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Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? - Romance - Nairaland

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Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Adebisi33: 12:32pm On Oct 15, 2011
I've been online dating for a few weeks, and have met both Nigerian and English men. My parents are Nigerian, and I was born in the UK.

Last night, I went on a date with a Nigerian man who wrote on his online profile that he was a lawyer. I work for a large law firm in London, so I asked him a few questions about his work, and he admitted that he lied in order to meet professional women.

Although his profile stated that he was single with no children, he told me that he had three children living in Lagos with his sister, as he divorced his wife last year for infidelity.

He also informed me that the kind of man I wanted did not exist (a man with a job and his own home), and at the moment, he is living in a shared apartment with many other Nigerians.

He suggested that I married him, sponsored his professional education and "trained" him to be the kind of gentleman I want. The training would involve career coaching (he wants to be a lawyer), polishing his writing skills, and giving elocution lessons in order to get rid of his accent.

He also said that women should be submissive to their husbands, which left me very confused.

I should add that he hadn't had a job since August, and did not appear to have money for drinks during the date, but instead, drank from a bottle he kept in his bag.

This morning he called to arrange a date for tonight, and I told him that I didn't think we were a good match. He became very angry with me, and accused me of being "too fussy" and snobbish.

He accused me of looking for the "perfect man" and said I would be single forever with my attitude, then hung up.

My friend says that his behaviour was typical of Nigerian men, but I think he was an opportunitst and a disgrace to Nigerian men.

What do you think? I'd really appreciate your input.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by tellwisdom: 12:49pm On Oct 15, 2011
#DontDull, Im made already cos i play for Under 17 of Ayax football club, plus im HOT wink wink, Would you marry me?? wink wink

Gurls queing, so #DontDull wink wink
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Samxiulee: 12:58pm On Oct 15, 2011
Seriously,you are not going to meet Mr Right,Perfect or whatever you want to call it,but @ least you shouldnt trade that for your happiness and fulfilment.Am not just happy with the way our men over there have turn themselve to be.I was talking to a friend of mine in london and i asked him why he aint got a girl yet @ least to be serious with to marry,though am not married my self but my friend work and av a home.he gave me all sort of funny stories,but what i can get from him is that,girls that travelled over to the uk and stay there are very terrible once you are dating them u must shoulder all their problems even that of their families in Nigeria.He said unless you are lucky you meet a Nigerian born and raised in the Uk,who are much more reserved and humble the rest are just nightmares, On your story I dont think you should see the guy again and tbh try nd walk among your kinds (Naija born & bread uk citizens) to get what you are looking for,the rest over there are just vultures,if u train that guy,he's going to dump you soon as he is ok
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Samxiulee: 1:08pm On Oct 15, 2011
Need to add,single Men & women who are migrants from Naija to uk are in battle of survival, that explains why they act like that way you shouldnt carpet all Nigerian Men like that,I surely knw that its a different story for the ones in the US, the good lord will bring the 1 with good heart to you.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Adebisi33: 1:11pm On Oct 15, 2011
Sam xiu lee:

Seriously,you are not going to meet Mr Right,Perfect or whatever you want to call it

I agree - I'm not looking for "Mr Right" or "Mr Perfect".   I'm looking for someone I can have a happy life with.

Sam xiu lee:

On your story I dont think you should see the guy again and tbh try nd walk among your kinds (Naija born & bread uk citizens) to get what you are looking for,the rest over there are just vultures,if u train that guy,he's going to dump you soon as he is ok

Thank you for the advice.  It's much appreciated.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Orikinla(m): 1:15pm On Oct 15, 2011
Majority of Nigerian men and women tell lies online and post fake profiles in conceit and deceit to lure and swindle ignorant targets into relationships or business deals. A Nigerian guy with a fake info on Facebook deceived a girl into marriage and till date she has not investigated his educational qualification, because she also has her own skeletons hidden in her wardrobe since "Two Can Play". They are shameless liars. I have caught and exposed some members of the romance board on Nairaland, but they return using their fake IDs and hiding under their usernames. Just investigate and verify every claim before you commit yourself with any Nigerian and other strangers online or offline. May God help you.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Adebisi33: 1:17pm On Oct 15, 2011
Sam xiu lee:

Need to add,single Men & women who are migrants from Naija to uk are in battle of survival, that explains why they act like that way you shouldnt carpet all Nigerian Men like that,I surely knw that its a different story for the ones in the US, the good lord will bring the 1 with good heart to you.

