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My Secret Desire: by TisaBone: 8:25am On Feb 15, 2012
My hands tremble in nervousness as I pen this confession, but I cant hold it inside any longer, I must tell someone,

Well you see, every since I was a child, for some reason I have always gotten along with males better than females, have always had male friends. Even learned how to fight from a playmate who was a male. we would spend countless areas, playing video games, then get into arguments, beat eachother up, and then resume playing our games.

As usual, I am getting off subject.

You see, Black men in America love the "shanikas" and "chantes" of the world. I'm sure you have seen them as you enjoy movies stereotyping African American women as the pivoting neck, eye rolling, finger snapping, domineering woman. They say they dont want this, but they do. So in turn,in these relationships, where no one is willing to yield or compromise much arguing ensues, because of course, any real man will not let a woman emotionally or physically abuse him. There are arguments aplenty, and unrest in these sorts of tumultuous relationships.

Never any peace.

There is no paradigm that exemplifies the way that all African American women act, only stereotypes that are thrust upon us, and yes, some are based on truth. Many AA women have no choice but to take on the "Strong black woman" mantle, as they often times are single mothers, breadwinners, sole providers.

The strength and the beauty of the black woman is what men of different races and ethnicities find so alluring.

Sure I am a strong woman, I am an independent woman, and I am very proud to be these things.

But then at other times I have these secret yearnings.

Just the thought makes my breath quicken and desire consume my psyche.

I am a smart, educated, in control woman

but why do i want to give up, to lose this control so badly?

to a man who is worthy

a strong man

a capable man

in all ways that a woman can submit to a man

emotionally

sexually

mind

body

soul

Here is my dilemma


Its so hard to do this with an American man,

They mistake submission for weakness

What they don't understand is that its not weakness, to want a man strong enough, to be able to give all the power to, because weak men will only abuse the power that they give you, not having your best interests in mind.

There are so many weak men across the ocean in this western world who have forgotten what it means to be a man. They have become bytch-i-fied, being raised in a matriarchal home environment with no male role model to teach them how to be a real man

yet and still i have these yearnings. I feel a little embarrassed too. I cant tell too many people, I dont think they would understand.


but yet and still, its what I want.

1 Like

Re: My Secret Desire: by Dyt(f): 9:29am On Feb 15, 2012
hmmm
worries me smtyms
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 9:31am On Feb 15, 2012
So u need an african/Nigerian guy or something who knows how to treat a lady right & put his woman first?
Re: My Secret Desire: by Dyt(f): 9:34am On Feb 15, 2012
^ nt all nigerians

its nt abt race, colour or anyth
its individuality
u can bring out d best n d beast in a man/woman
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 9:38am On Feb 15, 2012
Sure man, then she should keep on kissing different frogs till she find her prince then.
Re: My Secret Desire: by TisaBone: 9:44am On Feb 15, 2012
Tosinville:

So u need an african/Nigerian guy or something who knows how to treat a lady right & put his woman first?

i don't know. maybe. do nigerian guys meet my criteria?
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 9:45am On Feb 15, 2012
OK2NV cmon man, be nice
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 9:47am On Feb 15, 2012
TisaBone

Well its only left for u to state what u need in a man thats all.
Re: My Secret Desire: by Nobody: 9:47am On Feb 15, 2012
hmm. . . .quite revealing. I'd bet I understand to quite some extent what you are saying here. To want to lose one's independence. . .
is that a very human thing to want to do? Probably yes.
BUt I'd wager this has more to do with determining cultural factors than with personal influences. You are an african woman; you are strong. Yet, you think you'd be more complete if you could give away your controls. Were you a finnish woman, would you think this way?
To what ideals do you have ur most personal attachments? Are you a christian? Could these be salient reasons why you find it justifiable to lose control?
Personally, I see no reason why a woman would want to compulsorily submit to a man? It's not nature's general way. It's a people-defined way, and you'd feel it more if you do associate with the wrong people and the wrong beliefs. To add to that: you'd feel it only too sincerely. . . . .subtly taking away the wrongness in it! undecided
Re: My Secret Desire: by TisaBone: 9:53am On Feb 15, 2012
OK2NV:

another confused b@tch






you are exactly the type of man i wouldn't want. you are disrespectful,crude and probably treat  women like a doormat that you wipe your feet on. men like you dont deserve a woman such as myself. i know what i want, and only a man strong enough to lead will get the time of day from me. you, my friend, have not reached manhood, but remain in an eternal limbo, hovering between infancy and Loser Land.

