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Muslim Singles: Why Are You Not Married? / Advice To Muslim Singles / Muslim Singles Matching Service (MSMS) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 6:32pm On Jan 03, 2014
deols:

What if he grounds her?

Even a governor did that to his wife.

And if she is suffering and could die from his beating, she should leave.

What is that list of what you must protect?
1. Religion
2. lives
3. cant remember.

Her life is more sacred than the marriage institution.


1.Religion 2. Life 3. Progeny or family 4. Intellect or mind 5. Property or wealth
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by busar(m): 7:01pm On Jan 03, 2014
deols:

What if he grounds her?

Even a governor did that to his wife.

And if she is suffering and could die from his beating, she should leave.

What is that list of what you must protect?
1. Religion
2. lives
3. cant remember.

Her life is more sacred than the marriage institution.

Marriage is not a do or die affair.There are always options.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by deols(f): 7:03pm On Jan 03, 2014
tbaba1234:

1.Religion 2. Life 3. Progeny or family 4. Intellect or mind 5. Property or wealth

Thanks
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by golpen(m): 8:04pm On Jan 03, 2014
deols:

Only In Nigeria.

drag or beat her like she is a cow grin

**
Y am I still posting on this ehn

Or better still stay indoors because she's vexed and get fired at work, so then she looks worse than a cow when she has to feed the home. smiley

2 Likes

Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by PHEMIEY(m): 8:42pm On Jan 03, 2014
golpen:

Or better still stay indoors because she's vexed and get fired at work, so then she looks worse than a cow when she has to feed the home. smiley

#lol.
I still thinks there are ALWAYS options. and its in extreme scenarios like this that d zteristics of a REAL man comes to the fore.
#not in lalaland
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by onegig(m): 11:04pm On Jan 03, 2014
Sissie:
I do agree some women tend to take advantage of such men, men do too.
It depends on the type of person you meet, if you want someone who appreciates openness, their are people who do. You just need to find one.
.

That is another perspective. Carrying my night watch glasses now around. cheesy



deols:

I don't know of MOST ladies. But I do know that one thing That I appreciate in a partner is openness.

I know a very good person whose decline to be 'vulnerable' is the problem.

I can't live with someone who would not share everything with me.

You might just be surprised that MAny women appreciate that trait.

True.....


There are still many out there but they are in the minority.


but wait he has everything but just that? Maybe he just wanted to appear tough .
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by onegig(m): 11:22pm On Jan 03, 2014
maclatunji:
I fear ladies may brag their way into trouble. How many young single ladies boasted that their marriage would be perfect, only for them to find the opposite after tying the knot?
No be we men? Promise heaven and earth before marriage and then transform after the wedding.
By the way, this is a forum not a personal blog? If you don't want your ideas contested and/or challenged, please don't post and be a reader.

i guess those who did brag and have the opposite would learn to live with their decision. Pitiable but thats just reality.

However, that doesnt stop us from dreaming , their propositions and ideas are still very real and valid. If they could be the best of themselves and shine their eyes well to see beyond the pretense of SOME men and ready to work for what they want, i see no stopping them. Bottomline is let your dream be within the armbits of reality.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by golpen(m): 11:40pm On Jan 03, 2014
PHEMIEY:

#lol.
I still thinks there are ALWAYS options. and its in extreme scenarios like this that d zteristics of a REAL man comes to the fore.
#not in lalaland

Let me share with you a story that makes it seem as if maclatunji was there.

I spent a time with some couple in abuja when I had a programme in town. This is just one of the silly issues they had which costed the hubby some deal.

The brother came home late with some excuse of tight work schedule, somewhat genuine but she still managed to nag and they had a little mishap to bed. The next thing in the morning was the wife locking him in, obstructing the ready man from going to work. This was her plight;

She had coughed severely in the night and despite that, the brother didn't turn to check on her. But from what I later got, the first set of coughs were the natural ones, followed by a couple of fabricated coughs, which the brother noticed and intentionally didn't pay attention. That was the match that exploded the gun powder of the previous day's lateness pa lava.

In a nutshell, the brother ended up being suspended at work, because unfortunately, that has always been the wife's way of showing her grievances which mostly ended the brother getting late to work or sometimes not even going at all.

How frustrated do you think the husband will be if such incident happens again
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by maclatunji: 12:18am On Jan 04, 2014
^You mean I am not some delinquent just creating random stories because I am naturally obscene, annoying and people should probably have a mental picture of me when they think of a really bad person?
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by maclatunji: 12:30am On Jan 04, 2014
golpen:

Let me share with you a story that makes it seem as if maclatunji was there.

I spent a time with some couple in abuja when I had a programme in town. This is just one of the silly issues they had which costed the hubby some deal.

