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Loooooool - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Loooooool (1373 Views)

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Loooooool by lilkech(m): 2:21pm On Nov 09, 2011
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline:

"PREACHER'S ARZE SHOWS!"

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read:

"PREACHER'S ARZE OUT IN FRONT"

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read:

"BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ARZE"

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read:

"NUN HAS BEST ARZE IN TOWN"

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read:

"NUN SELLS ARZE FOR $10.00"

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:

"NUN ANNOUNCES HER ARZE IS WILD AND FREE"

The Bishop was buried the next day.
Re: Loooooool by Ajibel(m): 2:23pm On Nov 09, 2011
*Preparing to tear that monkie a dirty sslap for this dry piece of joke*
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 2:30pm On Nov 09, 2011
{ monkey puts on ' back - to - sender' charm}
Re: Loooooool by Ajibel(m): 2:32pm On Nov 09, 2011
*Runs away from thread before i get juju'ed*
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 2:36pm On Nov 09, 2011
{ BEATS CHEST AND POSTS ANOTHER JOKE }


,

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.

The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "YES, I AM!"

George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him.

The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!
Re: Loooooool by Ajibel(m): 2:41pm On Nov 09, 2011
Joke rating : 3.2%

i just encouraged u
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 2:43pm On Nov 09, 2011
{ THANX }

,

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
Re: Loooooool by Ajibel(m): 2:45pm On Nov 09, 2011
Good boi *rubs his bald head with toothpaste*
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 3:01pm On Nov 09, 2011
THANK YOU

{ SCRATCHES HEAD , THEN DABS SOME TOOTHPASTE ON BOTH HIS EYES AS A SIGN OF CONGOLESE RESPECT }
Re: Loooooool by Ajibel(m): 3:04pm On Nov 09, 2011
Na şo una dey respekt yo fada shey Wey mi koboko make ı flog heaven outta him
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 3:15pm On Nov 09, 2011
Two boko haram terrorists are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures. "Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."

There's a pause.

Then, the second terrorist says, wistfully: "Ah, they ' BLOW' up so fast, don't they?"
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 3:29pm On Nov 09, 2011
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.

"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' ---that did it!"



,
Re: Loooooool by Nobody: 3:45pm On Nov 09, 2011
nice
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 3:58pm On Nov 09, 2011
PretiEbony:

nice

HALLO BLACK AND BEAUTIFUL , I DEDICATE THIS NEXT JOKE TO YOU



,

my wife slipped stepping out of the shower did the splits and screamed out, i came running in but couldn't get her up. her t0t0 was suchioned to the floor tiles.
i rang my handyman mate who said "i'll get a hammer and chisel and be over in 5 mins" i said "what the 4lk for?" and he said "i got to crack the tiles to break the area where she is stuck so she can get up", i then said "ok, u know what i'm gonna lick her ears and play with her boobs" while i'm starting he then asked me "why?" i told him that 'i just put new tiles in there and if i get her t0t0 wet, maybe we could slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are old so he can break her out over there'
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 6:14pm On Nov 09, 2011
Little Johnny likes to gamble.

One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.

Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."

So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."

The teacher says OK, she can handle it.

The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."

She says yes I know who you are.

Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."

The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.

She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.

That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.

So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost."

The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."

Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your NY.A.SH before the day was over."
Re: Loooooool by Ajibel(m): 6:23pm On Nov 09, 2011
No comment
Re: Loooooool by Nobody: 6:27pm On Nov 09, 2011
lilkech you are really doing good
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 6:34pm On Nov 09, 2011
Ajibel:

No comment


AJIBOLE , AJIBOLE , AJIBOLE !!! , how many times i call you? by the way, i been look your profile for the first time today, na your babe be that abi your sister? no worry, i feel your pain, to dey involved with person wey ugly pass you no be sin, but i go go see my priest make him pray for you during these your trying times.


PretiEbony:

lilkech you are really doing good


thanx babe. i don dey feel you small small , i hope say 'black' magic your juju nor dey follow through modem enter person computer ohh
Re: Loooooool by Judek2(m): 6:58pm On Nov 09, 2011
@poster

Pettybony just dey joke 4 ur joke tongue tongue
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 7:03pm On Nov 09, 2011
@judek: NA THE TWO OF UNA DEY TOGETHER DEY TYPE AM ABI?
Re: Loooooool by Ajibel(m): 8:01pm On Nov 09, 2011
That is mi daughter u son-of-a I know that u were lost in her beauty. Dont deny it, i know the hearts of mehn, thats höw they start talking when they see a beautiful and se*y babie
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 9:31pm On Nov 09, 2011
Ajibel:

That is mi daughter u son-of-a I know that u were lost in her beauty. Dont deny it, i know the hearts of mehn, thats höw they start talking when they see a beautiful and se*y babie

.
.

YOU SEE . I SAID IT . HOW YOU GO LOOK PRETIEBONY CALL AM 'SE*Y' , CHEI ! nor wonder you come carry that 'AGABA' picture put for your profile talk say na 'THE APPLE OF YOUR EYES' be that.

*wears slipas and dashes to church to inquire if the priest has begun the prayers for Ajibole*
Re: Loooooool by Ajibel(m): 9:58pm On Nov 09, 2011
Jealous monKEY. Your daughters no go fine near mi own. Mtschew
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 10:15pm On Nov 09, 2011
^^^ OKAY, so you don agree say dat girl wey dey the pix for your profile nor fine abi? see, was it that hard? as you agree now your fone catch fire?
Re: Loooooool by Ajibel(m): 4:13am On Nov 10, 2011
Beautea lies in the eyes of the beholder! She is the most pweetiest i have ever seen. Black is beauty. Go ask ebony!
Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 6:18am On Nov 10, 2011
Ajibel:

Beautea lies in the eyes of the beholder! She is the most pweetiest i have ever seen. Black is beauty. Go ask ebony!

NAH TRUE TALK OOOHHH , SEE PICTURE OF YOU AND PRETIEBONY BELOW TO PROVE IT,

Re: Loooooool by lilkech(m): 10:03pm On May 28, 2012
B U M P

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