Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? - Family - Nairaland
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How My Late Aunt Maturely Dealt With Her Cheating Husband.........ladies LEARN! / Check Out A Post Of How A Wife Dealt With Cheating Husband: cheaters learn / How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. (2) (3) (4)
| Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by hurtlady: 5:22am On Jan 12, 2012 |
I just found out that my husband has been seeing his ex. Right from the start he made it clear he didn't want either of us staying in contact with people we dated before we got married. I complied, only to find out he was doing just that and probably also visiting her secretly. When I confronted him with my findings he lied to my face. This ex girlfriend of his has a child, and they lived together for a while. He swore to me that the child isn't his, but now I am not so sure since I can no longer trust him. This man and his family have hurt me to the point where I am no longer interested in the marriage. The only reason I will not ask for a divorce is because I do not want my child to grow up in a broken home. This is an abridged version of a very long and painful story I'd rather not go into now. (I am willing to share the details privately with anyone who wants to help me find a way to move on and live with this mistake)I need advice from kind nairalanders. How do I proceed with this matter? I also need the help of a counselor I can consult with online cause I am so hurt and shattered right now. Recommendations will be welcome. On the other hand, I do have a bit of advice for unmarried ladies. Try your possible best to know the man you want to marry before you say 'i do'. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't, and in that case you need to run as far as your legs will take you. 1 Like |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Mynd44: 5:41am On Jan 12, 2012 |
Word of truth coming from someone who has probably seen it first hand. But why do people like acting with impunity? Why delibrately hurt the other person? |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by chrishenzo: 8:36am On Jan 12, 2012 |
[b]You must be going through a tough time. Sorry for the pains. There are some few steps you need to take 1.) Tell your husband that you don't believe/trust in him anymore. He should go for test. Tell him what you think about the ex girlfriend's child and tell him that you need a DNA test on the child. If the husband and the girlfriend respect you, they will go for it since they will work together to make sure that the marriage is on healthy condition. 2.) In a case the husband refuses, it is possible to live in the same house with him but limit most of the things you have been doing together with him. Especially the bedroom game. No that you are doing this for the sake of your child since you don't want to divorce. Make sure that you do not change your behaviour or disrespect him. Doing this will give him option to blame/criticize you. 3.) Finally, never never develop a relationship with another man as a way of getting it squared with your husband. Remember two wrongs don't make a right. I wish you the best of luck and hope soon your husband will realize his mistakes and makes a sincere apology to you.[/b] |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by lolaluv1(f): 9:01am On Jan 12, 2012 |
Poster, sorry for your pains. I pray things will get better. Especially since you're staying on in the marriage! |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Mynd44: 9:22am On Jan 12, 2012 |
@OP, you intend to saty in the marriega because you don't want the child to grow up in a broken home? That is a load of bull as big as they come. Have you also thought about the effects of your child growing up in a home which the father are just together by neccessity? I wonder why women inflict such pain on themselves with some flimsy excuse. No wonder the men keep getting away with the crazy stuffs they do 1 Like |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Goldieluks: 9:37am On Jan 12, 2012 |
Call a family meeting and deal with the issue at hand. For there are some problems you cannot deal with all by yourself, but with the help of family members, you 'd be able to scale through. Good luck to you. |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by hurtlady: 9:57am On Jan 12, 2012 |
Thanks everyone for your contribution and advice. have confronted him about the matter and he said I had nothing important to say. @Cherishenzo, I fgind your advice very helpful, and that is exactly what I have to do. Luckily, for me I have my hands full with my career and my child, so I try to keep busy. @Mynd_44, I appreciate your passion and anger, but I have also had the opportunity to see the psychological damage a divorce can inflict on a child. Weighing that against having a child brought up in a home where mom and dad are polite and distant, I think I appreciate the latter. My child needs a father figure in her life. I am just trying to protect her,and if I have to endure the indignities I am subject to then so be it. I am making efforts to move on emotionally, and live happy. |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Nobody: 10:33am On Jan 12, 2012 |
The only grounds for divorce i'll support is infidelity! If there has been se[i]x[/i]ual activity between them after your marriage, then the coast is clear for divorce! The idea of a child growing up in a broken home is one, the idea of growing up in a happy home is another! Staying in that marriage may not put you in the right frame of mind to bring up your son well! You could cause him more emotional damage, because you are no longer interested in the marriage! Will you be happy to see your son growing up in a home where daddy and mommy are not happy with each other? I'm not asking you to divorce him outright, but then, for the greater good! You can achieve a lot if you dialogue with him, but then what's your back up plan if all fails?. . . |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Mynd44: 10:51am On Jan 12, 2012 |
