Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,143,313 members, 7,780,758 topics. Date: Thursday, 28 March 2024 at 09:22 PM

How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! - Family - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! (2514 Views)

My 14-Year-Old Sister Made Shocking Revelations, How Can I Manage The Situation? / Which Is More Important In Marriage? Love Or Character / How Do I Manage My Meagre Salary. (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (Reply) (Go Down)

How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by plusman: 6:09am On Oct 05, 2011
I married 8yrs ago and my marriage is blessed with two children. I sincerely love my wife and make sure she does not lack anything and never have any extra marital affair. I have houses in Port Harcourt, Lagos and village. Due to the nature of my job, I travel out of the country every month and get a month vacation as well.

Before our marriage, there is a particular woman(widow with 12yrs old son) who is 10yrs older than me that I used to help financially in my old church. There is nothing between me and this woman but out of pity and her situation, I decided to her financially as way of showing love to others out my God given favour. My wife knew her and her stories.

Sometime 2yrs ago, she started her strange character in the house. She abuses my relations, call me all sorts of name and even said am having affair with the widow. One night, I woke her up, discusssed the issue and we ended the matter. She realized her mistake and apologised. I then agree to give her my sim card to proof my sincerity to our marriage. But since then, It has become frequent thing in the house. Though I asked, do you get strange calls or what must have prompted the resurfacing of this bad character and she answered no. Even, there was a time that she misbehaved in the presence of her younger brother. This prompted the brother to inform their family and I heard how she was seriously warned but she never changed.

Recently, while away at work, she rented out one of our houses and hurriedly moved into a newly completed one without my consent. And told me she wanted the money for her business. Normally, I give her 150, 000 naira every month as salary and promised to establish her after delivery. Even, when I call at work to know how they are doing back home, she will always rain abuses on me.

Another nasty thing she does is to borrow money from security. I got the wind of this one day that my gateman asked her mistakingly in my presence. At night, I asked what must have prompted that kind of insult. Despite the fact That I still pay for foodstuff, pay children school fees and even most often dash her 20,000 to 50,000 apart from her salary.

two weeks ago, I called the widow, only for her to be crying on phone that my wife abused her seriously. That she even try to explain and even swear but rubbished her. I begged the woman to please forgive her which she accepted.

Now, she has started abusing me just when I called to know how they are doing that I was totally embarssed and annoyed.

I heartily love her but she thinks differently.

Please, am getting tired of all these stuff, what do I do?
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 6:26am On Oct 05, 2011
You are too soft. Your wife needs discipline. Who knows, she might have started listening to friends. Let the widow change her number, I don't care what your wife does,just don't go re-opening a wound in that widow's life. Your wife is a woman, where is this insensitivity coming from?

What was her reason for reacting this way the night you guys discussed?

And then borrowing money from her employee? Where do I start from?

Whatever you do, do not stop helping that widow.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by harakiri(m): 6:29am On Oct 05, 2011
Women! Women! ! Women ooo! ! ! Una no go kill us with una nonsense

@Poster, I'm not a married but I think your wife is feeling insecure with herself. With all you've said concerning how open you are with her,treating her right financially and otherwise, I see no reason why she would be acting this way. I cannot offer the usual "hold her hand and sit her down" approach (like most posters would). You've done that already and it seems to be getting worse. You mentioned all this started two years ago so I'll presume she was never like this in the past. Was there anything that happened during that time that led to all this? I'm asking because I see no reason why any clinically sane woman would behave like this (a lot of men have mad women as wives though).
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 7:18am On Oct 05, 2011
/
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by ifyalways(f): 7:26am On Oct 05, 2011
@OP,First mistake you made was giving your wife your sim card.Even If she caught you ontop the widow,your sincere apology and true repentance is enough,handing out your sim card just to appease an insecured woman and at same time prove your fidelity is wrong and portrays you as a pumpkin.

Btw,be honest to atleast yourself,have you done anything in the past 'cos i don't understand how your wife wud wake up and suddenly turn to a best.

Way to go:
Be firm man.
Take back your old sim card.
Ask her to move back to the old house,if she does not comply,inform her family and if she still don't bulge,get army boys to move her things back to your old home.
When she's finally home,lay the rules man.
What does she use her money for?Find out.
Be firm and show her you are the man but please don't use your fists.

