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What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? - Family - Nairaland

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What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 12:42pm On Dec 11, 2011
While in final year in my under-graduate days, I had a "jambite" like we used  to call them then whom I fell in love with, it all started as the usual campus affair with no clearly defined goals but grew into a very strong relationship before the end of the first semester. It became so strong that during the first semester break, she came to check on me  at home, thereby successfully making herself the very first girfriend l I was to ever introduce to my parents.
On resumption for the second semester, the relationship became even stronger until  I got the shocker of my life. I was informed by some friends who knew her that the she was already engaged to a very wealthy guy who was even sponsoring her education! At first, i felt it was a lie and ignored them. But as they persisted, I decided to  ask the lady who, surprisingly, confirmed everything to be true. I then asked what she was doing with me since she already had someone who loved her that muc but all she could tell me was that I should forget and never bring up the issue again. I took her decision not to give congent reasons for her action to mean she was potentially promiscuous and could do the same to me tomorrow if I eventually marry her. Well, I allowed the affair continue until I graduated after which I went my way. She eventually got married to this same guyas his only wife  and they are blessed with kids.
But sometimes last year, I was told this lady went to visit my parents where she enquired about my contact mobile which she was innocently given. Two weeks after that visit, I got a call from her expectedly and after exchanging pleasantries, she said "I wish I had married you"! Well, I laughed over it until she said "pls can we continue where we stopped?". I was taken aback at this second comment that I pretended I didn't hear her and then ended the call. Ever since, I have been doing my secret investigation to find out what could be the driving force here or was she simply confirming my earlier opiinoin of her way back in the University? I'm really yet to find any answers  as this woman is really happily married and comfortable in the true sense of the word which brings us to the topic "what drives infidelity in married women?".
Serious opinions please.

1 Like

Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by slimyem: 1:12pm On Dec 11, 2011
this long story sef.e no get head, e no get tail. grin grin
the answers to your question are just too obvious. grin
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 2:22pm On Dec 11, 2011
slimyem:

this long story sef.e no get head, e no get tail. grin grin
[B]the answers to your question are just too obvious[/b]. grin
@slimyem
Sincerely, the answers are not obvious to me. Kindly shed some light please.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Nobody: 4:14pm On Dec 11, 2011
190_@:

it seems your problem in this life na woman angry angry


everything woman woman woman woman woman

U nor dey taya angry angry


You stole that from me grin
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 4:45pm On Dec 11, 2011
bandiejay:

You stole that from me   grin
@bandiejay
Your mates dey for pools section dey perrm ten from two. Wetin you dey do here? grin
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by 195(f): 4:51pm On Dec 11, 2011
ROTFL @ his mates been in the poool betting grin grin
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Natasha2(f): 5:06pm On Dec 11, 2011
There are different reasons that drive people to infidelity whether male or female
Some people cheat because their partner cheats on them, it could also be because they do not enjoy sex with their partner, or a bad attitude of their partner for example a man that smokes and beats up his wife, don't be surprised if one day such a wife goes to cheat because she's craving for love and affection from someone, Others cheat for the fun of it, for adventure, like some people want to know what it feels like to be with someone other than their partner. Another thing that drives people to cheat whether men or women is unhappiness and getting married for the wrong reason, not everyone marries out of love, some fore money, for fame etc and at the end they feel unfulfilled and unhappy they feel like they are in the wrong place and have no business where they are, with such atmosphere one is likely to cheat. These are just few forces or reasons that drive women/men to cheat cheesy

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Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Nobody: 6:23pm On Dec 11, 2011
-Stupidity.
-Adventure.
-Cheating cos their husbands cheating.
-For the fun of it.
-Husband being bad in bed.
-Husband never around.
-Havent gotten over their ex Super bed skills.
-Confusion.
-''My friend is doing it,so why not''.
Lots of people see marriage like a boyfiend/girlfriend relationship. They never fully understand that it is 1MAN 1WIFE. And God seriously frowns @ it. Eg Sugadaddy.

