There is this lady that i was sure should be my wife. I tried all i could to get her attention. Travelled to her school several times and almost had an accident in one of the occasions.

She gave me the attention for a few months, but suddenly she refused me and was totally with another guy i know so well.

I spoke to the guy (man to man talk) and explained everything that has been happening, but he didn't reason with me and continued with the lady.

I tried everything possible to make her look my way, but to no avail.

Now, she appeared at my office yesterday with her senior sister pleading that she want to comeback and make amends for her mistakes and that its over between her and the guy.

I'm still single, but it's four years later, i've forgotten her, should i still consider her?

I don't know the extent of their relationship if there was sexual intercourse or not! I'm really angry but confused too.

What should I do?  

Positive comments pls, I very very worried!

thanks!

Be right back

@OP
it doesnt matter if they were intimate or not, she didnt view you as NUMBER ONE back then, and therefore there is no reason why you should consider this ungrateful woman. . . . . . . . unless you want to always finish last in your life?

what she is clearly telling you is that:"i didnt care about you before, but now that i am single again (and probably lonely), i will give you a shot", kai!!!!!

she doesnt deserve you!

The ball is in your court  ,can you accept her back,do you still like her or feel anything for her.are you presently in a r/ship .choose your choice. But excuse me ,are you really from pluto because your thread is kind of off.

What ball? The girl has lived her life in a messed up way and she is looking for someone to dump her used backside on. Guy don't even think about taking her back

^^the OP even says that he is not sure if they were intimate. . . . . . . . . .  FOR FOUR YRS?! bwaaaaah!!!!
that gal has been flipped like a pancake!

dude try not to be a substitute, i knw its hard when u really care abt the person. been there.

IZUKWU:

The ball is in your court  ,can you accept her back,do you still like her or feel anything for her.are you presently in a r/ship .choose your choice. But excuse me ,are you really from pluto because your thread is kind of off.

MRbrownJAY:

^^the OP even says that he is not sure if they were intimate. . . . . . . . . .  FOR FOUR YRS?! bwaaaaah!!!!
that gal has been flipped like a pancake!

Mynd_44:

What ball? The girl has lived her life in a messed up way and she is looking for someone to dump her used backside on. Guy don't even think about taking her back

tnx guys, i understand ur point, but, i was sure she should be my wife! and dat's why i'm confused whether to take her back or not!  

Don't pay her any mind!!!

martyns303:

dude try not to be a sunstitute, i knw its hard when u really care abt the person. been there.

tnx martyns,

there's no other person at the moment, i'm still single, maybe that's d problem. . .  .  

merge:

Don't pay her no mind!!!

merge, u mean is shouldn't consider her?!

otooro:

tnx martyns,

there's no other person at the moment, i'm still single, maybe that's d problem. . .  .  


merge, u mean is shouldn't consider her?!

It took her four years to figure she wants to be with you. It seems like she does not have options so she is coming.

otooro:

tnx guys, i understand ur point, but, i was sure she should be my wife! and dat's why i'm confused whether to take her back or not!  

Guy this is classic. She wants to dump her used self on you and you are falling for it

Used or not is not the point. Many people are used lol. In fact most men are used.


The point here is she did not appreciate you before when she thought she had options. It took four years. She feels you will take her regardless.

It seems like she was chasing a bad man and realized he don't care for her.

@op, it really must have been a long wait out there, in the cold most probably, and as second best or worst, with so much unaccounted for. There is a life out there to live and with persons that could-and should long have had with, you on a pedestal and with gracious esteem-just quit muring and find better company.

merge:

It took her four years to figure she wants to be with you. It seems like she does not have options so she is coming.

Mynd_44:

Guy this is classic. She wants to dump her used self on you and you are falling for it

i felt that way too and was very angry at her sudden re-appearance. . . . . but its hurting me!

she prolly jst realised u d only one, i know its hard 2 let go wen u in love, all d advice dese guys v given u, i know so well u wldnt even consider it one bit, u sure want er back, ur choice man

a little hint is that i wasn't very comfortable financial but things have improved now!!!!

could this be the reason?!

she told she's been trying to get my number and contact me before she finally got it from a friend of mine!

could it be true?!

