^^bro, by the look of her replies, she doesnt need my advices as she clearly has made up her mind.

now as i said earlier, let's not judge this fella with "assumptions". all we have here ARE ASSUMPTIONS. YES he could be guilty, as much as he could be INNOCENT. unless having a baby is a crime these days.

MRbrownJAY:

bro, the fact that he has a baby is irrelevant. look at it this way: if you were married with a great lady, you guys have a kid and suddenly she cant cope and starts to act crazy (postnatal depression), or she just starts to fukc around after the marriage blues is over. so, eventually you divorce her, would that make you an irresponsible man for the rest of your life?!

it's not irrelevant - matter of fact, it's the single most important reason the op's mother does not want her daughter to marry the dude.
if i was married with a great lady and she suffers post-natal depression and the marriage blues are over, then i remain single. . . . .and if i must re-marry, i must clean up my own acts now so that the only flaw/blemish i would have is the 1st marriage.

but this dude has more than a blemish.
he's a baby-father at 25. staying with another babe cos of his papers and he still wants to be with another babe.
would you let a female friend of yours put her in head in such a relationship? let's be realistic for once.

also, you Were Intimate with a damsel, condom broke, she got pregnant and she kept the baby (since she was against abortion), should that ALSO make you an irresponsible man for the rest of your life (even though you are caring FULLY for that kid)? .

don't get caught in the plague.
my condom can never break sleeping with a damsel. never ever.
when guys make such excuses - it's because they are irresponsible. using "used" condoms, using expired condoms or not wearing it the right way.
who should i blame for such? the condom company?

no no, i am just saying that it is "POSSIBLE" that he could live with her simply for the papers. is it not?! does "loving to party" or being Nigerian automatically means that he is fukcing the gal he is living with?!

the dude is irresponsible.
mind - i make deductions from what i have read on here - and if what the original poster has said is accurate - the dude is irresponsible.

bro, many of these desperate broke gals this days are willingly marrying 9ja men for MONEY and have no contact with these guys. they just live together to make sure it looks real for immigration. i am not saying that this is what is happening here, i am just saying that it is "POSSIBLE".

i don't see how it's quite possible for a couple of opposite sexes can live together in the same house without sex.
the lady is his ex. they have done it before. okafor's law must take charge. the dude is irresponsible.

when a man has so many blemishes - i give up on him. a babyfather should always endeavour other aspects of his life are straight!
straight as a ruler!!!

sexkillz:

[size=14pt]Really, what happens to his son when he get's married to OP? He becomes OP's Burden? Is that her reward for her first relationship in life? Life is a bit[i]c[/i]h then. . .[/size]

the son becomes op's vat(value-added-tax).

coogar:

the son becomes op's vat(value-added-tax).

[size=14pt]If na JuJu, e no go work. . . Op say Amen! [/size]

coogar:

it's not irrelevant - matter of fact, it's the single most important reason the op's mother does not want her daughter to marry the dude.

if that is the case then this whole thread is a waste of kb, and the OP shouldnt even have any issues.

if i was married with a great lady and she suffers post-natal depression and the marriage blues are over, then i remain single. . . . .and if i must re-marry, i must clean up my own acts now so that the only flaw/blemish i would have is the 1st marriage.

so what you are saying is that you CAN be single, have a baby and be responsible. . . . . . . . . . .  also, before you can remarry, you have to "date" first. dont you?!

but this dude has more than a blemish.
he's a baby-father at 25. staying with another babe cos of his papers and he still wants to be with another babe.

yeah some are "unlucky" like that. it's all about the cards that you are dealt in life.

would you let a female friend of yours put her in head in such a relationship? let's be realistic for once.

i would tell this friend to DISCOVER THE TRUTH, before making IMPORTANT DECISIONS on assumptions. why dont you put yourself in this guy's shoes and ask yourself the same question.

don't get caught in the plague.
my condom can never break sleeping with a damsel. never ever.
when guys make such excuses - it's because they are irresponsible. using "used" condoms, using expired condoms or not wearing it the right way.
who should i blame for such? the condom company?

yep you are right about that, but dont forget that many women temper with condoms to get pregnant and force men to marry them. so again, if you believe that having a kid is automatically a lack of "responsibility" then i will disagree.