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Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 7:52pm On Dec 11, 2011
Natasha,,:

There are different reasons that drive people to infidelity whether male or female
Some people cheat because their partner cheats on them, it could also be because they do not enjoy sex with their partner, or a bad attitude of their partner for example a man that smokes and beats up his wife, don't be surprised if one day such a wife goes to cheat because she's craving for love and affection from someone, Others cheat for the fun of it, for adventure, like some people want to know what it feels like to be with someone other than their partner. Another thing that drives people to cheat whether men or women is unhappiness and getting married for the wrong reason, not everyone marries out of love, some fore money, for fame etc and at the end they feel unfulfilled and unhappy they feel like they are in the wrong place and have no business where they are, with such atmosphere one is likely to cheat. These are just few forces or reasons that drive women/men to cheat cheesy

@Natasha
Thanks for your very detailed response. But from my investigation so far, it's still difficult to determine the factor or combination of factors responsible here as I understand this lady's husband is performing far above average in terms of the likely causes enumerated above. The only possible reason so far might just be fun or may be peer influence.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Nobody: 7:56pm On Dec 11, 2011
@ poster,
Instead of a secrect investigation,why dont you ask her why she called you and said what she did? Just have an honest upfront conversation with her. smiley
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by pendo89(f): 8:01pm On Dec 11, 2011
I think your questn should be why this particular woman wants to cheat on her hubby.
I dont know and neither do u . Do u even want to know?? Shes married! avoid her lest u get your head chopped off by the 'wealthy hubby 'grin
Dont even entertain her stories about how miserable her marriage is. She can talk to a consellor cz its obvious shes got issues and u arent the best person to handle.
run from evil and spare your soul bro
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Nobody: 8:10pm On Dec 11, 2011
Im not sure what you mean by "does he know anything" I was simply suggesting a way for him to know the reasons behind his question here. We can only guess.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Nobody: 8:23pm On Dec 11, 2011
^^^ Yikes! Your view is clear! grin
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by pendo89(f): 8:33pm On Dec 11, 2011
^^ you two
am still waiting for pics of 3rd mainland bridge with action in progress.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 10:37pm On Dec 11, 2011
BlueBarbie:

-Stupidity.
[B]-Adventure.[/b]
-Cheating cos their husbands cheating.
[B]-For the fun of it[/b].
-Husband being bad in bed.
-Husband never around.
-Havent gotten over their ex Super bed skills.
-Confusion.
[B]-''My friend is doing it,so why not''. [/b]
Lots of people see marriage like a boyfiend/girlfriend relationship. They never fully understand that it is 1MAN 1WIFE. And God seriously frowns @ it.  Eg Sugadaddy.
@BlueBarbie
The bolded are likely the reasons so far based on my findings but again, this is just an assumption. Please note that I share your views on sugardaddy, at least on this threadgrin
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 11:00pm On Dec 11, 2011
talina:

@ poster,
Instead of a secrect investigation,why dont you ask her why she called you and said what she did? Just have an honest upfront conversation with her. smiley

i once did but all she could say was "you won't understand" and didn't go further.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 11:16pm On Dec 11, 2011
pendo89:

I think your questn should be why this particular woman wants to cheat on her hubby.
I dont know and neither do u . Do u even want to know?? Shes married! avoid her lest u get your head chopped off by the 'wealthy hubby 'grin
Dont even entertain her stories about how miserable her marriage is. She can talk to a consellor cz its obvious shes got issues and u arent the best person to handle.
run from evil and spare your soul bro
i agree with you but while the emphasis should actually have been on this particular lady, i decided to do a generalization as most of all the common factors that were known to have spurred people into this despicable act in the past were virtually non-existent for this woman which means there are still some motivating factor(s) that are yet to be discovered for women generally.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Nobody: 12:15am On Dec 12, 2011
Really nice thread/story ruined by idiotic comments from immature kids.
OP pls post topics like this in the family section for adults to comment on next time.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Loveaflame(m): 8:30pm On Dec 17, 2011
So man answers.Let me just summarize it.

