^^^^^^^^My dear, some people find it very difficult to open their mouths in a relationship, both male and female. I personally do not have the belle to stomach any nonsense, na for my eyes everybody go see am, i no sabi hide feelings, especially not for my husband, i just wonder the type of relationships couples have this days.

//

Let the truth be told.
We sometimes react too emotionally on a story.
The beating took place two weeks before the miscarriage- There is no telling if it was the direct consequence of the beating.
Immediately after the miscarriage of such an advanced pregnancy she never even let her body heal but even went as far as taking fertility pills!!!
What reaction was expected of the man He should give up his job and friends and stay at home  mourning with his wife or frantically trying all methods to get her pregnant? No he is doing the right thing. One has to try and relax and live a normal life and wait for nature to take it`s course.
Finally sorry but some women enjoy being degraded and it trips them sexually and some women enjoy being hurt too during sex.
Now this man did not force her. This is a man and his wife and they way they relate sexually. The woman has been consenting to it probably even before marriage. So in this case I cannot condemn the man either - I see here two consenting adults.
It is however wrong for a man to get physical on his wife and I see here two people who need some real solid advice. The woman role is even more pathetic for me and more urgently in need of correction.

Why am I not surprised? you know women who see abuse as no big deal by their posts.

@OP,Are you scared of your husband,you can't tell him exactly how you feel or what?

You don't enjoy d.o.ggy position(not s3x during period) but did you tell him,does he know and still insisted on that?

Your husband does not talk with you,have you tried starting up a conversation yourself and he snubs you?

I understand you feel down and bad about the miscarriage but sweetie,someohow life has got to go on.You've got to try to pick up yourself and forge ahead.Your hubby I'm sure felt the pains but heck,don't expect men to be on same emotional levels with women.They are experts at handling pains and masking their emotions.

What I see is 2 adults that can't relate with themselves,can't read or understand their body languages.The communication lines are broken.Initiate the reconcilatory talk,look up to a brighter morrow.
Sorry abt your loss,btw.Hope you've seen a Gyn/Obn for professional advise?

Don't know your motive for bringing up the abuse you got 2 years ago now. . .you forgave him abi?forget it

cc,
i never condoned the mans behaviour, but she needs to move on, ify always gets my drift. Its 2years ago she lost the pregnancy, theres no need for her to compare herself with other families who had kids after them. The man will not change, she has to get stronger somehow otherwise depression and we dont want that

Please confirm if the fertility drugs didn't state that you should stop using the drugs after conception.
I wish you well in your bid to get pregnant.
God will do it for you at the right time.

@OP
Yes, I'm not married but even God will be angry with you if you do not cherish the ONE life you have been given; if you do not take care of it. I am not going to talk about your need for a child because enough has been said about that already. But I will talk about the backdoor s[i]ex[/i]al stuff.

Will he be wearing pampers with you if things go awry? Will he be the one to suffer the indignity of anal cancer if it comes to that?? Do you know the number of resistant bacteria out there that the 'backdoor' practice is exposing you to? Do you love him more than you love yourself

I'm not asking you to leave your husband o. But I will say you shouldn't take anything that is tossed your way. I'm a soft hearted woman too. I always want to please the man in my life. But I've come to realize that when things go badly wrong, you as a woman are at the receiving end and you are left on your own to deal with YOUR problem.

I'm not married, and maybe I am inexperienced in married people's stuff. I just have a simple advice that you should consider your health, the quality of your life and the quantity. . . .

^Oturugbeke.
Was she talking about a/n/a/l s3x ?This word sensor has outlived its usefulness.

Abeg OP come clarify.If its a/n/a/l then its horrible.Does it mean ur hubby can't hold body for 3 days and manage handjobs et all?

Btw,where you offering a/n/a/ls during your courtship days? I no play go dat side oh.Your health is the most important thing here.shuo

lol

Chaircover exactly my thoughts, this is a serious matter that this woman is just shoving aside, i really do feel for her, beacuse as i see it love has soo covered her eyes. that all i see now is ''foolis, hness'' (don't mean to be hard).

What if she can never give birth again ( God forbid).? the man would ddefinitley have kids outside, am sure he is just marking time.

MUTTER!!!!!!!! ABEG WETIN YOU DEY TYPE FOR THERE?? What the hell are you trying to pass across.