the dude is irresponsible.
mind - i make deductions from what i have read on here - and if what the original poster has said is accurate - the dude is irresponsible.

nothing the poster said was "accurate". does she have CONFIRMATION that he is fukcing the gal he lives with? is there not a shadow of doubts that he could be sincere? do you often judge people with no damn evidence to back your accusations?!
innocent until proven guilty!!!!

i don't see how it's quite possible for a couple of opposite sexes can live together in the same house without sex.
the lady is his ex. they have done it before. okafor's law must take charge. the dude is irresponsible.

just because YOU cannot control yourself with your exes, doesnt mean that guy is the same. he has been honest with the gal, was NOT afraid to tell her his "not so attractive" lifestyle, why should he suddenly change?! if this guy really wanted to LIE and play clean, then he would have no reason to tell her about the strip clubs etc that she would have NEVER known.

when a man has so many blemishes - i give up on him. a babyfather should always endeavour other aspects of his life are straight!
straight as a ruler!!!

so you are saying that he is NOT trying to better his life because he lives with another woman for the papers?
we dont know what this guy has been through, who are we to dictate that he lives his life the way WE want? so long as the OP is ok with it then so be it, and if she isnt then let her move on with her life and find someone "better" for herself.

sexkillz:

[size=14pt]Really, what happens to his son when he get's married to OP? He becomes OP's Burden? Is that her reward for her first relationship in life? Life is a bit[i]c[/i]h then. . .[/size]

bro, when you L O V E someone, you accept EVERYTHING about them or move on with your life. trying to dissect what you desire, and discarding the rest, is not only wrong but crazy. this gal has the choice on her hand, i am just asking her to CONFIRM HER ASSUMPTIONS before she make her decision.
if you stop loving someone because you discover that they have a kid then i am safe to say that you NEVER loved them to begin with!

@sexkillz! Thanks guys, I've got big brothers in here,

bro, when you L O V E someone, y[size=14pt]ou accept EVERYTHING about them or move on with your life.[/size]

[size=14pt]She is trying to move on, and is asking if she is right to move on![/size]

if you stop loving someone because you discover that they have a kid then i am safe to say that you NEVER loved them to begin with!

[size=14pt]Even after they blatantly lied to you? I mean, what kind of responsible man lies about his son?[/size]

People kills me when they use "love" in every gotdamn thing imaginable. First of all, loving someone isn't about being stupid and foolish. If you are dealing with someone that doesn't respect you and your well being then you do not need to be with the person.

You are not ENTITLED to stay with him because you are not married to him and BELIEVE ME how someone acts BEFORE MARRIAGE, they will act the same way AFTER MARRIAGE.

We can't tell you if it is right to leave him or not but we can tell you that YOU NEED TO THINK how you are going to deal with the bullshit if he continues and how much you love YOURSELF.

You can love someone and be there for them from a distance. Don't be fooled.

MRbrownJAY:

if that is the case then this whole thread is a waste of kb, and the OP shouldnt even have any issues.

well. . . .that is the case!

so what you are saying is that you CAN be single, have a baby and be responsible. . . . . . . . . . .  also, before you can remarry, you have to "date" first. dont you?!

very well.
one can be single with a child and be responsible. the responsibility is finding another babe who understands what happened in the first marriage and she's willing to accept that. then every other vice like staying out at nights, alcohol, other women, etc must be done with. it's bad enough a babe is trying to cope with a love-child of a first marriage. asking her to deal with other issues is a tad unfair.

yeah some are "unlucky" like that. it's all about the cards that you are dealt in life.

then let him find a baby momma to date.
the feelings then would be mutual. a babymomma would understand a philandering babyfather than a young woman having her debut relationship.

i would tell this friend to DISCOVER THE TRUTH, before making IMPORTANT DECISIONS on assumptions. why dont you put yourself in this guy's shoes and ask yourself the same question.

in his shoes. . . . .i am well aware i have made the first mistake, i wouldn't want to make another. which means, i would clean up my acts. try and be responsible for my son and my new girlfriend. stay at home, buy maturity wherever i can get one and be a perfect partner. i must make sure the love-child is the only blemish on my white robe. no smoking, no excessive drinking, no partying and no polying.

