jennykadry:

@queen

Reason why I said you have to watch them cook from scratch. Someone like me can tell who passionately loves cooking and who doesn't Just watch the way they handle the knife, what they are wearing, please don't say yes to a man that wears fancy cloth In the kitchen(shirt and tie, Levi Jean)  go for those that wear old shirts and shorts, they re the take home to mama. Avoid those that eat meat and stockfish whilst cooking, you will end up shopping every day to replace the already buried ones in their stomach  

lol! ehn he will try to impress when he wants to bed u! whats to say he will carry on cooking when we're married. with his special 'time forsex recipe'  

debrief08:

Queensmith, lol@ Mary magdalene, My dear, na me know wetin i see for the hands and advice of them Bible Thumpers: Cook, clean, dont talk, dont breathe be humble, s3x on demand even if you are sick, dont question, suffer and smile, a good wife is a zombie, robot and a intimacy gadget rolled in one, pray and fast, lol I hear am abeg.

I swear the bible wife's marriage will make an interesting documentary!

Yes oh, key word is Bible wife and God forbid they ask the man to be a Bible husband and love his wife sacrifically so that all these issues wont even be a matter, noooooooooo way, the wife must be some kind of beast of burden

debrief08:

Yes oh, key word is Bible wife and God forbid they ask the man to be a Bible husband and love his wife sacrifically so that all these issues wont even be a matter, noooooooooo way, the wife must be some kind of beast of burden

my mom is a bible wife. She has a very good marriage.

jennykadry:

My post is based on research. . By the time he is done cooking, we are left with less than 10 pieces of meat. Not a good husband material .

Ashewo buruku

You are still my No 1 jor.

Shinor:

@Sagamite. Let's hook up and do that hand wash deal again.
Remember the guy that was featured in the news who CLAIMED he lived without physical cash and cards?

We too will be on yahoo news lol lol.

Or maybe we should do winter without Jackets as we are against exploitation of child workers in all those factories in the Far East

You are on your own mate.

The freeze wey catch my yansh in the last week in London is enough warning.

Gaddamit, the pond near my house was partially frozen to the point the ducks were actually standing on it, instead of floating.

Lol, I know the take home to mama type.  Just watch how they handle the knife, the good ones handle the knives in such a way that you cant help but notice. I ate one very nice fish pepper soup once back then and almost said yes instanta, but naaaa the deal was sealed with a nice Ogbono soup and semovita

on a serious note.
if a man doesnt make enough money for the family- women complain,
if a man after a hard and tiring day's work cant do his wife ryt- she go complain.
if a man after a hard, tiring day's work want do his women for some succour- she wud say its always about sex
if a man doesnt help out in d kitchen- the woman says he is selfish and uncaring.

this potrays the modern woman as lazy and self-conceited bigots- stick to ur traditional roles as "home makers" and stop whining

The way I see it, it is simply arrogance or wickedness that makes a man decide to abandon the housework for a woman who works when the male is physically stronger than the female.
Fine, let the man be breadwinner and the woman be homekeeper, it does not mean they should refuse to offer assistance to each other in whatever their primary responsibility happens to be.
And lastly, men should stop shying away from being good leaders, you are the head of the house, everybody in the house bears your name so please take good care of your family. You cannot be a good leader when your wife who you are supposed to be the head of is dying from being stressed while you wey suppose to cater for her dey enjoy yafun yafun.
That is not good leadership.

