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My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do - Family - Nairaland

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My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by charcon: 11:36pm On Jan 20, 2012
my husband has a secret life and i no longer trust him, what do i do? we have being living together since 8yrs we have four kids, he is a good husband carering , he love his kids , but since 3yrs now he has change competely,he now tell big lies hiding his cell phone , reciving secret calls , he always talk secret, and he always accuse me of cheating on him,the most thing is he always beat me almost every week, even now iam afrid of him, the kids ar not happy, he even hid money from me, he want me to take responsibility of the family, i have being do that, but this year 2012 ahah i have to be wise, i no he have big secret,in mind but i dont no his nixt plans, plz tell me what to do iam afrid ,of him becus of the kids i have be enduring thanks
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 11:49pm On Jan 20, 2012
Do you have a family member you can talk to? Have your kids seen him hit you before? If yea, can you remove yourself temporarily first from that environment?
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by ronkebp(f): 11:52pm On Jan 20, 2012
Charcon, is it not better you find out the secret thing your hubby is into, before you start accusing him.? I think when you have that so called ''secret thing'' he is doing, then your fighting him would be justified.

Now the everyweek beating is another story entirely.
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by memyselfandI: 11:55pm On Jan 20, 2012
Take heart dear. Why not try to lavish him wit gestures of love and pretend not 2 notice his shortcomings and see if he wud change 4d better.
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by ronkebp(f): 11:57pm On Jan 20, 2012
^^^^^ And you think is easy to lavish one with love, when that person is hurt? or having a feeling of disgust for the partner?
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Arkhin(m): 12:01am On Jan 21, 2012
The only secret thing is that he's seeing other ladies or so, well i'll advise you don't abuse him again incase you do that already. Overlook his inadequacies and treat him with much love, he will feel guilty and may come back to his senses.
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 12:31am On Jan 21, 2012
^^^ what an advise. Someone hits his wife every week and this is the best you can come up with?

Poster please answer my questions

Your life is very important. If he kills you, you won't be here to take care of your kids. Remove yourself from that environment temporarily and decide on what you wanno do. That environment is not conducive for your kids and yourself.

And please drop that excuse of Staying for your kids, hasn't someone told you I hate that line?
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by ThiefOfHearts(f): 12:36am On Jan 21, 2012
This board is so phucked up. Boko Harem should bomb Nairaland angry

someone is being beaten and what these DAFT bastids have to say is "lavish him with love"

Who are these bloody fools on this board these days

Kai I give up.

Jenny I wish you luck.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 12:40am On Jan 21, 2012
^^^tell me about it. Lavish a man with love, a man that beats you everyday, does not feed his family not because he cannot afford to, but because he chose not to. Is it not when a man takes care of his family that the woman will over lavish him with love? it does not matter who the breadwinner is, as long as he is trying to be a man in his own little way, that's all we are asking for.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by HISchild: 1:07am On Jan 21, 2012
@op, i know you're hurt, but try to work it out, watching and praying all the while, because only GOD can touch his heart. Let him know how you feel, how hurt you are, and let him know that there are consequences to his actions, both physical and spiritual before GOD.

----
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." - Matt 19:6
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by charcon: 1:29am On Jan 21, 2012
jenny i have talk to his mother many times, my dear no change, my daughter and my son saw him many times, they were cring, so he promised them he will not beat me again
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 1:34am On Jan 21, 2012
^^do you want an advise on what to do?
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by charcon: 1:39am On Jan 21, 2012
jenny i want advise , becus of my kids l fill for them
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 1:44am On Jan 21, 2012
Take yourself away from that environment temporarily. Your kids deserve better. You not doing anything about it is not helping your daughter or your son. Your daughter is going to grow up thinking its okay to be beaten by her husband, your son will grow up thinking that it's okay for him to beat up women. Do you work?
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 1:46am On Jan 21, 2012
Where is debrief when you need her?
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Outstrip(f): 2:35am On Jan 21, 2012
Charcon you are not helping your kids by letting them watch their father assault you. The only thing you are doing is potentially carrying that behavior into another generation. I don't know why you are searching for a secret. you already know. The man is obviously cheating and he constantly accuses you of cheating. He has hidden money. he beats you. What else is left to do. I know people always say talk to a family member. I am not a big fan of talk to family member or pastor but I know the atmosphere in Nigeria is very different. If he hides money and it is a significant amount of money then it is possible that he even has a separate family outside of the marriage. By the time a man gets to the point that he beating his wife then he does not have those husbandly feelings towards you eg protect you and cherish you, love your kids and make them feel safe. That is what a husband does. What are you teaching your children. Pray to God but row to the shore. Simple and short
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by ThiefOfHearts(f): 3:14am On Jan 21, 2012
charcon