Thanks.  I thank God every day for all the opportunities I was given, and thank my parents who had the good sense to make me take up those opportunities!  I think a lot of UK-born Nigerians feel that way.

The UK can be a very hostile place for blacks wanting to climb the career ladder, and even more so if you speak with a different accent, have degrees from an overseas university,  and are not familiar with "their ways".
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Adebisi33: 1:21pm On Oct 15, 2011
Orikinla:

Just investigate and verify every claim before you commit yourself with any Nigerian and other strangers online or offline. May God help you.

Thank you Orikinla. It's quite easy to research someone who has lived in the UK all their life. I'm not sure how simple it would be to investigate someone who has come from Nigeria though. I wonder whether there are any companies that offer that service in Nigeria?

I'll be sure to do a thorough investigation of anyone I meet online before getting serious.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Pennywise(m): 1:25pm On Oct 15, 2011
There is nothing typically Nigerian about the guys attitude. The whole picture suggests a guy who thinks he is entitled to certain priviledges bc he is dating OP. This kind of behaviour is rampant, when the guy feels she is not pretty enough. Of course you have called his bluff by turning your back.

Either that or he is just a professional dupe who happen to be Nigerian. He lies his way into a circle he doesnt belong, has no intention of investing in a relationship with you and he sees you as a mere object to attain a selfish end. This kind of thing happens everyday, everywhere in the world. From Russia to Nicaragua

Sometimes the ploy succeeds when the girl falls in love and she ends up being at the mercy of the crook.

It is wrong for non-Nigerians to think they can situate every Nigerian or assume there is a common bond holding all together. There is none. The common denominator you will find is country name. Beyond that, very little or nothing. We are as cosmopolitan as the US which puts us ahead of conservative UK. A few decades ago the influence of traditional African religion, ethnic culture etc was an issue. The new generation are mostly ignorant of these.

1 Like

Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by lindabon: 1:35pm On Oct 15, 2011
Adebisi33:


he told me that he had three children living in Lagos with his sister, as he divorced his wife last year for infidelity.  

He also informed me that the kind of man I wanted did not exist (a man with a job and his own home), and at the moment, he is living in a shared apartment with many other Nigerians.

He suggested that I married him, sponsored his professional education and "trained" him to be the kind of gentleman I want.  The training would involve career coaching (he wants to be a lawyer), polishing his writing skills, and giving elocution lessons in order to get rid of his accent.

He also said that women should be submissive to their husbands, which left me very confused, 


How can a human being with sense vomit all these nerve wrecking and disturbing info in one date. hmmm,  At the point where he said you would remain single forever with your attitude, that's the mentality of most idiotic men; they go ahead feeling all high and mighty about themselves and they think that if u don't date them, no other guy can date you,  Very Empty threat my dear! 


Adebisi33:


Although his profile stated that he was single with no children, he told me that he had three children living in Lagos with his sister, as he divorced his wife last year for infidelity.  


I'm almost 99% certain that he has not legally divorced his wife.
The guy is a low life. Thank God you bounced him!  angry angry angry angry
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Pennywise(m): 1:50pm On Oct 15, 2011
^^^These kind of Nigerians who are mostly victims of our harsh economic realities will abound in the UK. Often they lie their way

into the UK anyway. Pretty girls like u who are ready to settle down should come home and mingle. You have a much more

substantial population of educated, handsome and responsible Nigerian men back home that u can chose from
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by dealordea(m): 2:09pm On Oct 15, 2011
I knew it, Obanje at work,
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by iice(f): 3:28pm On Oct 15, 2011
The only thing typical is his arrogance
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by obowunmi(m): 4:37pm On Oct 15, 2011
@ OP: ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Samxiulee: 4:39pm On Oct 15, 2011
Tbh I wouldnt advise that you come "hubby hunting" in Naija here most of the eligible bachelors around here that have a good job,educated and comfortable around you even with your accent wont give up their comfort zone for uncertainty,meaning they will not reside in the UK with you best they will do is to shuttle the two country which will give room for infidelty unless you want to stay in Naija alot of UK returnees and UK born Nigerians are doing well here etc D bang,Tiwa savage,couple of ppl i knw personally that i cant mention their name on the net, best is you have an open mind about everything and dont believe  everything you read on the internet.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by mashnino(m): 5:53pm On Oct 15, 2011
He's just an oportunist. Naija mehn are nto this way abeg. i can wholly defend dat
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by InkedNerd(f): 5:57pm On Oct 15, 2011
@OP: I'm sorry but I really cannot stop laughing. I had to tell me sister as well because it was just too funny. I re-read some lines over for here and we're been laughing for a moment now. Although I've seen a lot of what you are talking about, I can't say that it is "typical" of Nigerian men. I have met young Nigerian men who are within my age range and I can't really say that any of them are like this. Men such as the ones you've described are in my opinion just desperate to get out of their economical and social situation/setting. OP, what you want/desire is in no way asking too much. Much of what men want in a partner is no different from what women want in a partner. How is asking for a good man, asking for too much? You sound like a good person, so just try to be patient and hopefully with time, you will find that special someone wink


