how can the problem be his wife, she loves him very much and she respects him a lot she is very nice wife to him, she worries about him everyday

alexola20:

I guess the problem will be from his wife.Maybe you should try and talk him out of this problem for a good solution.
Life is good.

May God strengthen us all.

maclatunji:

I think your friend feels empty irrespective of all he has achieved. I know his wife has a key role to play in his life. He probably feels that she and everybody else don't love him for whom he is but what he has. She needs to wake him in the middle of the night and tell him that she just wants him to know that she truly loves him and her life and that of her children would be truly miserable without him even if he left them with all the money in the world.

If she has not done this already, she needs to take some criticism. She should have cried-out her eyes in front of him in the middle of the night by now to let him know she would feel worthless if he killed himself #Seriously

his wife loves him very much she tells him that everyday, she is always worried about him and he admits that its not his wife, his wife respects him and very nice to him, he said to me he is worried about the whole world which doesnt make any sense to me. why would he be worried about the whole world, when he has all this wealth

I have shared this before, i will share it again. A man of God in Nigeria gave this testimony during his sermon. In one of his missionary journey abroad, a white woman came to him and told the man of God that her husband has been having this suicidal thought, the white woman said in her husband family, the father died of suicide, the greatgrandfather also died of suicide, and now her husband has been entertaining the thought of suicide, he would take fork, knife just to kill himself,she had to be watching him. The man of God told her to bring her husband. She brought her husband to the man of God, man of God told the husband to first surrender his life to christ, the husband did, then the man of God gave him some prayer point to pray, while the man of God left him to attend to other people. After sometime, the husband scream" i have seen him, i have seen him" The man of God rushed back to where the husband was praying, what happened, what did you see? The white man said" i saw Jesus, he opened my brain and brought out a rope and closed it" the man of God observed that the look on his face that was gloomy had suddenly changed to joy. The white man said, after the spiritual rope was removed from his brain, all the evil thought of suicide disappeared. In conclusion, there is every possiblity that this evil thought can be traced back to the sins our great greatgrandfather had committed that is now having a stronghold on anyone that want kill himself , therefore, deliverance through the blood of Jesus is the ultimate solution. God bless you. Great thread. God2man.

alexola20:

I guess the problem will be from his wife.Maybe you should try and talk him out of this problem for a good solution.
Life is good.

May God strengthen us all.

Please that poor defenceless woman probably at her wits end too is not the issue here. He has already mentioned the root cause of his personality disorder with Oti-igba, namely his alchoholic Dad.

@ Oti-igba

What you can do to help your friend is go to google or something, and type in children of alchoholic Dads, i bet you would see your friend exhibits majority of the archetypal symptoms. Perhaps you could show him some links too, to let him know he is not alone and there are many millions more out there like him suffering/who have suffered the same fate as him too, but that he has been giving another stab at life and is no longer just a son, but a Dad to two wonderful children, and this is a fresh chance to make sure he does not mess up his own children and wife's lives too, just as his Dad bleep.ed him and his Mum up.

Help him realise that his family needs him, that his relationship with his children is a very pivotal one which would shape and mould their future and you could suggest if meeting up with his Dad would help ease and free him from the emotional trauma and stupor he is entrenched in, and help him get closure. But knowing how hard it is for men to let go of pride and open up, perhaps you are better off breaking it down to him that although it might be too late and awkward for a parent-child relationship, he can burn the bridges by becoming friends with his Dad again. It might also help to google alchoholic parents too, to show him firsthand that most people who abuse alchohol are aware of the damages they cause to their loved ones, but are just too powerless to do anything about it. And hopefully once he starts seeing his Dad as a fallible being, a normal human being with his own weakness and shortcoming, hopefully your friend would be able to contain his resentment and regrets, and be able to move on.  

His telling you was a subtle cry for help and shows he does not really wanna die, so please get in touch with him as soon as you can and bombard him with every information you can lay your hands on about alchoholic fathers. Once he realises he is not alone in this predicament, plus he now is a Dad too, this would jolt him back to reality. You can also suggest he goes to counselling again, but this time to get help to be able to move on from the ghost of his Dad's past.

