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@Poster

Part of what Richvkunt posted may be extreme and unrealistic given your circumstances but the general idea of focusing on your duty as a wife is important. Combine it with finding a way to make him live up to his role as a husband so he will have less time for external affairs. Focus on more positive things for the few hours you spend together instead of finding faults. Truly i have seen someone in your shoes who is now the apple of hubbys eyes after taking to counselling and dumping her hardline stance.

If you are sure hes having an affair, initiate a discussion on STDs  when hes in a good mood to protect yourself and assess how far gone he is.

BTW you are yet to explain why he has so much idle time and you are overburdened. Any man who feels useless at home can be a nuisance. Its an ego thing, dont make yourself unnecessarily miserable. except there's more that you are not telling us

debrief08:

Jenny loads of times I feel really frustrated with what I read here. A woman works 14 hrs without support from her husband who spends all day on his laptop proudly disrespecting her telling someone that " he told her to shut up" hmmm, na wa oh, he doesn't love, protect and honor her and d best pple can say is wear a sexy nighgown, am sure d person who started dat sexy nightgown advice must be turning in her/his grave. I got that advice a lot when I was with my Ex, no one ever adviced him to stop his crap and treat his wife well, no one ever adviced him to get counseling and anger management, no one ever adviced him to show some respect to his wife, it was always wear a night gown and cook dinner, I wore night gown after nightgown, cooked and cooked, almost became invisible as I had been adviced not to provoke him but did it stop thr cheating, the insults for where, he just became more brave, with my sexy night gown I[b] was pushed to d guest room while he slept with a girl for a whole weekend in our room, urs truly even made a breakfast of champhions for them. [/b] Abeg let's learn to face issues and stop rewardning bad behaviour with sexy nightgowns. First of all, why can't your husbad work? Is it a visa issue or he just doesn't want too? Secondly, you need to tell him you are not comfortable with this, as much as u re busy with work you still want to share his life dats why you guys re married. Don't nag, just be firm and strong, sort this out before it becomes a deadly cancer.
When people start behaving badly like cancer if you address it on time it will save you a lot of time, energy and emotions later on

I know ish happens but that is just giving it a whole new level. Your new husband is a really lucky man to have such a patient woman for a wife! That your former husband is sowing evil seeds O!

Every human needs and deserves his privacy

My Brother am the lucky one oh, a man that will risk believing in someone who didn't even believe in herself, a man that will help a broken, hurt, bitter and shattered woman believe that she is sexy, hot and beautiful. A man that will stand against the world and say I love this woman and no matter what anyone says she will be my wife, I am the lucky one oh. Thanks for your compliment

Wait a sec., WHY ARE WE MARRIED IF WE CAN'T BE TRUTHFUL TO EACH OTHER?

Deleted. Not worth it.

jennykadry:

You have to be concerned. No sane spouse will belittle the other half like this. I will be calling for my husband's head if he tries this rubbish with me.


This advise of yours would be useful if he wasn't spending hours chatting with WOMEN and telling them what kind of fight he had with his wife. This man respects internet women more than he respects his wife. He is sick

Jenny those hours are supposed to be constructive hours, if she stops spending her own money he will have to leave that computer and find work go, by the time he finishes working he is too tired hopefully   to be frolicking.
I sha know that better to keep her money away whether it all works out or not, those hours of work is for planning her kids future. Man provides for wife not other way around, One must not under estimate the power of hunger to produce a successful man.

debrief08:

My Brother am the lucky one oh, a man that will risk believing in someone who didn't even believe in herself, a man that will help a broken, hurt, bitter and shattered woman believe that she is sexy, hot and beautiful. A man that will stand against the world and say I love this woman and no matter what anyone says she will be my wife, I am the lucky one oh. Thanks for your compliment

Big ups to you!
It is not easy leaving an abusive marriage o. It takes courage and i salute you. Congrats !!! Hopefully more women will see that if they leave an abusive marriage they give themselves a chance to correct the error and love finding them.
In our society it is not easy to advise someone that they should leave while they are alive, the best one can advise is hold on to your money and kids atleast you have that.

My joining this forum has really opened my eyes, to still see that majority of Nigerian men especially in our generation are not ready for marraige, and those that (some) are already in one, do not have an idea of what marraige entails. You would see a woman (some women) trying her/ their best to keep her home intact, but some men, no! all they do is cause trouble. They really do not care about the consequences their actions bring. And they would be the first to call you a feminist if you decide to take your life in your hands.

I will advise you to give him some privacy

@newbride, take it easy madam, from ur post one can easily deduce dat u're not putting urself into ur marriage 100%. Sounds like u're holding something back and waiting for that man to screw up and u'll proceed wit a plan B. this is not posted with an intent to insult u, just an opinion. Love ur man unconditionally, i pray he reciprocates too. All d best in ur marriage.