It seems people want to take advice these days. Stay with him. It's your busness. If you think your Daughter is better of seeing her beloved daddy lie and cheat oh her mum na your on |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Idowuogbo(f): 1:19pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Crikey I reckon you see a therapist,I don't understand what message you feel you sending across to that poor gal.Remember she's a gal and she would probably look up to you as a role model when she's older. Answer the below questions 1.Would you advice your daughter if God forbids she happens to fall in the same dilenma as you,to stay and endure a marriage that reeks of infidelity. 2.Would you be happy if she decides to carry on with marriage knowing fully well she's uncomfortable and probably depressed. 3.If she came up with the same reasoning as you, that staying will protect the interest of her kids,would you support her mission or advice odawise. Now I am only asking all this questions because I am shocked at the response "I will stay because my daughter needs a father figure in her life",who says she can't have a father figure if you eventually seperate.Engage your brain properly as your daughter needs to be taught what is right and what is unacceptable.Goodluck reality sucks but we all have to live our lives one way or the other. 1 Like |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Mynd44: 1:25pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
perhaps she will listen to a sister like her(but with her senses intact) |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by MrsChima1(f): 1:43pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Idowuogbo: Excellent questions and post.  Hurtlady, You are following the stigma of being a single mother with child and you would rather hurt your child more by staying in a relationship with a man who clearly doesn't love you nor respect you. There are different levels of love and he has NONE for you. A man that truly loves his wife will certainly go out of his way to assure she is worthy. Trust me. There are plenty of single parents with children from previous relationships that are in healthy relationships with another person who loves them and their children. Do not believe that stigma once you leave a marriage, you are cursed. You are not leaving a marriage because your husband farted on your leg, he CHEATED ON YOU SEXUALLY with another woman defiling your marital bed. AID[b]S/HIV is real and NO ONE IS EXEMPT FROM IT. [/b] It is good that you are seeking counseling, it would be good for you and your child. You need to think about the future and how your daughter will view men. He will always be her daddy and loves him so, but you must use your head and know YOU ARE WORTHY OF A MAN THAT will love you and show your daughter, A TRUE MAN. Don't rob your daughter of what she should become, A SMART, VIBRANT, HEALTHY, SPIRITUALLY GROUNDED, and PROSPEROUS woman. Be strong and appreciate your WOMAN'S WORTH. 1 Like |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Mynd44: 2:06pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Mrs Chima!!!! Please you are a woman help me tell her oooo cos it seems she does not want to listen to reasoning |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by accusedman: 2:36pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
It's so easy for people to make judgements based on one side of the story. i'm not going to make a case for myself here because i'm not guilty. My wife knows that i don't like addressing issues when i'm angry but has decided to respond in the heat of anger. She knows all my ex girlfriends, she has passwords to all my emails, facebook, ATM. i have kept no secrets from her. I HAVE NEVER and will NEVER cheat on my wife. We men sometimes lie based on certain reasons. sometimes it is because we dont want to hurt the other party. My wife claims that we agreed not to keep correspondence with our ex but did do just that until recently. All i can say is the devil is at work. people want 2 see our marriage crash but i will work harder at keeping it than when we were going to get married. she is overreacting. All my exes know i'm married and a no go area. when she calms down and gets over her emotion it will all be sorted. finally, before i got married i never cheated how much more, now that i'm married. |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by MrsChima1(f): 2:52pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
People love making judgement?  She came online and expressed her concerns about her marriage and asked for advices, honest or not. As I reviewed some of the comments, none of them spoke ill about the man, but offered her encouragement to think for HER CHILD. The child should be the focus at this point and doing what best for the child is imperative NOW. The parents will have to deal with the issue on their own, but the CHILD SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SUFFER. Even if we heard the man's story, what can he say justifies CHEATING? Even if she smacks him, took his money, talked about his ashy foot, and burnt his jollef rice STILL DOES NOT excuse THE FACT THAT HE CHEATED. Even if he didn't cheat, he did something so horrible that she felt her world turned upside down. Common sense is definitely UNDERrated. |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Idowuogbo(f): 2:59pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
LMAO @ accusedman and hurtlady u both need drips(oh boi see usernames sef).Kolo adults u guys had better stop wasting time online, u seriously need to book a session on Dr Phil's show clowns. @chima Dear u dey waste advice o,dey both have serious issues.How immature is d husband coming online to explain bullshitttt, wen he can easily use the same effort to make a change for the better anofia. 1 Like |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Nobody: 3:06pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
accusedman: good guy. go and work on your marriage jare. Your wife and daughter need you. Mrs, Chima: and what is best for the child is to be punted from parent to parent every other weekend like a football? What is best for the child is to spend the rest of her growing years getting used to one uncle and aunty or the other sharing mommy and daddy's bedrooms? What is best for the child is to carry the cross for daddy and mommy's irresponsible behaviour? This silly idea of single parenthood now gaining momentum is what will destroy the new generation. 1 Like |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Mynd44: 3:08pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
I am begining to think both hurtlady and Accusedman are the same person |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by MrsChima1(f): 3:27pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
