I wrote this note just to unwind. Sometime in November 2011, I attended a Transformation Summit for young minds with the theme 'Dare to Aspire' somewhere around Alausa, Ikeja. I had scheduled an alarm for that event some weeks back but forgot to include the time it would begin. So I just showed up and discovered I was 45mins early. So instead of wasting my time listening to the loud music blaring in the hall I decided to while away time by writing a funny note. That was how this note came into being. So I just wrote this note to unwind. There are a lot of gifted people who have studied deeply into this area. I am not one of them. When it comes to issues about boy-girl, I am a novice. So please take this as my personal opinion. In fact take it as a joke.

Okay, the air has been cleared. The question is ‘What do I want in a woman?’ This is one question that has been debated over and over. And there have been different answers. Beauty Vs Brains, Character Vs Cooking skills, etc. Some even quantify it in percentage now. My friend Kessena was telling a woman that he was looking for something around 70%, whatever that means, and the woman screamed that 70% was asking for too much. That if he got 45% that’s good enough. This is where the Urhobo man exclaims ‘Oghene me biko!’ 45% of what? Beauty or brains, or character, or cooking skills? As for me, the answer to the question “What do I want in a woman?’ is a one word answer. Everything! Everything? Yes, everything. Was it not a question? So why does my answer disturb you? I want everything a woman can offer. Not just can offer but everything a woman is supposed to offer. From Beauty to Brains to Character to Cooking skills. Everything. Now which of them do you want me to strike out? Sweetheart I want everything because you were designed to give everything. So don’t tell me I am asking for too much. If you offer less you don’t just shortchange me you also shortchange yourself.

Balance! That’s the word in vogue now. You write anything and someone pops up his head and says there has to be a balance. And he then points out why your note was not balanced. But he that had the balanced one did not write anything. After someone else has taken the time and effort to write something, he now wants to create the balance. Nevertheless, before one of such people comes in to balance this note for me let me balance it now. I know this is the 21st Century and people say it is now impossible to get everything. I say they are wrong. I want everything because I need everything. And I will have everything. The only balance is that I may not get all four at 100% each but if you think I am going to go down on one knee and pop the question ‘Will you marry me?’ when you have never cooked a meal for me before, then think again. Three decades ago I could have done that because three decades ago I would be coming to visit you in your parents’ home. But this is more or less 2012, sweetheart; you will not come into my house as a wife when I don’t know whether you can prepare a good egusi soup.

It does not matter whether you have all the right curves in the right places, wear tight jeans to make it even more tempting, work in a good company, earning a six figure salary, blast in tongues so much that hell knows someone is praying, speak impeccable English. If I cannot ascertain that you can cook, sweetheart, you belong to someone else. Why? Because this is an age where a lady can live off Indomie, Fried rice, Chicken and chips, and Sharwama for a whole year and you wouldn’t know. So I have to be sure that you can prepare something else besides fried rice. So if you are a 10 in Beauty, Brain, and Character but a 2 in Cooking then you have to try the next door. I am not saying you must be a 10 in all the areas but somewhere between 7 and 7.5 in all the areas will not be asking for too much now, will it? After all you came out with a First Class Degree in the university and you did over thirty courses. So these four courses should be a walk-over for you.

There are those who say she can learn how to cook after I marry her. Come on! Man, do you really believe that? This is planet earth, not mars. A lady who at the ages of 15 to 21 could not cook now gets married at 27 or 28 or maybe even 32 and you want her to learn how to cook in my house? Please tell that to the birds. In the same way if she’s good in cooking, has good character, has the best brain but is not a beauty to behold, at least in my sight, then she’s not for me. If what I see physically is not tempting enough for me then we have an issue. I want to wake up in the middle of the night, look at the babe lying beside me and say to myself ‘O boy you try.’

In the light of the aforementioned examples there is really nothing I can strike out, sorry. I’d really love to so the window can be a bit wider than it is, but after looking at it up, down, left, right, front, back, I realize I am going to be with you for the rest of my life. And I don’t think I want to gamble with that sort of thing. Is there a perfect woman? No. But is there a woman with all these qualities to a good degree? O yes, there are. In fact there are loads of them. The problem is some of us guys are looking for a woman that is a 10 in beauty and don’t even bother to rate the other qualities because it seems irrelevant for now. But the truth is we are not getting married for today. We are getting married for tomorrow. And tomorrow all the other qualities will become even more relevant than the beauty. So, I’ll rather answer tomorrow’s questions today than wait till tomorrow.

Finally, does this guarantee success? No. The bible says ‘a prudent wife is from the Lord’, Prov 19:14. But He gives a good wife to the man who is seeking for one. Otherwise He wouldn't have said 'Seek and you shall find.' He won’t just throw a good wife at anybody. So the wisest man said ‘a virtuous woman who can find?’ Prov 31:10. She has to be found. And I will find her because she exists.

‘I will do to you just what you have asked. I, the Lord, have spoken’ –Numbers 14:28.

Please like I said at the beginning, I wrote this note just to while away time. Nothing serious.

Mute Efe
+234(0)803-874-9796

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My dear brother,its nice writing something because I read your piece for abt 5 precious mins. Weldone, good grammar,error free(not too sure but ok for me)

I have one advice for you,there is no such woman you are looking for in real life. You will see a very beautiful lady but when you look closely,there will always be a fault somewhere.

Her family,background,education,tone of her voice,cooking,dress sense,body odour,wrinkled face,empty brains etc

What I even notice is that fine girls no dey sabi book. Very few you will come across that are brilliant cos they spend most of their precious times looking at the mirror,saloon,pedicure,manicure,reading fashion magazine, gossips etc.

And you as a person, you sound as if you are Mr Nigeria. Make yourself everything(all the qualities) and ladies will key into your lifestyles. I love good food too but am a good cook,so my woman will go xtra mile so as to make her own better. Get it?

Don't you see that couples do look like brother and sister with time! There is no perfect person,we all are just trying to make things work!

Okay O. Let us know when you find her.

Wow! 225 reads, only 2 comments. Nairalanders are sure a hard bunch of people, lol.