The way I see it, it is simply arrogance or wickedness that makes a man decide to abandon the housework for a woman who works when the male is physically stronger than the female.
Fine, let the man be breadwinner and the woman be homekeeper, it does not mean they should refuse to offer assistance to each other in whatever their primary responsibility happens to be.
And lastly, men should stop shying away from being good leaders, you are the head of the house, everybody in the house bears your name so please take good care of your family. You cannot be a good leader when your wife who you are supposed to be the head of is dying from being stressed while you wey suppose to cater for her dey enjoy yafun yafun.
That is not good leadership.

snthesis:

on a serious note.
if a man doesnt make enough money for the family- women complain,
if a man after a hard and tiring day's work cant do his wife ryt- she go complain.
if a man after a hard, tiring day's work want do his women for some succour- she wud say its always about sex
if a man doesnt help out in d kitchen- the woman says he is selfish and uncaring.

this potrays the modern woman as lazy and self-conceited bigots- stick to ur traditional roles as "home makers" and stop whining

^^ Whites probably say the same about slavery.

snthesis:

on a serious note.
if a man doesnt make enough money for the family- women complain,
if a man after a hard and tiring day's work cant do his wife ryt- she go complain.
if a man after a hard, tiring day's work want do his women for some succour- she wud say its always about sex
if a man doesnt help out in d kitchen- the woman says he is selfish and uncaring.

this potrays the modern woman as lazy and self-conceited bigots- stick to ur traditional roles as "home makers" and stop whining

If you can get your arse to make enough money so she does not have to work, then you can make such remarks.

If she is doing your "traditional" job of financial provision, then who are you to call her lazy?

davidylan:

my mom is a bible wife. She has a very good marriage.

And I am sure your dad was a Bible husband, not one who beats, cheats and abuses his wife and the emphaisis is not on him being a Bible husband but on her to remain a Bible wife in such horrible conditions
I am married to a Bible husband now and I am a Bible wife

debrief08:

And I am sure your dad was a Bible husband, not one who beats, cheats and abuses his wife and the emphaisis is not on him being a Bible husband but on her to remain a Bible wife in such horrible conditions
I am married to a Bible husband now and I am a Bible wife

My dad is a bible husband too. He cant cook or clean to save his life but at least he hangs around to keep her company.

My Dear, see with time you will adjust and see how to run it well. I do get home sometimes 9pm or 10pm even later than that .
You need the help of ur Husband too, He shld be able to assist you too.

See, all u need is stock the fridge with boiled stew, cooked vegetable, ewedu, fried rice ingredient (diced and fried), moinmoin(that can last for a week), fried meat, fried fish, fried chicken. then it will be easier when u get back from office

just prepare the stew that can last for 2/3 days, you can quickly prepare rice, eba,amala,poundo yam,semo,riceflour etcc. within 30min/45min youre done and everyone will eat.

Just learn how to manage, fast because of tomrw. like me i have 2 inlaws(guys) staying with us and  2 kids but still manage. though my inlaw can washplate or sweep once in a way if they desire.  sweeping the house is not a dai;ly thing,


Just manage anyhow, it will be getting beta daily.

davidylan:

My dad is a bible husband too. He cant cook or clean to save his life but at least he hangs around to keep her company.

Exactly, My husband is horrible domestically too but he makes up by getting me help, not making me cook all d time, taking me for dinner, giving me a day every month to  myself with full access to his atm card, takes great care of our baby. How will i not be more than a Bible wife t such a wonderful Bible Hubby? But when a man refuses to help out, insists u work like a donkey, then goes out to cheat on you dont expect a Bible wife pls. She will be sad, over worked, hurt, vengeful and tensed

Just to make it clear to all of you: I am an Ifa Husband looking for a Glamour Model Wife!

Bible? Nah!

debrief08:

Exactly, My husband is horrible domestically too but he makes up by getting me help, not making me cook all d time, taking me for dinner, giving me a day every month to  myself with full access to his atm card, takes great care of our baby. How will i not be more than a Bible wife t such a wonderful Bible Hubby? But when a man refuses to help out, insists u work like a donkey, then goes out to cheat on you dont expect a Bible wife pls. She will be sad, over worked, hurt, vengeful and tensed

Lucky you. IMO this thread isnt as much about the OPs inability to cope with domestic chores but with a husband who has forgotten that his first ministry is to take are of his wife. If that includes sometimes helping out in the kitchen or scrubbing the floors for her once in a while, not bad.

davidylan:

My dad is a bible husband too. He cant cook or clean to save his life but at least he hangs around to keep her company.

my uncle has a great saying He says the day he loses the use of his hands or legs God should strike him dead as he cannot imagine not being able to do something for himself.

