I have been married for 14 years.
The average is once in a forthnight,sometimes thrice monthly, for the past 14 years.
Reason: Wife has a much lower sex drive,unlike mine which is higher.I prefer twice a week intimacy,but i dont get it.
Before the wedding,there was no sampling(premarital sex) purely on religious grounds.
Having intimacy twice in 30 days in a marriage may be abnormal but what can one do in my situation?
Adultery is out of it on Christian grounds.I am not a saint.I'm a sinner like everyone else.
The early years of the marriage were turbulent but i learned to overgrow the initial hostilities and adjust.
Its a heavy cross but by God's grace,i'm carrying it.Its not easy though!
I had to condition myself to this pattern in the interest of marital peace.
However, i believe that in normal circumstances,intimacy should be based on mutual feelings and not as a duty or routine or be regulated on a time table basis.Once to twice a week is ideal in normal situations especially for a working class couple.
Someone above suggested once a day.I disagree.
Once a day is sexual abuse of the woman and danger to the health of both in the long run.

We wey no like sex nko

If you dont like sex and you happen to be wedded to a woman who has a high sex drive,na wahala be dat oh!

knowledge4: If you dont like sex and you happen to be wedded to a woman who has a high sex drive,na wahala be dat oh!

i actually do, and shes giving me headache, abeg is once a week not enough, abi sex na food

knowledge4: I have been married for 14 years.
The average is once in a forthnight,sometimes thrice monthly, for the past 14 years.
Reason: Wife has a much lower sex drive,unlike mine which is higher.I prefer twice a week intimacy,but i dont get it.
Before the wedding,there was no sampling(premarital sex) purely on religious grounds.
Having intimacy twice in 30 days in a marriage may be abnormal but what can one do in my situation?
Adultery is out of it on Christian grounds.I am not a saint.I'm a sinner like everyone else.
The early years of the marriage were turbulent but i learned to overgrow the initial hostilities and adjust.
Its a heavy cross but by God's grace,i'm carrying it.Its not easy though!
I had to condition myself to this pattern in the interest of marital peace.
However, i believe that in normal circumstances,intimacy should be based on mutual feelings and not as a duty or routine or be regulated on a time table basis.Once to twice a week is ideal in normal situations especially for a working class couple.
Someone above suggested once a day.I disagree.
Once a day is sexual abuse of the woman and danger to the health of both in the long run.

@ the bolded, that to me is abnormally low!

Like you, I've been married 14 years and although I don't believe in having a rota / routine, we manage to fit it in around the kids

3 or 4 times a week on average is normal for us.

I find that when ovulating, my sex drive is really quite high and I pity my husband 'cos then it could be as much as twice a day everyday for the next 2 or 3 days!

neyostica:
i actually do, and shes giving me headache, abeg is once a week not enough, abi sex na food

Yep, more like a delicacy

@neyostica
Agree with efemena X that s3x is a delicacy.it is an important issue in marriage. For many couples,it is like a glue.The right use of it can actually promote marital harmony while the misuse can mar the marriage.It is described as the tonic of marriage.It revamps the stamina of men and gladdens their hearts too.It plays vital roles in marriage for eg it enhances good communication between husband and wife. S3x is also a destroyer,where misused,abused and mismanaged.
There are 4 types of wives as far as this issue of s3x is concerned in marriage
1) The wife who is sexy and who wants it at least twice weekly.
2)The wife who decides when and when not to have s3x with her husband.She is the wife who prepares a time table or roaster for her husband.Many of them abound in marriages.
3)The wife who is reserved,who believes that sex is evil.She belongs to the 18th century and believes old womens' fables about s3x.
4)The wife who believes that s3x is for reproduction and not for pleasure.
If your stamina or desire cant go beyond once weekly,discuss it with your wife and agree on how to accomodate each other without injuring the marriage.

^^^^Well she will have to put up with it or leave cos i probably av a record low libido

As often as they please as long as it is by mutual consent

@neyostica
Do not threaten that she has to leave if she cannot put up with it.
That's not right.How can a marriage go under on account of low libido?
You have a marital duty to give your wife sexual satisfaction,low libido or not.
The Bible instructions on marital duty in 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 allows no excuses for low libido in either husband or wife.
God expects you to sacrificially perform your marital duties to your spouse.
If she insists that she is not satisfied with once a week intimacy,there is always a solution.
If once weekly is your take,for her sake,you can increase it to twice weekly.It wont do you any harm.
If a woman is sex-starved,its dangerous because she'll easily be exploited by men and will fall easily to their advances.
Actually,its women who complain of too much s3x about their husbands.Rarely does a man complain of too much s3x.
Discuss it with her,agree mutually on what is workable for both that will still keep the marriage intact.

knowledge4: @neyostica
Do not threaten that she has to leave if she cannot put up with it.
That's not right.
You have a marital duty to give your wife sexual satisfaction,low libido or not.
The Bible instructions on marital duty in 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 allows no excuses for low libido in either husband or wife.
If once weekly is your take,for her sake,you can increase it to twice weekly.It wont do you any harm.
If a woman is sex-starved,its dangerous because she'll easily be exploited by men and will fall easily to their advances.
Actually,its women who complain of too much s3x about their husbands.Rarely does a man complain of too much s3x.
Discuss it with her,agree mutually on what is workable for both that will still keep the marriage intact.

I agree with all you've written except the bolded bit.