yep you are right about that, but dont forget that many women temper with condoms to get pregnant and force men to marry them. so again, if you believe that having a kid is automatically a lack of "responsibility" then i will disagree.

having a kid outside wedlock is a lack of responsibility. i am a guy and i should know. i am also aware i am taking a huge risk which can jeopardize my immediate future so my radar is always activated in such scenarios. if possible, i double-bag!

nothing the poster said was "accurate". does she have CONFIRMATION that he is fukcing the gal he lives with? is there not a shadow of doubts that he could be sincere? do you often judge people with no damn evidence to back your accusations?!
innocent until proven guilty!!!!

the past history of this bloke suggests his character as a man is questionable. he's a serial liar, a typical c[i]u[/i]nt and he's self centred.
he still parties in strip clubs, he night-crawls and every other irresponsible vice you can think of. he should be a good father to his son.

just because YOU cannot control yourself with your exes, doesnt mean that guy is the same. he has been honest with the gal, was NOT afraid to tell her his "not so attractive" lifestyle, why should he suddenly change?! if this guy really wanted to LIE and play clean, then he would have no reason to tell her about the strip clubs etc that she would have NEVER known.

this is because he's sure the girl loves him and he's taking advantage of that.
duh! who hasn't done similar things to a chic who loved religiously? he can say those cos he knows the original poster cannot leave him in a jiffy.

so you are saying that he is NOT trying to better his life because he lives with another woman for the papers?
we dont know what this guy has been through, who are we to dictate that he lives his life the way WE want? so long as the OP is ok with it then so be it, and if she isnt then let her move on with her life and find someone "better" for herself.

that's exactly what the op wants to reconfirm. she has made up her mind but she's having doubts. those doubts led her here to check her sanity.
now that the voice of the people is saying she must leave - she's gotta leave.

bro, when you L O V E someone, you accept EVERYTHING about them or move on with your life. trying to dissect what you desire, and discarding the rest, is not only wrong but crazy. this gal has the choice on her hand, i am just asking her to CONFIRM HER ASSUMPTIONS before she make her decision.

my love is not blind, deaf and dumb. if i should discover a girl i am about to marry in church has a love-child somewhere. i will walk out on her in church. we all have our dreams and aspirations in life. there's a reason i prefer benz to bmw. there's a reason you prefer ferrarri to range rover.

if you stop loving someone because you discover that they have a kid then i am safe to say that you NEVER loved them to begin with!

you are a joker!
the love dies immediately i find out she's got a kid somewhere.

when i set out to marry, i wanted a woman with no such history. so i had loved believing she had no such history in her past.
if i suddenly discover she had a baby - the foundation of the love i had would weaken and it would eventually lead to the collapse of that relationship. how can i even trust such woman ever again? i don't love with my eyes closed. i do with my eyes open.

babyfathers should seek out babymothers. they all have something in common and they would understand each other's pain more.

sexkillz:


[size=14pt]She is trying to move on, and is asking if she is right to move on![/size]

and i am giving her MBJ's view on the issue.

[size=14pt]Even after they blatantly lied to you? I mean, what kind of responsible man lies about his son?[/size]

there is a huge difference between "blatantly" lying to someone, and not being fully forward (yet) about your situation. . . . . . . unless she asked him DIRECTLY if he had a son, and he lied, how can you view such act as a "blatant lie"?

many people in r/ships would rather put their best forward and keep the "dirty details" for later. ALL HUMANS DO THAT!
the poster would have probably never given him a second look if he had written on his first BBM message:" hi, i have a kid, i live with my ex and i like to go strip clubs". so he decided to let her discover who he was as a person BEFORE bringing out his "baggages of life".

Mrs, Chima:

People kills me when they use "love" in every gotdamn thing imaginable.  First of all, loving someone isn't about being silly and foolish.  If you are dealing with someone that doesn't respect you and your well being then you do not need to be with the person.

when did he disrespect her? he has been fully honest about who he was, and what he was doing. not everybody has the strength to handle the "monotony" of LDR. at least she knows EXACTLY who he is.