'when i was young, i knew a very nice young kid of 14 years old who committed suicide till today i still cant understand why, at the age of 14? what could be the problem? apart from eat, sleep and poo'

The young man might have been bullied or abuse and could not think of a better way out.          

This depression issue does not develop in a day. Growing up i had a little physical disability way back, and kids around me made fun of me then. Not until i got to secondaryschool did this abuse end. Guess what? what kids made fun of me for, became an attraction and everyone kept telling me "you have such beautiful lips". Till date i get complement for what used to be a thing of shame.

God spared my life,because at a point religion almost failed me. i have a very very strong religious up bringing. during the trying period i was very religious, very regular in service. i gave to a fault, wether you ask for my help or not i was always ready to give become i desperately wanted to get out of the mess, and giving was always preached as a way to move God.one day i packaged the best of my gold jewelries and gave them for church building.

I use to wake up every morning hoping it will be a better day, but the days went from bad to worse. I prayed all the prayers point i knew yet nothing was happening. i started reading books, at that point i had an idea of what i was going through. i had to change church, i started attending a church where i go for seminars. i realised the preaching was very practical and could be applied in my day to day life.

My turn around was a gradual process,when my trauma started i told everyone i met my problem, after a while i realised that people are rather interested in judging and putting you down and not in helping you. so i went into a shell,i don't call people and when you call me i don't pick calls either.
In my new church i realised the practical effect of not forgiving the people that hurt me, though i usually said i had forgiven them then, but the truth was i never wish them well. this among other adjustment took place in my life. i got to a point when i knew i could not do it alone, then i decided to go to the hospital, though the few friend around me did not see the sense in my going to the hospital because they felt i was okay, but i insisted i knew i was not and needed help.

Thank God for 29th of DEC 2008, that was my first day in the hospital. i was diagnosed of having acute depression after my test. The test was an OBJ of over 500 questions.  I attended all my therapy seasions, took my drugs for a little above 2 years. Today am not just fine, am excelling.

Please don't judge any one going thru' trying period, your love and support could make all the different. My sister was extremely supportive. She use to call me at least twice a day, at time i would not pick her call. She will keep calling me until i pick, or she will come over to check on me.

Please show love and save a life.

Suicide and suicidality is a very complex issue. Most people think its only brought by Depression secondary to on going psychosocial stressors eg economic distress, relationship break downs etc. but that's only a tiny bit of it.

I don't even know where to start, you have to consider other conditions such as Psychotic illness ( schizophrenia etc) , the Mood disorders (Depression and Bipolar Affective Disorders) , Personality Disorders etc
Some cases are Adjustment disorders, ie something happens and the patient commits or attempts suicide.

You also have to consider Alcohol and Drugs. A lot of suicide attempts are carried out with these substances on board.

Irrespective of your financial status you can be depressed and suicidal.

Talking really helps but most importantly one should seek professional help, that's what your GP or Family Physician is there for. The Psychiatric hospitals in Nigeria are not just there to treat the acutely psychotic patients but also Depression and all.

I don't know about the availability of Psychotherapy in Nigeria but that's one of the evidence based techniques for dealing with some mood disorders. Plus Use of Antidepressants, Mood Stabilizers, sometimes Antipsychotics and in unresponsive cases Shock Therapy (ECT)

There are also loads of self help materials available. I particularly like recommending this book to my patients "Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert"

If you wanna chat with me one on one, drop me a mail on dj_marv@ymail.com

I'm Specializing in Psychiatry and will offer free advise based on current best practises.

Cheers.

hmmm alots of pathetics stories,

LOL@this thread!

Busy_body:


Please that poor defenceless woman probably at her wits end too is not the issue here. He has already mentioned the root cause of his personality disorder with Oti-igba, namely his alchoholic Dad.