also, might i add



a heart filled with such hate must belong to an owner with a miserable existence.

you will be in my prayers.

god  bless you.
Re: My Secret Desire: by InkedNerd(f): 10:02am On Feb 15, 2012
@OP: It's ok. I understand what you mean. Sista, it's sad at times.

sauer:

hmm. . . .quite revealing. I'd bet I understand to quite some extent what you are saying here. To want to lose one's independence. . .
is that a very human thing to want to do? Probably yes.
BUt I'd wager this has more to do with determining cultural factors than with personal influences. You are an african woman; you are strong. Yet, you think you'd be more complete if you could give away your controls. Were you a finnish woman, would you think this way?
To what ideals do you have ur most personal attachments? Are you a christian? Could these be salient reasons why you find it justifiable to lose control?
Personally, I see no reason why a woman would want to compulsorily submit to a man? It's not nature's general way. It's a people-defined way, and you'd feel it more if you do associate with the wrong people and the wrong beliefs. To add to that: you'd feel it only too sincerely. . . . .subtly taking away the wrongness in it! undecided

Did you get the message I left? cry
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 10:04am On Feb 15, 2012
No criteria list? too much of high demands can make every man step back & start hating, remember lol
Re: My Secret Desire: by Nobody: 10:12am On Feb 15, 2012
Inked_Nerd:

@OP: It's ok. I understand what you mean. Sista, it's sad at times.
Sad indeed, I'd say. No varied options in men!

Inked_Nerd:

Did you get the message I left? cry
No. Did you get those I left? Yahoo again! Primitive creature! It's high time we created something like Houyhnhnms.com
Re: My Secret Desire: by MrsChima1(f): 10:18am On Feb 15, 2012
Hmm. I think it is a blessing when you are linked up with a mate that isn't caught up with societal chain and often times people will say that it is culture that made them the way they are. I often times see that as an excuse for their lack of intelligence and critical thinking.

If you are linked up with a culture that means more harm to your existence, but because it is a "culture", it makes it okay is moronic in my opinion.

I have always beat to my own drums and defy "cultures" because it doesn't have the right to define me.

I don't see anything wrong with having your independence but make sure you are compatible with someone that complements you and not hinders you. It is sad to see women lose themselves in the shadow of another human being.

I like it when Queensmith said, I don't blame women for having their own minds, but I blame women for following other women that will send them over the cliff.
Re: My Secret Desire: by TisaBone: 10:19am On Feb 15, 2012
@sauer

there are no outside influences to make me feel this way. i just always have.

plus i read somewhere that the one who gives up control is the one with the true power, because the dominant one in the relationship DEPENDS on you for their pleasure and validation.


but most men would take this to mean that you would allow them to  run over you, hit you, disrespect you

if i were to tell them this

so i tell no one

but its not fair because i am always left feeling so deeply unsatisfied in a relationship, sexually (when i was sexually active) and emotionally.

there is an example that i can give you to explain to you what i mean

once upon a time there was this man and this woman. the woman and man had an argument. but the man desperately wanted to have her back. so he lured her into his abode. And said, baby i am so sorry, and i will prove it to you.  i am your slave. i will do anything you say. for nearly an hour she slapped him, she made him lick her feet, she put a leash on this man, and walked him around the room like a dog.  she made him eat her unmentionables, then she commanded him to make love to her.  the lovemaking was excellent. he said to her, baby i want to give you all my money. this excited the woman, because she felt as if she had total control over him. then out of the blue he flipped the script, and suddenly he was in control. the lovemaking became aggressive. he induced fear and pleasure and pain in her. he made her look deeply into his eyes. you not ***** wit any nigga except me. from then on, she was his completely. it was a game all along. he would woo her once more, by making her feel in control, while all along, he was the true master.
Re: My Secret Desire: by InkedNerd(f): 10:20am On Feb 15, 2012
sauer:
No. Did you get those I left? Yahoo again! Primitive creature! It's high time we created something like Houyhnhnms.com

Chei. Ok, I'll e-mail you what I said in the IM since I can't write it here. Check your inbox later on.

Mrs, Chima:

Hmm. I think it is a blessing when you are linked up with a mate that isn't caught up with societal chain and often times people will say that it is culture that made them the way they are. I often times see that as an excuse for their lack of intelligence and critical thinking.

If you are linked up with a culture that means more harm to your existence, but because it is a "culture", it makes it okay is moronic in my opinion.