I'm sure the Bible says the same thing, how can you claim your father to be a biblical husband when he is incapable of caring for himself with the most basic of chores? Does he not eat? He doesnt require a clean home?
even the bible can not exonerate that.

davidylan:

Lucky you. IMO this thread isnt as much about the OPs inability to cope with domestic chores but with a husband who has forgotten that his first ministry is to take are of his wife. If that includes sometimes helping out in the kitchen or scrubbing the floors for her once in a while, not bad.

Bless you, exactly, so many Nigerian men do not know that. Our churches dont help matters either, they empahasize on the role of d wife and not the husbands

If uve got microwave and reasonably constant power then I'll advice you boil the rice you'll require for a week same as the stew. No buy these small plastic packs dish the food as if you serve in d container, cover it up and put is in d freezer. Hubby comes home from work, walks to the fridge freezer, picks up d pack, microwaves it & viola dinner served.

debrief08:

Bless you, exactly, so many Nigerian men do not know that. Our churches dont help matters either, they empahasize on the role of d wife and not the husbands

What a surprise, NOT. Men do all the preaching in the church so dont expect them to remind themselves that the bible says they should love their wives FIRST before the wife is expected to submit to them.

queensmith:

my uncle has a great saying He says the day he loses the use of his hands or legs God should strike him dead as he cannot imagine not being able to do something for himself.

I'm sure the Bible says the same thing, how can you claim your father to be a biblical husband when he is incapable of caring for himself with the most basic of chores? Does he not eat? He doesnt require a clean home?
even the bible can not exonerate that.

Unfortunately we are all built different. Its funny how many of you then double around to claim that it is OK for a woman to not know how to cook or clean either.

Sagamite:

If you can get your arse to make enough money so she does not have to work, then you can make such remarks.

If she is doing your "traditional" job of financial provision, then who are you to call her lazy?

u completely missed my point, the so called modern woman a.k.a career woman alias queensmith is completely self-conceited. if you make all d money in d world and offer her to quit her job- she wud find a reason to complain.

@OP
suck it in, find a way to make it work, sort ur self out and stop whinning, u arnt d first career woman to get married duh!!

in my house guys arnt allowed in d kitchen, our ancestors def knew whr a woman's place is

sauer:

While this may seem rather away from popular opinion, I feel I must just say it. The thing is, "Why marry?"
Did you think you'd be able to combine the work of a regular home wife and that of a white-collar lady? Aren't there greater chances of failing at either one? The deal is to always choose one thing and stick with it. To want the best of both worlds suggest there is something intimately wrong with your decisions as a woman.
Don't get it wrong, baby. I'm not recommending staying a dormant, clueless housewife. On the contrary, I recommend going out, getting a job and busying yourself. But why not find an acceptable way to combine such an engagement with romantic life? What stops such white-collar, careerlady from engaging in some sort of "partnership" with a man of open mind, who would be romantically available while giving you the freedom you desire to practice your profession?
Now, am not saying become a sugar mummy, though it's quite apparent this could be totally misunderstood. Rather I enjoin you to examine the relationship between Oprah & her man, Merkel & her man, Rice & her man, and draw one or two straws from that!

This is tosh, mate.

In the same Nigeria where a man can leave her and leave her with nothing, you question her choice of working?

snthesis:

u completely missed my point, the so called modern woman a.k.a career woman alias queensmith is completely self-conceited. if you make all d money in d world and offer her to quit her job- she wud find a reason to complain.

Don't use queensmith as an example, she still struggles to state what she offers in a relationship.

Use Jenny or Debrief!

snthesis:

u completely missed my point, the so called modern woman a.k.a career woman alias queensmith is completely self-conceited. if you make all d money in d world and offer her to quit her job- she wud find a reason to complain.