You are not ENTITLED to stay with him because you are not married to him and BELIEVE ME how someone acts BEFORE MARRIAGE, they will act the same way AFTER MARRIAGE.

lol Mrs C, yes you are right again, but should have said they "most probably" will act the same after marriage. AGAIN, let's not put assumption that because he acts this way now, that he will do so for the rest of his life. some people go to SURVIVAL mode, and whatever happens during that time, certainly wont happen forever.

We can't tell you if it is right to leave him or not but we can tell you that YOU NEED TO THINK how you are going to deal with the bullshit if he continues and how much you love YOURSELF.

"if he continues", i like that lol! but then again, has this guy gone to the strip joint when she was in town?

You can love someone and be there for them from a distance.   Don't be fooled. 

and you can also be there WITH THEM through thick and thin, cant you?!

MRbrownJAY:

and i am giving her MBJ's view on the issue.

there is a huge difference between "blatantly" lying to someone, and not being fully forward (yet) about your situation. . . . . . . unless she asked him DIRECTLY if he had a son, and he lied, how can you view such act as a "blatant lie"?

many people in r/ships would rather put their best forward and keep the "dirty details" for later. ALL HUMANS DO THAT!
the poster would have probably never given him a second look if he had written on his first BBM message:" hi, i have a kid, i live with my ex and i like to go strip clubs". so he decided to let her discover who he was as a person BEFORE bringing out his "baggages of life".

when did he disrespect her? he has been fully honest about who he was, and what he was doing. not everybody has the strength to handle the "monotony" of LDR. at least she knows EXACTLY who he is.

lol Mrs C, yes you are right again, but should have said they "most probably" will act the same after marriage. AGAIN, let's not put assumption that because he acts this way now, that he will do so for the rest of his life. some people go to SURVIVAL mode, and whatever happens during that time, certainly wont happen forever.

"if he continues", i like that lol! but then again, has this guy gone to the strip joint when she was in town?

and you can also be there WITH THEM through thick and thin, cant you?!

MBJ, it doesn't matter how many times you slice, dice, chop, stew, mince, roll, boil, pinch, push, punch, kick, slap, and ball bullshit, it is still bullshit. 

You may have time for and enjoy bullshit, I don't.  Different strokes for different folks. 

Do you boo boo.

OP

As I have stated before and will say it again, you ARE NOT ENTITLED to stay with him and PLUS HE IS OWNED.  Just saying. 

But if you like being that other woman, GO RIGHT AHEAD AND HAVE FUN! Make sure you wrap up and AIDS is real.

coogar:

well. . . .that is the case!

if that is the case then why should it matter if he liveswith his ex, why should it matter if he is illegal? why should it matter if he likes strips clubs or not. Mummy said she doesnt like the guy and that should be the end of the story then!
why all the pointless talk about his lifestyle?

very well.
one can be single with a child and be responsible. the responsibility is finding another babe who understands what happened in the first marriage and she's willing to accept that. then every other vice like staying out at nights, alcohol, other women, etc must be done with. it's bad enough a babe is trying to cope with a love-child of a first marriage. asking her to deal with other issues is a tad unfair.

wait a minute!!!!! if anyone has a problem with such lifestyle then fair enough BUT, if the guy told the OP and she didnt say anything against it (or broke up with him RIGHT THEN) then who are WE to say otherwise? just because this lifestyle is wrong to you/Sexkillz and others shouldnt automatically make it BAD. as i always say: you do YOU, and let him do HIM.

then let him find a baby momma to date.
the feelings then would be mutual. a babymomma would understand a philandering babyfather than a young woman having her debut relationship.

are you saying that a man who has a kid SHOULD only date women who already have kids?! oh lawd, come on bro, you know you are not making any sense now!!!!

whats next? a virgin should only date a virgin? a divorced man should only date/remarry with a divorcee?

in his shoes. . . . .i am well aware i have made the first mistake, i wouldn't want to make another. which means, i would clean up my acts. try and be responsible for my son and my new girlfriend. stay at home, buy maturity wherever i can get one and be a perfect partner. i must make sure the love-child is the only blemish on my white robe. no smoking, no excessive drinking, no partying and no polying.

what has drinking (or going to strip clubs) got to do with being responsible?! you make absolutely NO SENSE! so long as he can feed/cloth/educate his kid PROPERLY, then why should his nightly activities suddenly make any difference?! does he bring the kid to the strip joints? does he act drunk around the child? is he doing anything criminal or illegal?
what has responsibility go to do with the gf if she has accepted who he was?

