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How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse - Romance - Nairaland

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How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Nobody: 12:32pm On Dec 05, 2011
My Husband and i have been married now for about 7 years and recently my world almost came crashing down. Usually during female discussions i would vouch that my husband will not go out of his way to chase a girl (he is suppossed to be a born-again christain) but might fall under a heavy tempation,  but i was proven wrong.
I recently discovered that my husband has cheated on me (or attempted to as he has put it) with 2 different ladies but most heartbreaking was a lady who is like a cousin to me working for my husband on my reccommendation. The Lady actually confided in my younger brother living with me but also with several other people from my Hometown that it was an attempted molest and she had to shout at the top of her voice after my husband had grabbed her before he finally let her go. My husband, on the other hand said it wasn't an attempted molest as he had gone to visit the Lady, had a couple of drinks and attempetd to sleep with her but left her immediately she threathened to report him to his "wife".
This incident happened months ago and we have tried to move on as a family but  my heart always breaks each time i remember this incident.
Is there anyway i can truly get over this thing without feeling sorry and dissapointed everytime it crosses my mind? moreover, my husband is not showing clear signs that he intend to totally depart from his old ways!!!
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by 195(f): 12:34pm On Dec 05, 2011
Just think about the KIDS and think about the Good times before these wahala started

Put that at the front of your mind and remember that everyone deserves a 2nd chance

God forgives us all the time so who are we

With this you should be fine


190. . .
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Osama10(m): 12:37pm On Dec 05, 2011
Those who are standing should beware of falling. cheesy

You can't vouch for anybody except yourself, time & effort will surely heal you. cool
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Vicjustice: 12:45pm On Dec 05, 2011
190_@:

Just think about the KIDS and think about the Good times before these wahala started
"Thinking about the kids and the good times" are not enough reasons to be with a heart breaker, the husband needs to show that he will be a one woman's man and be dedicated to his family in order to deserve his wife's forgiveness

190_@:

Put that at the front of your mind and remember that everyone deserves a 2nd chance
   How many times does one have to give a "second chance"?

190_@:

God forgives us all the time so who are we
With this you should be fine
190. . .
   Forgiveness is not for someone who asks for it, but rather for someone who repents and forsake his wrong doings.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by 195(f): 1:10pm On Dec 05, 2011
^Yes but if you dont consider your kids - then you are certainly not on the rite path of forgiving that spouse

2ndly . . .It depends entirely on individuals -


3rd. . . She doesnt have to apologize but if you watch and study her and see she has really moved on from such escapade then you can find it easier to move on, life is an experience - we have all cheated at one point in our lives anyway
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Vicjustice: 1:13pm On Dec 05, 2011
190_@:

^Yes but if you dont consider your kids - then you are certainly not on the rite path of forgiving that spouse

2ndly . . .It depends entirely on individuals -


3rd. . . She doesnt have to apologize but if you watch and study her and see she has really moved on from such escapade then you can find it easier to move on, life is an experience - we have all cheated at one point in our lives anyway

What if the man is a cheating monster who keeps on cheating and sleeping with any woman, you expect the wife to remain with such man until she becomes a mad woman?
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by BABE3: 1:21pm On Dec 05, 2011
Forgive; you can always forgive and "give" him a second chance. However, he's done it once, the probability that he'll do it again is close to 1. Cheating is like s[i]e[/i]x.

Forget; you can't possibly forget such, unless you're not human with a normal brain. It's in your memory. It's either you live with it, or you live with it.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by 195(f): 1:30pm On Dec 05, 2011
Vicjustice:

What if the man is a cheating monster who keeps on cheating and sleeping with any woman, you expect the wife to remain with such man until she becomes a mad woman?

Point of correction
Not all cases of cheating necessarily mean that person is bad - I have once cheated on my woman but that clearly doesn't mean i dont love her, we are still together today-
some people could cheat out of frustration, U cant expect a woman who loves a man and knows the man is a cheat not to be tempted to cheat on that player of a boyfriend if she finds some more responsible

There are different cases of cheating,
Sometimes we men could push our women to the point where they break and they do it
other times - she could be the daughter of the devil and have cheating inscribed in her veins - then you gotta check yourself

They say Once beaten twice shy but if it happens again - Then you BAIL
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by dansaba: 1:47pm On Dec 05, 2011
Human nature naturally tends to have the capacity to forgive but not being able to forget. u have to pray to God to go into your subconscious mind and erase the memory of the ugly past. The truth is that thinking about it will only rob you of your joy. God will help you by giving you the capacity to forget.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by slimyem: 1:57pm On Dec 05, 2011
ed
Vicjustice:


   How many times does one have to give a "second chance"?
   
i seriously wonder, and i also wonder why men are alway quick to ask it fogetting how many times it has been given.smh!
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Nobody: 1:57pm On Dec 05, 2011
BABE!:

Forgive; you can always forgive and "give" him a second chance.

