Hi Nairalander's ,  Truth is as much as i want an honest solution to my present situation, i wud really appreciate it if i don't get insulted. been dating this girl for about two years now and when we started i was obviously all she cud concentrate on (but that's how it usually begins,  RIGHT?). Anyways a lot of things have happened and I've come to the conclusion that i've lost control of my relationship and i still in love wit her. so i don't know if there's no way i can regain control of my relationship? She's doing a lot of really disrespectful stuff but she still says she loves me.  I currently don't have a job and there are other guys around her that seem to be there for her financially. Please i jst need some HONEST advise,  Thanks

Classic scenario. Not a few guys have been in such situations. Apparently, she sees less commitment from you. Either you have not been meeting your financial or emotional "obligations", or you have been rather lazy in showing your love towards her. . .or something else. Anywayz, she is browbeating you into loving her more, into assuming the role of the man in her life. You gotta approach this carefully and determinedly, else there's a very good chance of losing her finally. You could start showing more care by calling often, or by living up to certain financial responsibilities, if you are up for it. If you don't care much for her, this is a good time to let it all dissolve.

she's become disrespectful because you are not in charge and she's probably respecting others in charge.
Find yourself a job and make some money bro.the kain respect you go get after go tire you sef.

@poster
let me give you MY humble opinion on the issue: DUMP THE SKANK!!!!!!
if anyone's respect towards you is based on your financial state then i am safe to say that you are in the wrong r/ship. are all the years that you were financially "strong" irrelevant? shouldnt this be the time when she stands by your side and comforts you, give you a shoulder and help you get back on your feet? what kind of selfish woman are you dating that, the moment you are "wounded", she simply goes out and look for others to take care of her?!

you have been fooling yourself, all this time, that you were with the right person, but as the saying goes: its only when you are down that you will see the true color of people. the only way you can regain control is by getting rid of this ungrateful person and focus on meeting someone who will be there for you ALWAYS.

btw: some men bring this to themselves when they are quick to flash their cash and make women depending on them financially. so if that was the kind r/ship that you were in, then you only got what you deserved and the gal is right!

I agree with MRbrownJay. The fact that you are not "looking after her financially" is not a good enough reason to be disrepecting you & hanging around other guys because they're there for her financially!!!! Doesn't she have her own job & her own finances

Dump her pathetic A.S.S
people lyk dat ain't worth wasting time on

There's a possibility that the issues that you are having goes beyond the financial. Think deeper and have a lengthy talk with her, dont do the usual lame thinking that it's because you have no money she's disrespecting you. People that have more money than you can think of still have issues!

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
let me give you MY humble opinion on the issue: DUMP THE SKANK!!!!!!
if anyone's respect towards you is based on your financial state then i am safe to say that you are in the wrong r/ship. are all the years that you were financially "strong" irrelevant? shouldnt this be the time when she stands by your side and comforts you, give you a shoulder and help you get back on your feet? what kind of selfish woman are you dating that, the moment you are "wounded", she simply goes out and look for others to take care of her?!

you have been fooling yourself, all this time, that you were with the right person, but as the saying goes: its only when you are down that you will see the true color of people. the only way you can regain control is by getting rid of this ungrateful person and focus on meeting someone who will be there for you ALWAYS.

btw: some men bring this to themselves when they are quick to flash their cash and make women depending on them financially. so if that was the kind r/ship that you were in, then you only got what you deserved and the gal is right!

she's just a leach

bekay911:

she's just a leach

yes she is, it's just sad that the poster had to spend (no pun intended) 2yrs to find that out.

