Thank you for all the advice and criticism on my topic. I have learned alot, and after talking with my husband, I am learning to be a more understanding wife with less complaints, and he is learning to listen and be there for me more.

I am removing the original post as it is now redundant. I sincerely thank all who have offered any comments - you have helped my life.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!

..

I felt really shocked reading your story. I am really sorry for what you have to go through and I pray that God gives you strength in those difficult times.

I have to say, I don't really understand a few things. Why do you still Be Intimate with your husband when bleeding and if you don't feel like it? Pls, respect yourself, your body, your health, you don't have to comply. What happens if you don't?

As for the fertility issue, have you both met a fertility doctor? And what did he say? I have a feeling that the resentment you hold against your husband might be part of the reason why you can't get pregnant. Sometimes infertility is due to psychological reasons more than physical ones,  and considering what happened with your first pregnancy, it would be totally understandable.

How did you guys handled what happened the first time? Did you have a chance to talk about it and express your feelings (both your husband and you)? Do you know how he feels about it?

If the communication line is still opened between the both of you, I'd say try to see a counselor. Fertility problems are very difficult to handle for every couple, and if you both can benefit from a little help, don't hesitate.

Wow . . .this is really sad.

You are a good woman . . and God will surely see you through.

Dont know what to say about the man . .honestly.

I cant only talk to you.

Please keep on being the good wife that you are . . and please pray for your family - this guy needs your prayers.

Dont do anything that would aggravate him so he doesnt hurt you. I support separation when there a history of physical abuse when the culprit is not willing to change.

When you feel he is in a good mood, please calmly have a discussion with him. let us hope he will see reason and change for the better.

For your fertility issues, I will suggest you go see a medical specialist about this just to make sure no harm has been done to your organs. See if he can go with you . .nothing wrong with him taking tests as well.

You also need to be in good mental state to get pregnant . . though I know mad people on the streets get pregnant as well.

All will be well.

Please stay strong.

My dear, i read and re-read your post again and again, and i am still short of words.  Just take care of yourself, give yourself rest of mind and don't think too much about the child issue, i know it is easier said than done, but that is the only thing you can do, beacuse no amount of talking or pitying would solve your problems. Go on your knees, pray to God and fast. If it means you doing that for 7 days and do midnight prayers.

See am telling you to pray and committ your problems to God, only because i know He is the only One that can give you a ''positive permanent solution'' to any problem. The Lord is your Strength my sister. Take life easy, and your joy would be full.

I think you should tell him to come and read this page. I assume the relationship is strained because he too cannot forgive himself for what he has done. I dont think he doesnt care, he just may not know how to express himself and deal with you in an emotional state. This does not take away from all he has done to you, his family and his possible future. This is the problem when people have anger issues. I hope you did not marry an abusive man, who was abusive in your relationship. , and now you are looking for advice. With all the possible intimate abuse, physical and emotional abuse, i find it hard to believe that this is the first time you are experiencing all this. Any way all that is spilt milk. But try and tell him all you wrote here and both of you should sit down and read the comments. . I hope you both find time to go to the hospital and sort the problems out. I hope it is not life changing for both your sakes. Your husband needs a reevaluation of himself and his attitude.

I am really moved by your story, i can feel your pain in the lines as i read through, its a pathetic story of a selfish man refusing to come down from his hallowed ego chamber to realize he is really hurting his better half.

I respect your courage and resilience to still love your husband and fight for your marriage, its very rare in today's modern marriage, my dear you must speak out before you die in silence or loose sanity, do u have God parents? if you don't, do you have someone you both respect and listen to? talk to that person about the situation.

Another advice i got for you is to visit the doctor, undergo a comprehensive medical check up, ensure that the miscarriage did not harm any part of your reproductive organs, once that is done, find a way to get him to do same,

And finally, if you don't know how to pray, start from now, you can talk to God in your way about this situation.

Stay Strong, don't loose faith,

You have no choice but to comply . Seriously?!

In my first year of marriage, I got pregnant, but lost the pregnancy at 5 months, two weeks after a severe beating from my husband (he has not beaten me since then). Since then, we have been trying to get pregnant for almost 14 months,  but no luck.

Since this happened, i was so shocked that I have not been able to talk to him. What hurts me the most is that he does not care, and will not even bother to try a conversation with me. Despite the fact that I am still bleeding heavily, he insists on sex and wants BehindBased (which for me is incredibly painful) and I have no choice but to comply. I feel so degraded.

very sad story
OP, you need to learn to love and respect yourself and your body. that is the first and foremost step you should take.
why will u allow this guy to destroy your womb and your health. what kind of "love" is that? why degrade yourself so? all because you are seeking affection from a guy who clearly  (at least from your comment) is an  [i]ass[/i]hole
at the end of the day, if you can't give birth, he will impregnate someone else to have a child for him.

learn to take care of yourself. better still, learn to love and respect yourself.
I wish u all d best.

Yea. . . . I, on the other hand, would have walked off.
My tolerance/ patience level is very short for imbe cilic men.

I'm sad to hear about your situation. First, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Phil 4:6-7 ("be careful" = be anxious, for nothing). Second, yes, in love and patience, candidly sit with him and talk with him. You are to love each other unconditionally. He should not be intimate with you when you are on your monthly. Speak to him.