Perfectly right, i would also include the words "naive" and "ignorant".

davidylan:

What a surprise, NOT. [b]Men do all the preaching in the church so dont expect them to remind themselves that the bible says they should love their wives FIRST before the wife is expected to submit to them.[/b]Unfortunately we are all built different. Its funny how many of you then double around to claim that it is OK for a woman to not know how to cook or clean either.

Strong point, never considered that. I disagree that a man is bad cos he is not good at doing some chores, even if he cant do them a good man willl make available an alternative like paying someone to help you out or doing some other chores while you handle the ones he cant do.

queensmith:

Proper training is nothing to do with your household hobbies? If the world was properly trained according to you we will have no einsteins, no astronauts, no doctors no nurses no lawyers no policemen no soilders no judges. The proof of this is the number of women doing the above jobs being very limited, all because of people like you that believe a womans proper training is in the kitchen.
Proper training is raising your child to be upstanding at home and in the community, giving your child ambitions and making sure he/she can be independant. None of these things are determined from cleaning. Unless of course your raising a maidservant = slave = Mutters example of a properly trained individual.

Just because you love doing house chores doesnt mean everyone does, thats why they are called chores, nobody loves to do it but it has to be done. I wasnt raised to be a housewife- I was raised to become a doctor. I wasnt even required in the kitchen until I went to university, then again cooking isnt rocket science so theres no loss there. I clean up after myself and cook for myself when I'm hungry. I redecorate the house when I'm bored and move the furniture around when I want a change of surroundings. I can go on till tommorow mentioning what I do without your military styled kitchen training. and when I marry I expect nothing to change. When I have kids there' will be two of us, tis not difficult washing extra clothes and changing diapers provided your partner helps.
If both Hbabe and her husband cleaned up after themselves and shared the chores together she won't have a problem. He problem isnt lack of training, her problem is the excessive responsibility. Unless one  is to turn herself into subservant of the year like taryour theres no reason the husband canot take care of himself. Esp if the wife has a career just like him.

On a serious note, explain to me what you think you can bring to a man's life that would make him cherish being with you exclusively forever.

like one of my friends said "house work no de finish", just do what u can do daily and leave the rest till wkd.

@All: meanwhile i need a maid very badly, if there's anyone that can help me get one, pls send me a message. tnks.

debrief08:

Strong point, never considered that. I disagree that a man is bad cos he is not good at doing some chores, even if he cant do them a good man willl make available an alternative like paying someone to help you out or doing some other chores while you handle the ones he cant do.

Good point. My aunt absolutely hates doing laundry, her husband pays to have it done every weekend. cest fini no complaints.

Honestly, this is easy to solve.

Just get 1 or 2 students wanting an extra income to come in and cook for you for 2 hours a day and pay them N200.

There are many people in Lagos that will appreciate that opportunity. Two people can work on a roster system if you want it to be a reliable process with back-ups.

You can either get someone unemployed, a student finding things tough or even a buka girl that needs extra work.

There is no point having a wife that is not happy because of unreasonable things. That is one of the last things I want in life.

Queensmith is an ignorant clown  

Proper training is nothing to do with your household hobbies? If the world was properly trained according to you we will have no einsteins, no astronauts, no doctors no nurses no lawyers no policemen no soilders no judges. The proof of this is the number of women doing the above jobs being very limited, all because of people like you that believe a womans proper training is in the kitchen.

Proper training includes the DISCIPLINE to do house hold chores. There are millions of far more intelligent doctors, astronauts etc who are excellent home makers. The idea that somehow being a lawyer absolves you of being able to cook for your own child is a disgusting excuse for laziness.

Proper training is raising your child to be upstanding at home and in the community, giving your child ambitions and making sure he/she can be independant. None of these things are determined from cleaning. Unless of course your raising a maidservant = slave = Mutters example of a properly trained individual.

Teaching a child to clean his/her own room is now equivalent to slavery?  

