A friend of mine recently said if as a man or woman you cannot confidently pray that God should give your son or daughter a man or woman like yourself then you need to start self examination and make positive changes.
To most Nigerian Men being married means having someone to bear your name, produce kids and complete your achievements as a man. To most women in Nigeria being marriage means to get the ring, the house and the title while putting up with cheating and abuse.
I want to state categorically that " all men do not cheat". My Father never did, my Father in law never cheated, my husband has not cheated and Men like Siena on nairaland keep my faaith in Nigerian men up.
Most women go into marriage with spouses who have been cheating on them and so in a way expect the behavior to continue, some girls grew up watching their fathers cheat and abuse their mothers and so have been conditioned to see that as normal behavior but it is not. Churches to my disappointment have failed a whole lot, it emphaisises the role of submission of women but neglects the role of men to Love. The role of men in marriage as prescribed by the Bible os greater than the role of the woman but it is mostly ignored.
The Bible they are quick to quote when there is a marital squabble clearly states: Husband LOVE YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND LAYED DOWN HIS LIFE FOR HER"
Love is patient love is kind: As a husband you will be patient and kind to your wife. Dont go loosing your temper at every slight offence
Love is not boastful or rude: Love your wife without arrogance, it is silly to count the things you did for her, it is wrong to feel because of what you have acheived you can be rude and arrogant to the flesh of your fless and bone of your bones
Love bears all things and endures all things: In fact it is the man who has been intsructed to bear and endure but here reverse is the case if the woman does wrong the man is advised to kick her out if the man does wrong she is advised to be patient.
Women Submit to your husbands: When a man loves you as much as is prescribed in the Bible its easy to become rude arrogant and take him for granted hence the instruction to submit. Respect means you appreciate his love and know that most actyions he takes he takes in love.
A humble wife and a loving husband make a home and a marriage. It is a 2 way thing, our parents failed to teach us this fundamentals and sadly a lot of us live in horror in the name of marriage, please let us not let our children fall into this mess. Teach our boys how to love, hardworking and be selfless, teach our daughters how to have self esteem, be hardworking and appreciate Love.

debrief08:

A friend of mine recently said if as a man or woman you cannot confidently pray that God should give your son or daughter a man or woman like yourself then you need to start self examination and make positive changes.
To most Nigerian Men being married means having someone to bear your name, produce kids and complete your achievements as a man. To most women in Nigeria being marriage means to get the ring, the house and the title while putting up with cheating and abuse.
I want to state categorically that " all men do not cheat". My Father never did, my Father in law never cheated, my husband has not cheated and Men like Siena on nairaland keep my faaith in Nigerian men up.
Most women go into marriage with spouses who have been cheating on them and so in a way expect the behavior to continue, some girls grew up watching their fathers cheat and abuse their mothers and so have been conditioned to see that as normal behavior but it is not. Churches to my disappointment have failed a whole lot, it emphaisises the role of submission of women but neglects the role of men to Love. The role of men in marriage as prescribed by the Bible os greater than the role of the woman but it is mostly ignored.
The Bible they are quick to quote when there is a marital squabble clearly states: Husband LOVE YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND LAYED DOWN HIS LIFE FOR HER"
Love is patient love is kind: As a husband you will be patient and kind to your wife. Dont go loosing your temper at every slight offence
Love is not boastful or rude: Love your wife without arrogance, it is silly to count the things you did for her, it is wrong to feel because of what you have acheived you can be rude and arrogant to the flesh of your fless and bone of your bones
Love bears all things and endures all things: In fact it is the man who has been intsructed to bear and endure but here reverse is the case if the woman does wrong the man is advised to kick her out if the man does wrong she is advised to be patient.
Women Submit to your husbands: When a man loves you as much as is prescribed in the Bible its easy to become rude arrogant and take him for granted hence the instruction to submit. Respect means you appreciate his love and know that most actyions he takes he takes in love. 
A humble wife and a loving husband make a home and a marriage. It is a 2 way thing, our parents failed to teach us this fundamentals and sadly a lot of us live in horror in the name of marriage, please let us not let our children fall into this mess. Teach our boys how to love, hardworking and be selfless, teach our daughters how to have self esteem, be hardworking and appreciate Love.