From now on ONLY listen to Outstrip and jenny. and if debrief replies, you can add her to the list

IGNORE EVERYONE ELSE.
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by SisiKill1: 5:14am On Jan 21, 2012
ThiefOfHearts:

This board is so phucked up. Boko Harem should bomb Nairaland  angry

someone is being beaten and what these DAFT bastids have to say is "lavish him with love"

Who are these bloody fools on this board these days

Kai I give up.

Jenny I wish you luck.
Did you notice how conspicuously absent the "LOVER SHOWERERS" were in Tonak's My marriage has collapsed thread? Even the top Divorce is not an option championer did not make an appearance. Tonak only heard his wife telling her sister she's in love with someone else and they were ready to burn her at the stake. Meanwhile this one is getting her head bashed in day and night. . .in the presence of her hungry kids and what is their response? Shower him with love. Smh

On the other hand, there only so far we go blaming these potential wife killers aka Shower him with love advice givers. . . At some point, women are gonna have to wake up and stop seeing themselves through the eyes of a man.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 6:11am On Jan 21, 2012
Sisi

I read replies on this forum and sometimes I shake my head. A woman gets beaten, cheated on, sex starved and these men come on here and tell her to :buy sexy lingerie, seduce him , pray for him, show him love e.tc but when a man comes on here to complain about his wife, he gets told to chase her out of the house, divorce her, take the kids from her e.t.c

May God punish them all

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by ThiefOfHearts(f): 6:48am On Jan 21, 2012
Amen jare
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 10:02am On Jan 21, 2012
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by ifyalways(f): 10:30am On Jan 21, 2012
@OP,Are u saying you've been taking care of the family and enduring his beatings for 3 years?
Are you a Non-Nigerian and is your marriage a legal/formal one?
Since he started acting secretive,have u ever confronted him,ask him up front ?

If he's violent as u said,your first duty(u owe urself and kids) is to remove urself and kids from the enviroment.Quit moaning NOW,get up and move out first.(family,a trusted friend or if u can afford it, an apartemt somewhere safe)

When you are safely out and depending on the type of marriage u had,then its time to talk.You can either involve families or lawyers.Not necessarily to discuss divorce but to discuss on the kids welfare and upkeep,way forward(to be together again with strict rules or to part peacefully) etc

Goodluck
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by memyselfandI: 10:45am On Jan 21, 2012
@ThiefOFHeart, i dont really blame ur myopic point of view! Just becuz u cant find a man 2call ur own u want a sister's marriage 2go down d drain! Whoever said tins cant better btw them? Dont u fink their marriage can still be salvaged? Well, i wudnt blame ur type becuz u go about telling wives to leave their hubby so u can 'thief their hearts'
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 12:00pm On Jan 21, 2012
I agree with Madam CC, she has to be ready to want to hear the truth, plus if she answered d questions posted by CC den we can ve a clearer solution. The most important thing is what d poster wants, it could be dat she is just here to get sympathy and eyaaahhh, men re wicked pray and fast or it could be dat she really wants to get a workable solution it all depends on her. I will not comment or advice till she responds before she turns around to insult me dis wonderful saturday morning.
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by harakiri(m): 12:17pm On Jan 21, 2012
charcon:

my husband has a secret life and i no longer trust him, what do i do? we have being living together since 8yrs we have four kids, he is a good husband carering , he love his kids , but since 3yrs now he has change competely,he now tell big lies hiding his cell phone , reciving secret calls , he always talk secret,  and he always accuse me of cheating on him,the most thing is he always beat me almost every week, even now iam afrid of him, the kids ar not happy, he even hid money from me, he want me to take responsibility of the family, i have being do that, but this year 2012 ahah i have to be wise, i no he have big secret,in mind but i dont no his nixt plans, plz tell me what to do iam afrid ,of him becus of the kids i have be enduring thanks