having a kid outside wedlock is a lack of responsibility. i am a guy and i should know.

i guess i must be a woman, lol!

i am also aware i am taking a huge risk which can jeopardize my immediate future so my radar is always activated in such scenarios. if possible, i double-bag!

you can take all the precautions you want and STILL end up as a single father. you can choose the best woman to marry and spend the rest of your life with, AND END UP DIVORCED. that is the "real" definition of L I F E for you!

the past history of this bloke suggests his character as a man is questionable. he's a serial liar, a typical c[i]u[/i]nt and he's self centred.
he still parties in strip clubs, he night-crawls and every other irresponsible vice you can think of. he should be a good father to his son.

serial liar, c[b]u[/b]nt, self centered?! woah pls care to enlighten me on where you got that image of the guy!! and also, if he really is then blame the OP, not the guy!
so partying at strip clubs, going to parties at night is wrong in your world. . . . . . . . .  and that automatically makes him a bad father?! BWAAAAAH! you guys are really having a laugh, and i suggest you look back in your dictionary what makes a FATHER. (ps so long as the needs of the child are taken care of, then this man has all the right to spend his free time the way he wishes, whether you like his lifestyle or NOT)

this is because he's sure the girl loves him and he's taking advantage of that.
duh! who hasn't done similar things to a chic who loved religiously? he can say those cos he knows the original poster cannot leave him in a jiffy.

and that makes him WRONG?!

that's exactly what the op wants to reconfirm. she has made up her mind but she's having doubts. those doubts led her here to check her sanity.
now that the voice of the people is saying she must leave - she's gotta leave.

bro, i tell you, you guys are seriously making cry of laughter, i just love my 9ja peeps!
"she gotta leave!!!!!" LOL

my love is not blind, deaf and dumb. if i should discover a girl i am about to marry in church has a love-child somewhere. i will walk out on her in church. we all have our dreams and aspirations in life. there's a reason i prefer benz to bmw. there's a reason you prefer ferrarri to range rover.

so, as much as having a love child is important TO YOU, if i understand you correctly, it is not wrong for someone to love that person UNCONDITIONALLY if thats THEIR choices, right?!

you are a joker!
the love dies immediately i find out she's got a kid somewhere.

fair enough, we all have our limits but it sure wont change that person (aka who he is). i would understand if you had said that he she cheated, or did something wrong to you DURING the r/ship. . . . . . . . .  but her past?! oh well!

when i set out to marry, i wanted a woman with no such history. so i had loved believing she had no such history in her past.if i suddenly discover she had a baby - the foundation of the love i had would weaken and it would eventually lead to the collapse of that relationship. how can i even trust such woman ever again? i don't love with my eyes closed. i do with my eyes open.

i guess each have different priorities in life, but remember that IT WASNT a problem for the OP (since she continued dating the guy), so therefore you point is irrelevant!

again, thats Coogar talking and MBJ responding, and there can be MANY ways to solve this issue depending on who is the person concerned, i am just giving this confused sista my point of view.

babyfathers should seek out babymothers. they all have something in common and they would understand each other's pain more.

i understand that you may feel a lil upset that a guy, who already has a kid, could remarry with a gal who has no kids( or ever been married before). . . . . . .but thats life, you better accept it!

@Mrs C
we are still having an adult debate right?!

as you said: different strokes for different folks!

Debate about what?  This isn't a presidential election NEGRO! 

Just like you claimed Sexkillz don't know what went on neither do you. There is no point of debating on bullshit.

^^everyone puts their views on different issues and we discuss/debate our views. . . . . . . . .  is that so difficult for you to do?! do you truly have no intelligent points to put on the table instead of insults?!

whatever is troubling you in your life, NL is not the place to deal with it.

MRbrownJAY:

^^everyone puts their views on different issues and we discuss/debate our views. . . . . . . . .  is that so difficult for you to do?! do you truly have no intelligent points to put on the table instead of insults?!

You are exactly right, everyone put THEIR VIEWS on different ISSUES and IN MY OPINION it is bullshit. 

