bonyface:

Sad. pele. Go and beg him.

for? or to?

I do not think that he has any respect for you. I just want you to continue to pray for him. A man's character just tripples after he is married. I am sure that he exhibitted his beastial traits whilst you were going out but we women always believe that the men will change after marriage, they dont, they only become worse.

Unfortunately the bible says what God has joined together, no man should put assunder. Just pray for him to change and may God answer your prayer,

Pathetic!

Oluschenco:

Prayer moves mountains so put your case b4 God.

U shd stop thinking, Get a BB to keep u busy.

Busy? And what kinda BB will you recommend to father a Baby?? Na wao! Person talk say she want BaBy, U dey here dey advertise BB. *SMH*

talk 2him, keep talking to him even he doent respond

So sad. Try and get him to really listen, then talk it out with him.

armyofone:

interesting!! learn to enjoy se.x in a place where you are supposed to use for removing waste?

Imagine! Learn to enjoy what you find degrading.

Maybe ur husband loves the banging more than babies and that's why he is not bothered and u are so so worried because u are a woman and doesn't want to be thrown out of the house. Well, Go and check urself in the infirmary to know wsssup. Seems some things are not working wella in ur system. It maybe as a result of ur past life. Have u had an abortion or D$C as u guys choose to call it?, Think think u must think out sth b/4 u profer solution. Bye

please get him to talk,

crackhouse:

Maybe your husband loves the banging more than babies and that's why he is not bothered and u are so so worried because u are a woman and doesn't want to be thrown out of the house. Well, Go and check urself in the infirmary to know wsssup. Seems some things are not working wella in your system. It maybe as a result of your past life. Have u had an abortion or D$C as u guys choose to call it?, Think think u must think out sth b/4 u profer solution. Bye

Oluschenco:

U shd stop thinking, Get a BB to keep u busy.

Blimey hell!

Sike:

Pathetic!

Busy? And what kinda BB will you recommend to father a Baby?? Na wao! Person talk say she want BaBy, U dey here dey advertise BB. *SMH*

Nairaland, the land of  comedians

The Nigerian US Virgin Islands Reunion Festival Invites all Nigerians and friends of Nigeria to our Annual Nigerian Reunion Festival 2012 .

This festival will take place on May 25th- 28th on the Beautiful US Islands of ST Thomas.
More details here @ www.nigerianusvifestival.com

See yall soon.

foreignwif:

I need some help. My husband and I have been married for two years now and have been trying hard to start a family. In my first year of marriage, I got pregnant, but lost the pregnancy at 5 months, two weeks after a severe beating from my husband (he has not beaten me since then).

Don't be a mooron!

You have no thing tying you tightly with this cretin, yet you are asking for ideas on how to be tied to him.

Better get your arse out of the relationship!

Sagamite:

Don't be a mooron!

You have no thing tying you tightly with this cretin, yet you are asking for ideas on how to be tied to him.

Better get your arse out of the relationship!

GBAM!

I wouldn't have join in this discussion if not that we were in d same shoes but just opposite, I'm married 4 4years but i just had my first issue on the 1st of Oct 2011.
Don't blame this man, you must make the marriage work, we men have some believes b4 entering d marriage but in your own case what you didn't do is that you didn't communicate more, or who does he respect that u can talk 2 so as to explain better how you feel. Like me too i expect my wife to give it to me but she didnt which created some rancor but until i told an elderly man who told me reason dat if women are expecting not to see their period they will not allow any man to torch them. Then, i told my wive why didn't u explain 2 me. Then on the issue of child, if you bother yourself too much you will not get it( talking 4rm experience) we did all the test required 4rm specialist in LUTH but all 2 no avail but u still need senior doctor pls note (not this new young doctors, they will mislead u) You can mail me for more information onebigfamily2002@yahoo.co.uk
Just believe he will run to your hands.

Marriage is a union btw 2 imperfect humans.my advice is not easy but it works like magic.go 2 God &pour out ur whole feelings(pain,helplessness&anger etc)2 him.ask Him 4 wisdom &grace 2 luv ur hubby again.spend quality time 2 pray 4 ur hubby(u dev.luv 4 whom u always pray 4),then go meet ur hubby.tell him hw much u luv &respect him,apologise 4 all ur wrong doings 2 him then tell him hw much u'll appreciate living happily wd him again wd or wdout a child.(men are like kids,win their luv &they dance 2 ur tone)he'll come begging 4 mal-treating u &show u luv &respect far beyond what u've ever seen him do.happy homes attract kids.u reside in my prayers.wishing u d best.