Knowing women VERY VERY VERY well, something tells me (99.9% sure) that all you've posted here is a pack of bloody a$$ lies! ! ! I'm pretty sure you can't repeat this same fairy tale in the presence of someone who knows everything about you and your husband. It's only a dunce or immature teenager that will swallow all this without thinking twice.
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 12:19pm On Jan 21, 2012
Charcon darling, I am sure by now you must know the reason why TOH told you to take only a few peeps here seriously.

Please ignore some comments here and focus on your problem right now, you do not need to prove, reply them or defend yourself right now, there will be time for that. Truss me wink
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 2:22pm On Jan 21, 2012
I hope Tonak is reading this and learning from the men how to fight for his family.
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 2:49pm On Jan 21, 2012
^^lol grin grin
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by ronkebp(f): 3:48pm On Jan 21, 2012
I don't understand ''the big, big secret'' her hubby is hiding, Abi he is into 419 or armed robbery ni? because if it is infidelity, the woman would have known by now that her hubby has been cheating on her. Anyways, if he is beating you weekly like you said, you really don't need anybody to tell you to pack and leave with your children.
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by Nobody: 4:56pm On Jan 21, 2012
Sisi_Kill:

Did you notice how conspicuously absent the "LOVER SHOWERERS" were in Tonak's My marriage has collapsed thread? Even the top Divorce is not an option championer did not make an appearance. Tonak only heard his wife telling her sister she's in love with someone else and they were ready to burn her at the stake. Meanwhile this one is getting her head bashed in day and night. . .in the presence of her hungry kids and what is their response? Shower him with love. Smh

On the other hand, there only so far we go blaming these potential wife killers aka Shower him with love advice givers. . . At some point, women are gonna have to wake up and stop seeing themselves through the eyes of a man.


Unlike you I actually have a job and I am not on this forum 24/7.
I stumbled upon this because today is saturday and I am less busy.
I would have given my reply but I think harakiri has done a very good job.



harakiri:

Knowing women VERY VERY VERY well, something tells me (99.9% sure) that all you've posted here is a pack of bloody a$$ lies! ! ! I'm pretty sure you can't repeat this same fairy tale in the presence of someone who knows everything about you and your husband. It's only a dunce or immature teenager that will swallow all this without thinking twice.


NUFF SAID!
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by debosky(m): 5:04pm On Jan 21, 2012
Sisi_Kill:

Did you notice how conspicuously absent the "LOVER SHOWERERS" were in Tonak's My marriage has collapsed thread? Even the top Divorce is not an option championer did not make an appearance. Tonak only heard his wife telling her sister she's in love with someone else and they were ready to burn her at the stake. Meanwhile this one is getting her head bashed in day and night. . .in the presence of her hungry kids and what is their response? Shower him with love. Smh

On the other hand, there only so far we go blaming these potential wife killers aka Shower him with love advice givers. . . At some point, women are gonna have to wake up and stop seeing themselves through the eyes of a man.


They are simply reflecting the commonly held Nigerian mind set - if a woman is dissatisfied in a marriage, she should 'pray and shower love' on her husband. If a man is dissatisfied, he can leave. Underneath these responses lies the notion that men can find new wives but divorced women will struggle. Only men have the reserved right to decide when a marriage continues or is terminated.
Re: My Husband Has A Secret Life And I No Longer Trust Him, Help Me Plz What Do I Do by ronkebp(f): 5:12pm On Jan 21, 2012
debosky:


They are simply reflecting the commonly held Nigerian mind set - if a woman is dissatisfied in a marriage, she should 'pray and shower love' on her husband. If a man is dissatisfied, he can leave. Underneath these responses lies the notion that men can find new wives but divorced women will struggle. Only men have the reserved right to decide when a marriage continues or is terminated.

OK!!!!! SIT DOWN THERE LET ''PANT BE WEARING YOU''.

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