectations really. All she wants is a sensitive man because heartbreaks scare the sh[i]i[/i]t out of her.

But even at that, am sure somebody will just be quick to judge her probably saying that she's choosy, she had too much shakara when she was younger, she had it coming. . . . blah blah blah. . . . while that's not really the case.

If your aunt is indeed a "really nice lady, not bad-looking, very fit body", my question is; why then is she single at 38? The afore-mentioned qualities are what the average guy is looking for in a lady, and if she possesses them, then she would have been snapped up before now. Moreover, assuming she started dating by 16, and now she is 38, she would have spent 22 years of her life in the dating game. Are you saying that she has only dated 2 guys within a space of 22 years? If so, then I think there must be something in her character that is holding her back, and prayers are definitely NOT the answer. A character modification may be necessary before it's too late!

P.S: If your "aunt" is still available, kindly direct her to Nairaland; she should upload her recent picture, and get involved. This is all part of the "character modification" we are talking about! wink
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by whiteroses(f): 11:56pm On Sep 02, 2011
You people will destroy this site with lies and surreal illicit stories. Fakk of all of una
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by tpia5: 11:57pm On Sep 02, 2011
^^why do you think the stories are lies?

i think many people [including myself] know of others in such situations.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by fredrick3: 1:29am On Sep 03, 2011
pls, you guys should try to be real in your in your doings
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Ivynwa(f): 1:44am On Sep 03, 2011
"
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Trac: 4:13am On Sep 03, 2011
To the original poster:

Begin asking your parents questions. What kind? I don't know, but start from somewhere. Your today comprised of yesterday, a product of yester generation. You cannot move know where you are going to if you have no clue where you are coming from. Different strokes for different folks.

You might also tackle your problem from another approach. Examine yourself! You may have traits that displeases potential men. I am not judging you nor making comments in conclusions but to check yourself. A man that submits in a relation is what my environment terms a wimp & unfit for the pants. You are to be a help-meet in a marriage bond and not the other way (a principle still foreign to many women). It could be just one trait or many that you possess. Serious men would discern this after months of noting and observing you. Never pick a person less than you (potentials, possible potentials, roles, intellect etc). You will spend the rest of your life frustrated and the worst will come out of you.

In addition to this, you are going to have to talk to married women about this. The unmarried cannot help you. There are understandings, issues/matters that an only be understood when one is married. A person's life is not the same after marriage.

I am sure it is now clear that beauty and brains does cannot grant you a man; how much more a "home." There is more to life than meets the eye. The arm of flesh does fail indeed. Do not get desperate. It is the time to be at rest and work earnestly to come to a solution. Start praying! Believe it or not, stubborn cases have been resolved by virtue of prayer. It's not going to be a one day thing but wrestle it till the answer comes. My mom told me that in her time, girls prayed for their hubby as early as their mid teens. You are at one station of life and have been detained.

As Ivynwa said, "may GOD make all things beautiful for you and give you a good companion."
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by tpia5: 4:18am On Sep 03, 2011
My mom told me that in her time, girls prayed for their hubby as early as their mid teens.


really?

though in some olden days a lot of girls married in their teens anyway.






Begin asking your parents questions.  What kind?  I don't know, but start from somewhere.  Your today comprised of yesterday, a product of yester generation.  You cannot move know where you are going to if you have no clue where you are coming from

makes sense although trusting in God may suffice if the past is too big a burden to be revealed.

some secrets are better kept secret.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Nobody: 4:20am On Sep 03, 2011
Trac:

My mom told me that in her time, girls prayed for their hubby as early as their mid teens.

My mom was one of em.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Nobody: 4:45am On Sep 03, 2011
Good Girl:



Fellows are assuming that she is looking for Mr. Perfect, others say she could be ugly, others say she could be snobbish, daddy's girl, spoilt. . . . blah blah blah.

I have an example of an aunt. She's single at 38, so you can imagine the panic (praying and fasting) around my family members. She's a really nice lady, not bad-looking, very fit body and has been involved in two relationships. Yes, 2 relationships in her whole life. Those two relationships did not work out. The first guy she dated left the country and the second relationship ended because she realized that the man was married. I don't think she has high expectations really. All she wants is a sensitive man because heartbreaks scare the sh[i]i[/i]t out of her.

But even at that, am sure somebody will just be quick to judge her probably saying that she's choosy, she had too much shakara when she was younger, she had it coming. . . . blah blah blah. . . . while that's not really the case.

You are not being truthful about your aunt. Every woman (no exceptions) has had men approach her for romance or marriage in her prime. Whoever says otherwise is a liar. That your aunt has only been in two relationships in her life does not mean she has only been approached by two men all her life. What did she do with the others? Did she pass them up waiting for her proverbial knight in golden armour? Did she not realize that the mating advantage will ultimately swing over to the men while her options narrow?