@Op:
Accept my sincere sympathy concerning what you're going through, l know its very tough but let me SOUND AN ALARM RIGHT-AWAY:

Be VERY CAREFUL about the kind of advice you take from this forum; even in your state of mind, you would have realized there are MORE THAN A FEW HOME_WRECKERS prowling around and wanting to wreck your home for you (make a bad situation even worse!) so you can be "one like them too".

Take this from me: Your husband's behavior is UNACCEPTABLE (l would ave used stronger words but l take it that couples do fight sometimes and reconcile after) BUT HE IS NO MURDERER!
Its very sad that you lost your baby when you and your hubby physically fought (l know he is stronger and the phrase you used was "he BEAT me"; but it still takes two to tango, sorry, thats how l see "fights", generally).
I can also tell you that your husband feels more pain for what happened, he suffers more and he bleeds inside, for that "baby accident" which he was the major player! I can assure you that he is regretting, continues to regret and will only forgive himself when you deliver TWINS to him, God willing.

He may "appear unruffled" on the surface (and you may interpret that as "uncaring" but the TRUTH is that he is only ACTING THE MAN..
He cares about you much more than you can imagine, that e would rather "suggest a backside entry" than leave you to bleed at home while he goes out to bleep someone else!

Think about it, "How convenient is it for a man to make love to his bleeding wife, when he could just drive for 5minutes and some wicked daughter of the devil is ready to satisfy all his sexual fantasies? WHY INSIST ON YOU?


I even read where you said he has never "touched you since then" yet some "adviser" called him an unrepentant serial abuser! Where did that come from, if not some wicked adviser bent on ruining your marriage?

Summary:
Forgive him first, the miscarriage was not intentional, it was a bad judgement on his part to even get physical with you, during pregnancy (or anytime for that matter).  Am sure he regrets it everytime he remembers why he does not have a child yet.

Communicate: Spouses are not clairvoyant! He cant read your mind or understand all your emotions and intentions. You have to tell him, in your best element! I have a hunch that if given the opportunity, he will be complaining that his wife does not talk WITH him as much as expected!
Okay, you dont enjoy the "behind stuff"  (l take it you are not referring to 'Anal entry' but to Doggy-style ) ) and he does not seem to understand, right? That can be worked-out by some calm, light-hearted, honest discussion between the two of you rather than some "evil advisers" trying to make him look like the Devil incarnate, to you! Remind him you're his wife and he should treat you with "love, care and adoration", let him know that not all "fantasies" can be "practicalized" with one's spouse, especially when there is no "agreement" to do it. Spouses must "consider the happiness of one another".
You obviously love him and women like you are the ones the Bible called "BLESSED" and referred to as "The Wise Woman" who keeps her home (You have read from the foolish ones who have destroyed theirs! ).

PRAY: Keep loving him like you're his mother, God who sees the agony of the heart, God who heard Hannah's sobs when others said she was drunk, would hear your prayer. YOU will bear children, simply because you are working for your marriage, you have labored for it, you have shown faith in it, you have invested your happiness in it and best of all, you are a virtuous woman, precious than Gold.

Covenant with God: It can be anything, it does not have to be tangible, big or difficult! TELL GOD WHAT YOU WILL DO, IF HE MAKES YOU A MOTHER. Remember how Samuel's mother "covenanted with God" if HE gave her Samuel?
God loves and keeps covenant to bits but please, IT IS A MONSTROUS CALAMITY, if you FAIL TO KEEP A COVENANT WITH GOD!
I have promised to give #20 (yes, twenty naira!) if God does something l knew was impossible, for me. He somehow did the impossible and l was twenty bucks short! Not once, not twice, its a trick your Pastor never told YOU!. It can be anything, just make sure you can and will do it.

Okay, l am begining to sound like one of them Pentecostal preachers, abi!
But really, l feel you but God feels you more. HE will wipe away your tears and turn it to smiles.

