^^

I'd rather such a thread wasn't made

;d

iice:

I don't think it's overrated. There is nothing wrong with the institution. Rather it has always been people who are the problem. And in this day and age, it's not compulsory to be married.

while it's not compulsory to get married, try not getting married and watch yourself become the outcast.

Exactly. It serves you right amya for giving a toss what society thinks and not living your life.  You don't want to get married, don't, it's not by force.

A lit of people want the wedding and not the marriage. I told my friend the other day that I'm not getting married and he was like ahhn don't say that like I said I hope I die of aids or something. Absolute crap!

It is overrated. Name one way in which a person's life is improved by getting married? Name one benefit you married people have over me?

marriage is not overrated. its people intentions that trap them in the end. if you go into marriage with the right intentions, marriage is underrated. if you go into marriage with the wrong intentions then it is overrated. if you go into it for beauty, sex, body parts, finances, sense of humor, etc, then it will be overrated because eventually those things wane. if you go into it because you just genuinely love being around this person and nothing else matters, well i think you will have a ball in marriage.

claremont:

The fact that there are "happy marriages" doesn't in any remote way make void the OP's sound hypothesis that marriage is indeed very much overrated. It's like someone saying that the showcasing of miracles proves the existence of a God. The fact of the matter is that most modern marriage are doomed for failure i.e. if they haven't already failed. I for one have also noticed that the trajectory of marital failures shot up at the same time this whole "love delusion" started, that tells us something!

subtly bringing religion into this i see,

Amya:

while it's not compulsory to get married, try not getting married and watch yourself become the outcast.

It's a lie, my sista! It is YOUR wish to get married or not!

If you know that being unmarried would make u HAPPY for the rest of YOUR life, then why listen to what society have to say?
And if you think not getting married would make YOU an outcast (in YOUR family or society), then I'll like you to learn how to please yourself FIRST, before any1, or anything else! There's NOTHING like HAPPINESS in this life, my sista. And whoever doesn't have happiness in his or her life, needs to be REDEEMED, True tellin!!

In other words, I RATHER BE CALLED AN OUTCAST, BUT REMAIN HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, than living according to the family/society's wish, and remain miserable!!!

That's RANO for you!

claremont:

The fact that there are "happy marriages" doesn't in any remote way make void the OP's sound hypothesis that marriage is indeed very much overrated. It's like someone saying that the showcasing of miracles proves the existence of a God. The fact of the matter is that most modern marriage are doomed for failure i.e. if they haven't already failed. I for one have also noticed that the trajectory of marital failures shot up at the same time this whole "love delusion" started, that tells us something!

She made a blanket statement about marriage that I believe was incorrect so I countered some of her skewed points which only highlights one side. I will agree that marriage is a recurring theme in discussions, the media etc. . . as a result I think some people perceive there's much hype about the institution. I think the tendency to frequently highlight marriage may lead to some desensitization or perhaps slight exasperation but that doesn't mean it's "overrated" because it's over emphasized.

Some people view marriage as another rung on the ladder of life hood achievements. . . for others it's a rite of passage or something quite spontaneous and of course there are those who are forced. . .so the fact that people evaluate marriage differently and get married for a myriad of reasons rightly or wrongly should serve to convey that each marriage carry it's own disposition whether it be misery or joy.

I think iice called it when she said it's more to do with the parties involved than the actual institution.

Amya:

while it's not compulsory to get married, try not getting married and watch yourself become the outcast.

Depending on the society I agree. . . such a person is not seen as complete or wholly successful despite their career or wealth because marriage in some societies is integral to an individuals success.

. . . but then again that's if you care what others think of you.

My dear Amya,
self-deceit is the greatest disease one can ever have and it seems to me that this disease is gradually eating you up. I remember you from another thread saying, you did not know how to be a girlfriend - matter of fact, it was beginning to bother you as you were quite concerned about settling down in the nearest future since age was, kind of, no longer on your side. You then went on to ask this question--"HOW DO I KEEP A HUSBAND IF I CANNOT KEEP A BOYFRIEND?" This goes without saying, that to some extent having a husband is somewhere up there on your priority list.

I am finding it hard to reconcile the Amya on this thread with the Amya on the other one as they seem to be two different people. Stay true to yourself girl-- the fact that you dont have a boyfriend now does not give you the absolute right to condemn the institution of marriage. Pray that God will send you that special one and do some soul-searching.

Been hypocritical is a bad enough--but practicing this act on your own self--hmph!- is utterly crazy.

Marriage is not overrated. It is sweet and blissful if you go into it for all the right reasons.
Cheers!

NICE! Well, to all those that think being unmarried will make one unhappy, you are soooo WRONG!

Marriage is and should remain a personal choice of an individual. Whatever rocks one's boat

For me, The thought of "marriage" just gives me goose bumps. So for some personal reasons, I've decided to remain in domestic partnership.
_{B4 anyone brings the bible into this, Mind you, Doing Good is my Religion}

I still respect the marriage union anytime any day. But It's just not ma thing.

