Hey house,
                  I have a relationship of about 9 years and during the nine years relationship i invested a lot in this girl up to her jobless mother.
I paid her fess in some cases while i cloth this girl all the time, some of the furniture in her mother rented house are my sweath.
To my suprise last two weeks she refused picking my calls and i ask her why, all she could text to me was that there was a revelation that we were not meant for each other begging me to forgive her because she has offended me a lot.
I later realised that it was her mom that took her to a c&s church and it was revealed that i have tendency of marrying two wives therefore we were not meant for each other.
Each time she call me on phone she always crying and begging me to forgive her and her mum because thay have found her another guy for him where she is serving now and the guy promised to settled down immediately.
I understand that it may be because the guys plans to settle down immediately while i am still studying and hunting for better job to do made her and her mother to take this decision.
Pls house i av invested all my savings, life and future in this girl, she keep crying begging me for forgiveness every day and keep telling me that i can not understand while that decision was taking, and the most intresting part of this issue is that up till tomorrow the mother keep denying that she did not know anything about it.
The guy he is dating called me after i sent him a text to find out some facts during our conversation i realized that the guy did not know anything about me earlier and i tried to persuade the guy just to marry her and not let her suffer or regret her decision just to show how much i love this girl but the guy replied that Man proposed God disposed that he has no decided for now but to she inquestion thinks that they are getting settled as soon as possible.
This development made me feel bad, after grooming a girl for almost 9 years and she never caught me for once that am doubledating or something and she choose to pay me back with this honestly it's pathetic.
Each day we speak she always cry and ask for forgiveness,telling me that i can not understand while thing happens like that all this made me believe that may be she is under a spell or influence or something, the mother still denied the story till tomorow but she told me that it was the mother that took her to where they prayed and see the vision.
Pls house don't mind my lenghty story this what av being running through and it has affected me a lot pls i need your urgent advice

Harrizon

These are the kind of ladies that turn our gentle men into heartless human beings.
All these while when she needed you financially, she didn't know she'll see visions, suddenly, she's seeing visions.

You know what, I hate people that don't seem to have a say in their own lives, people that always blame others for their stupidity or mistakes.

I really don't see this lady making a good wife, she'll continue to run from one place to another when there are problems instead of settling down, thinking about this problems and tackling them intelligently.

I believe very much in God, but people take God for granted. If she has seen a vision that you'll marry more than one wife, what stops her from going on her knees and praying against it as well as improving her character and learning how to build a perfect home when she finally has one?.

This is going to be very very difficult for you considering what sacrifices you've made for her, but you must pick yourself up and start all over again. Shit happens, but life goes on.

after 80ys,
no problem,u must have absorbed all the neuitrients u need.
let am go ,him don become empty container.

theffanyi
arent u such a darling

@ Theffanyi
Do you realize that such relationships are usually without intimacy?
That's why it's usually so so painful for the guys when the ladies break up. The ladies usually go away without a scratch save for the memories of a nice time.
Most times, the guys loose in a non-sexual relationship while the girls loose in a sexual one.
She must have been very young when they started and because they didn't start with sex, the guy might have decided to wait till the big day.
What do you say to such to guy? That he was stupid? No, I don't think so. Things just didn't work out fine and he needs to go ahead with life but he'll definitely take a long while to heal.

Dude take heart and move on. If i were you i wouldn't be chatting with her on the phone. Besides who dates a girl for 9yrs without making any type of commitment?? I'm shocked that she stayed that long. Her mother probably told her that she wasn't getting any younger and after you get the job you want you would probably leave her.

But for the fact that she played you, Sorry for that take the time to heal and concentrate on your studies and get that job you want. Eventually the right girl on your level would come along and you life would be a happily ever after story
ASHE

@ omega25red:
Never a truer word than yours!

Na wa for human bngs sha! Harrizon never said hewas not committed. I think after 9 years of taking care of her and her family that is plenty, if not more than enough, commitment. Meanwhile the new guy has made no commitment at all.

The problem here is that the yeye girl doesnt have enough of a heart to support a decent guy. What is wrong if a gy wants to better himself. If he could support her before wouldnt he be an even better provider after? How do you take so much and not have the decency to pipe up when you have second thoughts?

My only advice is that this girl has things other than your happiness on her mind. I am not sure she would have stuck it out. Maybe it was her decision, maybe it was her mum's but she is the one going along with it.

sorry o! the only thing i can say maybe it wasn't meant to be.God will give you the bone of your bones and the flesh of your flesh.
You will soon get over it. Everyone does

I know right!
like, WHAT D HELL WERE YOU DOING WITH HER FOR 9 YEARS? really!!!!
y'all should have been talking about marriage like the first 3-5 yrs or something, u waited this long and ulost everything, it's a shame!
I know someone who went tru dis same situation, d relationship lasted for 8 yrs, trust me the guy was rich, d girl was rich too, he just wanted her to graduate from school then get married, they were talking about marriage when some pastors told them not to get married because they will end up fighting eachother evryday, it was hard for the both of them to let go, but they did

it's funny cos the lady got married to another guy, with teh same first and last name as the guy she was with for 8 yrs, not only do they have d same name, but also teh same date of birth, she was just with the wrong person for 8yrs, but she's happily married now, and the other guy is getting married next year

so u just move on, who knows what will happen if u marry her, I just wished u guys could have seen this whole BS coming b4 9yrs, that's really long! people don't just date for that long, they commit and get married!
phew! I hope I don't fall into something like this someday

Move on boy, let her go

deserved. You jerks think you can string girls along for so long

The hell were you looking for after 9 years.