It's due to vanity,friend's influence,hereditary,monetary wise and just for the fun of it.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by dayokanu(m): 11:05pm On Dec 17, 2011
The same reason why married men cheat
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by ronkebp(f): 1:11am On Dec 18, 2011
I think she is emotionally attracted to you, she might have married that man, just to compensate him for the money he spent on her. And there is no way you can run away from the matters of the heart.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 10:23am On Dec 19, 2011
ronkebp:

I think she is emotionally attracted to you, she might have married that man, just to compensate him for the money he spent on her. And there is no way you can run away from the matters of the heart.
For where? I don borrow leg my sister. Who tell you say I no fit run? grin grin grin grin
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Outstrip(f): 6:52pm On Dec 19, 2011
$ugardaddy:

For where? I don borrow leg my sister. Who tell you say I no fit run? grin grin grin grin
Yeah right. You are curious about it so you have not totally left it alone. If this man was much older than her it could be that she married him out of a sense of obligation. He invested in her and the arrangement was that she would marry him. Forget about your secret engagment. Tell her point blank that you are not interested.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 8:31am On Dec 20, 2011
Outstrip:

Yeah right. You are curious about it so you have not totally left it alone. If this man was much older than her it could be that she married him out of a sense of obligation. He invested in her and the arrangement was that she would marry him. Forget about your secret engagment. Tell her point blank that you are not interested.
Thanks for your contribution. I've actually ruled out any secret engagement as that to me is like courting the devil, and that is why I'm seeking opinion here as to what could really be the issue. My curiosity is actually borne out of the fact that this lady seems very happily married and comfortable and most reasons that are usually deduced for this act by some women are practically non-existent in her case. The only thing I'm trying not to do for now is telling her off point-blank, my approach has been to avoid further contacts whether physical, phone, email, or sms completely and it has been very effective so far. I might eventually though if she fails to read meaning to my ignoring her calls, messages and emails, but that will be a last resort.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Mayflowa(m): 5:10am On Dec 31, 2011
OP seems to be quite immature. How did you know most of the reasons given to you by thread contributors are non-existent in your ex's case. Do you live with them. How can you assess the husband prowess in the bedroom for instant? Don't defend her. You asked for reasons of infidelity. So seat back and relax while the ladies furnish you with it.

For your own good, you'd better resist the urge and temptation. You seem to enjoy what is playing out for you now.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by sugardaddy1(m): 10:20am On Jan 04, 2012
Mayflowa:

OP seems to be quite immature. How did you know most of the reasons given to you by thread contributors are non-existent in your ex's case. Do you live with them. How can you assess the husband prowess in the bedroom for instant? Don't defend her. You asked for reasons of infidelity. So seat back and relax while the ladies furnish you with it.

For your own good, you'd better resist the urge and temptation. You seem to enjoy what is playing out for you now.
Thanks for your contribution, I'm honestly still expecting candid opinions from ladies and experienced men alike but I must say that you're wrong in the bolded. If I was immature or "enjoying" the way things are playing out, I wouldn't be discussing this here in the the first place. But, I also so much appreciate the bit on resisting the urge and temptation, God bless you for that wonderful piece of advice.
Please note that I've been happily married for over 10 yrs now with 3 kids while the lady in question has been married for over 15 years with 5 kids to show for it. The last time I set my eyes on her was 16yrs ago while still in the University. So, going by the years and distance apart and the fact that she's been very comfortable in her marriage (at least by my own personal assessment), I wonder what the issues really are and that is why I felt the issues may be out of the ordinary.
If you talk of her husband's prowess in bed, well that is an aspect I'm not really interested in delving into. But if you ask me, the intimate prowess of a man who could get 5 kids out of a lady is not so bad as to be cheated upon except the kids are not really his in the first place. (Just my thinking anyway).
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by Nobody: 2:33pm On Jan 04, 2012
People should stop wondering why people do things.
The human nature is very complex.

My psychology prof back then in school was very frustrated one day and said, 'i can never understand humans'.
This is a professional psychologist with almost four decades of experience.
No matter how much you try, there are just too many variables that will leave you helpless.

Anyway, as for you story i would say mind your business.
Just try to avoid her at all cost.

1 Like

Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by jaymdee(m): 9:37am On Jan 05, 2012
Most cheats are born, not made.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by moremi2008(m): 4:23pm On Jan 05, 2012
All that glitters isn't gold. How do you know how happy the marriage is? Do you know whether her husband has stopped having sex with her? Do you know what this wealthy husband does in his spare time? Do you know whether his wealthy friend has another wife in another city? You just can't tell how happy a marriage is until you get really, really close. Just ask her, abi? You're not exactly an innocent man yourself.
Re: What Drives Infidelity In Married Women? by dollya(f): 1:16am On Jan 06, 2012
maybe her husband is having financial problems or hes no more paying her attention.

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