Forget; you can't possibly forget such, unless you're not human with a normal brain. It's in your memory. It's either you live with it, or you live with it.  

+100
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by 27naira(m): 12:32pm On Dec 06, 2011
Vicjustice:

"Thinking about the kids and the good times" are not enough reasons to be with a heart breaker, the husband needs to show that he will be a one woman's man and be dedicated to his family in order to deserve his wife's forgiveness
   How many times does one have to give a "second chance"?
   Forgiveness is not for someone who asks for it, but rather for someone who repents and forsake his wrong doings.


Ok, we've heard you.

So advise the OP since you've counteracted what 190 said undecided
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by avwerosuoo: 12:50pm On Dec 06, 2011
My dear,
Learn to live your life. Enjoy the moment and don't let anyman or anything determine your hapiness. Go ahead and carry on with your duties as a wife ,mother, friend to your husband.
I know it's difficult, but, you forgive him and with time you will forget it. Above all take him to God in prayer and let God do the changing him and not you.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Adaeze003(f): 12:57pm On Dec 06, 2011
hmm, According to your story it was an attempt. If he feels sorry about it just try and forgive him and pray for direction.
I wish you luck!
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by unclebros: 1:41pm On Dec 06, 2011
Poster.

what can I say, what he did was very very wrong and if you still believe he is a christian then know that the Holy Ghost would have convinced him of this guilt.  Yes, he may have fallen, thats why the scripture admonishes us to bear each other's burden. I know you are hurting but believe me, its better to be hurting and help your man or do you want to loose him totally?

Cheer up Sister, forgive, it hurts I know, but allow God to heal you, remember he also did hurt God too and am sure if he had asked for forgiveness our God would have forgiven him and guess ? God will never remember it. But I know we are not God, but we can allow him heal our heart, how?

1. Pray for your Man
2. Pray for your Man
3. Pray for your Man
4. Pray for your man

It is in your place of prayers that God will heal your heart. It is well with you and the devil will not destroy your home.
Shalom

1 Like

Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by larimo(m): 1:50pm On Dec 06, 2011
Vicjustice:

"Thinking about the kids and the good times" are not enough reasons to be with a heart breaker, the husband needs to show that he will be a one woman's man and be dedicated to his family in order to deserve his wife's forgiveness
How many times does one have to give a "second chance"?
Forgiveness is not for someone who asks for it, but rather for someone who repents and forsake his wrong doings.
So you reckon that divorce is the option for her or what? I would never support any man doing such a thing no matter how he got into it, but what do you think is the best thing for this couple?
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by andyanders: 1:54pm On Dec 06, 2011
We all make mistakes in live. Forgive but your husband needs deliverance as he is having the spirit of lust. If he is not delivered, he will keep doing same. Only God can handle this. Pray for him because it is not easy to brush off the spirit of lust without God been involved or go to the SCOAN synagogue Church of All Nations for your husband's deliverance.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Goldieluks: 1:55pm On Dec 06, 2011
190_@:

Just think about the KIDS and think about the Good times before these wahala started

Put that at the front of your mind and remember that everyone deserves a 2nd chance

God forgives us all the time so who are we

With this you should be fine


190. . .




I wish you can have this forgiving heart towards them Nigerian girls. undecided
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by 8686: 2:01pm On Dec 06, 2011
Please find it in your heart to forgive your spouse of his act. He won't be the first and most def won't be the last. Nonetheless, don't tie your forgiveness to anything like your kids etc, instead forgive him first for GODS sake, secondly because you love him that much and thirdly for the good times you've had together. GOD forbid if something happens to the kids, your mind will revisit this particular instance and query the sense in being together anyway because the adhesive (kids) bonding you together is/are gone. GOD will give you the strength to let go of the hurt. If he's the wise type, this experience should take your relationship to another level, Bless
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by inyarr: 2:03pm On Dec 06, 2011
please check urself also.for him to have done so means u probably neglected one of ur responsibilities as a wife. many women today are losing their men because of their carelessness.do u pray for him always?. there are many heights and depths of love, change another one. don't use the mentality that created the problem to proffer solution to it.

i stand to be corrected
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by HISchild: 2:04pm On Dec 06, 2011
@op,