Finally,life's short.Your sanity and happiness an an individual is important.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by plusman: 9:14am On Oct 05, 2011
Thanks for time and ideas all.

@chaircover, there is nothing between me and this woman. Anyway, I will heed to advice of helping through account. I will direct her to open one anyway. This widow is not educated, she is just selling bottled kerosene within a local environment.

@ifyalways, she has already rented the house. Not that I can't pay back the money to the tenant and send the person packing but from my investigation, she lied that I have already agreed and told the tenant that I will issue the receipt upon my arrival in Nigeria.

And I like I told you, I gave her the SIM card to proof my innocency. She even say it to her colleagues that she trust me when it comes to decency. Just for peace to reign

Stopping her salary will not be easy for me for now considering her condition and is even not easy at all when you think it twice.

Certainly, I believe some friends are behind this. Some of them don't visit her as soon as am back!

There was a time she said jokingly that she hopes girls are not disturbing me at office. I told where I am, no woman, no alcohol and is even deep offshore. And, anytime am coming, she is fully aware.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by ifyalways(f): 9:50am On Oct 05, 2011
^I must have read your initial post upside down.I thought you said she rented one of your properties and moved into another. . . a new one,different from where u guys were staying before u travelled.

Anyhoo,I still maintain that your giving her your sim card was childish and unecessary.You don't give people such liberties man,you did it to let peace reign no doubt but she's seen that(and you) as a weakling.

Is paying into an account going to bring peace?Temporal methinks.what happens the day she gets to find out?You'd start explaning all over again.

Lay rules man,get and stay in charge biko.And to stil show her that she is still your co-pilot and partner,let the widow be taking the money directly from her.Either she pays into the account or by physical contact.

You are married now,there should be a cordial relationship btwn widow and ur wife.All these takes effect after you have man-ed up,layed the rules and everyone knows her/his place and roles.

Try and get her that biz.An idle woman. . .
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by ifyalways(f): 9:50am On Oct 05, 2011
^I must have read your initial post upside down.I thought you said she rented one of your properties and moved into another. . . a new one,different from where u guys were staying before u travelled.

Anyhoo,I still maintain that your giving her your sim card was childish and unecessary.You don't give people such liberties man,you did it to let peace reign no doubt but she's seen that(and you) as a weakling.

Is paying into an account going to bring peace?Temporal methinks.what happens the day she gets to find out?You'd start explaning all over again.

Lay rules man,get and stay in charge biko.And to stil show her that she is still your co-pilot and partner,let the widow be taking the money directly from her.Either she pays into the account or by physical contact.

You are married now,there should be a cordial relationship btwn widow and ur wife.All these takes effect after you have man-ed up,layed the rules and everyone knows her/his place and roles.

Try and get her that biz.An idle woman. . .
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 10:03am On Oct 05, 2011
How often do you see this widow?
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by beingme(f): 12:18pm On Oct 05, 2011
issues like this don't need too much pressure. u need to retrace ur steps and look for a way of settling this peaceful.

from all angle in ur story i see that ur wife is tired of the marriage.

U are aware her unhappiness and u ignored her. U are not always there and remember she have feelings and she's a wife too.

u need to look into ur financialy relationship with her, emotional, and other things u know that were not working.

fight for ur happiness
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by obowunmi(m): 12:37pm On Oct 05, 2011
OP is always travelling for work, then when you come home, you give most attention to the widow ---- how do you expect your wife to feel ?
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by iaabc(f): 1:01pm On Oct 05, 2011
something doesn't add up.maybe its pregnancy hormones, and if it is, you should just be patient with her, because honestly, it belies understanding why a rather sane woman would start misyarning suddenly. But all said, try reason, lay down boundaries sharply before this degenerates into something unmanageable.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by SwiftSMS(f): 1:06pm On Oct 05, 2011
harakiri:

Women! Women! ! Women ooo! ! ! Una no go kill us with una nonsense
I'm asking because I see no reason why any clinically sane woman would behave like this (a lot of men have mad women as wives though).