@ Oti-igba

What you can do to help your friend is go to google or something, and type in children of alchoholic Dads, i bet you would see your friend exhibits majority of the archetypal symptoms. Perhaps you could show him some links too, to let him know he is not alone and there are many millions more out there like him suffering/who have suffered the same fate as him too, but that he has been giving another stab at life and is no longer just a son, but a Dad to two wonderful children, and this is a fresh chance to make sure he does not mess up his own children and wife's lives too, just as his Dad bleep.ed him and his Mum up.

Help him realise that his family needs him, that his relationship with his children is a very pivotal one which would shape and mould their future and you could suggest if meeting up with his Dad would help ease and free him from the emotional trauma and stupor he is entrenched in, and help him get closure. But knowing how hard it is for men to let go of pride and open up, perhaps you are better off breaking it down to him that although it might be too late and awkward for a parent-child relationship, he can burn the bridges by becoming friends with his Dad again. It might also help to google alchoholic parents too, to show him firsthand that most people who abuse alchohol are aware of the damages they cause to their loved ones, but are just too powerless to do anything about it. And hopefully once he starts seeing his Dad as a fallible being, a normal human being with his own weakness and shortcoming, hopefully your friend would be able to contain his resentment and regrets, and be able to move on.   

His telling you was a subtle cry for help and shows he does not really wanna die, so please get in touch with him as soon as you can and bombard him with every information you can lay your hands on about alchoholic fathers. Once he realises he is not alone in this predicament, plus he now is a Dad too, this would jolt him back to reality. You can also suggest he goes to counselling again, but this time to get help to be able to move on from the ghost of his Dad's past.

@Oti-igba take BB's advice. I have my thoughts on this your friend's case but I will only say them after you have tried this ^ advice first. Let me say though that the wife should continue to show love. In fact, she should increase the love she shows, let it get to a point that your friend will say- "Old girl, this your loving is getting too much for me O", then she will respond by saying "I just want you to be with me and our children". Promise me you will never try to kill yourself again!"

For all the people who have been getting advice- Please give us feedback on the cases as new events unfold. We want to learn from this process.

Personally, Nigerians do not accept depression. At least alot of western nations do ,  I am not surprised and will not be if the rates increase. Nice thread but when we stop hiding under religion and accepting our humanity, then we can see reasons why these things happen. i know of alot of suicides and its more of mental health issues. The Poster is right! talk to someone and accept that its ok to be down, knowing that one day you will get up. If you have depression, its ok. Just try and manage it.

@maclatunji, this is a nice and life changing thread u ve made, more grease to ur elbow, stay blessed

Thumbs up Maclatunji, very thoughtful of u 2 open this thread. Honestly this suicide thing among Nigerians, home and abroad is beginning to scare me. To all NLs, pls lets take dis serious and give necessary support to as many that come here depressed and in dire need of encouragement. God bless y'all.

^^^Thank you, we can all contribute gentlemen.

Suicide happens when

1.) The individual believes life has no meaning. The victim says "I' giving up. My life has no meaning. '' Meaning is everything~! If there's no meaning in life, then life's not worth living.

2.) When life's circumstances becomes too painful and one feels one has no control over events and that the conditions are permanent and will persist.

3.) Chemical imbalances in the individuals body system that eventually leads to depression. Research proves that the trigger to these imbalances are events and experiences from  pregnancy,  childhood upbringing, or adolescence or even from traumatic events in adulthood.

Solution:

a) find meaning in your pain.  The rape victim becomes a activist for other rape victims. The abused child becomes a motivational speaker inspiring others that they too can make it.  Many best sellers are stories woven around people in this category.

b) find a therapist, a life coach, psychologist or a psychiatrist in your area.  U need all the professional help u can get.

(Oti-igba your friend falls into this category). Is he here in Nigeria?

DeeMain:

Suicide happens when

1.) The individual believes life has no meaning. The victim says "I' giving up. My life has no meaning. '' Meaning is everything~! If there's no meaning in life, then life's not worth living.

2.) When life's circumstances becomes too painful and one feels one has no control over events and that the conditions are permanent and will persist.

3.) Chemical imbalances in the individuals body system that eventually leads to depression. Research proves that the trigger to these imbalances are events and experiences from  pregnancy,  childhood upbringing, or adolescence or even from traumatic events in adulthood.