Quite a pity

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
let me give you MY humble opinion on the issue: DUMP THE SKANK!!!!!!
if anyone's respect towards you is based on your financial state then i am safe to say that you are in the wrong r/ship. are all the years that you were financially "strong" irrelevant? shouldnt this be the time when she stands by your side and comforts you, give you a shoulder and help you get back on your feet? what kind of selfish woman are you dating that, the moment you are "wounded", she simply goes out and look for others to take care of her?!

you have been fooling yourself, all this time, that you were with the right person, but as the saying goes: its only when you are down that you will see the true color of people. the only way you can regain control is by getting rid of this ungrateful person and focus on meeting someone who will be there for you ALWAYS.

btw: some men bring this to themselves when they are quick to flash their cash and make women depending on them financially. so if that was the kind r/ship that you were in, then you only got what you deserved and the gal is right!

true talk

poster true test of a good mate is the person who stands by you when things are great and when things are shitty. Her financial needs obviously out weighs what you both have and since she doesn't seem to have a job she would only date someone to pay her way. At least now you know. Please cut the dead weight and fix your life there are much better women out there.

iice:

In what way did you lose control of the relationship?

^By loosing his job

@OP

Let her go and focus your attention on getting a job.

@ sauer : am pweety sure it's not that am not showing her enough love. i think it's cos am showing her too much love and i unconsciously started doing that cos i couldn't meet up to some financial needs. but don't get me wrong am buying her gifts and all HONEST. i just don't know how all of a sudden she's gotten so ungrateful and disrespectful. My birthday was on the 7th and she didn't wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY until 4pm that day (and the sick thing is we slept in the same house and on the same bed) but last night she called some dude in my presence @ 12am and said she calling to make sure she was the first to wish him a Happy birthday. Am confused on so many levels cos her friends are like she really loves me but they don't know why she's acting up.


@ slimyem: That's why am asking for advise cos no job seems to be coming my way. Can't i regain it without having a job? cos the thing is i still buy her gifts and give her money. I've asked her over and over again if she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and she says "ANYTHING U WANT IS OK BY ME", what do i do?


@ basildon1: mate it goes beyond the financial issue ooh. but I'm not doing anything wrong that i know for sure and she doesn't want to talk. anytime i want to talk she just says "AM NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD". we have good day's but we can't go a day without an issue and i keep trying to prevent it but she just trigger's something. Am so in love with her i don't know what to do.


@ omega25red: that was deep but totally honest thanks.

Isn't it how the typical Naija babe thinks? To accord her man the respect he is due only if he is in a financially stable position.

let me give you MY humble opinion on the issue: DUMP THE SKANK!!!!!!

Classic opinon, Supported round the world

@poster
let me give you MY humble opinion on the issue: DUMP THE SKANK!!!!!!
if anyone's respect towards you is based on your financial state then i am safe to say that you are in the wrong r/ship. are all the years that you were financially "strong" irrelevant? shouldnt this be the time when she stands by your side and comforts you, give you a shoulder and help you get back on your feet? what kind of selfish woman are you dating that, the moment you are "wounded", she simply goes out and look for others to take care of her?!

you have been fooling yourself, all this time, that you were with the right person, but as the saying goes: its only when you are down that you will see the true color of people. the only way you can regain control is by getting rid of this ungrateful person and focus on meeting someone who will be there for you ALWAYS.

btw: some men bring this to themselves when they are quick to flash their cash and make women depending on them financially. so if that was the kind r/ship that you were in, then you only got what you deserved and the gal is right!

Ladies/women especial nija ones are short sighted. They only know what they are eating presently.

A lady did the same to me while in school, she is back looking for my consideration.

Race on, guy, no condition is permanent.

I think you need to dump her and get urself a job. At the risk of repeating the public opinion.

I beg 2 differ, @ Poster i will advise you call her and sit her down, talking things over works sometimes and could work for you. Tell her stuffs she is doing that you consider disrespectful. Person wey no get moni de love too. Talking to women in a respectful way works, consider her opinion, allow her to talk, don't talk to her when you are both angry. If possible invite her over to your place, just the 2 of you.

I think because you have lost your job, you are beginning to pay detailed attention to whatever she does to you now, you have become very sensitive because of your situation and this has instigated you to draw conclusion that might be hasty,

I advice you concentrate your energy in getting a new job, avoid doing tooo much to save the relationship if is she is not interested anymore, give her space and watch if she is comfortable with the space and silence, if she does nothing to fight for the relationship, let her go,

YOU ARE A MAN, GET CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE FIRST, THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT.

