1. sorry postin in romance, not related, just postin forum i read often
2. a bit long?, skip to last paragraph

its 2am now. where do i start. am a normal everyday guy. been livin with my parents, 24, came back to nigeria 6months ago. things have been stressed lately, today things got boilin hot. came home late, bus brokedown. got home and they along with my uncle started questionin me. you know where i was, why am i late (11pm) etc.

i think i should say a bit bout myself. i am very headstrong, not foolish but headstrong, stubborn, strong willed. i dont like bendin for others. also been a bit useless lately, late nights, oversleeping, not rily helpin around. as a child, i was picked upon, u know skool stuff, but i had it bad, very very bad. i think scarred me psychologically. wen i left skool i decided never to feel humiliation again, and built a very tough physique for myself. needless to say i am mean callous opportunistic to enemies. i dont go out of my way to hurt others, but wen ppl cross me, i do my best to run them down. strange, weni was in skool gals never talked to me, but my bad behaviour, i get gals easy. pity.

anyway am also outgoin, n expected parents dont like me going out at night, they prefer i am at home by 6. wat nonsense. i understand their parental concerns, but i cant live life of a 50yr old. i am young, strong, forceful and can handle ppl. why hide at home cus of d dangers outside? ppl fear(respect) me, so y should i cower?

today was just too bad, they were attackin me and i flared up, pinpointin their shortcomings as parents, that i deeply regret, but being me(in d heat of d moment), i wouldnt hide n hold my feelings. they in touch criticized my lazy attitude - which they are right about.

my dad is a very popular man in nigeria. he is also stingy. he paid all my skool bills. i appreciate it a lot. but very stingy otherwise, he makes sure he gives me just enuf so i always have to ask him. if u know politics, its a method used to control ppl. unfortunately my degree is not repected in developed countries, but i digress. i look at him give me 500 naira after 2 days of asking, while i know he rents 300,000 naira apartments for yung gals. u might criticize me, but makes me sad when i see this. he points out i drive his car, funny, he gave gals n our drivers like 6 cars. i drive his, never bashed, never police, never even stolen his money. so kinda of unhappy he treats me so low. i think hes afriad he ll be old, i ll progress be rich and i wouldnt tk care of him.

[b]in short, i am unhappy wit the situation at home. my father doesnt respect me. and they r too controllin, sayin they will flog me?? i lost touch wit my biz contacts abroad,n ppl dont like working wit nigerians, i worked previously with online research, resourcin, sales, paypal etc, but here nigeria so difficult so different, no light no fast internet. so not easy for me adjusting to this place. few friends, n they pressure me, think i hv money cus of my father, so i stay away mostly. my problem is i was physically threatened today by my uncle. he doesnt even know 10% of wat i can do. i began thinkin of harmin him. i think its best i leave this house. i am a leech here, not even apprecitive, n too headstrong. managed to save 5k. and that is naira. my question to you nairalanders: wat do i do? get a cheap place to stay, dunno if possible, and start a petty trade. or best to try n be humble, and hope i land one of "formal" jobs i applied for? no need criticizin me, i know am useless in many ways. honest mature answers appreciated. i am probably confused, i am unhappy wit myself, cus i have relapsed as a person, at d same time i dont like dis crap.[/b] oh i am so truly unhappy how did i become so low in life?

not even a little advice. ha pity, spill my feelings, want guidance as i srz need it. i dont even know y i bother, ppl arent nice in general, everyone takes advantage of d oda. life - rich richer poor poorer. i wont be easy.

passiongit:

not even a little advice. ha pity, spill my feelings, want guidance as i srz need it. i dont even know y i bother, ppl arent nice in general, everyone takes advantage of d oda. life - rich richer poor poorer. i wont be easy.

what a story!

if you have a father so rich and he doesn't spend his money on you to pick you up - then you have the rights to pinch his money.
he's your biological father. he cannot be looking at you rotting away while his strings of girlfriends are living a life of luxury.
swallow your pride, get close to him. earn his trust and confidence. when the opportunity avails itself. pinch his money and scram.

set up a business and spend wisely.

