'A man who respects and cares for his partner will not discuss their private personal business with a third party unless it is an unbiased stranger with no emotional connection to either party e.g a counsellor. The worst he can do is discuss with his family which as well as leading to biased advice which may not be ideal to follow, will also distort the view they have of the partner as opposed to them getting to know her and forming an opinion for themselves' agree? disagree?

A type of scenario I am describing is where she discusses her personal feelings on an issue or two of you have an argument which can be amicably resolved with no further input by communication and prayer.

What do my fellow nairalanders think? Has anyone been in this kind of situation?

It too bad and it is one of the family breakers as the third parties are some times not good as they may transfer what has been told to other people. But, Third parties like counselors and parents are necessary as they can help to advise the two partners were they go wrong.

no

if it's a trusted third party (pastor excluded) then there is nothing wrong with the act. also it depends on the issue at hand, not everything can be discussed with "anyone". some issues must be discussed with family/parents while other might be more suited for a close trusted friends.

As I have stated all over the section, Marriage couples keep your personal business between YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE. It doesn't matter if you have trusted friends or family members.

General subjects are okay because it affects friends and family but when it comes to something as personal as cheating, financial issues, sexual issues, and the likes should remain private.

If the heat is too unbearable then consult a LICENSED AND CERTIFIED therapist/counselor. They are trained to listen to both side objectively without bias before giving an advice.

@op

I swear I got lost & forgot the topic. Your use of words can distract a reader from the true message of your topic. I love the way you put it together- simple but rich. I don't even know if you are a man, woman, counselor or an unbiased stranger.

We also don't know if its about you, a general question or about someone you know. I really like it & I think you should take up writing.

ogbeni, dre re sum certain issues u cnt kip within oo, you have to discuss it with ya family or a trusted friend nt anyhw friend,

It is better not to discuss with the third parties. They may be wrong. It may not be Godly. They may be taking side. It is a test of maturity when there are issues that are beyond the married, What if the issue keep on repeating itself,would you be looking for the third party all the time? NO! That is why the husband should not be complacent,he should read books,attend marriage seminar, work hard, pray always for the stability of union. Please,do not depend so much on the third parties. If however,you want to contact the third parties, do it with wisdom or remain anonymous. Evil people only act on information available to them. Keep your secret secret. Life is a battle field. Do not expose your family to satanic attack. God bless you. God2man,ty all the time? NO! That is why the husband should not be complacent,he should read books,attend marriage seminar, work hard, pray always for the stability of union. Please,do not depend so much on the third parties. If however,you want to contact the third parties, do it with wisdom or remain anonymous. Evil people only act on information available to them. Keep your secret secret. Life is a battle field. Do not expose your family to satanic attack. God bless you. God2man,

Everyone is not to be trusted even family members.

Bad idea,unless d whole tin is 2 much 4 u 2 bear, bt generally a bad idea

My problem is, those you call trusted friends, how trustworthy are they?

God2man:

It is better not to discuss with the third parties. They may be wrong. It may not be Godly. They may be taking side. It is a test of maturity when there are issues that are beyond the married, What if the issue keep on repeating itself,would you be looking for the third party all the time? NO! That is why the husband should not be complacent,he should read books,attend marriage seminar, work hard, pray always for the stability of union. Please,do not depend so much on the third parties. If however,you want to contact the third parties, do it with wisdom or remain anonymous. Evil people only act on information available to them. Keep your secret secret. Life is a battle field. Do not expose your family to satanic attack. God bless you. God2man,[/b]ty all the time? NO! That is why the husband should not be complacent,he should read books,attend marriage seminar, work hard, pray always for the stability of union. Please,do not depend so much on the third parties. If however,you want to contact the third parties, do it with wisdom or remain anonymous. Evil people only act on information available to them. Keep your secret secret. Life is a battle field. Do not expose your family to satanic attack. God bless you. [b]God2man,

*150. Buh chairman, wads ur name doing there nah?

gist

It depend on kind of relationship you are, some relationship may need a third party advice(s) before it can move forward, but if the relationship is on, then you have to stop discussing with the third about your relationship.