Rubbish.

Notice how the new guy is willing to settle down immediately. You obviously failed.

I dont understand, is the guy doubledating?

i'm touched with your story.
Another bad example of ladies that turn our men to an heartless being and also denting the image of the female folks.Can be really painful though but try and move on with your life.At least you av learnt a lesson to be more careful next time.

Hey ThiefOfHearth,
Do you expect me to marry her while she was in school?, all this happened during her youth service.
Presently she is still in service so do not think i have no plans for her at least she has to finish her education before we start taking of settling down. Av never fail in all my doing and i will never!

Chau!

9 years relationship with no commitment is too long for your girl wait and wait impatient! I strongly believe that your girl has played you financially.

For me, proper 3-5 years to settle down seriously. I agreed with the following @: ThiefOfHearts, FactorChic and Omega25red.

Poster listen this is the best advice you can get neevr mind the love if she has the guts to see visions now and not when you were helping her then
1. Get a gun fully loaded
2. Do you still remember where she lives ?
3. Tell her you want to see her and give her a money you have been saving for your marriage , she will want to see you then without any visions stopping her .
4. When you meet her make sure the gun in concealed in a gift pack , tell her to close her eyes cuz its a surprise , men pull out the gun and then tell her to open them.
5. POINT THE GUN AT HER HEAD .
6. ASK HER IF SHE SAW ANY VISIONS OR IF SHE STILL WANTS TO SEE MORE .
7. HAVE A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE TO HER SWEETHEART .

KAPEECH!!!!

after 80yrs now ur in niraland.ar u looking for fresh blood?
my friedn find a better topic fooooooolllll

uspry1, ThiefOfHearts, FactorChic and Omega25red.
I don't think u peeps are helping this guy. This is a broken heart yearning for help and all you guys could mutter is dat he has fooled himself for 9 yrs if i actually understood ur posts.
Harrizon
You have no option than pick ur pieces and face your future. Remember that God your creator always wants the best for you and wouldn't want you go through all this unnecessarily. Maybe this is the price you are to pay for choosing the wrong person for 9 yrs. I can assure you that the best is closer than u expect if what i read is your entire story. Sometimes, it takes a closed door to open another. Also some stumbling stones are stepping stones when you are ready to surmount them. so brace up cos life is good.
For Me
I have learned to keep playing and never take on serious relationships until am ready to settle down.(translated as: Keep breaking available hearts until am ready to settle down). I stand to be corrected.

Eighty years or eight years - please confirm first.

so your excuse is she's still in school.

How old was she when you two started "dating"? Does her mom know you well?

mehn, 9f***king years u gotta be kiddin me

@poster yimiton has said it all, but just need to add this up be wise and pray harder ok God is in control and He will surely see you through ok, let her go l am very sure God will give you a better girl that you dont even need to spend alot for but love you more you ever think ok

One love bro and take heart.;;

yea i feel u rite there, you ought to be praising God she aint ur wife yet before she left , what would you have done? thank God hommie and im sure at the end of the day, u r goin to be happy and be thanking God for her action, ""she lost"

Hey Red Lips and the house,
We started when she was aroun 17/18 i heplped her secured addmission to my school then cos i was two years ahead of her then and i took care of her through out her stay in school she finished last year and presently doing her youth service all i was waiting for was to let her finished all and then we start talking of settling down. All this the mother was part of it cos on several cases i use to spend for the jobless mother too so the woman was aware since the inception of the relationship.
All her the member of the family was aware of our relationship and they were not even in support of what she and her mother did to me.
Up till now the mother and her can even face me and say it out, the mother keep denying knowing anything about it while she can nt stand facing me because of the guilty conscience.

my guy u be mumu Oh, Its not bad to spend 9 yrs with a girl but spending ur life savings on a girl u are not married to make u a maga.

but to bemore serious any girl that does that to u after such a while will still do same to u even while maried so just move on

In my life, l had always pray never to be hurt in love. Alas, l had been disappointed once. The experience however made me a better person so much that l am now immuned against any form of heartbreak. I am so confidence, that it would be easier for a camel to pass through a needle than for any lady to break my heart. This is not just words but the reality.

My story of heartbreak is a bit similar to the poster in many ways though l would not be specific. I didn't have to invest in her parent or lose money. It is in another way.