I have always beat to my own drums and defy "cultures" because it doesn't have the right to define me.

I don't see anything wrong with having your independence but make sure you are compatible with someone that complements you and not hinders you. It is sad to see women lose themselves in the shadow of another human being.

I like it when Queensmith said, I don't blame women for having their own minds, but I blame women for following other women that will send them over the cliff.

Ummm, those species of women are known as sheep grin
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 10:26am On Feb 15, 2012
Sincerely, an american forum will be alright for all these & probably to hook up with ur american dream man, saying these here are just a waste of time.
Re: My Secret Desire: by MrsChima1(f): 10:29am On Feb 15, 2012
LMAO@American dream man  grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

No MAN AROUND THE WORLD IS PERFECT.  wink   Each country has its share of bleeped up men, but women need to learn how to weed out the bad ones and focus on the good ones. 

People need to keep it real.
Re: My Secret Desire: by TisaBone: 10:35am On Feb 15, 2012
Tosinville:

Sincerely, an american forum will be alright for all these & probably to hook up with ur american dream man, saying these here are just a waste of time.


i didn't come on this forum to meet a man. to tell you the truth my fellow americans prolly wouldn't get it either. I am known for being over the top (in a good way)

i am myself.

and as far as being on here, i happened upon nairaland while doing some research on african countries for school.

i studied this forum for three months before joining

i found the conversations engaging and intelligent. in fact alot of times, the words used by you nairalanders, i have to look up in the dictionary because i dont know what they mean, thus my vocabulary has improved.

you are mistaken
i am not on here because i have some sort of "african fetish"

i just gravitate towards whoever and whatever catches my fancy, regardless of the things that dont even matter like race or color, or cultural differences.
Re: My Secret Desire: by InkedNerd(f): 10:36am On Feb 15, 2012
Mrs, Chima:

LMAO@American dream man  grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

No MAN AROUND THE WORLD IS PERFECT.  wink   Each country has its share of bleeped up men, but women need to learn how to weed out the bad ones and focus on the good ones. 

People need to keep it real. 

Preach sista Chima grin
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 10:39am On Feb 15, 2012
LOL well if she find this desire in Nigerian men then she should come up with a new thread like "Nigerians in america lets meet here & discuss" it might helps to hook up with one.
Re: My Secret Desire: by Nobody: 10:45am On Feb 15, 2012
TisaBone:

@sauer

there are no outside influences to make me feel this way. i just always have.

plus i read somewhere that the one who gives up control is the one with the true power, because the dominant one in the relationship DEPENDS on you for their pleasure and validation.


but most men would take this to mean that you would allow them to  run over you, hit you, disrespect you

if i were to tell them this

so i tell no one

but its not fair because i am always left feeling so deeply unsatisfied in a relationship, sexually (when i was sexually active) and emotionally.

there is an example that i can give you to explain to you what i mean

once upon a time there was this man and this woman. the woman and man had an argument. but the man desperately wanted to have her back. so he lured her into his abode. And said, baby i am so sorry, and i will prove it to you.  i am your slave. i will do anything you say. for nearly an hour she slapped him, she made him lick her feet, she put a leash on this man, and walked him around the room like a dog.  she made him eat her unmentionables, then she commanded him to make love to her.  the lovemaking was excellent. he said to her, baby i want to give you all my money. this excited the woman, because she felt as if she had total control over him. then out of the blue he flipped the script, and suddenly he was in control. the lovemaking became aggressive. he induced fear and pleasure and pain in her. he made her look deeply into his eyes. you not ***** wit any nigga except me. from then on, she was his completely. it was a game all along. he would woo her once more, by making her feel in control, while all along, he was the true master.

What you wrote up there excited some dormant Dostoyevskian butterflies in me! But, really, I beg to disagree!
I think you are only looking at it from your point of view, which is very feminine. The story makes it more so. The story is really what a female would tell.

I dare you to consider it from a more human perspective. The woman should be able to induce as much fear and pleasure as the man. And might I add that in the story the woman is only being tricked, is being deceived into feeling in control. She certainly isn't. Strictly speaking, there is even no need for controls to rest with one person in a relationship. Each one could as well control the other, as limitedly considered as that may be.
In my opinion, you haven't provided cogent reasons why a woman should surrender the reins in a relationship, why a woman should wholeheartedly accept male domination. I do wonder if there are any, especially in a progressively modern and equal world. What you have succeeded in doing is attempting to justify your feelings of surrender.