Insults?  Where did I insulted ANYONE on this thread?  Oh!  "don't be that stuped other woman" was an insult huh?  Oh well. 

It doesn't matter if we "debate" or not, it will not change what he did, how she feel, and what occurred between them two.

MRbrownJAY:


whatever is troubling you in your life, NL is not the place to deal with it.

When chatters have disagreements about comments posted on a thread that means someone's life is troubled.  Gotcha boo boo.   

I didn't bring my OFFLINE life/issue on this thread, Op did.  Just making sure there aren't any confusion between the two.

MRbrownJAY:

if that is the case then why should it matter if he liveswith his ex, why should it matter if he is illegal? why should it matter if he likes strips clubs or not. Mummy said she doesnt like the guy and that should be the end of the story then!
why all the pointless talk about his lifestyle?

other vices. as a stand-alone, not one of these vices is enough to convict the boy.
but when you add everything together. . . . .this dude is irresponsible.

wait a minute!!!!! if anyone has a problem with such lifestyle then fair enough BUT, if the guy told the OP and she didnt say anything against it (or broke up with him RIGHT THEN) then who are WE to say otherwise? just because this lifestyle is wrong to you/Sexkillz and others shouldnt automatically make it BAD. as i always say: you do YOU, and let him do HIM.

she discovered about most of these things after the relationship kicked off.
the dude lied or was economical with the truth at first. yes, he admitted his strip club, night-crawling, etc which is still quite normal for a young man.
adding a love-child to the equation just ruins it.

are you saying that a man who has a kid SHOULD only date women who already have kids?! oh lawd, come on bro, you know you are not making any sense now!!!!whats next? a virgin should only date a virgin? a divorced man should only date/remarry with a divorcee?

yes. a guy with an emotional baggage should date a woman with one.
they would understand each other more. a smoker should also date another smoker. then no one would die of the other's 2nd hand smoking.
why should she shoulder another man's irresponsible and burden of the past. she's 24 with her future ahead of her.
she can do better than the 2-face wannabe!

what has drinking (or going to strip clubs) got to do with being responsible?! you make absolutely NO SENSE! so long as he can feed/cloth/educate his kid PROPERLY, then why should his nightly activities suddenly make any difference?! does he bring the kid to the strip joints? does he act drunk around the child? is he doing anything criminal or illegal?
what has responsibility go to do with the gf if she has accepted who he was?

except that she doesn't. she's only confused being her first boy/f! she probably lost her hym[i]e[/i]n to him and we all know how girls are emotionally entangled with their first guy.  i mean who would want such jerk as a partner. would you?

having a kid outside wedlock is a lack of responsibility. i am a guy and i should know.
i guess i must be a woman, lol!

well - you might be doing devil's advocate.
even this dude would slap you for defending him. he knows himself he's a jerk.

you can take all the precautions you want and STILL end up as a single father. you can choose the best woman to marry and spend the rest of your life with, AND END UP DIVORCED. that is the "real" definition of L I F E for you!

not coogar. i am the most calculated man you can ever meet.
i see things before they come. everything is planned to the last detail. contingencies are even factored.
when i see men trapped with pregnancy, i only laugh at their idiocy. they let it happen. pregnancy is not an air-borne disease! it's not common cold.

serial liar, c[b]u[/b]nt, self centered?! woah pls care to enlighten me on where you got that image of the guy!! and also, if he really is then blame the OP, not the guy!

op was obviously fleeced - can't you see?

so partying at strip clubs, going to parties at night is wrong in your world. . . . . . . . .  and that automatically makes him a bad father?! BWAAAAAH! you guys are really having a laugh, and i suggest you look back in your dictionary what makes a FATHER. (ps so long as the needs of the child are taken care of, then this man has all the right to spend his free time the way he wishes, whether you like his lifestyle or NOT)

how about being a father to that child. what kind of legacy is he leaving for the kid. he's not married to his mum.
he's staying with another woman for papers - and he's still stringing the op along. who knows other devious schemes he's up to?
they must have circumcised him differently to be acting like a possessed dog.

bro, i tell you, you guys are seriously making cry of laughter, i just love my 9ja peeps!
"she gotta leave!!!!!" LOL

she's gotta bounce.
this won't end well - black man in a horror movie.