Why use such derogatory words as *useless* on yourself?
Reading through your post,you don't like that.you sound unloved and unhappy.
You didnt mention your mum in your post.have you tried talking to her?does she know how you feel?
At 24,you are an adult and old enough to take care of yourself.why not move out of the house for a while(not rebelliously)to a friend's (talk to one who'll understand)place so you'll feel less heat.
Forget about your father's money for now and focus on landing one of the jobs you applied for.
Be humble,respectful,strong willed and determined.you'll make it,i bet!

ha, happy here, just for your 2 replies. thanks 4rm my heart, lonli now. i rily am sad today. cant even sleep alrady 3.30

coogar:

what a story!

if you have a father so rich and he doesn't spend his money on you to pick you up - then you have the rights to pinch his money.
he's your biological father. he cannot be looking at you rotting away while his strings of girlfriends are living a life of luxury.
swallow your pride, get close to him. earn his trust and confidence. when the opportunity avails itself. pinch his money and scram.

set up a business and spend wisely.

i think along those lines, at d same time, i know i have sunk lately, and hope i am not too proud. i try my best, honour my friends, but i respect myself. stealin never occured to me, always like to be my own man. outside i am treated like a lion (ppl who just meet me, friends), home like a useless lamb,(which i have been lately)

slimyem:

Why use such derogatory words as *useless* on yourself?
Reading through your post,you don't like that.you sound unloved and unhappy.
You didnt mention your mum in your post.have you tried talking to her?does she know how you feel?
At 24,you are an adult and old enough to take care of yourself.why not move out of the house for a while(not rebelliously)to a friend's (talk to one who'll understand)place so you'll feel less heat.
Forget about your father's money for now and focus on landing one of the jobs you applied for.
Be humble,respectful,strong willed and determined.you'll make it,i bet!

i use useless, cus i aim for d truth, n first thing is i hav been useless lately. didnt mention mum, cus she is sweet, but she at times doesnt see d bigga picture. she saw d whole thing today but still doesnt see d whole pic. if i was abroad i aould move out. here i rily dont know d country, few contacts. you know he even makes me feel bad for asking for money, remindin me i dont work, n i drive his car, sigh, oh lord. you know i cant even cry, i hurt like now, but i cant even cry, i try n try but alas.

guess i should just plan n move out. start somewhere, no matter how low. i hate this treatment, but tryin not to be a proud i.diot . they fed me and clothed me u know, they might as well havent,

Are you still awake?

chipmunkey:

Are you still awake?

yep, i still am. maybe wait some hrs, wash their cars, make them feel better.

So sorry about your situation. Just relax and don't get depressed about the way they treat you.

My advise is for you to find a focus, set a target and work hard towards it. Do something you're passionate about. Follow your dream.

I wish your self esteem wasnt so low. Regardless what you did tonight, remember, you're still human, and for that, you deserve dignity. Whatever you did tonight can be remedied. You can always apologise, though it would be tough as you said that you're pretty headstrong. I'm thesame way. But when you're wrong, you're wrong. And you're better off fessing up and apologizing, than to let your conscience beat you to a pulp.

Finances seem to be an issue. I wish I knew what to say to that.

passiongit:

ha, happy here, just for your 2 replies. thanks 4rm my heart, lonli now. i rily am sad today. cant even sleep alrady 3.30

i think along those lines, at d same time, i know i have sunk lately, and hope i am not too proud. i try my best, honour my friends, but i respect myself. stealin never occured to me, always like to be my own man. outside i am treated like a lion (ppl who just meet me, friends), home like a useless lamb,(which i have been lately)

this is why i said swallow some pride.

if you move out and stay with friend, it's not going to work.
no friend of yours can give you the exact money that will stop your hardship once and for all. he will give a little which will quickly dry up and you are back to square one. what you need is a tangible sum that can either bring you back abroad or set you up in a business.

i gave this advice cos it's worked for so many known dudes in nigeria. some of them even returned back what they pinched to their fathers and the matter was forgotten. you are a man. a man has to do what he's gotta do. you cannot continue to sit on your arse waiting for a miracle. before you know it, you are 34 and you are still in the same position. this is the time to move - and you can blame it on youthful exuberance.