Solution:

a) find meaning in your pain.  The violation victim becomes a activist for other violation victims. The abused child becomes a motivational speaker inspiring others that they too can make it.  Many best sellers are stories woven around people in this category.

b) find a therapist, a life coach, psychologist or a psychiatrist in your area.  U need all the professional help u can get.

(Oti-igba your friend falls into this category). Is he here in Nigeria?

The violated victim becomes an activist for other violated victims.

Very thoughtful and nice commentaries and responses.

I have a thought to offer but need first to know if anyone has a suicidal rate study report broken down by demography and local area (urban vs rural type settings) of the victims. First for Nigeria and second for the major industrialized world (US, Europe and so on. . . .)

There could be an association between environmntal dynamics and the consciousness. Humanity finds fulfillment in the spirit and not in the physical body. At all times, an individual is battling a conflict between the inner spirit and the outer needs. There is need to have balance so that the individual continues with focus on his/her ideals. The balance is provided by environmntal factors. If the individual is isolated and insulated for too long from sensing and finding his/her tune with natural habitats (trees, lakes, rivers, meadows, bird songs, mountains, valleys, animals, . . . . ) then the desired balance is tipped and if not soon restored to an even keel, the indicvidual's sanity is likewise tipped to the edge. For this reason, it is advisable to immerse peopl on th edge into natural habitats in what is commonly termed retreats.

I know in Nigeria we used to have a rural healing therapy for insane people. This was before all these overnight evangelists propped up lft and right commercializing th nam of Christ as the solution to insanity. The therapy was to send an insane person to a farm settlement as a hand on the farm helping with tilling the soil and animal husbandry. The success rate was great, some needed repeated immersions to toally heal and be reabsorbed into normal society. This is in no way to say that there is no insanity in rural aras but those are more of genetic than environmntal.

Negro_Ntns:

Very thoughtful and nice commentaries and responses.

I have a thought to offer but need first to know if anyone has a suicidal rate study report broken down by demography and local area (urban vs rural type settings) of the victims. First for Nigeria and second for the major industrialized world (US, Europe and so on. . . .)

There could be an association between environmntal dynamics and the consciousness. Humanity finds fulfillment in the spirit and not in the physical body. At all times, an individual is battling a conflict between the inner spirit and the outer needs. There is need to have balance so that the individual continues with focus on his/her ideals. The balance is provided by environmntal factors. If the individual is isolated and insulated for too long from sensing and finding his/her tune with natural habitats (trees, lakes, rivers, meadows, bird songs, mountains, valleys, animals, . . . . ) then the desired balance is tipped and if not soon restored to an even keel, the indicvidual's sanity is likewise tipped to the edge. For this reason, it is advisable to immerse peopl on th edge into natural habitats in what is commonly termed retreats.

I know in Nigeria we used to have a rural healing therapy for insane people. This was before all these overnight evangelists propped up lft and right commercializing th nam of Christ as the solution to insanity. The therapy was to send an insane person to a farm settlement as a hand on the farm helping with tilling the soil and animal husbandry. The success rate was great, some needed repeated immersions to toally heal and be reabsorbed into normal society. This is in no way to say that there is no insanity in rural aras but those are more of genetic than environmntal.

Hi Negro_Ntns, it's an interesting post from u. This rural healing therapy u r talking about - can u give more details. Am interested in this. Any links or wherever?

This is what a forum should be: people supporting one another, giving succour to the hopeless and not the quarrelling/insulting and that goes on in this forum by some group of people that feel that their life is better than that of others. What beats me is that when such happens sometimes the responsible persons here that should stand up against that will laugh it off as part of nairaland entertainment.
[b][size=14pt]
This thread and these occurrence of suicide in our community is one good reason why the administrators of this site should act more against people coming to nairaland to laugh at the problems of others. A pregnant woman in a thread here has asked for help with baby cot or something (as she was a bit financially tight) and before the thread could run through she was washed down and told the story of her life with the petty business she mentioned she was doing made mockery of. A member of this forum that divorced and left a violent marriage has been mocked about it simply because she shared her pains here. Lots of unpretty things and mockery of people's problem happen in this forum and in this section too. Open your thread and just give it a month  and somebody will come reminding and mocking you of the pains you have shared (Am I saying a month? Some will accost you right on that thread to laugh at you.) 
People bring their problem and get mocked and laughed at and what beats me also is that it's mature married women and men that do that. I have frowned on that attitude in this section and the clique assembled, ranting on and on and insulting me for not being married, just because I once shared "how I love children and wish to have mine".