The brother came home late with some excuse of tight work schedule, somewhat genuine but she still managed to nag and they had a little mishap to bed. The next thing in the morning was the wife locking him in, obstructing the ready man from going to work. This was her plight;

She had coughed severely in the night and despite that, the brother didn't turn to check on her. But from what I later got, the first set of coughs were the natural ones, followed by a couple of fabricated coughs, which the brother noticed and intentionally didn't pay attention. That was the match that exploded the gun powder of the previous day's lateness pa lava.

In a nutshell, the brother ended up being suspended at work, because unfortunately, that has always been the wife's way of showing her grievances which mostly ended the brother getting late to work or sometimes not even going at all.

How frustrated do you think the husband will be if such incident happens again

Jokes apart, brothers on this thread are not helping matters. Let us imagine that some of the vocal young women have a right to think the things they do. Is it not the duty of men to say: "the way you think of us is not exactly the way we are o"? Do this, that and those, then hopefully we will both be fine as men and women but all these: "keep dancing we are behind you posts are not helpful".

This thread would be a waste if someone entered it with a certain set of preconceived notions and after 200 pages is still thinking the same way.

May Allah guide us to success (Ameen).
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tpia5: 4:12am On Jan 04, 2014
^how would you handle the situation you mentioned?
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Danmas: 6:35am On Jan 04, 2014
maclatunji:

Apparently, they do not have an answer. #Telling #Instructive #LOL
hahaha....
I dnt want to appear on this film... i dont want to get beaten or chased by anglry mobs of... !#joking.
Bytheway it got really interesting, may God reward you all. I pray that in the near future we would not be hearing the words 'misbehaving' and 'punishment'
may Allah give us the best of spouses.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Danmas: 6:46am On Jan 04, 2014
Salam. Read all your posts. hmm... Educating,reasonably and tensely debated. Busy preparing for exams and going to stay away for sometimes. Need your PRAYERS.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Danmas: 7:21am On Jan 04, 2014
busar: This is exactly what I know of.
I was discussing with a muslimah(married) one day and she made mention of brothers hiding their true character from the sister.But she would get to know his true character afterward.
I think/know that she(the sister) is experiencing the same thing.
Question: how can you know the true character of someone without courtship before marriage?
Seriously, i use to pity our sisters' on what they go through in marriage after years of courtship, but most of the time its there inability to see beyond their fingers, they substitutes illusion with reality and latter end of regreting. They usually class the good guys as boring/unwise and ignore them for the percieved CHarming!
As Mac. Mentioned, guys promise them this and that and they will believe which after marriege turn out to be elusion.
May Allah help us. Ameen
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by maclatunji: 7:21am On Jan 04, 2014
tpia@:
^how would you handle the situation you mentioned?

God has blessed you with vision.

To be honest, I cannot say this is what my exact reaction would be because it would depend on a whole lot of things but let me analyse the situation:

1. I would be really upset and troubled- I intend to marry someone that loves me and I would not expect her to act in such a manner.

2. At the point of smashing my phone, I would become what I call "rightfully indignant", at this point I am acting on pure rage and it is usually a sight to behold- it has happened about 2 times in the past although not related to romance, I get that way when people are literally taking me for granted and expecting me to accept the wrong thing they are doing to me. Note: I did not hit anybody both times.

3. I suspect that the unnatural rage that will radiate from my eyes, voice and body language should be enough to convince her that keeping me locked-up is a bad idea.

4. If 3 does not work, my pragmatic sense would probably take over. The notion would be to get her out of the way without doing much harm to her. This might involve having to physically overpower her and getting her away from the door. I can't afford to lose my job. I might not ask for the key if it is a door. I would simply attempt to break it down with kicks- I have done it before. I am sure she should have come to her senses when neighbours dash to the door.

I pray I never have to experience such.

P.S: How would I attempt to overpower her? Lifr her in one swift movement and probably carry her to the room, drop her as gently as possible on the bed and lock her in before she can make her way out. cheesy

Give the key to someone I trust to let her out, probably an elderly female neighbour.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by maclatunji: 7:27am On Jan 04, 2014
Danmas: Salam. Read all your posts. hmm... Educating,reasonably and tensely debated. Busy preparing for exams and going to stay away for sometimes. Need your PRAYERS.

May Allah make it easy for you and grant you excellent grades.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by maclatunji: 7:35am On Jan 04, 2014
Danmas:
Seriously, i use to pity our sisters' on what they go through in marriage after years of courtship, but most of the time its there inability to see beyond their fingers, they substitutes illusion with reality and latter end of regreting. They usually class the good guys as boring/unwise and ignore them for the percieved CHarming!
As Mac. Mentioned, guys promise them this and that and they will believe which after marriege turn out to be elusion.
May Allah help us. Ameen

Guys be like...

1. You are the prettiest girl I have ever seen...

2. I love you so much, let me treat you like a queen..

3. You do not have to worry about anything, I will give you anything you want...

4. The body language will be like... Can't you see that I am rich (ehem), handsome and have a great body, nothing can go wrong with me, I am the perfect man for you...