However, that experience did not stop me from trusting women, or making friends among them. Those l met afterward would attest to that fact .

@poster,

you have many options before you. And if l must share my own experience of how l overcame that ugly experience and became a better person. Not that l am not good before that, l am always me. In fact l had been writting a manuscript on relationship before then. I would of course ask questions before l can tell you the options before you.

In my case, l unravel the person behind the lady's action by assuming "formlessness". Looking back, l am surprise at my own investigative prowess. I didn't have to rely on hearsay or buy her lies. I did what l considered extraordinary, giving the circumstance. All these, so that 'she would not suffer!' l even met the "lucky" guy with a big grin on my face and congratulate him!

Inwardly, l was hurt. But outwardly, l made a show of my bravado and wisdom. Though we live in the same area, the lady, probably due to shame, could not come near my vicinity till date. She turn herself into an outcast because of a stupid advice from an ignorant family member! I was actually the winner. No ill feeling, No verbal attack, Nothing. I played a psychological game that would forever made her guilty of what she did. But l want her to be happy, hence, l choose the option that would make us friends and nothing more.

You can get over her and become even better than you are.

olanajim
Thanks for the response pls what are the question you wanna ask before the advice?

Thank you
my e mail is coolbukie@yahoo.com

Harrizon

Thats a really pathetic stiry but my dear,you have to move on,thats the only thing i think you can do now

We ladies can be funny at times bacause i cannot understand why she has chosen to wait till now before carrying out such an action

And have you taken a good look at your realationship,probably she's been cheating all this while aand you never got to know because i really think something is just not right

Another possible reason could be that she was never into you or she probably doesn't like somethings about you and she thinks she cannot cope with them but she decided to hang on because of the financial benefits,

And probably she was too young and doesn't really know what she wants when you asked her out and later,after she has gained admission and seen life from a different perspective,she realised you are not are type but because of the financial benefits,

Anyway,just forget about it and move on.All the best,

i think the girl i question would also (definately) have her own side of the story.for her to be crying on the phone and asking for forgiveness,shows that she doesnt think the yrs u spent together was nothing.

it is easy for ppl to blame or accuse u for "staying" with her for those yrs,but really many of them one time or the other would have been in such situations.u dont have to feel bad for bad replies on this forum,it is typical of some hungry nigerians to pass sadness unto others just to make them feel better.dah!!!!!

i'm sure u did ur best and u were really hurt(if not,u wont have posted ur case here just for bad replies).

As for the girl,i'm sure she is the only one that can really tell u wassup,afterall there would have been other guys and she didnt fall for all this while,y now?and the fact that she doesnt have any genuine reasons for doing so.

As for her mother,she might have told her daughter she's not getting any younger and the fact that u are in sch and she's serving now.when would u finish and when would u say u want to settle down?and many other questions.really i think her mother has alot to do with this,because she should have spoken sense to her by now.

But overall,take it easy "if" possible move on and if destiny wants it,she might end up been Urs.
Cheers Man!!!

This kind of issue is one of love spoilers. In this case, the lady is not trying to be funny at all. No lady, except one with "coconut head" or one acting a script, would delibrately hurt a man and still pick up the phone from the man, crying without reason. Her tear must have been incited by guilt conscience and deep feeling of remorse, more likely laced with yearning for re-union.

The case is clearly orchestrated by third party. In every relationship, there is a potential third party whose influence can make or mar the affair regardless of the couple's wish. NEVER UNDERESTIAMATE THE INFLUENCE OF THIRD PARTY. Ignore this warning at your own risk.

A third party can be anybody; friends, parents, rivals, family etc.

Among the motivating factors that may influence the intrusion of Third Party are Religion, Money, Tribe/Culture, Greed etc

When this happen, only mutual trust and strong conviction of the feuding partners can save them. If these two are absence, Love would crumble no matter how strong. That is why l used to say love is a cripple. The lady is crying because she still love the guy! Unfortunately, unless the guy can get rich overnight or placate the mother, by any means, he can't get the lady back. In that kind of cul de sac, the likely outcome is seperation. Permanent or temporary.

LET HER GO, IF THOSE BEHIND HER ACTIONS REMAIN ADAMANT.
But don't let them win! Make them a bad loser! That way, you become a cult that must be revered in their privacy thought!

One of the way you can let them lose badly is to accomplish what they thought you can't have. Be a success story, and you would have set machinary in motion for their private lamentation of great lost.

f, king shot her and get it done with , next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@ poster,

Take heart, and be strong. Move on with your life - You are prosperous with your education - keep it up There are many girls out there to choose from, so move on up bro! It might take a while for you to heal. Please I beg you not to become a ruthless love-vendor. Your case has happened to about 5 of my gentle friends and they have become ruthless-cold-pimps with no regard for women. These 5 of my friends even bet on who can break as many girls hearts as possible within a year. I'm still praying for God to have mercy on my friends.