so, as much as having a love child is important TO YOU, if i understand you correctly, it is not wrong for someone to love that person UNCONDITIONALLY if thats THEIR choices, right?!

i cannot choose for another person.
but for me - no babymomma. it cannot just happen. i don't love that blindly.

fair enough, we all have our limits but it sure wont change that person (aka who he is). i would understand if you had said that he she cheated, or did something wrong to you DURING the r/ship. . . . . . . . .  but her past?! oh well!

someone's past has a way of haunting the present/future. you should know better.
what makes you think i want to see the babyfather visiting every other week to see his child? what makes you think the babyfather likes the face of the new dude spanking the arse of his ex-babe? why do i need such nonsense when there are hundreds of millions of women with no such history?

i guess each have different priorities in life, but remember that IT WASNT a problem for the OP (since she continued dating the guy), so therefore you point is irrelevant!

again, thats Coogar talking and MBJ responding, and there can be MANY ways to solve this issue depending on who is the person concerned, i am just giving this confused sista my point of view.

it's up to her what she wants to do.
i am just saying it's a dead end relationship from my experience. this dude has nothing to offer.
he's an expert in s[i]e[/i]men irrigation.

i understand that you may feel a lil upset that a guy, who already has a kid, could remarry with a gal who has no kids( or ever been married before). . . . . . .but thats life, you better accept it!

others can accept it. i will not!
maybe if i am crippled, blind, deaf or suffering one ailment or the other - then you can say i don't have such luxury or the right to choose.
but in this life i chose. . . . . . . .my options are infinite!

A leopard never changes its spot !!!
Your bf is a playboy, he will never change his habit, hurting,cheating ann going to the nasty places.
So get away from him, it is healthy to you and your family.

ET Power:

A leopard never changes its spot !!!
Your bf is a playboy, he will never change his habit, hurting,cheating ann going to the nasty places.
So get away from him, it is healthy to you and your family.

Be careful! Because someone going to ask you, "how do you know he is a playboy"?

coogar:

other vices. as a stand-alone, not one of these vices is enough to convict the boy.
but when you add everything together. . . . .this dude is irresponsible.

first you said the case was that the mother didnt like the guy. . . . . .  and that should have been the end of it!
now you are saying that her mother's views were not "that important" but added with the other vices (lol), suddenly it all made sense to see the guy as a liability?!

she discovered about most of these things after the relationship kicked off.
the dude lied or was economical with the truth at first. yes, he admitted his strip club, night-crawling, etc which is still quite normal for a young man.
adding a love-child to the equation just ruins it.

yes, it ruins it to some, it sure didnt here.

yes. a guy with an emotional baggage should date a woman with one.
they would understand each other more. a smoker should also date another smoker. then no one would die of the other's 2nd hand smoking.
why should she shoulder another man's irresponsible and burden of the past. she's 24 with her future ahead of her.
she can do better than the 2-face wannabe!

hey,if that's how you see life then fair enough, too bad people didnt think the way you do when talking about FINANCIAL baggage. rich men marrying ONLY rich women etc lol!

except that she doesn't. she's only confused being her first boy/f! she probably lost her hym[i]e[/i]n to him and we all know how girls are emotionally entangled with their first guy.  i mean who would want such jerk as a partner. would you?

is he her first BF or the first who dived between her legs?
pls care to show me where she wrote that she thought the guy was irresponsible? and if she thought that much of him then why not simply listen to her mummy and leave? jerk, why? because he goes to strip joints? because he has a kid?

well - you might be doing devil's advocate.
even this dude would slap you for defending him. he knows himself he's a jerk.

dont get me wrong bro, i am NOT defending the guy, i am just saying that so far, there is NO PROOF that he is doing anything wrong. now the fact that you said that having a kid/going to clubs/going to strip joint is irresponsible, is what i would definitely stand against. . . . . . .but as for the OP, i am just saying CONFIRM YOUR ASSUMPTIONS before judging someone.

not coogar. i am the most calculated man you can ever meet.
i see things before they come. everything is planned to the last detail. contingencies are even factored.
when i see men trapped with pregnancy, i only laugh at their idiocy. they let it happen. pregnancy is not an air-borne disease! it's not common cold.