davidylan: Sighs. Your issues with single parents and parenting isn't my issue however, believe it or not THERE ARE OVER THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN living in two households and are flourishing better than some two-parents households. BOOYAH!  The secret? The quality of parenting.  All the killers, robbers, rapists, thieves, pimps, and liars are byproduct of SINGLE PARENTING? I will not advise a woman who is clearly HURTING and UNHAPPY with her husband's cheating ways and is willing to stay in a house where there is pain and distrust AND YOU WANT ME TO ADVISE THE WOMAN TO SUBJECT HER DAUGHTER IN THAT BULLSHIT? Let see what you will say when YOUR OWN DAUGHTER if you got any, come to you in tears and agony. "It is better to be a fool than a football" circa 2033 |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Mynd44: 3:38pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
. |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Basildon1(m): 3:53pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Being angry about him about seeing her is different from being angry that he is cheating. While both can be linked, there is always that chance that they are not. Serious thinking required before throwing in the towel. |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Nobody: 4:01pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
hurtlady: accusedman: Story land again? |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by ronkebp(f): 4:33pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
@Hurtlady, your husband ''accusedman'' has answered you, go home and sort out your differences. |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Nobody: 5:45pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
I suspect this tale is made-up. Anyhow, I'm really alarmed at the quality of advice I am reading on Nairaland these days. Seems any kind of problem between husband and wife now automatically qualify for the divorce option. Sighs. What happened to patience; what happened to dialogue and finding a way out of the mess. Unless some will tell me they are no longer human, and have, by some magic turned to Angels which thus ensures they no longer able to hurt another human. Is it possible for husband and wife to have issues, and not be able to mend fences in future? If I can say correctly, many of us grew up in such homes and under similar conditions of daddy having, not just mummy as wife, but countless concubines. This has not killed us o. In fact, many of us learnt our lessons well from some of these situations. Not that I'm condoning such in anyway. Bottom line, enough of chants of divorce, divorce, divorce!! I think a lot of people who come online to advise have probably never been married Or never experienced some levels of difficuties, yet think themselves as being qualified to advice on them Or are just on a jolly band-wagon ride to make their voices heard in marriage matters that have no bearing whatsoever to their true life experience! @ Op, if your story is true, which I don't believe it is anyway, please go back to your husband, and stop seeking advice from faceless people who probably don't give a damn about you! Or better still, find a counselor. |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by dayokanu(m): 6:50pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
See valuable bedroom time being wasted typing parables. OP, You and your husband should have clarified the father of your husband ex before now. You still need to do that to avoid unnecesary surprises in future |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Nobody: 9:26pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Unique!: [b]Thank you for your observation. This Original poster,opened the thread on the romance section initially,hence the advise she was receiving,before the mods decided to move the thread to the family section,however this is not to exonerate posters in the family section,where now a days the slightest misunderstanding between a husband and wife is greeted with advise of DIVORCE. Infact there is a female poster who specialises in coming on line to regale us with stories of her divorce, she comes on line to glamorise divorce,and advise impressionable young ladies to leave their husbands at the slightest chance-the funny thing is that NOBODY is in a perfect marriage-NOBODY! The fact that divorce worked for Mrs A does not mean it will work for Mrs B. People should learn to work things out as husband and wife instead of coming on line to seek advise from a bunch of faceless individuals who are not by any means in a better marriage than the person seeking advise. OP,a word is enough for the wise. Get over your anger and go home and make peace with your husband. If your story is true![/b] |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Nobody: 9:41pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Richvkunt: Dont mind them. These days it is more expensive to get a divorce than it is to manage your marriage. |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by dayokanu(m): 9:46pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Richy, Are you Yoruba? |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Nobody: 9:52pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
^^^ My brother I understand you perfectly. By the way what happened to your Yoruba proverb? Was it censored by the mods or by you? |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by dayokanu(m): 10:05pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Took it out before I am banned for using a language other than Yinglish |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by Nobody: 10:06pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Can they do that? There are people on this forum passing out all kinds of insults and they would ban you for using vernacular? The mind boggles! |
| Re: Lying, Cheating Husband And A Sham Of A Marriage. Where Do I Go From Here? by dayokanu(m): 10:13pm On Jan 12, 2012 |
Due to my exploits in the Politics section([size=4pt]including tribalism[/size]) I have been banned previously for various reasons, Bypassing the word filter, making fun of the dead, posting scary pictures, any excuse in the book. Moreover Seun suspects that I am sleeping with his baby momma  |
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