Respect does not have to be lost in order to gain some more respect. When you want respect, you demand it!
Re: My Secret Desire: by Nobody: 10:46am On Feb 15, 2012
Inked_Nerd:


Chei. Ok, I'll e-mail you what I said in the IM since I can't write it here. Check your inbox later on.

Ok then, but you do know my inbox bounces back messages that aint sweet! tongue
Re: My Secret Desire: by MrsChima1(f): 10:49am On Feb 15, 2012
Tosinville:

Sincerely, an american forum will be alright for all these & probably to hook up with ur american dream man, saying these here are just a waste of time.


Tosin boo boo

Not every woman or man comes online looking for Joysticks or Kitty-cats.  Like Tisabone, I didn't join Nairaland when I found out about it from African friends and relatives.  I was a "guest" for a minute then decided to joined when I wanted to comment on some things I have read.  Simple.  I have inhouse meat BEFORE I JOINED and AFTER I JOINED Nairaland.  

Nairaland is just like Facebook and Twitter, a social network where a bunch of mofos come to chat and leave.  Facebook and Twitter is an American forum but millions of Africans use the forum for hookups and things, I don't see Zuckerboy saying this forum is for Americans only.  WTF.  

It is business to him just like this is business to Seun.  As much as Seun spends time changing adult words into silly arse words, he isn't petty like many of the folks on Nairaland.  He is thinking like a business man and that why Seun and Zuckerboy are well off.   wink   Try it.   wink

As much as some women come online complaining about what Nigerian men have done or any other men have done doesn't measure all women.  Some of us aren't desperate and taking anything just to have a man.  Just saying.   lipsrsealed
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 10:59am On Feb 15, 2012
Its alright, Mrs.chima lol
Re: My Secret Desire: by MrsChima1(f): 11:02am On Feb 15, 2012
Tosinville:

Its alright, Mrs.chima lol

I know. wink It was too raw huh?
Re: My Secret Desire: by InkedNerd(f): 11:06am On Feb 15, 2012
sauer:

Ok then, but you do know my inbox bounces back messages that aint sweet! tongue

lol hahaha na wa for you. Ok, I don hear grin

Mrs, Chima:

Tosin boo boo

Not every woman or man comes online looking for Joysticks or Kitty-cats.  Like Tisabone, I didn't join Nairaland when I found out about it from African friends and relatives.  I was a "guest" for a minute then decided to joined when I wanted to comment on some things I have read.  Simple.  I have inhouse meat BEFORE I JOINED and AFTER I JOINED Nairaland.  

Nairaland is just like Facebook and Twitter, a social network where a bunch of mofos come to chat and leave.  Facebook and Twitter is an American forum but millions of Africans use the forum for hookups and things, I don't see Zuckerboy saying this forum is for Americans only.  WTF.  

It is business to him just like this is business to Seun.  As much as Seun spends time changing adult words into silly arse words, he isn't petty like many of the folks on Nairaland.  He is thinking like a business man and that why Seun and Zuckerboy are well off.   wink   Try it.   wink

As much as some women come online complaining about what Nigerian men have done or any other men have done doesn't measure all women.  Some of us aren't desperate and taking anything just to have a man.  Just saying.   lipsrsealed

Biko, tell am! grin
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 11:20am On Feb 15, 2012
I know. It was too raw huh?




Naw! its wasn't, using social networking sites like facebook, twitter in comparison with an ordinary forum is not just it, i'm not saying ppl can't get hooked up here but the chance is slim compare to facebook, myspace etc that are already dating sites where majority knows whats for.
Re: My Secret Desire: by MrsChima1(f): 11:25am On Feb 15, 2012
Tosinville:

I know. It was too raw huh?




Naw! its wasn't, using social networking sites like facebook, twitter in comparison with an ordinary forum is not just it, i'm not saying ppl can't get hooked up here but the chance is slim compare to facebook, myspace etc that are already dating sites where majority knows whats for.


Lawd! You called Nairaland, an ordinary forum? Oh well Seun. I tried! lipsrsealed
Re: My Secret Desire: by Tosinville(m): 11:35am On Feb 15, 2012
^Mrs.Chima, just relax seun will make u a mod soon so that u can ban ppl as long as u desire lol
Re: My Secret Desire: by MrsChima1(f): 3:11pm On Feb 15, 2012
Tosinville:

^Mrs.Chima, just relax seun will make u a mod soon so that u can ban ppl as long as u desire lol

I am relaxed and I do NOT want to be a moderator. For what?

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