unless you are a virgin, there is NO WAY you can say that. . . . . . . .especially when condoms are not 100% safe. so which one is it?! lol

op was obviously fleeced - can't you see?

love fleeced?! lmao!
yes it is possible, but it is also possible that the OP has been accused of something he is not doing. . . . . . . unless you are 110% sure he is fukcing his ex?

how about being a father to that child. what kind of legacy is he leaving for the kid. he's not married to his mum.
he's staying with another woman for papers - and he's still stringing the op along. who knows other devious schemes he's up to?
they must have circumcised him differently to be acting like a possessed dog.

how is he NOT a father to this child?! how can you even say that?!
legacy?! so whatever you teach your kids during the day, the minute you go to a strip club, it automatically is erased from his mind?! bwaaaah!
stringing the OP along?! oh lawd Coogar!!!!

this guy is doing anything he can to either A) stay in that country to STAY in his child's life B) keep the child in a foreign country rather than back home or C) stay where he can get a better job to care for that child. (again these are all assumptions who could be real).

she's gotta bounce.
this won't end well - black man in a horror movie.

ok, i guess the OP has NO OPTIONS then.

i cannot choose for another person.
but for me - no babymomma. it cannot just happen. i don't love that blindly.

fair enough, and "some" people out there look beyond that. . . . . . just like some men marry women who already have kids.

someone's past has a way of haunting the present/future. you should know better.
what makes you think i want to see the babyfather visiting every other week to see his child? what makes you think the babyfather likes the face of the new dude spanking the arse of his ex-babe? why do i need such nonsense when there are hundreds of millions of women with no such history?

the past is not the problem here, your EGO is. if you dismiss someone simply because they had a child (and baby daddy may come to visit his child), then i can safely say that it has nothing to do with the act at hand but that it is your EGO that is in the way. . . . . . . but then again, that's YOUR choice!

it's up to her what she wants to do.
i am just saying it's a dead end relationship from my experience. this dude has nothing to offer.
he's an expert in s[i]e[/i]men irrigation.

woah, thats rather deep!!!! so because he enjoys what he does, he has absolutely NOTHING to offer?! well then, the poster must be one hell of a dummy to fall in love and stick to this guy (who has nothing to offer her) for such a long time.

others can accept it. i will not!
maybe if i am crippled, blind, deaf or suffering one ailment or the other - then you can say i don't have such luxury or the right to choose.
but in this life i chose. . . . . . . .my options are infinite!

yes you are right, choose for YOURSELF, and let others choose for themselves, instead of saying that they are wrong simply because they dont view life like you do, and have a different definition of "being responsible".
to each their own!

Just walk away, such ppl can't chang, and u can't change them either.from the look of it u can't stand it. So walk

MRbrownJAY:

bro, when you L O V E someone, you accept EVERYTHING about them or move on with your life. trying to dissect what you desire, and discarding the rest, is not only wrong but crazy. this gal has the choice on her hand, i am just asking her to CONFIRM HER ASSUMPTIONS before she make her decision.
if you stop loving someone because you discover that they have a kid then i am safe to say that you NEVER loved them to begin with!

Sometimes you do sound like a bad rookie lawyer, wetin be all the long epistles? U really seem to take the "Never follow the crowd" saying to heart irrespective of reality! Quit it, fam!

The truth is obvious, the gal is hurting and you chatting this! How many things will you confirm in life before you make decisions? This guy's so-called honesty does not mean he is not bad news. People pull this all the time - tell a partner some bad truth so that they never think there's a lot more crap where that's coming from.

oh boy.

Having Coogar,MBJ,Chima and Sexkillz on one thread is good torture.

too much time on their hands

pendo89:

oh boy.

Having Coogar,MBJ,Chima and Sexkillz on one thread is good torture.

U guys will make a good jury team in a law court! Ever tot of pursuing law as a carrer?!

Some burnt and rusty pots calling the kettles black. Just saying!

kimberluge:

U guys will make a good jury team in a law court! Ever tot of pursuing law as a carrer?!

I am too honest to be on the jury.

pendo89:

oh boy.

Having Coogar,MBJ,Chima and Sexkillz on one thread is good torture.

It is not so bad huh?