The best person to discuss your marriage problems with remains the very partner you are having that problem with. no matter how difficult you think the issue is, find a suitable timing and mood to trash it out. it does not matter if you have to shout  at each other but by all means sort it out within you. In my house it is a rule that no third party must hear our messy details. this is because when the dust settles down and you forgive each other, that major of grace given to you to forgive your partner is not giving to the third party. and they may never forgive you and to take it further, they will relate your experience to their own close friends and on and on.

I MUST SHOUT OUT THIS WITH A CLEARLY DEFINED VOICE, IT IS ADVISABLE TO DISCUSS ONLY MOST TORMENTING ISSUES IN RELATIONSHIP TO THE ELDERS LIKE YOUR MENTOR OR PASTORS OR SOMEONE CLOSER U CAN TRUST THAN KEEPING THE WHOLE ISSUE TO YOURSELF. AS I AM TELLING U NOW MY FRIEND'S WIFE IS REMOTE CONTROLLING HIM LIKE A SMALL DOG, THEY JUST GOT WEDDED FEW MONTHS AGO AND HE IS BEEN MANIPULATED  BY HER, GOD HELP US AND I HEAR SOMEONE SAYING HE SHOULDN'T VOICE OUT, OK Ooooo KEEP ON KEEPING QUIET WHILE DIEING IN SILENT.

I don't believe in third parties but I must say that at times they can help but one just has to be very careful of who one talks to about relationships.

Nobody is an island. We need third parties at times. But need to be careful bringing the right third party.

if third party is GOD, fine.

They may be taking side.

Exactly,

Please,do not depend so much on the third parties. If however,you want to contact the third parties, do it with wisdom or remain anonymous. Evil people only act on information available to them. Keep your secret secret. Life is a battle field. Do not expose your family to satanic attack.


God bless you for this genuine advice.

Its not advisable to discuss your relationship with a third party whosoever, I believe that any issue can be sorted out among two couples that are tolerant, understanding and ready to compromise

There is nothing wrong with discussing disagreements with significant friends and close family,

The worst decision you can ever make. Discussions about your relationship should be between you and the other person in the relationship only. Not everyone you call friend is a friend, true friends are extremely rare these days. As you grow older you have only acquaintances. And most people are not happy with their lives so they will try to destroy the joys of others. You may think you have problems until third parties start giving you advice, then watch your relationship crash. Even family is not advisable, they are too emotional and will not be willing to forgive your partner after you both have moved on. When a family disagreement happens, watch them throw it back in your face. You also give others power over your relationship/life when you discuss personal details. Anonymous sites like nairaland are not bad though. It is impersonal which is better. Plus there are no secrets except one kept to ones self. peace.

what about in a situation where by the partner involve is not been open or playing game on the guy, someone was sharing with me few weeks a go he got to find out that his partner already have a son and till present moment the person involve never tell the guy she once hard a babe, and they are planing of getting introduction in few months,he got confused and the story is through, wo what about that

A third party is a total no-no.heck,if u arent mature enuf to bear wat comes wit r/ships and/or marriage,u really have no business being in one. As for those suggesting pastors,am i d only one who's heard abt homes broken because 'my pastor said so'? A counsellor wld do great,buh jst be sure he/she is not into any of d couple. Third party my cutesy behind!

I think strangers are more reliable to air differences than family or friends or pastors

That is just my personal opinion.

Family complicates things as their views are jaded and prejudiced towards their family member.

Friends - get too worked up and start taking sides and might even make advances at the partner they have secretly had their eye unbeknownst to you.

Strangers can be more hands off and listen to the issues a bit more and not take sides as much as the other parties.

discuss with a licensed therapist, they are usually not biased and are obliged to keep their mouths shut!

I definetely wouldn't talk about my privacy because I'm quite reserved but you know some people need it to heal themselves, so depends on the personality