@poster, remember, you are the offspring of two persons. I am happy you rightly acknowledged that without marriage things would go wrong. So you do the right thing, get married to Mr. Right, and raise your own family. Do not go along with those who are giving wrong advice and asking you not to settle down. Remember, you are still young. When you become too old to get married or have babies, you will live a sad and very lonely life; no children to keep you company, and because you are too old, no male companion. You can make your own marriage work. It takes the grace of God to do so. So allow God to take control and you will not have regrets.

@amya for how you handled sexkillz in this thread, you have earned my respect. please marry me
@ sexkillz to knock someone down cos s/he disagrees with you may prove your brawn, but not your logic.

Inked Nerd, **muah**

When a marriage is based on the word of God, it is the most beutiful thing. Truly only those who follow Christ should partake of this holy matrimony.

As a Muslim to be married, one is considered to have completed half of his/her religious practices. Because there are many challenges in it.

So marriage is necessary and important, not overrated.


marriage as completion of half of the religion

@op

U got me doing the creep walk and harlem shake. I will soon do the moon walker & break dance, just hold tight. I will be back to comment. peace, lolz

OMG I have switched tempo to butterfly, flexing, twist, O yeah, its the booty shake time, O O O O. Now its the running man, Mc hammer time to cool u off. There u go!

Marriage Marriage Marriage.

I will use myself as an example, when I was a kid, I told myself I wld marry at 21 but when my friend's father threw my friend & her brothers to the street, took over their moms properties, cars etc. I changed my mind because my friend was one of the creamest babes in my secondary school at that time but there she was suffering in a face me I face you with barely food to eat because her father threw them out. When I finished Uni, she was just getting into one. In her own words, she wouldnt marry till she has her money.

I told myself I will get married at 22 but saw my uncle acting like a maid while his wife was keeping men all over the place so am I like hell no.

Recently, a married man walked to his wife's church (my church) to complain that he is no longer interested in marrying his wife that it was another church member that saw his name & phone number in the newspaper & called him but I think cos of tribe & all, the church member transfered his contacts to his recent wife who called him instead that she is interested in marrying him. He said the first day they met, he asked for food but she said the food is herself so they Were Intimate. They got married, she brought in a female help for her biz. The hubby started toasting the maid, gave her bruises because she refused to have canal knowledge with him. He told the maid he is attracted to her infront of his wife. Can you imagine that this agbaya man told our pastor that his wife knows that anytime he sees ladies he pours Fluid so she was trying to tempt him with his weakness. To cut the long story short after embarrasing the lady in church, the pastor agreed that they should seperate because mehn that man is mentally not alright to say all the jargons he said. The wife is the head of ushers, all those committed church member, I am sure everyone would be like so she sef sabi do. If you see this man (chei), on their wedding day everyone knew it was desperation that forced the lady to marry him. People kept mistaking her brother for the groom. Anyways he is leaving her, she is very lean now & ashamed. The man was even saying that can they still be Being Intimate pending when the seperation is final. My pastor & everyone was disgusted. My pastor forgot righteousness at that time because the story was stinking, he just agreed to the seperation.

I summarized the story but seriously, its better to either marry people abroad because of the orientation & leniency they have or marry a foreigner for peace sake. Its not worth it. Aside from that episode, I can go on and on but I believe we all understand the point I am driving. Everyone married to foreigners that I know live in peace, look younger than their age, they are happy. I am not saying marrying a naija based is not good but please shine your eyes.

I think marriage is both over-rated & under-rated. Its over-rated because society just wants you married, they don't care what you are going to go through in the marriage or if you got into it for the right reasons or not as long as you have that status. Its under-rated because the society do not teach people to respect the institution called, marriage & they don't give the options that rather than taking out the frustration of forced marriage on your spouse, you can remain single. The traditions & cultures of this institution called marriage is just too much. Let 2 adults who are friends, who gives themselves peace & happiness sort themselves out even if they have piercings or tatoos or whatever. I think Perfection or trying to please the society is a major factor or reason for the African bias of marriage.

Race, tribe, LDR, Be Intimate after 10 months etc don't matter, just be happy and at peace. But foreigners or exposed Naijas who have an orientation of the western culture are far more better in marriage because the system tames the anger etc, moulds them to think rationally, independently, operate with transparency( Not 100% but at least better than deception), time management with consistency (the 4:00 of a foreigner is their 4:00) & less frustrated as they live in a system that works (a country with a system that functions well).

In fairness the OP did start with: I'm not married so what I say here is not conclusive,

Personally, I think the PRESSURE to settle, is the problem.
When one takes time to search for the ONE, every other thing just falls into place.

MY OPINION  

Even though I respect the way anyone would feel about any issue, personally I believe that marriage is not overrated. The problem with marriage nowadays, are the people involved, we have so much drama, so much expectations from our spouses ( expectations we ourselves can't give), there's so much selfishness etc. If both partners in a marriage understand that marriage is about giving, not to yourself but to the other person, I think we won't experience what we have these days.