So you do not see anything wrong in a man beating a woman who is 5months pregenant? and two weeks later she lost the baby, please if you do not have anything positive to contribute, please just face front and don't type nonsense.!!!!! If you've been pregnant before and had a child, you will not type those rubbish!!!!!!!!! if you have given life to someone, you would know how it feels to loose a baby.

There is a part of me that wants to scream: "run for your life". The other part of me is totally hush.

@OP :When you are trying to conceive, you say yes to a lot of things your man does for a lot of reasons that only another woman trying to conceive can understand. Hang in there honey. I absolutely know what you are going through. Hang in there hang in there hang in there, Try hard to let the resentment go. Pray, be strong, tell him you love him if you still do, overlook his faults but don't let him hurt you anymore. Do not let yourself get hurt physically. Cry if you cant bear the pain, then sit up and restrategise about how to get the child you need so much. You are not alone when it comes to failed fertility treatments. Did you know you were as strong as you are now?
Against hope , believe in hope. Keep your eyes on the goal. don't allow the fear of him seeking sex outside make you say yes all the time. It will not stop him if he is the type that cant wait. Be grateful for the times you have been pregnant, sweetie be grateful. Some will give anything to take home a positive pregnancy test just for a day. Be glad. One day, you will be fine. Some stay long in this tunnel, some are lucky and they find light soon. Some eventually have children after the marriage is long lost and the joy of pregnancy becomes a bitter sweet pill to swallow. But whichever way it goes, take it from a fellow traveller Life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we react to it.
The bible says:This is the confidence we have in Him that If we ask anything according to his will he hears us. so hang in there!!!

shushu:

dear original poster,

please grow up a little bit more.Stop winding yourself up more and more. Yes your husband beat you lost your baby-sorry about that, it must have been a painful experience.
However, why are you living all your married life "trying for a child"?Do you really believe that is the whole purpose of marriage? You are comparing yourself to your friends who got married after you and have children? Do you realise how frustrating this is for your husband?? He has already told you not to worry. Would you prefer a husband who believes your sole aim is to have children and probably kick you out because you dont have them

Please live life and stop all your complaints about not having kids and him not understanding.what exactly do you want him to do?he isnt God you know.
You are being too needy and that is why you husband prefers to spend time with his friends-actually there is nothing wrong with that as long as it isnt over done.

Ignore your own desires to have kids for a moment and look for other people in more serious situations than your present worries-it definitely helps one to be more grateful to God.
Join a focus group or some other group that can get you out of your present situation.

If you do not have kids for another 4years is this how you would carry on.

Darling-get a life
and this comes from a lady who has been married for more years than you with no kids.

Regarding the other issues-back door etc, if you dont like it, dont do it-your husband probably doesnt know you dont like it

I am behind you 100%

Its just that next time before shooting straight from the hips, you need to come along with at least 5 boxes of tissues and some alabukun and Robb and menthylathum and such likes to ease the pain of the e-blow you are about to deliver and then parambulate like a Barber's chair with some few inane post before delivering the post aimed for the jugular

ronkebp:

MUTTER!!!!!!!! ABEG WETIN YOU DEY TYPE FOR THERE?? What the hell are you trying to pass across.

So you do not see anything wrong in a man beating a woman who is 5months pregenant? and two weeks later she lost the baby, please if you do not have anything positive to contribute, please just face front and don't type nonsense.!!!!! If you've been pregnant before and had a child, you will not type those rubbish!!!!!!!!! if you have given life to someone, you would know how it feels to loose a baby.

Please, please, please, respect Mutter's opinion and stance, Chaircover too has agreed with Mutter under similar almost eerily the same situation, as well as with Mutter's many other likeminded posts abeg I remember one such particular story well but in that situation, the OP said her Husband's fatal blow injured the child in her womb and she ended up giving birth to a baby with kidney problem I guess it is a generational gap thing, but Mutter is set in her ways, unlike Chaircover, who the other day was humbly admitting to Richvkunt that she was here to learn as well. And yes Mutter is the proud Mother of 10 well turned out children who would make any parents proud, so abeg free her biko

jennykadry:

Why am I not surprised? you know women who see abuse as no big deal by their posts.

