To All Men - Romance - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / To All Men (1647 Views)
Orgasm: Reason Most Women Starve Their Spouse, Lesson To All Men / Things All Men Are Guilty Of So Please Ladies, Stop Complaining! / 10 Strange Things All Men Have Done At Least Once (2) (3) (4)
| To All Men by Nobody: 9:03am On Jan 01, 2012 |
Hello NL Gents, I happened across this letter---which has now gone viral---on Huffingtonpost. A rich New York investment manager went out on one date with a lady who later refused to return his calls and voicemails. The man, out of frustration, googled her up, found her email, wrote a semi-diatribe(posted below) and emailed it to her. The lady then posted the email on reddit and now he is a star. Hi Lauren, I'm disappointed in you. I'm disappointed that I haven't gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages. FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can't see someone's body language or tone of voice in an email. I'm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I'm honest and direct by nature, and I'm going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that's how I came across your email. I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you. Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following: -You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I've never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn't look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness. -We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you. -You said, "It was nice to meet you." at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn't interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said--that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive. -We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don't think I'm being delusional in saying this statement. In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It's bad to do that. Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don't go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I'm curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it's difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages). I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don't, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don't want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn't want to go again. Normally, I wouldn't ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential. If you don't want to go again, then apparently you didn't think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It's good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date. If you're not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn't given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I'll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I'm in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn't be seriously involved with a woman if she didn't like classical music. You said that you're planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You're very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn't take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you're 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we're a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I'll stop here. I don't understand why you apparently don't want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn't find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you're unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a "real" job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I've made my parents several millions of dollars. That's real money. That's not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it's a real job. Donald Trump's children work for his company. Do they have "real" jobs? I think so. George Soros's sons help manage their family investments. Do they have "real" jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren't like that. I've never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I've gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I'm not a serial dater. Sometimes, I've only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have. Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it's better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world. I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven't returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I'm open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don't want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I'm sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you. If you're concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don't want to go with me again, well, my feeling are already hurt. I'm sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial. If you don't want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn't act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It's bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you're not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it's not perfect. Again, I'm not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I'm disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at Bleep-Bleep-xxxx> (if it's inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I'll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don't want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc. Best, Mike Source |
| Re: To All Men by InkedNerd(f): 9:31am On Jan 01, 2012 |
In as much as I understand why he feels the way he does, I don't think she owes him an apology or an explanation. Yes, it sucks that she didn't give him a reason for not getting in contact with him after their date but she doesn't owe him anything at the end of it all--it would have been the descent thing to do but not a requirement. In all, he should just move on. If she really has become less appealing like he claims she has become, then he should just chuck it up and look at it as a blessing. He has now seen something about her he doesn't like so he should move on. From what I've gathered from the letter, he sounds like a man who has been scorned. I guess this is something for some men to think about when they lead women on only to leave then with no explanation for their abrupt absence. |
| Re: To All Men by Nobody: 9:36am On Jan 01, 2012 |
too lazy to read, inked nerd may u pls summarize?  |
| Re: To All Men by InkedNerd(f): 9:40am On Jan 01, 2012 |
illitrate: Smh, laziness go kill you  Anyway, a man went on a date with a lady. He thought the date went well but she never called him back nor did she reply to his text messages so he looked her up online, found her e-mail address and wrote her a letter about how sad and disappointed he was in her for not hearing from him and that he would have appreciated it she had just told him she wasn't interested in a second date or seeing him at all. So now he feels that she "owes" him an apology. All in all, he's feeling the same way women feel when men just leave then and never call back. Next time, read the article and stop being lazy. |