You did manage to build a tough persona and earn other people's respect. That does not sound like a useless person to me. You need to focus on what you want from life. I don't buy the idea of being a rich man's son and living like a wretched soul do what you have to do to get close to your father and start living the life you should live and if that does not work better let him know you know about his gals no disrespect but challenge him.

Don't feel bad about expressing yourself to your parents its part of living.

@OP, I dont consider someone who can come out and bare his heart out as a weak or useless person. Infact that makes you a strong man.

Going by your story here, its easy to understand your frustrations, and they basically stem from the fact that you would like to be independent, but time and chance has not been in your favour. You want to be able to take care of yourself and look out for yourself, but somehow, you are unable to do this.

Granted, in a much developed world, you would have been on your own since you were 18 (or as the case may be), but thanks to the Nigerian/African culture and the economy, this seems unattainable.

My advice:
Open up to your mum (if possibly, cry. Yes, i said it, shed some tears), tell her how depressed you feel. Let her know you have tried your best to remain decent, given all you have gone through. You see, Mothers have a soft spot, and its easy to get to her. I am sure she would be able to help you out, even if it means getting some money from your dad for you.

I see you mentioned petty trading somewhere, which shows you are ready to make it as much as possible. You can mention all this to your mum, ask her how she can help you, and then, even if it means looking for a part-time job (i see a lot of part-time jobs being advertised everywhere, even on nairaland, and especially marketing jobs) i think they would be easier to get.

Another suggestion is this: if you have someone abroad you are really close to, who can trust you, and  who you can trust as well, you may wish to talk to him or her on the prospects of sending you some stuff to sell. Like clothes, accessories, perfumes and stuff like that. Both of you can agree on the mode of payment, and i observed you sound honest and credible, so you might use those qualities to get some extra favour. By the way, those things are easy to sell, and you would make some money for yourself in little or no time.

You mentioned something about your degree?  The thing is, you dont have to be entirely dependent on your certificate. Try to focus on something you can do for yourself. Take time to think and meditate.

I also noticed you mentioned that you are out going? try as much as possible to go to decent places, and im sure you'll meet up with people who will be able to influence you positively. You definitely dont want to be around people who can not affect your life positively in any way.

Above all, connect with God. He understands every little bit of what you are going through. Talk with him in prayer, and develop a father-son relationship with him, and I can assure you that you will end up smiling.

I wish you all the best, and please never look down on yourself. Only loosers do that.

You are very ungrateful. You are not entitled to anything. Not even the school fees your father paid for you. YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED. Period. You need to grow up and apologize to your parents. You were not attacked. You were being corrected. A 6pm curfew is not a big deal. If you are such a big boy then move out and stay out till 11pm. The money that you are griping about is not yours. It belongs to your parents and they can choose not to give you a penny. You should be grateful that he gives you anything. Are you not ashamed that you are still collecting pocket money at 24 years of age. What a brat. You should try humility. It will take you a long way. The other thing I am also very convinced about is that if your dad gives you more money you will get in trouble. You have to show discipline. Your dad might not be a saint but you have a lot of growing up too do

Bro,

At 24 you should be doing your hustling. The last time i got money from my parents was "Transport to NYSC Camp" at the age of 22.

It is their responsibility to train you and it is your own responsibility to pick up your life and make it useful.

Grow out of your comfort zone and pick up your life. Your life belongs to you and you only , make it count !