Jenny, behaviour yaself, its a generational gap thing like i earlier intoned, but thank God times are a-changing and women no longer have it that bad, and impressively and pleasantly surprised, Mutter being in the legal industry has since been posting a few gem of info about Domestic violence organisations in Nigeria on some other thread like that, for women to empower themselves if they need to get out

Busy_body:


I am behind you 100%

Its just that next time before shooting straight from the hips, you need to come along with at least 5 boxes of tissues and some alabukun and Robb and menthylathum and such likes to ease the pain of the e-blow you are about to deliver and then parambulate like a Barber's chair with some few inane post before delivering the post aimed for the jugular




Please, please, please, respect Mutter's opinion and stance, Chaircover too has agreed with Mutter under similar almost eerily the same situation, as well as with Mutter's many other likeminded posts abeg I guess it is a generational gap thing, but unlike Chaircover, Mutter is set in her ways. And yes Mutter is the proud Mother of !) well turned out children who would make any parents proud, so abeg free her biko








I remember one such particular story well but in that situation, the OP said her Husband's fatal blow injured the child in her womb and she ended up giving birth to a baby with kidney problem

Which one is your own?? are you her sister or what? this is a public forum and i think i have every right to attack anybodys post, so why no hear from Mutter now

ronkebp:

Which one is your own?? are you her sister or what? this is a public forum and i think i have every write to attack anybodys post, so why no hear from Mutter now

The same right you have to post is the same right i have too, now thats outta the way, Mutter has never had any problem defending herself, so if i feel like it, so be it, if you don't want people responding to your post, you can freely take a hike to the diary/journal section The same issue you are bleating about your right to attack her on, is the same stance Chaircover ^{who you hold in high esteem} holds/held on this same forum, until she recently started to come round that such rampant feckless behaviour the typical Nigerian man metes out to their wives with the woman just being told to hang in there and keep praying about it and keep spoiling the man and keep seducing him, etc, is not really condusive in this day and age and especially on the internet, so what gives, hypocrite much, mschewwww


Won nfoju so, won nfimu so pe the person you are "attacking" as childless, has ten children with her firstborn aged 24/25, hence igi imu jina s'ori, and you still dey flex like an alainironu ara galatia spitting out your dummy in the process, SMH, arrant nonsense of the highest order, oshi o da nle pako


You berra quickly carry oshuka and put your post on your head then, since you don't want anyone to touch it, epele o, postmaker

thank you busy body for your notes to me, i will take it on board.i appreciate

//

shushu:

thank you busy body for your notes to me, i will take it on board.i appreciate

Was just teasing you thats all, you do you and be yourself and keep calling it as you see it, its an admirable trait, keep it up

As for that Jennykadry, she is legendary on Nairaland for her e-knockouts and keeping it real and spitting nothing but the truth no matter whose ox is gored, so next time she steps to you, just calmly tell her "you are just following in her footsteps and when you grow up, you wanna be like her hence reason for your bluntness"  

You have walked in the OP's shoes, so have realised that dillydallying would not get her anywhere, hence your advise for her to find something else to preoccupy her time with. Babydusts to you all

Busy body, Eyin gangan ni agabaya, pele!!!!! how i for know say na 20 children she born, since her posts reeks of ''lack of maturity'', how would you a woman infer that it is right for a man to beat a woman, and if he does, the woman should just live her life and let everything die down, especially when she has been trying to get pregnant?

E dey pain you i hold CC in high esteembcause she thinks before posting and at least if not 100% of us, 95% of us thinks she makes sense with 97.5% of her post.

OOpe!! ke to fi imu, oju ai eti soro!!! wahala le ko ara yinsi!!!! Ati ri pe, busybody leje, Amope, Sisi klara!!!!! too know!!!

Infact i just read everything you typed, Babanla Agbaya!!!!!!!!!! ni yin, e le rara!!!!

Oshuka ko, oja ni, i know say na so you dey put your own post ontop your head dey kiri around

chaircover:

LOL only God knows how many times Ive seen my name mentioned on this forum this evening  

BB One can only give what one has; I am married to probably the best man on the planet so I find it exteemly easy to submit, apologise, respect him etc so forgive me if I think that this stance will work in all situations.

Like I said I can only give what I have and share what works for me  . . . . .  and yes you are right over time I have come to understand that it is a jungle out there. Call me naive but Ive heard things on this forum that I never would have dreamt can happen and I accept that not all relationships can be like mine/same and therefore my advise may not suit all but that wont totally stop me from giving advise as best as I know.

As per learning, one thing I have gained and learnt from NL is to seriously appreciate what I have &  I thank God for his special gift to me  

What is my motive and wish? That every marriage is a long, peaceful, happy and fruitful one.