,,

Just look for job first and get yourself together. The lady is not meant for you as she only love your money. Now that you don’t have a job, her true identity came out is a blessing. So, go ahead and look for a way to get a job and do away with her for good. If you settle with a lady like this in future, she will abandon you when you needed her most. So her actions now is a blessing to reveal her true character.

iice:

How did job and control of relationship even meet?
Oh well. . .people get what they ask for.

source of income and source of pride for the lady, she wants to tell her friends "my man works with Mobil"

onuora87:

@ sauer : am pweety sure it's not that am not showing her enough love. i think it's cos am showing her too much love and i unconsciously started doing that cos i couldn't meet up to some financial needs. but don't get me wrong am buying her gifts and all HONEST. i just don't know how all of a sudden she's gotten so ungrateful and disrespectful. My birthday was on the 7th and she didn't wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY until 4pm that day (and the sick thing is we slept in the same house and on the same bed) but last night she called some dude in my presence @ 12am and said she calling to make sure she was the first to wish him a Happy birthday. Am confused on so many levels cos her friends are like she really loves me but they don't know why she's acting up.


@ slimyem: That's why am asking for advise cos no job seems to be coming my way. Can't i regain it without having a job? cos the thing is i still buy her gifts and give her money. I've asked her over and over again if she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and she says [size=14pt]"ANYTHING U WANT IS OK BY ME",[/size]  what do i do?


@ basildon1: mate it goes beyond the financial issue ooh. but I'm not doing anything wrong that i know for sure and she doesn't want to talk. anytime i want to talk she just says "AM NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD". we have good day's but we can't go a day without an issue and i keep trying to prevent it but she just trigger's something. Am so in love with her i don't know what to do.


@ omega25red: that was deep but totally honest thanks.

that's the warning sign, she wants out already but doesnt know how to bell  the cat. DUMP HER!!!

Roland17:

I think because you have lost your job, you are beginning to pay detailed attention to whatever she does to you now, you have become very sensitive because of your situation and this has instigated you to draw conclusion that might be hasty,

I advice you concentrate your energy in getting a new job, avoid doing tooo much to save the relationship if is she is not interested anymore, give her space and watch if she is comfortable with the space and silence, if she does nothing to fight for the relationship, let her go,

YOU ARE A MAN, GET CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE FIRST, THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT.

GBAM!

Am in a similar situation now, she's so disrespectful dis days. But my approach has been sit down and look, whilst seriously hustling for a new job, that's the best solution, get a job. Truth is women are d same, hardly stands by in rough times. Another advise, dont let her catch u cheating. Since am n similar dilemma, let me pause and read others response.

onuora87:

@ slimyem: That's why am asking for advise cos no job seems to be coming my way. Can't i regain it without having a job? cos the thing is i still buy her gifts and give her money. I've asked her over and over again if she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and she says "ANYTHING U WANT IS OK BY ME",  what do i do?

then you need to stop trying to get back control of you relationship.
You are doing your best but it seems your best is not enough for her.
Start taking control of your life and ignore her.i bet by the time she comes back to her senses and realises what she's lost,it'll be too late.best wishes!

onuora87:


Can't i regain it without having a job? cos the thing is i still buy her gifts and give her money. I've asked her over and over again if she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and she says "ANYTHING U WANT IS OK BY ME", what do i do?

Am so in love with her i don't know what to do.Oh yes you do. Focus on getting a job. What is important now a job or the gal? when you have a job they will come like bees including her.

If those words ever came out of my mouth I would sure know the reason why>>I AM OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP BUT I WANT YOU TO WALK OUT FIRST SO THAT I DON'T TAKE THE BLAME. cunning and wicked.

Op  the day ul understand 'female speak' is the day you will stop getting stressed.Some men have mastered and you need to do the same.
No woman would tell a guy she deeply loves to do as he likes. Its arrogance,pride and a don't care attitude.The reason being shes got somebody by the side so whatever you do will not have any effect on her. In short 'step!!

Poster Plssss get yourself a job forget "side attractions"

Just try and get a good job first, Shr will respect you