@Op
I think u're so used to western life style and I believe that u ve been away for a long time. This is Nija where most of the parents have absolute control of their children, so no matter how rich ur dad is, dont expect him to sign u a check of millions just for fun. U have to sit up as a man.

Poster, you main problem is your attitude - especially towards your parents.

As Outstrip said you should'nt see yourself as 'entitled' to anything that belongs to them. It is their money to spend as they see fit. You yourself fessed up - you don't do anything around the house, how do you expect them to respond to that? obviously not positively. You're in their house so you must live by their rules and respect them. If they say 6pm curfew, you say I'll be home by 5:30pm. If they ask you to wash the dishes, go ahead and clean the entire kitchen. Before your father leaves in the morning ask him "oh daddy, is there anything you want me to do for you today?" Go the extra mile and win their respect for you. Nobody respects a lazy freeloader who doesn't earn his keep. You must first work hard on restoring your relationship with your parents - then everything else will fall into place.


Secondly, don't be so down on yourself. So you're not where you thought you would be in life - join the club. You must make the best out of the situation you find yourself. Stop thinking about going out and having fun - your priorities should be aligned in a much more productive direction. Look around and find whatever kind of job you can just to keep yourself busy, even if its on a volunteer basis and slowly start to show your parents that you're not a spoiled brat waiting for their handouts. Finally look around, there are many people in worse situations with no parents to provide for them, no roof over their heads. Count your blessings and appreciate what you have.

So cheer up. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get to work. And by God's grace all will be well with you.

Don't be so discouraged. Keep your head up.

Dude, your problem is very easy to fix. For now, be a very good boy and live by the rules of your parents. Continue to apply for jobs and implore your parents to use their connection to get you a job. After you get a good job that pays ok, Move out of the house and then you can live your life whichever way you want to,

OP,

Honest;y I think you are useless and thats the plain truth.

Your dad made his money himself and has any right to do whatever he likes with his money He can even decide to throw it in the ocean its still his freaking money

He sent you to school so you can stand on your own but at 24yrs when probably your dad was already hustling to make ends meet you are still feeling like they owe you something? Like seriously? A 24yr old?

If you steal his money, they be prepared to go to jail

Some people of your age already have wives and children you cant even feed your job, you drive your fathers car, he gives you pocket money yet you still cant keep to rules

If you feel they are too overbearing drop their car, stop collecting money and move out of their house like responsible people do

dayokanu:

OP,

Honest;y I think you are useless and thats the plain truth.

Your dad made his money himself and has any right to do whatever he likes with his money He can even decide to throw it in the ocean its still his freaking money

He sent you to school so you can stand on your own but at 24yrs when probably your dad was already hustling to make ends meet you are still feeling like they owe you something? Like seriously? A 24yr old?

If you steal his money, they be prepared to go to jail

Some people of your age already have wives and children you cant even feed your job, you drive your fathers car, he gives you pocket money yet you still cant keep to rules

If you feel they are too overbearing drop their car, stop collecting money and move out of their house like responsible people do

word. exactly how i think of myself - "spoilt brat" note: never stolen, never thought bout it.

unfortunately my degree is not repected in developed countries, but i digress

What degree is that? Or do you mean underdeveloped instead? You said you came into Nigeria 6 months ago, I presume you studied abroad? What did you study that isn't respected in the country? Yoruba engineering? I don't get it.

Staying out late at night doesn't help matters. You are only compounding the problem. Why don't you get involved in whatever business your dad's is doing while you wait for the formal jobs you applied for, or is he stingy with that as well? I think your family needs to give you some laxity though on the curfew thing. But first you have to show you are responsible before they start awarding you those rights since you stay in their home.