Just because you love doing house chores doesnt mean everyone does, thats why they are called chores, nobody loves to do it but it has to be done.

You are lazy, just admit this.

I wasnt raised to be a housewife- I was raised to become a doctor.

huh? You must be the first doctor out there ma'am the way you go on banging about this inanity, we've got 2 in our tiny nuclear family of 5 dear and none of them bangs on about how they arent supposed to do anything else because they are oh so much more intelligent than we earthlings condemned to a lifetime of household chores.
For a "doctor" you certainly have a lot of NL time on your hands.

I think a couple should be able to balance their lives. I grew up with a strict mother who made sure she taught me how to cook, growing up I thought she was cruel, I said to myself . . .  . why would this woman wake me up when I am enjoying my sleep and trying to relax? why did she have a nice long cane in her hand sitting on a little stool in the kitchen watching me cook?why would she tell me to wash the bathroom and clean the toilets, why did I have to sweep and mop floors?. . . .  I never knew she was preparing me for whenever time I find myself alone. I began to appreciate her after I turned 15, fresh from high school and st8 into the UNI in a strange land? I thought I was going to die, and that was when I realized that I was truly and really alone and had to cook for myself, clean my little room, make my bed, sweep my floor and go to school.

I enjoy cooking all thanks to my mum who made that possible, there are times i leave work at 5pm and there are times when on call I come home at 11pm. Do I come home to cook for me? do my family members go hungry cos I am not home to cook? nope, cos I married a man a very sensible man who also loves cooking and does the cooking to give me a break. Do I appreciate him for cooking? a lot cos I have seen women struggle without any help from their husbands and to have a man that actually does that and even more? come onnnnnnnn he deserves a good servicing and a submissive wife(only when necessary) .

I am not a feminist but people are beginning to turn these feminism into something else, like a woman refusing to cook cos she wants the table turned and the man doing the cook, truth is no matter how much we try to be modernized, women have always been known to be the stay at home cooks and the men the large bacon home bringers but thank God some of our mothers taught our men how to cook and made them realise that "hey it is not a crime to be in the kitchen sweating with spoon in your hand and maggi in the other" ,same way women are thought by their fathers that "hey, it's okay to change your flat tyre, it's okay to check the oil and water in your car every morning before you drive out, it is okay to change your cigarette lighter fuse yourself when necessary"

But truth is sometimes we deviate, men love to be pampered hence their lazyness sometimes, women on the other hand can get very lazy and its one of the reasons why we leave the car issues to our men to deal with, if the TV goes off and there is an electrical problem we call our husbands at work to report it, sometimes beg them to come home and fix it for us just so we can watch our african magic

Yes we have days like these, but at the end of the day, we all need to realize that we cannot function without the other and it is very important we get off our pampering moods and put on our work jackets.

^^^^ hear hear!!! I always say you can tell the married females from the unmarried ones just by reading their responses. So much maturity and important lessons packed into one post.

My mother taught me to cook too so no wahala, my future wife will have many weekends of sleeping in while her toast and sausages are cooking on the fire.

Well I'm not married, I'm 23 and I graduate tomorrow *big smiles* I dnt usually like to talk abt things that I have little experience on. @queensmith, I pity u so much, U need to change ur attitude, While it's no crime for a husband to cook and clean and do other chores, doing some of those things in the midst of other outsiders to the home cn be demeaning, Same as if a wife is carrying all the big things and starting generator, So we must know that there are TRADITIONAL ROLES, I'm willing to clean wash and help my wife out at home, Even cook sef, But I think it's the wifes responsibilty to feed her family, I cn help out though, They say (the way to a man's heart is his stomach, When u as a wife cnt cook for the family, How cn we call u a WIFE, I'll also love to learn how to cook sha if my wife is tired or sumffin so I cn help, but nt wen my friends are arnd o!!!! LOGIC: Men av ego, I am a man, I av ego
Ps:@ebonky is my dream kind of wife, Ur husband is lucky ooo, hope he sha dey treat u well,