Go for a good woman. Is she good? It takes a good man and good woman to make a marriage work. Never take chances in marriage. You must be sure.

^^^ tnx merge! i'm still thinking!

You are better remaining single than being with her.
For one, you will never be number 1 with her? What if the other guy decides to come back, whats to stop her from leaving you for her as before?
She is back begging cos she believes you are weak enough to take her back.

PS you better believe the guy screwed her se[i]x[/i]ually during those 4 years. To believe anything else will be a felony.

^^^ tnx for the comment!

since didn't get any other person during the period she was away, could that mean

there's hope?! just curious

It happens, she suddenly feels that you are now important after them don show her say she useless.
@OP, lets see, so all these 4 yrs u ave not found any girl to date or u ave been dumping them? or u ave been praying hard for this babe to come back to you?

Ah well, i have done something as crazy as that in the past, but i guess i have learnt my lesson now.

@ OP. She don't worth your attention anymore! This is not a  Nollywood movie, it seems lyk u watch it a lot. On a serious note, hw old is she?? If she's above 29, hmmm watch your back o

@*dhtml,

during the period, i can say i did not have any other girl for a serious relationship!

i just kept my cool and prayed for someone! not expecting this one to comeback ever!!!!!!

that's d problem!!!  

@ch@nges,

she's about mid twenties

Take her back if you still want her. With her experience she may have come out a better person and appreciate you more than she did before. Life is not always painted in black and white there are shades of grey in btwn just cos she was with the wrong man for sometime does not mean you both should lose out on something that may be beautiful.

You don't have to propose to her immediately you can get to know her better over a period of time and then make a sound decision. Desist from always looking at women as used or not because they had previous relationships if you want to think along those lines then most men and women should remain single for life as they have had previous rships. Keep an open mind, use your head and stop judging her. Also be sure you can be tolerant of her past mistakes if you cant free her.

tnx andromida,

that sounds good to me. . . but age is not on my side, i've little time to think too. . .

Decide what you wanna do. It works 2 ways. If i were faced with the same similar situation i made, i am not sure of what i will chose.
My first GF for instance happens to be a friend of mine before and after the breakup. If she should decide to return today - after over 5 years - i will be in a similar situation as you. And me i be correct badt guy for that matter, but that girl is rather different to me - we keep running into each other a lot - and belong to the same circle.
For those that ave not been in this kinda situation, they might not understand. That is why i cannot say you should forget her or not.

Another factor you should consider is this: many girls do not really look at guys critically before making up their mind. She might have written you off before considering the other guy. You may give it a shot and hope for the best.

Take your time and work on your self. Go out for other ladies and improve your game and lady skills.

If you were more experienced, and vengeful, I would say take her back and dump her later. But someone like you will easily get sucked in so its best you start afresh. Even if you take her back, your relationship will be full of distrust and insecurity on your part mostly. I know how that feels - not worth it at all.

^^^that is the downside of it. If you are a kindhearted forgiving person, you can take her back. But if you are badt like me, taking her back will be temporary.

@ otooro dnt be in a hurry to get married dnt be too slow either balance is key. get to know this lady all over again. Do your home work. keeping an open mind doesnt = be foolish. Marriage is a to be a forever affair, try to keep sex out of it talk and talk and talk, ask all the askables it does not kill. This does not mean you should sit on the throne of judgement. Just know the real person its not that hard which is why i said keep sex out of it so you dnt muddy the waters of knowing her. Goodluck

^^^Caramba, this lady has said it all - go that way - it is the best, that way you dont ave regrets.

very nice comments, i appreciate!

@deniyor, u'r correct

@*dhtml, i'm not sure i want to be badt. . .

@andromedia, well said! tnx