Lest l forget, take that bit about going for a comprehensive medical check-up, to ensure you're in sound health, seriously.
Remove bitterness from your soul, sing praises to God instead of feeling low or angry,  (dont turn to S.U. ooooo, that one would put more strain on ur marriage! ). Be moderate in everything you do.

Cheers,
l dey write sermon sometimes

Lastpage

BTW: I know you want kids badly but take my advice: Enjoy your husband during this period when there are no kids yet, make the best of it. When those "gorgeous kids" finally arrive, there would be weekends when you will wish you could get rid of them and be left alone with you "lover boy"!

@OP I share ur pain although I haven't heard from d other side. One thing I have noticed is ur state of depression. Are u sure those fertility drugs aren't mis-working. I know that fertility drugs as well as pregnancy pills get ladies depressed especially if u have high bp problems. I think in addition to ur going over these with ur husband I think you need to see ur doctor & a psychologist. This ur depressed state might be a side effect of d fertility drugs.

Oh ……I am so sorry to hear your story. I just want to say your husband is not a good man during the time.
Maybe he really hopes to get a baby, but he shouldn't hurt you. He should take care of you well when you were bleeding heavily.
On the other way, can't pregnant is not only your fault,maybe there is something wrong with him.
Of course, you need to communicate with your husband well.
Hope you can be healthy and happy.

@Lastpage, I am going to give you an e-slap very soon. I am laughing at the "wicked adviser" part.

@OP, let me tell you the truth. You have been soft with your husband. It is time to get tough with him- by this I don't mean being physically aggressive but being assertive.

For example, your husband is asking for anal entry, you tell him- sweetheart I am not going to do it anymore, I find it disgusting, it damages my body and is not productive. I mean every word of this. You know I love you but if we are going to make this marriage work things have to change.

At this point, he will probably start ranting or threaten to hit you or do worse.

You should assess whatever he does and evaluate it without sentiments. If he tells you issues he has against you, think about them and see if there are things you can change. If he forces himself on you or beats you- know that he does not care about you or your happiness and take steps to withdraw from the union- it is not by force.

Note: You need to be alive before you can think of having children summon courage and re-gain happiness for yourself if your husband makes you depressed and miserable.

Parents should teach their daughters to be respectful but they should also be taught to have self-confidence and be assertive when the need arises.

^^^
Abi o. Thanks jare!

I mean, how can anyone say the husband loves her by forcing her to have an.al s[i]e[/i]x? They're surely kidding, right? How would the husband feel if someone where to shove amala turning-stick up his butt?

So patiently waiting till she finishes bleeding is too much to ask? He can't ask her to give him a mouth or hand job?? He has to do to her what she finds degrading?

I tell ya, he will be the first to vamoose the moment she starts dripping uncontrollable shiiiit from a slackened anus! No body wants to pack adult faeces. . . .Love ko, love ni!!

maclatunji:



@OP, let me tell you the truth. You have been soft with your husband. It is time to get tough with him- by this I don't mean being physically aggressive but being assertive.

For example, your husband is asking for BehindBased entry, you tell him- sweetheart I am not going to do it anymore, I find it disgusting, it damages my body and is not productive. I mean every word of this. You know I love you but if we are going to make this marriage work things have to change.

At this point, he will probably start ranting or threaten to hit you or do worse.
[size=14pt]
You should assess whatever he does and evaluate it without sentiments. If he tells you issues he has against you, think about them and see if there are things you can change. If he forces himself on you or beats you- know that he does not care about you or your happiness and take steps to withdraw from the union- it is not by force.

Note: You need to be alive before you can think of having children summon courage and re-gain happiness for yourself if your husband makes you depressed and miserable.

Parents should teach their daughters to be respectful but they should also be taught to have self-confidence and be assertive when the need arises.[/size]

You said it all Mr. Maclatunji
Few words but loaded with wisdom for all women out there.
The near perfect words this poster needs especially for her self worth and the desire to keep up with her married friends and have kids as they have all had. Our misplaced norms sure have influenced women into doing and accepting all form of stuffs (at the expense of their health and happiness) in order to meet up with some unwritten rules, views and perception that the society has laid down for them. Words like yours are what such women need to be hearing.