@op sorry for derailing the topic  

I have not said anything otherwise, have I All I have commented about is your unexpected change which caught some people like Jenny, Ify, and co, unawares hence reason they went off on one, unbeknown to them that you were trying to come round to their sides having discovered the never-ending atrocious horror and torture many Nigerian women are being subjected to at their Nigerian Husbands hands, playing out on this forum everyday. . . Even your motive you mentioned here is even the same I correctly in the poster of the year thread, innit! Or are you saying you didn't change but are rather two-faced as they said

ronkebp:

Busy body, Eyin gangan ni agabaya, pele!!!!! how i for know say na 20 children she born, since her posts reeks of ''lack of maturity'', how would you a woman infer that it is right for a man to beat a woman, and if he does, the woman should just live her life and let everything die down, especially when she has been trying to get pregnant?

E dey pain you i hold CC in high esteembcause she thinks before posting and at least if not 100% of us, 95% of us thinks she makes sense with 97.5% of her post.

OOpe!! ke to fi imu, oju ai eti soro!!! wahala le ko ara yinsi!!!! Ati ri pe, busybody leje, Amope, Sisi klara!!!!! too know!!!

ronkebp:

Infact i just read everything you typed, Babanla Agbaya!!!!!!!!!! ni yin, e le rara!!!!

Oshuka ko, oja ni, i know say na so you dey put your own post ontop your head dey kiri around

Blah, blah, blah, Mutter hardly ever posts yet everytime she posts, Chaircover always supported her, you hold Chaircover in high esteem, so why cry that i am not allowing you to attack Mutter, odoyo oshi, we know your type, HYPOCRITE

Alaileko oshi, crying that i did not let you attack someone probably old enough to be your Mother, shame on you, o bo lowo e


Feel free to come back and rave and rant all you like, you know i am telling you the truth and all you are trying to do is save face

Busy_body:


I have not said anything otherwise, have I All I have commented about is your unexpected change which caught some people unawares hence reason they went off on one, unbeknown to them that you were trying to come round to their sides having discovered the never-ending atrocious horror and torture many Nigerian women are being subjected to at their Nigerian Husbands hands, playing out on this forum everyday. . . Even your motive you mentioned here is even the same I correctly in the poster of the year thread, innit!





Blah, blah, blah, Mutter hardly ever posts yet everytime she posts, Chaircover always supported her, you hold Chaircover in high esteem, so why cry that i am not allowing you to attack Mutter, odoyo oshi, we know your type, HYPOCRITE

Alaileko oshi, crying that i did not let you attack someone probably old enough to be your Mother, shame on you, o bo lowo e


Feel free to come back and rave and rant all you like, you know i am telling you the truth and all you are trying to do is save face

Oyinbo!!!!!!!!!!mo just ri kpe, e ni ronu rara, Ode oshi!!! who be dodoyo eyin gangan ni mugu, adato!!, Mutter's mouth piece, na you dey flex muscles for the thing wey no knosine you. Oloju kongba kongba!!! Amebo, Okponu, as you big reach, you still dey wear diaper.

Ewooooo!!!!! she dey tell me the truth, about what? who am i saving face for? You don dey kolo!!!!! obviously, your battery dey touch small small, i dey save face for who?? You? Omo e don tey wey dem forget you for forest. Oti shi ooooo!!!! oti shi bigtime.

I did mention that it is wrong for a man to get physical on his wife. I certainly abhor violence in whatever form or in whatever relationship. So I do not want any one putting words in my mouth. Since the original post came from the wife I was addressing my comments at her.
I have been pregnant before I know the pain of longing for a child and the pain of loosing a pregnancy. So I feel deeply for any woman that has to go through the same.
However anyone who has lost a pregnancy at 5 months knows that it is no longer a mere miscarriage. One has to go through the pains of childbirth. Babies have even been known to survive at that stage. That is why to be more specific now, I find the story somewhat awkward and I think a doctor in the house may be able to enlighten us on this. Furthermore I pay attention to details. Try reading or listening to women who lost a pregnancy at that stage. They express themselves totally differently. Also there simply is no proved connection between the beating and the claimed miscarriage. Maybe the poster can clear us up there. Besides any woman that looses a pregnancy at that stage will give enough time to heal herself physically and mentally before jumping into fertility pills and other desperate measures. Lets face it normally a doctor would only recommend fertility pills if you have not gotten pregnant after 2 years or if you have reached a certain age, which is not the case here.
As regards the poster seeking sympathy trying to convey the message that the husband forces her to have an-- s--. I simply cannot buy that story either. This is something that two consenting adults have been practicing probably even before marriage. I cannot believe the man acquired this taste overnight. As desperate as this woman seems, how can one be sure that she did not even introduce the man to this method for fear that he might seek relief outside.
I guess some might see me as being old fashioned- certainly not. As regards certain issues nothing ever really changes. We only are more sober about the reality as life feeds us with experiences.
Ronke bp you are entitled to your opinions but I would appreciate it if you take the pains not to analyse my posts totally out of contest.