Harakiri, Harakiri, Harakiri, LOL  grin grin grin grin
We haven't killed you yet so hang in there.  tongue
A lot of men have mad women as wives got me laughing real hard, u no well ooo.
Jokes apart

@ Poster
I am surprised at your wifey's behaviour if truly you do or have done all the things you said above. I agree with someone here, your wife needs discipline. Please put your foot down hard and let her know her bad behaviour won't be condoned or tolerated any longer.

As a woman I understand how we some times let our imaginations/suspicions get the best of us and we act irrationally (talking about your wife's attitude to the widow), but that is not acceptable.

I hope truly there's nothing going on btw you and the widow, I don't doubt your story but from my personal experience with your gender the thing you all tend to deny vehemently is the very thing you are actually doing. No offence meant
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by cooker: 1:43pm On Oct 05, 2011
there is always two sides to a coin, how would you feel if you wife visits a widower every time or  a widower calls your wife on phone every time ? am sure you would not like that. why don't you settle this widow financially and allow her to go because she is ruining your marriage. mind can be deceiving and put yourself in your wife's shoes to be able to understand what she is facing  ,my advice to you is that you  have to look for ways to appease your wife because if you think you want to knock some senses into her head forcefully it will be very dangerous because she will think that  it is because of the other woman. that is why you are treating her badly and believe me your house can turn into a war zone making things worse for you. and the as for the widow help her in a way that she would not come back to you and find a way to assure your wife of your faithfulness believe me if you can follow this steps you will notice positive change in your wife.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 1:54pm On Oct 05, 2011
.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by cooker: 2:13pm On Oct 05, 2011
if he is not ready to divorce the wife then he has to compromise that is marriage, do not do the things that your wife do not like because anything apart from that .  is either the man divorce the wife, but  there is no assurance that the new wife would be better and again if he ignore her that means he must be ready to live in misery. so it is either he keeps the wife by making her happy which can create a peaceful home  option 2 divorce her and remain single all your life or marry another woman then expect the unexpected if good you are lucky if bad then that is life or ignore her and face misery in his life.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by ronkebp(f): 3:06pm On Oct 05, 2011
The problem is the attention you are giving that widow, she is not against you helping her, but the attention', there is a limit to everything, am not saying you should not help her, but be careful and do it with wisdom, some women can be devilish, the widow might  be calling you and crying over the phone, that your wife did this and that, without telling you what she did to your wife, you must be objective in a situation like this. This are women quarelling over a man, (one is the rightful owner, the other is perching).

Just like, Cooker said, you will not like it if your wife is showing too much attention to a widower, even if it sits with you for awhile, it would get to a point that you will definitely comment about it.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 3:37pm On Oct 05, 2011
^^The wife has issues. Forget about the widow for a while. What about her other behaviours? insulting him in the presence of her younger brother? borrowing money from someone she pays monthly?

That woman has issues, let's leave the widow out of this.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by ronkebp(f): 3:59pm On Oct 05, 2011
^^^^ Who will solve the issues the wife has for him, nairaland??. Everybody have their own problems and issues, i am not supporting the idea of her insulting her hubby infront of her brother, but some people do not know when to unleash anger, that is just the truth. The only problem i think we can advice him on is the issue of 'the widow'.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 4:02pm On Oct 05, 2011
^^No, but trying to blame the widow or find some wrong in what she does, doesn't help at all.

I repeat the wife has issues, lets leave the widow alone.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by maclatunji: 4:07pm On Oct 05, 2011
Poster, I hate to sow doubt in your mind but are you sure your wife has not taken a lover? Investigate that aspect before looking for other answers.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Kx: 4:07pm On Oct 05, 2011
why do i feel she is raising issues about the widow to cover whatever she might be doing behind ur back?
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by ronkebp(f): 4:10pm On Oct 05, 2011
Me ooooo, i won't leave the widow alone, grin grin grin grin grin. some women can be sleek, Hmmm i know them, they usually do not know their place. Lets forget that she lost her hubby and she is poor. What of her character! she will capitalize on the fact that she is a widow, and can easily get 'pity' from people by reporting and crying to the man, so that the man would do what pursue the wife from the house? or beat her up?
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 4:13pm On Oct 05, 2011
That's a very tough one, you see women tend to be very cranky when they are pregnant, like someone already mentioned maybe it's the hormones, but all these behaviors like borrowing money from your staff is not neat atall, just be patient with her and see if she will change when the baby comes.
Afterall she wasnt like that before pregnancy, as per the widow, abeg take am easy o , I have a friend that her husband calls his ''soo called old friend before he got married'' and I tell you the woman calls their home phone  odd times asking  foolish questions, laughing loud on the phone until 1am. sometimes they go too far I tell you. I am not saying you are doing anything with this woman but women sometimes misinterpret kind gestures (from caring men) especially unmarried ones.
It is well.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 4:14pm On Oct 05, 2011
@Ronke
Lets not also forget that he also knew this widow before he ever got married. I have never been a widow and don't know what it's like, but one thing I know is this: This people should not be accused of something until there is a tangible proof. Even God loves the widows so much.