Pennywise:

There is nothing typically Nigerian about the guys attitude. The whole picture suggests a guy who thinks he is entitled to certain priviledges bc he is dating OP. This kind of behaviour is rampant, when the guy feels she is not pretty enough. Of course you have called his bluff by turning your back.

Either that or he is just a professional dupe who happen to be Nigerian. He lies his way into a circle he doesnt belong, has no intention of investing in a relationship with you and he sees you as a mere object to attain a selfish end. This kind of thing happens everyday, everywhere in the world. From Russia to Nicaragua

Sometimes the ploy succeeds when the girl falls in love and she ends up being at the mercy of the crook.

It is wrong for non-Nigerians to think they can situate every Nigerian or assume there is a common bond holding all together. There is none. The common denominator you will find is country name. Beyond that, very little or nothing. We are as cosmopolitan as the US which puts us ahead of conservative UK. A few decades ago the influence of traditional African religion, ethnic culture etc was an issue. The new generation are mostly ignorant of these.

Well said.

Pennywise:

^^^These kind of Nigerians who are mostly victims of our harsh economic realities will abound in the UK. Often they lie their way

into the UK anyway. Pretty girls like u who are ready to settle down should come home and mingle. You have a much more

substantial population of educated, handsome and responsible Nigerian men back home that u can chose from

Once again, well said.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by claremont(m): 6:00pm On Oct 15, 2011
Adebisi33:


[size=14pt]He suggested that I married him, sponsored his professional education and "trained" him to be the kind of gentleman I want[/size].  The training would involve career coaching (he wants to be a lawyer), polishing his writing skills, and giving elocution lessons in order to get rid of his accent.

I seriously doubt this story.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by tpia5: 6:04pm On Oct 15, 2011
Although his profile stated that he was single with no children, he told me that he had three children living in Lagos with his sister


did not appear to have money for drinks during the date, but instead, drank from a bottle he kept in his bag.



This morning he called to arrange a date for tonight, and I told him that I didn't think we were a good match.  He became very angry with me, and accused me of being "too fussy" and snobbish.



wow is all i can say.

1. what's he doing with a nigerian woman? I thought these types usually preferred non-nigerian females.

2. poster, well its up to you. You can either accept him with all his faults, and hope for the best, or pray for God's guidance.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by omega25red(m): 6:08pm On Oct 15, 2011
poster

this behavior is not a nigerian man issue this happens all over the world. The guy is a bum and i hope you told him to delete your number.
dude is already physologically abusing you before he even started a relationship with you. the only thing i would give the guy is the fact that he told you the truth on the first date.

on the other hand do you have all the qualities you are demanding?
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by InkedNerd(f): 6:14pm On Oct 15, 2011
omega25red:

poster

this behavior is not a nigerian man issue this happens all over the world. The guy is a bum and i hope you told him to delete your number.
dude is already physologically abusing you before he even started a relationship with you. the only thing i would give the guy is the fact that he told you the truth on the first date.

on the other hand do you have all the qualities you are demanding?


Good response wink
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Pennywise(m): 6:24pm On Oct 15, 2011
@Inked Nerd,
We hope u will come home to mingle when its time. We will be waiting
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Pennywise(m): 6:30pm On Oct 15, 2011
tpia@:

Insert Quote
Quote
Although his profile stated that he was single with no children, he told me that he had three children living in Lagos with his sister


Quote
did not appear to have money for drinks during the date, but instead, drank from a bottle he kept in his bag.



Quote
This morning he called to arrange a date for tonight, and I told him that I didn't think we were a good match. He became very angry with me, and accused me of being "too fussy" and snobbish.



wow is all i can say.