ronkebp:

Oyinbo!!!!!!!!!!mo just ri kpe, e ni ronu rara, Ode oshi!!! who be dodoyo eyin gangan ni mugu, adato!!, Mutter's mouth piece, na you dey flex muscles for the thing wey no knosine you. Oloju kongba kongba!!! Amebo, Okponu, as you big reach, you still dey wear diaper.

ronkebp:

Ewooooo!!!!! she dey tell me the truth, about what? who am i saving face for? You don dey kolo!!!!! obviously, your battery dey touch small small, i dey save face for who?? You? Omo e don tey wey dem forget you for forest. Oti shi ooooo!!!! oti shi bigtime.

Why you dey post twice for every one post i make, na so e dey pain you reach See fowl yansh, not a nice colour i tell ya, alaileko oshi GET THEE BEHIND ME HYPOCRITE, RAVING LIKE A LUNATIC FOR NOT BEING ALLOWED TO INSULT SOMEONE POSSIBLY OLD ENOUGH TO BE HER MOTHER


And Sunday go reach, she go carry BIble to go to Church to tell God to bless her for insulting someone old enough to be her
Mother, i have seen it all Not even ashamed and egging Jennykadry to go on attacking Shushu's innocuous comment, born fool like you Na who be agbaya, Beyonce, Britney Spears, see our life, see as dem don condemn us to the dustbin of old school relics, say we nor dey reign for town anymore, how long ago were we the next best thing since sliced bread that we were frolicking and gallivanting all over town in our miniskirt running things with not a care in the world, chai, so we don be old skool be that RonkeBP na megaphone you for go carry, Oshisko  



THE FLOOR IS YOURS, WERE DUN WO LOJA . . .

Ronke Bp to emphasize once more. I never advised the woman to live a normal life as if nothing happened.
That statement was related solely to her pregnancy wish. At this stage it would be advisable for her to give time for body and mind to heal and let nature take its course. Which means when the body is ready the pregnancy would surely come. If you find this advise not sufficiently mature i can`t help you.

Busy- body thanks for your support Don`t get too upset. This is not RL and so we should learn to laugh over it. She is only harming herself here you know because words reflect the inner being and the education and home training he/ she was privileged to have.

^^^^^^^^My dear Mutter, thank you for the clarity and i was not trying to throw bullets at you with my post, i was just trying to practise empathy, Anyways, your earlier post was attacking, and i still see a big correlation between that beating and bashing with the miscarraige, because it is too much to be a mere coincidence.

So you don't believe that there are women that give their hubby a/n/al sex??, abeg, dem plenty, moreso i believe this poster, because what would she gain to come on a public forum to lie? if she is lying then, that is a serious problem, but i personally take it for what she has said, and in my fiirst post i asked her to pray, because i will personally not advice her to leave her hubby, God forbid.

my SUBSEQUENT POSTS, just shows my further thinking about the whole issue and how difficult it is for some couple to actually confide in eachother and say whatever!!!!

Then your ''mouth piece'' said i dey save face? for who biknonu

You Busy body old enough to be my mother? you are big F.OOL for saying that!! I used to think you had sense, but you are obviously Sense.less, did you read Mutter's post, it shows a woman with 'sense' as in she did not reply me for the post i threw at her, but you!!!!!!!!! You are just as useless as your post. Agbaya, iranu. Omugo!!!! Taiye kini scores e!!!!!!!!

Again Ronke read my post!!!!
I certainly believe she is giving her man her A-- but I do not believe she is being forced to do so. She may not like it but she does it to please him. And she did not just start it recently. Many men and women have desires that the other partner does not like. There is a need to be honest about it and stick your ground.