Try to forgive, asking GOD for the grace and strength to do so. It isn't easy, but "with GOD nothing shall be impossible".  Plead with your husband to stop, gently expressing how hurt you are by it all.  Spend time in the word of GOD together and in prayer, in essence, as The Lord JESUS commands, "watch and pray".  "Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." -Matt 26:41.  One is more prone to these sort of things if one takes one's eye's of GOD.  "By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the LORD men depart from evil." - Prov 16:6
-----
"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." - Eph 4:32  

"Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." - Col 3:13  

"Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?  Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven" - Matt 18:21-22
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by babasony2k: 2:06pm On Dec 06, 2011
FIRST THINGS FIRST, YOU NEED TO FORGIVE HIM FROM YOUR EARTH

SECONDLY, THE TWO OF YOU MUST HAVE AN HONEST DISCUSSION TO FIND
THE MAIN CAUSE OR HIS REASON FOR BETRAYING YOUR TRUST.

THIRDLY, THEN A SOLUTION MUST BE FIND FOR HIS REASON OTHERWISE
HE WILL DO IT AGAIN.

FOURTHLY, YOU SHOULD THINK DEEPLY AND BE SURE U ARE NOT THE ONE THAT CAUSE
HIM RUNNING AFTER OTHER LADIES.
I MEAN HOW OFTEN DO U HAVE SEX, OR HOW OFTEN DO U DENIED HIM HIS RIGHT

IF U CAN FIND ANSWER THEN U CAN BE SURE HE WONT REPEAT IT AND U CAN BUILD YOUR TRUST IN HIM AGAIN
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by randyorton: 2:10pm On Dec 06, 2011
my advice would always be crazy.

@op,

i want to apologise on his behalf. i want to say that the only way to stop a man from cheating is through prayers. I once sat for days to wonder why men cheat even when we are blessed with beautiful women we love. Tried to do research on that and my finding is just that there is no good reason why a man cheats on his woman. In the first place,men are not suppose to eat just one type of soup for a very long time. I am damn serious. I know several people would say that black men are dogs and poo like that. Every week u hear abt rooney, ryan giggs, and even jlo`s ex,ben affleck cheat on world`s most beautiful women. do u think they dont love these women? its just that men cant continue to eat one type of soup. I m so sorry if my advice makes u angry but that is what i have found out.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by dinah777: 2:16pm On Dec 06, 2011
Its hard i can imagine but you forgive and ask God to help you let go of it.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by delpee(f): 2:45pm On Dec 06, 2011
Pray and meditate constantly for God to make it easy for you to forgive. Apart from the cheating issue, your write up did not portray him as an irresponsible or nasty husband. Think more of his positive values and appreciate him for it so he can reason objectively when you complain about his negative tendencies.

Bitterness brews ill wind which you don't need. It can also degenerate into hatred which is not good for you not to mention the spillover effect on the children who should grow up in a happy loving home.

Truth is that a wandering man will only relent by divine intervention (not death o) or after going through a harrowing experience. Pray for him always, do your best to play your own role well so you can have peace of mind that his philandering is not a consequence of your lapses.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Oluschenco(m): 2:59pm On Dec 06, 2011
Maybe na devil's work as perpetrators wl put it.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by 195(f): 3:02pm On Dec 06, 2011
Goldieluks:



I wish you can have this forgiving heart towards them Nigerian girls. undecided


But i like them Nigerian girls na

Its just that they have misused my been nice for mugu angry
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by randyorton: 3:34pm On Dec 06, 2011
Goldieluks:



I wish you can have this forgiving heart towards them Nigerian girls. undecided

guys do have forgiving heart towards naija babes and that i why we expect them reciprocate when we marry and cheat on them. wink
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by 195(f): 3:37pm On Dec 06, 2011
grin grin grin
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by michelin89(f): 3:39pm On Dec 06, 2011
Why isn't anybody talking about his issues with alcohol? This man could even attempt To Molest his sister, when drunk!
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Fidelo726: 3:44pm On Dec 06, 2011
I think what got her so infuriated and devastated is the fact that he made an attempt to someone close to the family who went ahead to spread the info to family members and people from her home town. This is the main shameful part of it all. How will they now look at her. Maybe she has vow in public that her darling will never do such a thing.
Finally, what can be done is to be cool about it and over time you will ease it out your mind.
Re: How Do You Totally Forgive And Forget A Cheating Spouse by Sike(m): 3:47pm On Dec 06, 2011
To err is Human, to forgive is devine.

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