We should never use the unfortunate circumstances in the life of people to make mockery of them, that should not be happening in this beautiful section. The moderators and site administrators should work against that even if the persons that indulge in that are the presidents of the united states and have the world in their pockets. I don't look the other way when I see stuffs like that happening whoever the person may be and that is why I stood up against that, it doesn't even matter that I was insulted and made mockery of. What mattered to me is that I stood up against that attitude. I am surprised at the way that is always tolerated here and the individuals that do that sometimes even "high-fived" by others here. How can such attitudes be allowed to go on here and we all still come to this kind of thread to talk nicy nicy only to look the other way when people are mocked down in the forum. Hello people? [/size] [/b]

Plenty Nigerians especially the ones living in other countries are going through hard times, I have heard repeatedly that some even commit suicides out there. We should be supportive of such persons. There is now a trend of ladies abroad finding it hard relationship-wise and some men getting too frustrated when they can't meet up with the financial expectations placed on them by pressures from home (and pressures they placed on themselves) because they are not supposed to allow the desire to impress on others trouble them. A young woman approaching 40 has come to nairaland lamenting about having no spouse and she was so insulted that I had to rebuke her mockers in that thread, she had to stop responding to the thread and leave the forum. Tomorrow if such persons depresses and kills themselves, we will all talk nicy nicy-------- my point is that such mockery discourage people from speaking out and sharing their problems.
I was once very touched when I came across a young Nigerian boy who narrated to me what he went thru when he divorced outside Nigeria and had to take care of his tender babyboy alone. It occurred to me how much he needed the support of his fellow Nigerians and others while he was going thru that. We Naijas don't have the frightening cases of murder/suicide whereby a parent kills his spouse and sometimes the children before killing him/herself. It is good that we are a resilient people yet that does not change the fact that people are going through challenges and on not having anybody to talk to gets on their laptop to share with us, it's inhuman to mock, laugh and bring them down just to act up and show people that we are heady and can be bad all by ourself like some take foolish/classless/mgbeke pride in doing here.

@Miss Makky
Nne I advise that you contact Mukina or the family section moderators to see how they can help you set up a thread (that is within the boundary and rules of the site) and can enable you market your pampers in full force. I can see a great opportunity in that for you Baby. Be strong, it's beautiful at the other side of it all----you only have to be patient and get to that side.

^^^^ You are soo right Ivy, I've been both a culprit and a victim and I tell you, it's not a good thing.

I hope we'll all learn to be more sensitive to other people's problems, especially as we've all realized that these problems are real and could lead to the victims committing suicide.

BTW, don't worry sweetheart, I can feel your babies/family on the way . . . . It's gonna come sooner than you think!

@Uju and Ivy

Talking is healing. Hopefully pple will not mock at anyone's misfortune henceforth.
NL should be a place people can open up anon

africans are good at keeping things to themselves for fear of what people would say.
i hope we all find comfort that tomorrow will be a better day and no matter what, joy will come some day.

Ivynwa, I'm touched by ur comment.

Heartfelt. Profound. Hope we can all rediscover that which makes us human.

Thank you Ivy, great point!   In a way, Nairaland is a mirror of the everyday social interaction - some are hillarious, some are comical, some are egotistical, some are emotional supporting, some are confrontational.  In a family setting where a member mocks a serious emotional issue the mischief is not excused, the rest members in the family will chastise such a miscreant; I don't see why that should not be the case in Nairaland.  There is time for everything; mockery and comedy and laughter belong in their own appropriat event, emotional issue demands a certain response and approach that mockery cannot satisfy and so in addition to some limited regulations from the moderators, the other participants should also act to pounce and turn the mockery against the offender.