| Re: To All Men by Nobody: 9:45am On Jan 01, 2012 |
@ Ink The guy na mumu jor. Correct mumu. Which one come be long tori? You'd think he was writing a thesis on the Art of Stalking. I understand where the guy is coming from, but his approach in handling the situation was sophomoric, and hints at a bit of psychopathy. Maybe he thinks because of his wealth and intelligence, no woman in her right mind would reject him. This is more than coming on too strong. Even we, Naija men, known for our tenacity and stubbornness will never write a novel to tell a lady that she erred in not following the simple rules of engagement. |
| Re: To All Men by InkedNerd(f): 9:53am On Jan 01, 2012 |
omo_to_dun: Mumu is an understatement. Now he just makes himself look like a weirdo. Men like that are the kind that women avoid. His approach was all wrong. Smh, people get hurt all the time so what makes this fool any different? He needs to get over himself. I had a guy who was a little similar to him. The only difference was that the guy didn't ask for an apology--he wanted an explanation. The sad part is that he insisted on having one. The more he insisted on having one the more I wanted nothing to do with him. Men like that are just plain creepy. There's nothing wrong with feeling that there are certain things you deserve relationship-wise but there is something wrong with you throwing around your ego and expecting that those around you will succumb to it. Yes, we all have relationship expectation but this guy took it to a whole new level. |
| Re: To All Men by Nobody: 10:16am On Jan 01, 2012 |
Inked_Nerd:THANKS BUT PLS TRY CUT AM AGAIN SMALL AND USE EASY LANGUAGE, see my username u will understand nobi all those psychopathy |
| Re: To All Men by InkedNerd(f): 10:21am On Jan 01, 2012 |
illitrate: lol clearly from your username, you're not illiterate otherwise you wouldn't have been able to reply or understand the initial responses  |
| Re: To All Men by IbroSaunks(m): 10:50am On Jan 01, 2012 |
@omo_to_dun A thread has already been created for this email: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-820236.0.html He sounded like a lost kitten, but in a way, i still feel sorry for him. I don't understand how it is like to be badly lonely, but i heard it can be really depressing. Reminds me of this thread: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-835019.0.html Even after been scammed, the lady still went to match make with another scammer! |
| Re: To All Men by Nobody: 11:02am On Jan 01, 2012 |
^ Oops. Thanks buddy. I just imagine the poor guy with a gun in one hand and alcohol in another. |
| Re: To All Men by InkedNerd(f): 11:10am On Jan 01, 2012 |
omo_to_dun: For all we know, the mumu may have bodies buried in his backyard. I wouldn't be surprised is he was the guy responsible for all those bodies found in Long Island. |
| Re: To All Men by IbroSaunks(m): 11:22am On Jan 01, 2012 |
Inked_Nerd:ahann, isn't that a little too far? |
| Re: To All Men by InkedNerd(f): 11:31am On Jan 01, 2012 |
IbroSaunks: No, its not! How many women all over the world experience the same thing? C'mon, let's not sit here and baby the guy. Would it have been nice for her to have given him a call or replied to his text message, yes it would but it is not a requirement. She doesn't owe him a damn thing. He needs to lick his wounds and move on. I can only imagine the kind of business he runs with such a mentality. Will he be acting the same way if he lost out on a potential client? Will he write them a lengthy letter and tell them he was sad and disappointed that they didn't do business with him? He needs to be an adult and get over it. Part of being an adult is being able to overcome certain obstacles that life throws at you. If he sits around and sulks, where will that get him? If writing the letter is a way for him to cope then fine but he needs to just move on. There is no reason for him to be sitting around expecting that he will get an apology or explanation for what happened. I don't know where this innate sense of entitlement comes from but he needs to get over himself. |
| Re: To All Men by IbroSaunks(m): 11:46am On Jan 01, 2012 |
Inked_Nerd:This isn't about babying the guy. Obviously he messed up, big time! Perhaps it's just his way of getting over stuff like that. Plenty men feel wounded about stuff like this, it's his approach of telling her about it that's flawed. But that's all it is. Inferring that he's a killer, seems a wee bit exaggerated, in my opinion. |
| Re: To All Men by freecocoa(f): 11:52am On Jan 01, 2012 |
Are you people still talking about that man who needs a shrink? Has he started seeing one? |
| Re: To All Men by InkedNerd(f): 11:59am On Jan 01, 2012 |
IbroSaunks: I didn't say he was a killer, I just said I wouldn't be surprised. All in all, he needs to move on. Most likely, she won't apologize or reply so what's he gonna do--keep righting to her till he gets a response? Will he do this to EVERY woman that doesn't return his call or text messages? Will he write to them as well? She doesn't owe him anything! freecocoa: Who knows, he's probably stalking the same woman |
| Re: To All Men by freecocoa(f): 12:09pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
^ I just hope she has bodyguards,that man is really crazy. |
| Re: To All Men by Nobody: 3:19pm On Jan 01, 2012 |
white men na drama queens  no wonder their women are running to us |
| Re: To All Men by ShyOne(f): 9:23pm On Jan 02, 2012 |
@ Mike STFU - abegggggggggggg |
| Re: To All Men by Mynd44: 5:06am On Jan 03, 2012 |
Diary of a punny starved man |
| Re: To All Men by Onegai(f): 11:18am On Jan 03, 2012 |
Yes, he went overboard, but I understand how this man feels: I've done this to someone and someone just did this to me. I ran crazy, and eventually called him, to ask why he went from calling daily to struggling to reply my mssgs or replying them as if I vexed him in a past life. All for some weird, heartbroken, over the hill, not-even-fine guy, I chopped yap. So guess what? I went to apologise to the guy I did it for, because it's the same mouth I used to encourage him that I should have the courtesy to say "this won't work". He thanked me. So stop disappearing and respect your fellow man/woman, be honest, don't expect them to read your mind, since you don't know how to read others' minds. He's not a stalker, just someone passionate. |
(1) (Reply)
ded / How Do I Breath Without You... / Need An Answer 2dis
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 81 |