1. what's he doing with a nigerian woman? I thought these types usually preferred non-nigerian females.


Obviously this guy wants money. Does it matter if the money comes from a white woman or a black one. Hhhmn. Nawao. The way pple dey reason for NL
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Nobody: 6:48pm On Oct 15, 2011
boys are hungry grin
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by InkedNerd(f): 7:10pm On Oct 15, 2011
Pennywise:

Obviously this guy wants money. Does it matter if the money comes from a white woman or a black one. Hhhmn. Nawao. The way pple dey reason for NL

Although I find your reply to tpia to be funny, I believe that the point she was trying to make is that non-Nigerian women often times are more susceptible than those who are Nigerian/Nigerian born but all in all, people whether male or female is seize an opportunity of personal gain regardless. I know of a West African guy who uses women regardless of ethnicity or nationality. All he cares about is what he can gain.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by MrsChima1(f): 8:05pm On Oct 15, 2011
Some Nigerians have stated offline that it is looked down when Nigerians marry or date non-Nigerians but I didn't think lying is a "Nigerian" thing. undecided
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Adebisi33: 8:19pm On Oct 15, 2011
omega25red:

dude is already physologically abusing you before he even started a relationship with you. the only thing i would give the guy is the fact that he told you the truth on the first date.

on the other hand do you have all the qualities you are demanding?

The two qualities I "demanded" were a job and a home. I think it's perfectly reasonable for any man who is serious about getting married and having children to have these in place before looking for a wife.

I mentioned before that I work for a large law firm in London (I'm a lawyer) and I have owned my own home in London for over 10 years. I have also never been married and have no children.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Adebisi33: 8:23pm On Oct 15, 2011
tpia@:

2. poster, well its up to you. You can either accept him with all his faults, and hope for the best, or pray for God's guidance.

Thankfully I have other first dates lined up, and a few second dates with some really nice men. It's a really slow process, but I'm hopeful I will find somebody suitable.

I'll leave that guy for someone else.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Adebisi33: 8:32pm On Oct 15, 2011
Inked_Nerd:

@OP: I'm sorry but I really cannot stop laughing. I had to tell me sister as well because it was just too funny. I re-read some lines over for here and we're been laughing for a moment now.


I was quite shaken over the experience this morning, but I'm hoping that I will be able to see the funny side of it one day.

Inked_Nerd:

[b]@OP:[/b]Men such as the ones you've described are in my opinion just desperate to get out of their economical and social situation/setting. OP, what you want/desire is in no way asking too much. Much of what men want in a partner is no different from what women want in a partner. How is asking for a good man, asking for too much? You sound like a good person, so just try to be patient and hopefully with time, you will find that special someone wink


Thanks for your encouraging words. Although I sympathise with his desperate position, I found his intentions really scary.

I agree that I wasn't asking for too much. I really appreciate that you acknowledged that.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Adebisi33: 8:36pm On Oct 15, 2011
claremont:

I seriously doubt this story.

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard him. It's good to know that you also find his behaviour unbelievable too.
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by InkedNerd(f): 8:44pm On Oct 15, 2011
Adebisi33:

I was quite shaken over the experience this morning, but I'm hoping that I will be able to see the funny side of it one day.

I'm so very sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt you if I did. I laughed because I have had back experiences with men as well and in the end I usually end up laughing at myself. I really do hope this is one of those things you can walk away from while laughing and feeling stronger. I really didn't mean make you feel shaken cry

Adebisi33:

Thanks for your encouraging words.  Although I sympathise with his desperate position, I found his intentions really scary.  

I agree that I wasn't asking for too much.  I really appreciate that you acknowledged that.

You will find someone, I know it. Have an open mind and heart [not too open so foolish men to enter lol]. I wish you the best of luck in your journey smiley
Re: Typical, Or Disgrace To Nigerian Men? by Adebisi33: 9:20pm On Oct 15, 2011
Inked_Nerd:


I'm so very sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt you if I did.   I really didn't mean make you feel shaken cry


Gosh no, it wasn't you.   I actually found your comments really encouraging and helpful, especially being able to see the funny side of it.   

It was that man who made me feel so bad.  As omega25red said, the man was psychologically abusive.  He knew about my desire to marry and have children, and when I didn't accept his proposal, attacked me where he knew it would hurt.

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