Boy ur father's money can never be like urs. As for me i have bin feeding myself since i was 16, i only eat night food and even sometimes its not available, and since 19, everything stoped, no parental support financially, i had to sponsor ma sef to sch. Do u knw aw dats feels? Frustrating n devastating. U re now a man, u nid to wake up, u dnt expect ur parents to be feeding u by ds age. Its really not easy in Nigeria, there are no jobs available, jst try as much as possible to travel abroad back so dat u can get ur fit back in terms of basic amenties dat wld allow u to be self employed if u vent got any job

I even knw of a friend someaw related to ur problem, u knw wat he did? Lol he stole his dad funds and he travelled abroad and he is doing fine now. This might be anoda option cos i hate it when a dad is spending lavishly on gfs and dnt want to be responsible for his son welfare

^^ Faakay,

The dad made his money and he has given the poster the best gift he can which is education

If after sending you to school you still expect your dad to be responsible for you at age 24? then something isnt right

It would even be more understanding had he gone to school in Nigeria where you are pretty much useless until you land your first real job. He went to school in the US where 90% of his school mates juggled work and school and the ones who did not probably had to take loans. He now wants to come back home and just keep living like his popsie has not spent thousand already on him. Honestly the typical Nigerian American would even have had things lined up in Nigeria before he even reached home. At OP did you study food and nutrition that you are saying that your degree is not valued in Nigeria. Please help yourself. No one else can. It's for your own good. One day you will appreciate this advice

@OP, are you some comedian!

@Dayokanu.

yeah u re right, the guy made a big mistake, why did he study a silly course that is of no use.

Since your father is wealthy, the best advice I can give you is to get closer to him, relate with him one on one, let him know about your feelings and discuss your future plans with him.

dayokanu:

^^ Faakay,

The dad made his money and he has given the poster the best gift he can which is education

If after sending you to school you still expect your dad to be responsible for you at age 24? then something isnt right

It is surprising that this is coming from you Dayokanu a Nigerian!!!! an average Nigerian youth before the proliferation of the private university graduate at Age 27 after several lecturers strikes. You wait extra 1 year to make NYSC and waste another year to serve. Then you begin the job search for months. at 35, many Nigerian youths are still being fed by their parents that sent them to school. Do you know the number of unemployed graduate out there right now? try go for Job test and witness the crowd!

@ poster; you have more chance of surviving on your own if you get out of this country than staying here. You accuse your mum of not seeing the bigger picture but you are blind to such picture yourself since you are planning to beat up your uncle or run out of the house!!!! There are millions out there that would become houseboy to live in a free house and eat free food!!!! don't leave your house or you would come back like the prodigal son to eat an humble pie!!! Life is in fazes and this faze shall pass soon. Develop self worth cos you need it to remain sane, forget those friends you are considering moving in with cos they would throw you out once they discover you are a leech !!!! endure, endure, endure but be focused. Be wise.

Be a good guy and respect your parents.

samtoye:

It is surprising that this is coming from you Dayokanu a Nigerian!!!! an average Nigerian youth before the proliferation of the private university graduate at Age 27 after several lecturers strikes. You wait extra 1 year to make NYSC and waste another year to serve. Then you begin the job search for months. at 35, many Nigerian youths are still being fed by their parents that sent them to school. Do you know the number of unemployed graduate out there right now? try go for Job test and witness the crowd!

I am a Nigerian, Went to school in Nigeria, and workedin Nigeria.

Some of those pictures are extremely exagerrated. I went to the most notorious school for Aluta in Nigeria which is OAU, I went for NYSC I hustled on the street got a job and did all that.

The last money I got from my parents was my transport fare to Bauchi for NYSC. My parents were civil servants and not rich in any sense of it. I had 3 younger ones who needed my parents attention more than me so I had to hustle for myself

If you are waiting for someone to spoonfeed you, You would always wait forever

I know a 40yr old who would still go to his mom's house to steal money from her purse Its the way you lay your life that you would live it

dayokanu:



I know a 40yr old who would still go to his mom's house to steal money from her purse Its the way you lay your life that you would live it