@Miss Makky
Nne I advise that you contact Mukina or the family section moderators to see how they can help you set up a thread (that is within the boundary and rules of the site) and can enable you market your pampers in full force. I can see a great opportunity in that for you Baby. Be strong, it's beautiful at the other side of it all----you only have to be patient and get to that side.

While I support the effort, and I see that the producers will be interestd in the Nigerian markt, . . . . is there anyway they could use the image of a black baby and name instead of the one there now?  It would be lovely that we produc our own diaprs locally but in the absence of that can we minimize the psychological insult?

DeeMain,

Yes, I can share a whole lot more on this issue. I do not have a link but I can give a keyword to use for online search - 'COSMIC ATTUNEMENT"

I do not want to derail the topic but I can limit the scope to the relevants of the root cause and why the imbalance occur. When you read up on cosmic attunement be careful, capitalism has its hands in it.

I knw its not easy to survive in this country,go to God in prayers when things goes wrong.
God has a purpose for creating you and I, God will see you through. Trust him.
Think twice!!!
Its well with your soul.

comment later

[size=18pt]HELP ME!![/size]

Earlier this year, I was bitterly betrayed by a close pal and colleague of mine. He also put me in a lot of workplace problems and big financial mess. That is how evil he was. I remember how collosal the problem seemed to me and how much I begun contemplating suicide. But I just want to thank God for my fiancee then (my present wife) who supported me through it all. She was the only thing that made sense worth living back then. God bless her.

Many times I contemplated suicide but I just couldn't because I thought about how selfish that would be on her. [B] I also remember sharing the same problem on nairaland and I was mocked by many, but I remember one statement one of the forum users wrote. It was: "every problem has an expiry date". This little statement kept me through it all.[/b]
I remember how he used to saunter around with his head held high as if he didn't have a care in the world, despite putting me I the huge mess. For months, I seethed with rage and tried to device ways in which to pay him back. I remember seeing him one evening drinking beer and relaxing near his house, while my blood pressure was around 170/120 because of constant worrying. [B] One evening, things got to head and I went outside my compound and sat near the gutter/pavement, and in this prostrate position, I told God to vindicate me. I prayed for about 5minutes only but it came from my heart. The very next day, he was caught in the act of stealing company goods (crime he set me up for) and a week later he was fired and I was vindicated.[/b]

Do not underestimate the power of prayers.

I just want to appreciate you guys. If we can all watch out for eachother, I believe we can build a great network that will surpass any.

God bless you guys. I love this thread.

;d i would rather die than commit suicide ;d ;d

big ups to my egbon maclatunji for creating this thread,

The sober mood/comments on this thread alone,is enuff 2 make someone commit suicide. . .

Mactunji,
Thanks a lot for this thread.

To those presently going through one stage of depression or the other, I pray God for the inner strength you need to overcome your situation.

Depression is not an easy thing and it is quite prevalent in Nigeria though often times, people try to shy away from it because of the way we react to one another. I would want to advice that as individuals, we should try to study those around us and try to even go out of our ways when necessary to respond to their situations. We need to be sensitive and try as much as we can not to judge people for their errors although, it is something that seems imbeded in our culture for we are quick to condemn.

@Op thanks for this thread. I am happy to see Nigerians talking openly and honestly about suicide. I know of 2 Nigerian men that committed sucide and both times everyone around them was shocked. I kept asking myself how I could have missed especially a wonderful guy in church who was an active choir member. I knew he had challenges but I never thought things were that bad. It made me realise how you can know people without really knowing what they are going through especially in a country where everyone seems to have their own issues and we are taught to just plaster a smile on our face and tell the world we are doing well no matter what! Please people let's all learn to talk about our problems with our loved ones or seek for professional help when necessary because when we don't it can overtake one's life and make it seem worthless. I truly believe that dialogue is a step in the right direction