Privacy is one of my greatest assets and don't intend to give that asset away when I eventually get married. Having said that try as much as possible to stay away from his computer, phones etc. What you don't know won't hurt you at all. When he is in his best moments you communicate your problems to him.
Note: A man's happiest moments is his weakest point. It is well amen!

I was just thinking aloud. I IS POSSIBLE FOR A MAN THAT HAS HIS EYES ELSEWHERE TO LOKK AT HIS WIFE?

@OP,
I warned you!This is the last place to come for advise.For those attacking my advise to the OP,please understand that the advise was meant as a kind of SATIRE to show the OP the kind of dumb advise she was likely to recieve on this forum if she decided to bring her hubbys dirty linen to air on NL.
On the other hand I also hoped she would pick some relevant pieces of information from my advise and hopefully discard the irrelevant  portions of the advise.
MORAL OF MY ADVISE:Give all attention to your husband and see if he will have time for internet love.It is a pity that even some of the most cerebral posters for whom I have the utmost respect decided to mis understand my points or for reasons best known to them refused to understand what I was trying to say.
OP-please go and communicate with your hubby.It is the height of all insults to your marriage to bring your husband to this forum for every Tom,Joystick and Harry to have a go at him.A word is enough for a wise woman!

As for the feminist cabal,stop giving poor innocent women advise you will not give your selves.While you are at it spare a thought for your fellow woman in distress-Some of the responses on the  thread  about the woman appealing for help on the family forum are sickening-the lady is only asking for a cot for her unborn baby,if she had exposed her husbands affairs on that thread,I am sure most of you would have been advising her to divorce her husband.

@OP
As Richkunt has told you this forum is only for those who want to be shown the shortest route to the divorce court. If you want to stay married stay away from the cabal here.

So your husband does not work, and does not go to school. You work 14 - 16 hours a day, and your concern is that he is not letting you read his e-mail? You are ignoring leprosy in your bid to find a cure for ringworm,

my husband does this. i am watching something online or typing on my phone he may just start watching it or reading what i'm reading, it's annoying. i'm not hiding anything but it makes me WANT to hide. i like my privacy. give your husband some space PLEASE. yet my husband has passwords on his accounts, me on the other hand have no passwords on my computer accounts and all my passwords account are set open and permanently logged in.


If i email you and ur husband sees it nko?

He was in school when we met and has since stopped going. I am not really looking for marriage advice. We are all human and none of us are perfect. I am only looking for opinions or thoughts about privacy. Is he right and deserving of such a secret life from me or should there be no secrets in marriage? What do yall think?

Madam CC was so right. I have no advice for you, keep worrying about headache when cancer is biting deep

sehill09:

He was in school when we met and has since stopped going. I am not really looking for marriage advice. We are all human and none of us are perfect. I am only looking for opinions or thoughts about privacy. Is he right and deserving of such a secret life from me or should there be no secrets in marriage? What do yall think?

Rofl
You knew all these so why come lament here?
There should be secrecy and privacy in marriage,happy now?

@ OP abegii free the guy joor! Give him his privacy and space.

i agree with debrief89

I got that advice a lot when I was with my Ex, no one ever adviced him to stop his crap and treat his wife well, no one ever adviced him to get counseling and anger management, no one ever adviced him to show some respect to his wife, it was always wear a night gown and cook dinner, I wore night gown after nightgown, cooked and cooked, almost became invisible as I had been adviced not to provoke him but did it stop thr cheating, the insults for where, he just became more brave,

it's not working. you should stop dreaming and get real: he is not interested on you or your marriage. he has his one agenda. you can give him the moon and the stars, try to please him in every way, he will still not be please, or happy and he will show you, by cheating, belittle you, blame you, bullying you.
they will never change;ever. so the best is for you to find a way out and save your sanity and your children if you have one.
be finaincial independent and take care of yourself, and let the idiots to continue to play their foolish games.

Richvkunt:

@OP,
I warned you!This is the last place to come for advise.For those attacking my advise to the OP,please understand that the advise was meant as a kind of SATIRE to show the OP the kind of dumb advise she was likely to recieve on this forum if she decided to bring her hubbys dirty linen to air on NL.
On the other hand I also hoped she would pick some relevant pieces of information from my advise and hopefully discard the irrelevant  portions of the advise.
MORAL OF MY ADVISE:Give all attention to your husband and see if he will have time for internet love.It is a pity that even some of the most cerebral posters for whom I have the utmost respect decided to mis understand my points or for reasons best known to them refused to understand what I was trying to say.
OP-please go and communicate with your hubby.It is the height of all insults to your marriage to bring your husband to this forum for every Tom,Joystick and Harry to have a go at him.A word is enough for a wise woman!