@poster My heart bleeds for you and your sufferings. Unfortunately I am going to be very fank to lay my point. Any man who beats a PREGNANT woman is a LOW LIFE SCUM who is not worthy to be called an animal period. Even wife beaters tend
to go on leave when their wives are pregnant. That said nothing is impossible with God but you have
got your work cut out for you. Here is what I think you should do:
1. Stop trying to conceive. Yes it may sound crazy but the more worried you are about getting pregnant
the less likely it may happen
2. Have a heart to heart talk with your husband about his se.x. Retire to some quiet place for this
and do not sound accusatory
3 Have you forgiven your husband for beating you? If you havent please forgive him and let go as
unforgiveness is a cancer that would eat into you. But dont push the matter under the carpet, talk
to your husband and let him know that you are no doormat and would not be his donkey either. If the
beating continues, SAVE YOURSELF AND TAKE OFF!!!!!!!!
4. Shower him with crazy love and stop complaining. Cook him his favourite meals, ask about his work,
smile when you see him, blah blah blah ( You know what he likes) When you do this trust me he would not
remember that his friends exist.

I believe you should work at saving your marriage but as an earlier poster said you have to be FIRM and let
your husband know what you would not stand for. Best of luck

@foreignwif.
Am happy for you.
Keeping working at it, to make it work.
Cheers.

I agree with everyone that says she should take off. Quite ridiculous situation i must say. OP seems like a person always willing to please and will take any poo to be married to this guy. The guy knows it, and she knows it. So i know she aint going no where. ALl this abuse is probably why he married her in the first place. She aint leaving. I dont know why she is bringing her problems here, because with her personality i think she is just here to chat with someone and express her feelings. I can bet that she will go back to normal life of being over subservient and obedient. Also will go back to being madam willing and able to please to stay married. So i think we are all wasting spit/typing here. . No be today the an*al "ra*pe" start. E don tey. Na the guy thing, and she no mind as long as she marry. Now she dey pretend because the guy nor send am. Maybe the guy has found a tighter *yansh hole*

//

@OP,though you did not give out details as to how,who and what lead to the reconcilation,all I can say is Congrats and i'm happy for you.

One more thing,that incident of 2 years ago. . .you need to forgive him wholly and move on.And please hope the reconcilation did not come cos you made all the sacrifices?It would only be temporal cos as human,theres but a limit to what u can take.If u guys meet each other half way,forgave each other and made sacrifices for each other then i forsee an endless happy home.

Goodluck

@OP,though you did not give out details as to how,who and what lead to the reconcilation,all I can say is Congrats and i'm happy for you.

One more thing,that incident of 2 years ago. . .you need to forgive him wholly and move on.And please hope the reconcilation did not come cos you made all the sacrifices?It would only be temporal cos as human,theres but a limit to what u can take.If u guys meet each other half way,forgave each other and made sacrifices for each other then i forsee an endless happy home.

Goodluck

This OP is oyinbo(I think) no advise here will make her leave that black di[i]c[/i]k, once they taste it they are ready to chop poo to retain it.

@foreignwif:
Even after telling us that you and your hubby had "made-up", (which should be the primary interest of everyone in this case),
you can see that the "association of Home Wreckers" would have non of that! They are still baying for BLOOD!

Funnily, they still think they can incite you against your husband, at this stage!
They dont seem to smell the coffee at all!!

Remember what l warned you about in my first post, 2days ago? Now you can add 2-and-2 together.

Every woman that cherishes her home should be very wary of these "Home Wreckers"!
Like they Biblical "foolish woman", they have destroyed theirs and would do anything to pressure any struggling woman into destroying her home.

a word is enough for a wise woman.


Lastpage.

BTW: However you solved your differences with your husband, its a credit to you. l wish you more wisdom in facing your challenges, life itself is not a bed of roses!

If she sees them as homewreckers, she should make sure she does not come back here in future for their advice when next he pummels her like a punching bag.

//

jennykadry:

This OP is oyinbo(I think) no advise here will make her leave that black di[i]c[/i]k, once they taste it they are ready to chop poo to retain it.

i think so too. maybe that's why our brother asked for her yan.sh hole. i doubt he could ask a naija sister make she open her yan.sh hole to shook him amu inside.
our brothers eh,