This is the family Forum, right peops Doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is right Well, I thought I would share a few thoughts about my first relationship with a woman, my mother,

Let me begin by saying that I've reconciled, to some extent, a great deal of the things I found frustrating about our relationship, my mother and I, but some anger and resentment still remain, In fact, they may contribute mightily to an issue I've had with my anger for a very long time even though i don't display it publicly, But when I say I have reconciled our relationship, I mean, I long ago stopped blaming her about stuff she could not change about herself, Subsequent revelations about her own childhood have further reinforced for me that I made the right decision in not harassing her about her basic personality,

Firstly, my mother and I have such different personalities, and yet we are one and the same, She was a sunny western belle, with a very sweet disposition, though not very affectionate, particularly with us boys. We got our affection from our dad, and fellow siblings, Additional affection came from my SHEROE for life, my Grand Mother, even though dad late in the 90s but i still miss the teasing part from him!!! LOL,

So as the second born in the family, I got it from everyone except the "girl" who was most important in my life. To compound that, my mother was very dedicated to church, (Smile). She baked sweet potato pies, fried chicken and potato salad on a Saturday afternoon into night, to take to the church on Sunday morning. That is when i always love going to church with her even though dad was a Muslim, Meanwhile, in an economically poor family of 6(2 parents, 4 children)her outlays to the church meant we had to ration that food, and so on them saturday nights in the mid-1980's, my siblings and I were reduced to licking those sweet potato bowls, and promises of eating hearty the next day in church, (smile!)

This is only a sampling of what I resented for so long about my mother, but could never put into words. Later on, my brother, who took a different tack in confronting her on these things than I did, had lots of discussions about these events in our childhoods. Those discussions, and his frequent tantrums directed at mom, helped to clarify some stuff for me, though my anger was addressed in the boarding school, or at basketball game, where I was 24/7 ornery, What was clear to me at that time was, my mother was in her late 20s years when I was born in the early 80's, By the time I came of age, she was well into her late 40's and early 50's, Even as a teenager I since she was far too fragile to subject to a lot of emotional anger piled on top of emotional mayhem,

Cutting to the end of this piece, my brother and I recently came upon some information about our mother that explained a lot to us about her lack of affection, It is not exactly fare for this discussion board, nor for folks whom I neither know nor trust very much, but I thought I would share it, because I know that there are a lot of sisters whose experiences are similar to my mother's experience, It is a very complex thing, and something that has continually touched my life, I've heard it said that men marry women who're a lot like their mothers, and I was no different. Needless to say, I still deal with these things, from the women I associate with, to observing what goes on with parents and their children. My brother and I long ago determined from our personal experiences that the greatest thing a parent can give to a child is not a new car, nor even a college education, but hugs of love and emotional support. It makes the child feel loved, It makes them feel protected, It makes them feel SECURE, Were this act practiced more in our society, I am convinced that every negative stat we know of among children would markedly decrease over night,

Peace Out!!!

It seems you just wanted someone to listen to you. Goodluck as you keep working on yourself and your relationship with mom

deal-ordea,
one of the major roles of a parent is listening to what they did wrong and what they could have done better from their kids.
That being said you are absolutely right.
My parents were always rendering help outside but we felt they had so little left for us. i remember once my dad went as father christmas to share gifts to a widows children. He had never done that for us. Well later I came to realise he fancied the woman
Today I find my kids and husband complaining about me. Father christmas, Welfare office etc. They do not like the idea that I invest so much time money and funds outside but they have gotten used to it and i tell them that it is showing gratitude to God for his blessings.
Parents need to show their children love, attention and make them feel they are the best. They need to learn how to say sorry. The sins of omission are sometimes the most terrible once.
I try to watch out but being human one keeps making mistakes. Sometimes we need to learn how to communicate what we feel to the children. Every now and them I call one kid or the other and tell then how proud we are of them and how much we love them. Yesterday I hugged my seven year old daughter and told her how much I loved her and how proud I was of her and how grateful that she was such a darling. Then I asked her if i deserved to have such a wonderful child. She looked at me , shocked and confused. I asked her again if I was a good enough mother to her or if she wished she had another mother. She just nodded but for the first time too I got her thinking that parents do no have ownership over their kids but that they are given to us in custody and we have to deserve this role.
The best way to heal is to do it better with your kids.

Was it in nigeria that your mum was baking sweet potato pie, fried chicken and potato salad, or did you copy and paste someone else's story.

@tpia!! Your mama no prepare am for you when you small??

@deal_ordea, if u aren't married, try to marry someone who's the opposite of ur mother. Someone that is loving and can display it.

It is not always that men marry someone like their mother, especially when they're mature enough to know desirable or otherwise qualities they would want in a partner.

You copy the good from ur parents, and discard the negatives u observed in their marriage u'd rather not have in yours.

The story line is too long. Who can summarize it??

The op is grandiose.

He feels his threads and posts are important.