As for the feminist cabal,stop giving poor innocent women advise you will not give your selves.While you are at it spare a thought for your fellow woman in distress-Some of the responses on the  thread  about the woman appealing for help on the family forum are sickening-the lady is only asking for a cot for her unborn baby,if she had exposed her husbands affairs on that thread,I am sure most of you would have been advising her to divorce her husband.

How does she do this, considering all she has in her hands? work, school & home mangaement? Is she a super human being?

@Chaircover

You sound like she is to blame for working to keep her home while her husband does nothing.
Should she sit at home and not feed her children until the husband brings something?

Well I do not know how it works in Obodo oyinbo but here in Nigeria, hunger will waya her and the children,the Landlord will throw them out and the children will be sent home from School.
I see that happen here from time to time, had to bail out a family with such a problem last month, the Landlord was about to throw them out, when this happens the woman is most imparted as the husband can dissappear in the name of going to look for money.

Everyone needs some degree of privacy in any relationship. . .OR YOU ARE AT HIGH RISK FOR FAILURE.
Have you shared e-mails with your own flesh and blood. . . mot to mention with someone you DID NOT KNOW FROM NOAH'S ARK?
The greatest chance of success in any relationship is to have FREEDOM and PRIVACY!

Don't read my emails or touch my phone. . . YOURS CANNOT BE THAT INTERESTING. . .'sexy-lady' or not!
My darling husband got tired of all that for sure!
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!

Some of us are neither MONOGAMISTS OR POLYGAMISTS. . . .JUST POLYAMOROUS!


Any man getting with moi. . .WILL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT. . . OR HIT THE ROAD!
I am not innarestid in your LOUSY FaceBook account or 'ti-tt-y bar' agendas either.
The day you are brave enough to say I DON'T. . . then we are talking!

Haaa!
See advice ooo.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. Respect his privacy.
Today there are so many possibilities to keep things hidden. One can have several mobil phones and different Nr.. Different emails and and and.
You simply cannot keep up.
If your husband wants to hide something from you, he can.
He just wants his privacy respected and that is his legitimate right.
A relationship is based on trust and not on CONTROL.
With trust also comes opening up. Also you need to understand, some men need time to talk about certain things. My husband may get a call that someone died. He needs hours to tell me because he needs time to mourn in silence. I am the kind that would start screaming while still on the phone.

Now when you got answers on respecting his privacy, you suddenly went into the topic of his joblessness and and,

If you walk 14-16 hours you are gone from 6 -22 not including the transport time. So when do you school and when do you take care of the kids and home? This mathematics does not add up.

There is a stage in life when a man has setbacks, he may be out of school or out of a job- your duty is to stand by him and motivate him. The best way is by giving him his respect. You know too well that it is much easier for women to get a job than for men, and you know how demoralizing demoralizing demoralizing is to have nothing doing.

There was a period when my husband was out of a job. At that time I would try my best to do as much of the housework as I could after work and get everything ready. I included him on my account then. I never asked him what was done with the money, I took extra care not to get into any argument or say or do anything that might hurt him. When he got a job everything was okay again. The first thing he did when he got his salary was to take me to his bank and get me included on his account.
Passing through such situations and mastering them only makes your marriage stronger and gains you the respect of you husband.

There is no such thing as privacy in marriage, at least in a healthy one.

Privacy is very important for a healthy marriage.
Everyone is entitled to his privacy and to decide how and when to give what price.
Being honest and blotting everything out can wreck a marriage or make the other partner insecure.
Everyone has his inner part he or she can withdraw into.
There are things you don`t keep secret from a partner and others you have to seek the right timing, some you carry to your grave.

For instance I may know something about my brother or sister, that I could decide decide to keep to myself, because I promised to or because it might affect the respect my husband has for him/her, just an instance.

This ‎is a 3 year old thread that was resurrected, but sometimes good to read age old messages.
‎
Privacy to me means‎ the ability to seclude oneself from others either with the intention of withholding certain information or preventing intrusion on one's personal /physical space.

To the op, is it that when u were dating ur husband before marriage, he never used to lock his phone,and all of a sudden just started doing that? I dont understand people that lock thier phones,it is too obvious that there is some information/txt/pictures or mail exchange they dont want anyone to see.‎

Personally, I would not tolerate the idea of locking phones and guess what? My husband would pick my calls and go through my msgs as long as he likes, and vice versa. what is there to hide?

I pray many more humans would be able to configure their brains & mind to the frequency that cheating would never be an option.