Most women tend to get er...now what's the word? Friskier as they get older. Meaning their s3x drive increases with age, moreso when they hit their 40's - whilst it's the other way round for the guys I think.

Guys on the other hand peak at their late teens and early 20's then slowly burn out after that

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Each couple shoUld decide what works for them. I am in long distance relationship,infact we just got married. The weeks or month we spent together is usually so hot. Infact we use to go up to 4 times a day consecutively for a month.I don't expect it to continue like that sha, at least we can manager 3rice a week we live permanently together

Once a month with the HUSBAND. . .THEN ONCE IN TWO MONTHS WITH THE BOYFRIEND. . . I PREFER 'MAS-TUR-BATION'!

Jellitah: Once a month with the HUSBAND. . .THEN ONCE IN TWO MONTHS WITH THE BOYFRIEND. . . I PREFER 'MAS-TUR-BATION'!

My brother Masturbation is dangerous to your sex life and it's satanic.

Outstrip:


Maybe in my 60's or right after a new baby but other than that why would anybody say that you should not have frequent sex. The question should be if he can handle it. If I am not having sex at home where in the world should I get it from. Also it is not just the act of having sex. It is everything else that comes with it. It is hard to stay mad at someone you are making love to. Even if it is angry sex when you are done you relieve some tension and unless you are mentally unstable you will not be as mad as you were before the act. It reminds you that this person is the only other person in the world that is worthy to have that time with you and vice versa. What should you do in the weeks when you don't have it. Pray? Anyway just make a time table and be done with it then

A timetable would not work, because if one is promiscous den wil find a way of doin it elsewhere at a free time.

quote author=garnetty]@ Fhemmmy, NO, it is not all about inventing ways to add flavour to the act but the question of 'Should it be a routine thing?'. Also, even if the marriage is still fresh as originally put by me, 'Is getting intimate on a daily basis the best?' And is the feeling always right to get intimate on a daily basis?'.

@ Outstrip, my point is not about starving the other partner of sex or marrying someone who shares the same ideology about sex. Taken, sex is one of the primary purposes of marriage aside from companionship but if we must agree that it should be done frequently, then at what rate?. Should it be a routine thing based on the mutual feelings of the couple? Then for you (am not sure you are married yet), if your man has got the strength to do it on a daily basis, shortly after wedding, then what becomes of the feelings 2,3,4 months down the line? Even certain kind of food which one likes to be eaten at any point in time or frequently becomes 'unattractive' when it is monotonous. Food for thought.

@ ronkebp, YES, the couple may not have any other thing to engage themselves on other than sex in the early days of their marriage (shortly after wedding) but what if they had had it countless times before they officially agreed to tie the knots? Would n't it be less attractive or would it still be a routine thing for them, when they have seen it all?. This, in my opinion, ultimately affects the issue of frequency. Food for thought.

@ blank, if i understand your conclusion, your position is that the need to get intimate should only be driven by the mutual feelings of then couple at any point in time and should n't be a routine thing. And if i may ask, how old is your marriage now and how frequent do you still have it? Am sure you only get intimate when the feeling is right and mutual.

@ sweetwendy, YES, it should be done as many times as possible. But is the feeling always right for it especially when it now seen as a routine thing?. Getting intimate could be at any stage of the union even during childbearing but at what frequency? Again, the feeling, i suppose, is the keyword.

More contributions are welcome especially from those who have been married for one or two years. [/quote]

Well, I used to think that am thw only one wondering about this topic untill decided to check it out this forum. Sex in my marriage is quiet different from sex before or while dating.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm, when I was courting my fiance, we almost grab every littl opportunity we have staying 2geda 2 utilise it in codling, petting, romancing and @ least once a day sweet "luv making" we later got married, it reduced not cus we nolonger feel love for eachother, but because, we have so many things to engage our, body, mind, soul and mindset on inorder to build a strong happy home other than just investigating the whole energy 24/7 on sex. Then, here comes pregnancy, when a woman will be feeling so tired and less beautiful for attraction. Thou, mine is personal can't genarralise it but, am sure alowent thru same odeal, @ times, u have sex out of desire but in pretends to satisfy ur sweet hubby. As if that isn't enough to slow down d sex drive to 3 to 5 times daily, here comes an adorable baby who needs total commitment and care. Now be sincere, how often do u tink d urge to "do" shud be? Well,
Mine is a practical example, 2 to 3 times of a body, soul and mind blowing SEX a week. Thanks. And is perfect timing for both of us, if one person is switched off, anoda will authomatically ignite d fire. And d benefits re much but d most siginificant among them is that[, IT MAKES OUR SEX LIFE, UNIQUE and NEW EVERYTIME, above all, both partners re fully SATISFIED! D flame is much dat we both MUST REALISE On every adventure. Isn't dat beautiful than to keep hammering and will be frustrated of been unsatisfied,unneccessary and anoying OVERSTAY. Thou, some partners conceal dat feeling but is true.

nawa o

Jellitah: Once a month with the HUSBAND. . .THEN ONCE IN TWO MONTHS WITH THE BOYFRIEND. . . I PREFER 'MAS-TUR-BATION'!

Lol.....smh

neyostica:
We wey no like sex nko

That is why 99.9% of the people you are following on Nairaland are ladies.

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the only time i dont have s3x is when my boo not around, other days na fire dey go, eh! if DAT side tire, mouth dey, and hand also dey!

MouthAction is not Biblical.