That is how Miss Independent falls o...
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by busar(m): 7:57am On Jan 04, 2014
Danmas:
Seriously, i use to pity our sisters' on what they go through in marriage after years of courtship, but most of the time its there inability to see beyond their fingers, they substitutes illusion with reality and latter end of regreting. They usually class the good guys as boring/unwise and ignore them for the percieved CHarming!
As Mac. Mentioned, guys promise them this and that and they will believe which after marriege turn out to be elusion.
May Allah help us. Ameen
The most annoying part is that the said person (husband) is a brother that use to do dawah to people. Though our sisters also have their own flaws .
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by busar(m): 8:01am On Jan 04, 2014
grin grin grin

Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by maclatunji: 8:27am On Jan 04, 2014
In this morning's news, an actress says she is not looking for a husband because suitors have been creeping out from all corners like cockroaches and it is creeping her out.

This gist is true but the cockroach part is my own creative writing.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 8:30am On Jan 04, 2014
The below is from tbaba's sister's blog. We can all learn from it:

Now in relationships, the typical Nigerian man wants a woman who is beautiful and sexy, cooks like a master chef, cleans like a vacuum, takes care of the household, gives birth to children and still maintains her figure, caters to him at his whim, always make her presentable at all time, baby him, independent, patient, doesn’t nag, allow him freedom, take care of the children’s needs and STILL work a full-time job.
Even a Stepford wife cannot be all this.

When questioned, they say “Our mothers did it, all this generation girls sef too dey complain”. NO! Our mother did not (most of them anyways). They were not expected to maintain a sexy figure after 5 kids. They were not expected to have a full-time job while raising
the kids.(Many of them had shops where the kids hung out after school, or government jobs that closed early, or were simply house
wives) It was not like today where there are a lot of high level career women. Lets not forget, most of our mothers had helpers. A cousin
or sister or a relative from either the father or the mother’s side pitched in and when the kids got older, they pitched in. I would love to hear from a reader who believes his mum did all stated above and hasn’t developed a face full of
wrinkles before her time.

Women at the other hand expect a man who is tall, dark and handsome, good dresser, have
swag, faithful, funny and charismatic, good car, a good job, nice house, caring, sensitive, listens to them, treats them like a princess, spoil them with nice things,help around the house, cook on occasions, buy things for their family, impresses their friends………… (I really don’t think it is possible to put all what women want in one post). Ladies…..you are NEVER going to find a guy with all these qualities and if you do, trust me. He is an alien.

Now I am not saying that you shouldn’t have a standard. Absolutely, you should, but be reasonable in what you expect from people. We are ALL imperfect people. We have our flaws. What we should seek are people with like minds who complement our flaws. I believe it’s a case of too many options. If na only one guy
or one babe look your side, you go maintain na.

A lot of people dating someone always assume that there has to be someone better out there for them. Sometimes there is, sometimes there isn’t. In movies, you often see a boy and girl who are polar opposites but stranded on an island, falling in love with each other. It’s a clear
case of availability and desirability and removal of all the factors that made us seek the perfect
partner.

So chill everyone. A lot of people throw away good partners with reasons like “he is too short’, ‘she is chubby now. After kids, she would blow up’ ‘He stays in a one bedroom apartment’, ‘she is not that pretty’, ‘he doesn’t have a car’, ‘she is not a virgin’…….. You shouldn’t really focus on these reasons unless they really really bother you and are not just a guise for expecting perfection.
Assume you are in an island and your partner is the only other person (if you would rather drown out at sea or be eaten by island cannibals than be with the person, then definitely, RUN AWAY NOW)

WE ARE ALL IMPERFECT.PERFECT IS BORING. ENJOY AND RELISH EACH OTHER’s IMPERFECTION

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Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by busar(m): 8:38am On Jan 04, 2014
^^good writeup.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by tbaba1234: 8:39am On Jan 04, 2014
busar: ^^good writeup.

A lot of common sense in that post.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by kayword(m): 8:47am On Jan 04, 2014
^ that just about nailed it.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by kayword(m): 9:01am On Jan 04, 2014
Me thinks it all still boils down to a test of character. Why provoke your usually gentle husband to such a furious state of rage that he has to hit you??

Why allow yourself (the man) get angered to such an extent dat you dont think twice about hitting your wife??
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 9:36am On Jan 04, 2014
A woman who has misplaced priority, will be the one at the receiving end when things go wrong and as such a woman has to be careful before saying I DO, lots of girls get married just because it's time and theirs societal pressure, not necessarily because they found someone who suited them.

There's a limitation to how well you know that person before marriage and even when careful nothing guarantees you won't still marry someone who will maltreat you. That's why Istikhara is very important.