Don't accuse a widow that might be innocent. It is not right. You are a woman too and I pray you don't ever find yourself in her situation.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 4:15pm On Oct 05, 2011
I am with Jenny on this ( I swear we could be twins). Today its dis widow, tmr it may be his sister, next tmr his mom. His wife has issues she needs help, she will not rest till she drives everyone around him away and have him robotically saying Yes to her every whine and demand. Don't stop helping the widows, God covers, protects and provides for you because of this act, when you help the poor you lend to God, don't drive away Gods blessings in your life cos ur wife refuses to be sensible. Let her get help, she has issues, not u not the widow, in life you can't control everything and everybody
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by harakiri(m): 4:16pm On Oct 05, 2011
@ronkebp, What attention is he showing the widow? He has made it clear that he assists financially and that's it. Besides, if he wanted to cheat on his wife, there are sweet sixteens that would be at his beck and call coz he's evidently loaded. You are making seem as if he spends the weekends with the widow.

The wife has a lot of insecurities and she's already showing the tell tale signs of a woman who is tired of a relationship e.g deliberately doing things to offend the man,disrespecting him both at home and public,raining insults when he calls,renting out his house without his consent (as if he's dead) etc I have never been married but I know the signs women begin to display and they do that to force you to do something crazy so that at the end of the day,they will be able to say "he did this and that to me".
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 4:21pm On Oct 05, 2011
@debrief

I don't joke with widows. I love them so much and so I watch what I say about them. There is this man in my dad's church that loves them so much that he provides a comfy accomodation to any one of them he comes in contact with and God has not stopped blessing this man.

My paternal grand ma is a widow, he died very early. But believe me when I say these people don't look forward to father's day. It is tough on them
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by ronkebp(f): 4:25pm On Oct 05, 2011
Story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, i am not saying the man should not help the widow, ooooo, my hands are clean on that one, there is no need to get all emotional on another person's case. The only thing i see here is the widow issue, any other one, the man knows his wife and he is the only person that can get to her in his 'own way'. The lady strongly feels the widow is having an affair with her hubby and am sure she feels are hubby is having numerous affairs  outside. people are definitely saying things to her and she herself is seeing things. She is obviously setting up something for herself, and that is why she needs money every sinlge time (which i think is wise) but she is not doing it with sense at all. Hence, the problem she is causing.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 4:30pm On Oct 05, 2011
^^Thats what you see(which by the way is cool, no worries) but guess what? others don't see it that way because they are wise enough to view the bigger picture. If this man came here with just the widow's story even I would have told him to hold back a bit on the relationship he has with this woman, but we are talking about a woman that is so stooopid enough to rent her husbands house without telling him, borrows money from her gate-man, insults her husband before her people, even her own people have advised her to cool down and watch it, and you wanna rope a widow into this? that woman is mad.

She is crazy with or without the widow. If the widow wanted the man, I swear the man wouldn't have married his wife, I am a woman and know how to get a man if I want him.
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by ronkebp(f): 4:32pm On Oct 05, 2011
^^^^^^^^^^so since you are wise (because you see the bigger picture and not the small ones) what do you advice the man to do?? divorce his wife
Re: How Do I Manage With This Character? Please Help! by Nobody: 4:35pm On Oct 05, 2011
Lol I did not insult you when I used the word ''Wise'', guess it came out wrongly and I apologise

All the man needs to do is very simple: Show her who the man of the house is.

(1) (2) (Reply)

Help!i Raped And Deflowered My Wife’s Housemaid. / Will You Like To Be A Woman? ... Why? / Would You Run A Joint Purse With Your Spouse?

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 68
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.