Younger ladies should learn a lesson that their youth and beauty is their most valuable asset to attract a man (if they hope to get married someday). Its your character that will keep him though. When you are young and older guys approach you, understand that he is ignoring older ladies for you. A time is coming when the men will begin to ignore you for the younger ladies. It does not matter how sweet and nice you are.  What goes around (to your advantage when young) will ultimately come around (to your detriment when older) especially when you hit 30 and still single. Its unfortunate but true.

While I doubt that a man looking for a bride and a mother to sire his kids will be looking at someone clocking 40, I believe with prayer, there is nothing that God cannot do!
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Nobody: 6:41am On Sep 03, 2011
^^^^^Why are people finding it hard to believe that such scenarios actually exist?

I am talking about what I HAVE SEEN. Yes, there are men who used to approach my aunt; sometimes for flings, but she's never been the type to pursue meaningless relationships and I also suspect that she took a very long time to get over her ex (the one overseas). After she dated the married man (without knowing that he was actually married) she panics at the thought of another heartbreak and this really saddens me. Sometimes I cry on her behalf because I think she's in a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't situation.

@ claremont, quit using 16 as the ideal age that people begin to date. At 16 I was thinking school-books! cheesy

whiteroses:

You people will destroy this site with lies and surreal illicit stories. Fakk of all of una

Say what you want. Facts remain - My aunt is a 38-year old single woman!

@ tpia, I think many women get scared of kissing too many frogs. Some don't even want to try to kiss one.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by sexsinners(m): 9:36am On Sep 03, 2011
Good Girl:

^^^^^Why are people finding it hard to believe that such scenarios actually exist?

I am talking about what I HAVE SEEN. Yes, there are men who used to approach my aunt; sometimes for flings, but she's never been the type to pursue meaningless relationships and I also suspect that she took a very long time to get over her ex (the one overseas). After she dated the married man (without knowing that he was actually married) she panics at the thought of another heartbreak and this really saddens me. Sometimes I cry on her behalf because I think she's in a damn-if-you-do-damn-if-you-don't situation.

@ claremont, quit using 16 as the ideal age that people begin to date. At 16 I was thinking school-books! cheesy

Say what you want. The truth remains - My aunt is a 38 year old single woman!

@ tpia, I think many women get scared of kissing many frogs. Some don't even want to try.


god bless you sweety don't listen to that devil , he wants 16 year olds to have sex and betray God.

16 is the worse time to be thinking about girls/boys, they need to be thinking about what university they will go to, what career they want. not a family. in my definition ppl should date when they are ready for a family,like God or so called evolution intended.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by claremont(m): 10:10am On Sep 03, 2011
sexsinners:


god bless you sweety don't listen to that devil , he wants 16 year olds to Be Intimate and betray God.

16 is the worse time to be thinking about girls/boys, they need to be thinking about what university they will go to, what career they want. not a family. in my definition ppl should date when they are ready for a family,like God or so called evolution intended.

LWKMD!!! grin grin cheesy
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by obowunmi(m): 12:13pm On Sep 03, 2011
Another wooopla story.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by fredrick3: 11:57pm On Sep 05, 2011
lets be matured here.any child in this site should try log on to education forum and nt thinking of roMmance.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by kandiikane(m): 1:40am On Sep 06, 2011
Good Girl:

I mentioned Nigerian because she mentioned that her aunties, relatives, blah blah blah would always tell her to go back home to get a husband and the poster I was responding to was also suggesting that the lady should go to Naija.  angry

It is not by force. It is just a suggestion for Pete's sake!  angry

But if she is still fixated on one race, then she can knock herself out.  angry

Whether her aunties, relatives, blah, blah wants her to go back home to marry is not the issue here. She wants a black man from any background who is hardworking etc etc. She does not find other races attractive because if she did she would have been married by now. If you are going to advice, advice within the criteria she is looking for.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by nsodo: 5:58am On Sep 06, 2011
It is never too late i know God will give you a husband but do not take your fathers advice if you're to get married and what you should do is reduce on the qualities you look for in a man because that perfect man is not there. If the man has 50% of those qualities you want go with him instead of waiting for one with 100% because chances are high that he might not come.
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Nobody: 10:19am On Sep 06, 2011
kandiikane:

If you are going to advice, advice within the criteria she is looking for.

I think I did that sometime back in the statement below. Yeah, let her knock herself out with the race she finds "attractive".

Good Girl:

But if she is still fixated on one race, then she can knock herself out. angry
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by kandiikane(m): 2:31pm On Sep 06, 2011
Good! wink
Re: 40 Year Old Single Woman: Getting Desperate by Oppeolluwa(m): 3:16pm On Sep 06, 2011
Adebisi try to call me on 08023376671

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