A man who deceives a woman because he wants to marry her, after marrying her he starts misbehaving, will account to Allah (SWT). A man that promises heaven and earth and don't fulfil will be held accountable. some men can deceive a good muslimah who has her priority right. so really to an extent I don't blame the sisters who end up like that.

We live in a society that blames the woman, it's her fault he's a monster, it's her fault he became an abuser.
I.e the above examples of a woman locking the door and stopping her husband from going out, automatically it's her fault, he didn't do anything wrong, she's a lunatic. While I agree some women are crazy, but for a sane woman to lock the door, knowing her husband would get a query must have strong reasons. And for most of the cases I know the woman locked the door because the husband wants to go out for leisure reasons I.e to hang with friends or watch a football match.

Theirs no excuse for emotional or physical violence. The violence in our surroundings is enough and we shouldn't even add to it.

Most of the violent men actually marry calm, gentle women they can control totally and beat them up for the silliest reasons, a man who marries a ratchet wife would think twice before hitting her. Many men who beat their wives do so because they can get away with it.

In as much as I know some women can test your patience, they can nag like forever and push you to the limits. At the end of the day we have a choice on how we react.

3 Likes

Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by Sissie(f): 9:44am On Jan 04, 2014
@tbaba am copying your post, time to make my blog active.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by maclatunji: 9:51am On Jan 04, 2014
Sissie: A woman who has misplaced priority, will be the one at the receiving end when things go wrong and as such a woman has to be careful before saying I DO, lots of girls get married just because it's time and theirs societal pressure, not necessarily because they found someone who suited them.

There's a limitation to how well you know that person before marriage and even when careful nothing guarantees you won't still marry someone who will maltreat you. That's why Istikhara is very important.

A man who deceives a woman because he wants to marry her, after marrying her he starts misbehaving, will account to Allah (SWT). A man that promises heaven and earth and don't fulfil will be held accountable. some men can deceive a good muslimah who has her priority right. so really to an extent I don't blame the sisters who end up like that.

We live in a society that blames the woman, it's her fault he's a monster, it's her fault he became an abuser.
I.e the above examples of a woman locking the door and stopping her husband from going out, automatically it's her fault, he didn't do anything wrong, she's a lunatic. While I agree some women are crazy, but for a sane woman to lock the door, knowing her husband would get a query must have strong reasons. And for most of the cases I know the woman locked the door because the husband wants to go out for leisure reasons I.e to hang with friends or watch a football match.

Theirs no excuse for emotional or physical violence. The violence in our surroundings is enough and we shouldn't even add to it.

Most of the violent men actually marry calm, gentle women they can control totally and beat them up for the silliest reasons, a man who marries a ratchet wife would think twice before hitting her. Many men who beat their wives do so because they can get away with it.

In as much as I know some women can test your patience, they can nag like forever and push you to the limits. At the end of the day we have a choice on how we react.



Awwwwwww... I agree.
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by busar(m): 9:56am On Jan 04, 2014
tbaba1234:

A lot of common sense in that post.
yes!
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by baba11(m): 10:01am On Jan 04, 2014
maclatunji:

Jokes apart, brothers on this thread are not helping matters. Let us imagine that some of the vocal young women have a right to think the things they do. Is it not the duty of men to say: "the way you think of us is not exactly the way we are o"? Do this, that and those, then hopefully we will both be fine as men and women but all these: "keep dancing we are behind you posts are not helpful".

This thread would be a waste if someone entered it with a certain set of preconceived notions and after 200 pages is still thinking the same way.

May Allah guide us to success (Ameen).
Amin.....It's sumtin like this that leads to all forms of rancour in a marriage in its infancy so to say.Most of the time,we run away from reality and face shadow.Marriage is not sumtin we should plan for let's say for like 4,5,6 years,NO!It's usually between the two people involved even if you date for 10years,i can assure you,when you finally start living together,you would be surprised @ the level of difference between you.Communicate with your man/woman,don't expect perfection,NOBODY(HUMAN) IS ROBOT OR COMPUTER!!!
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by baba11(m): 10:11am On Jan 04, 2014
Danmas: I pray that in the near future we would not be hearing the words 'misbehaving' and 'punishment'
may Allah give us the best of spouses.
Amin....To starve off this,we should begin here by changing our mindset and orientation because naturally,this life is so simple,it just depends on your disposition towards it that will determine how you are going to view it(Allah does not put burden on us that's beyond our carrying capacity and He will not change the situation of people until they are ready to change themselves)!!!
Re: Muslim Singles, Let Us Have A Talk by baba11(m): 10:19am On Jan 04, 2014
Danmas: Salam. Read all your posts. hmm... Educating,reasonably and tensely debated. Busy preparing for exams and going to stay away for sometimes. Need your PRAYERS.
Insha Allah,you will come out with good grades as you desires!!!

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