-------------------
"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word," That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. "- Ephesians 5:21-33

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. " - Colossians 3:18-20

"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." - 1 Peter 3:1-4

"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. " - Matthew 19:6

Do you enjoy the back entry? if no, have you spoken to him about it? where exactly are you from?

The way women present themselves is the way men will treat them. If you wanno be trashy you will be treated like trash, if you wanno be smart, the man will think twice before toiling with your mind, if you are a no no nonsense the man will know that he does not stand a chance in hell if he acts like a total douche-bag. If you wanno show a man you are worth more than life itself, he will treat you like an angel, an EGG. But if you represent less as a woman, you will be treated like nothing and seen as worthless. I have said it before and I will say it again, if only women knew how much they are worth and act it (smh) men will crawl on their knees everyday begging to be part of their lives and not the other way round.

I wish you all the best.

//

The husband just about sounds like the personification of a nasty ogre

Its low-lifes like this that give men a bad name.

dear original poster,

please grow up a little bit more.Stop winding yourself up more and more. Yes your husband beat you lost your baby-sorry about that, it must have been a painful experience.
However, why are you living all your married life "trying for a child"?Do you really believe that is the whole purpose of marriage? You are comparing yourself to your friends who got married after you and have children? Do you realise how frustrating this is for your husband?? He has already told you not to worry. Would you prefer a husband who believes your sole aim is to have children and probably kick you out because you dont have them

Please live life and stop all your complaints about not having kids and him not understanding.what exactly do you want him to do?he isnt God you know.
You are being too needy and that is why you husband prefers to spend time with his friends-actually there is nothing wrong with that as long as it isnt over done.

Ignore your own desires to have kids for a moment and look for other people in more serious situations than your present worries-it definitely helps one to be more grateful to God.
Join a focus group or some other group that can get you out of your present situation.

If you do not have kids for another 4years is this how you would carry on.

Darling-get a life
and this comes from a lady who has been married for more years than you with no kids.

Regarding the other issues-back door etc, if you dont like it, dont do it-your husband probably doesnt know you dont like it

^^God have mercy. People like you wanna make become a transgendered.

A man beats his wife, doesn't spend much time with her, prefers backside sex which by the way she gives to him and all you could do is come up with this trash? I lose you from every archaic cursed bondage mindin Jesus name.

Define selfishness and tell me who really is the selfish one in this relationship?

You are daft no insult intended but you are just a disgrace to womanhood in general, who da hell married you with this mentality? Even touts know better. I weep for you

Obviously you haven't read or understood my post completely.
Is there anywhere I acknowledged that the husband was right
Should she cointinue to wallow in depression
Think about it

Jenny, i don dey wait for you to attack ''shushu'', actually, when i read the first few lines, i was ready to start typing, but i took my time to read through and saw where she was coming from (bodija makrket), lol , anyways her last remarks make sense.

Thats Jennys typical way-insult then no insult intended
Thats why i wondered if she really understood my post.
Its all good, i know what women go through in the op's situation and tough love is required, only someone else in the situation can truly understand and advise appropriately.
But Jenny sabi insult sha-let me go and look through some of the words again.lol maybe i can plagiarise one day

You have indirectly made excuses for this man, calling her needy like you live with her and know what she's going through, a woman who lost a pregnancy because her husband beat her, this same pregnancy that is the issue now and you are telling her to get a life, define life? Which akin yeye man will ask for backyard sex when he knows his wife is bleeding?

The fact that you've been there does not mean you know it all, it doesn't mean you know it all. Marriage is about us and not about me. A couple should be able to communicate and understand their body languages without even talking. When one is down the other person should take the front seat until they are both able to resume the position together. Spends time with his friends cos she's needy? I ask you are women not naturally needy when they crave for attention? And the men that know this gives it to them emotionally and not physically via the emergency exit. Get a life with a man who really isn't in the same page as her?

Spare me the nonsense.

Jenny,
so what advise do you have for her besides making her more angry

If you read my first post and use your tongue to count your teeth, you will see my advise there.

CC understood it, I'm sure you will

so since you have advised her, then let other add theirs and go in peace

Not when I don't agree with it. It's a public forum, ideas are meant to be shared and counter attacked if need be. I hold ya hand? Go in the peace

what i can't understand is a man asking the wife for sex through backyard, when she is on her period, kai!!!!!especially when she is not enjoying it, that man wicked!!! some women do not understand that no matter the type of poo you take from a man, that would not make him love you more, instead it would be an avenue for complete ridicule.

well if you are counter attacking, i am not defending my statements, i have written them to the op

yes o Ronke, she just needs to tell her husband that she doesnt like it and not do it

Then waka naaaa let me continue counter attacking, u sound like u r not even sure of the advise you gave.

@ ronke

The more reason why I said couple need to understand their body languages, if he bothered he would have known it wasn't right for her.

There are times my hubby wants me to go somewhere with Him and I will just agree, one look at me dressing up he knows already that I really do not want to go and the next thing you will hear him say "ok I will go, you be a good housewife until I get back" and other times I tell him no, I think this poster might have told him, but he refused to listen, if it is really that painful then he should nave noticed during penetration

100% sure, just cant be bothered to defend them to you.they are self explanatory and for the op

Ok mo ti go, anu go mu. Then don't stress when I attack it naaaa, shey it's for the OP not me, stop proving yourself to me abet, prove yaself to the OP which you already have

electronic shaking of hands -jenny

Same here