I believe if parents especially mothers teach children both male and female children properly there will be less problems in today's marriages,
When you see a man who is so immature,childish,selfish and irresponsible Or
a rude,mannerless young woman one has to wonder how parents watched such behaviour progress into adulthood.
So a woman who knows how she will loved to be treated as a wife one will wonder why such values are not instilled in her son?
She also knows what makes her husband happy but doesn't teach her daughter?
Same goes for men,
What is considered normal among young adult male or female today makes me shudder and wonder where they get such values from?
The home of course, Even here on nairaland. Some people consider it normal to instigate unnecessary issues on a daily basis in relationships:it does something for them when thier partners have to apologise,others see nothing wrong in giving the "occasional slap" when deserved,some women dont see any wrong in sleeping around, No values anywhere again because it went missing at home!

Oluite, I attended a seminer yesterday and a research was conducted where it was shown that 30 % of Nigerian women think its ok to be slapped or beaten by their husbands if they disagree with them. Even in the conference hall with Educated women some still argued in favor of beating as a way of correcting erring wives, I was so depressed.

oluite:

I believe if parents especially mothers teach children both male and female children properly there will be less problems in today's marriages,
When you see a man who is so immature,childish,selfish and irresponsible Or
a rude,mannerless young woman one has to wonder how parents watched such behaviour progress into adulthood.
So a woman who knows how she will loved to be treated as a wife one will wonder why such values are not instilled in her son?
She also knows what makes her husband happy but doesn't teach her daughter?
Same goes for men,
What is considered normal among young adult male or female today makes me shudder and wonder where they get such values from?
The home of course, Even here on nairaland. Some people consider it normal to instigate unnecessary issues on a daily basis in relationships:it does something for them when thier partners have to apologise,others see nothing wrong in giving the "occasional slap" when deserved,some women dont see any wrong in sleeping around, No values anywhere again because it went missing at home!

I am shocked when some mothers think it acceptable for their daughters to accept cars as gifts from married men who they are having affairs with. When yound ladies believe that the measure of love is equivalent to the latest BB, Brazillian hair and others. What happened to building your life and career? What happened to working hard and making your parents proud, and having values for yourself and your body. Such ladies will get married and run a man financially down to keep up with the Jonesses

^^
Debrief they will continue their way of life even in marriage!
My ears were full recently when i learnt its the in-thing to marry one young guy and continue runs with older richer man!!
I wonder where the sanctity of marriage has been thrown to?
In school then i remember some girls telling me the "occasional slap" is correction and should be accepted with love!!
It became a problem only if it was regular or too much!!!
I have been called a fool several times for refusing to be sharp even by respectable men and women,
So values don loss o!!
If married educated women don't see any wrong in wife battering what will they teach their sons and daughters?
If mother dont see any wrong in collecting gifts like cars from men what will they teach their children? so the cycle of lost values just keeps going on and on!

^^^^^ my dear, they call it ''parole''. ( the in-thing'' to marry a younger man and date sugar daddys' for ''maintainance''). Can you imgaine.

I so agree that the failure of so many marraiges are due to the type of training or lack of it received from their parents.

ronkebp:

^^^^^ [b]my dear, they call it ''parole''. ( the in-thing'' to marry a younger man and date sugar daddys' for ''maintainance''). Can you imgaine.[/b]I so agree that the failure of so many marraiges are due to the type of training or lack of it received from their parents.

Hmmm, One of the younger staff in my office got married about a year ago, I remember while planning for the wedding I called her in one day to give her my personal contribution and she told me the gift was an answered prayer because her account is empty, I lectured her about the folly of spending all her resources for a one day even and told her to plan financially well with her fiancee so they wont be in debt. She told me the whole wedding responisbilities were solely on her head as her young man was not working. I remember telling her then that she should have had a smaller less expensive wedding. One year later, they are in a messy messy seperation, he said she said blah blah blah, the guy accuses her of still seeing her old boyfriend who is also married, the lady accuses him of being a lazy drunk. He has come to the office once to embarrass her and I pulled him in to talk to him, boy was I sad that day. He claimed he married her because she had promised to send him abroad for his masters and she had failed to do so. She on her part said she didnt get the money she needed to send him abroad and had gotten him 2 jobs which he rejected because he is only interested in going abroad, yet all he does is eat, sleep and even sold his wedding ring when she stopped paying him allowance. He said she was still seeing her sugar daddy and she told him to deal with it since he cannot keep a job and support him. To say the least I was scandalised. I later found out that in their area their public fighting was a normal morning activity.
I was really sad because I had always told her to calm down about her wanting to be married before she got married, she was 29 then and felt like the world was ending cos she was single.
We have so much work to do on our kids oh

ronkebp:

^^^^^ my dear, they call it ''parole''. ( the in-thing'' to marry a younger man and date sugar daddys' for ''maintainance''). Can you imgaine.

I so agree that the failure of so many marraiges are due to the type of training or lack of it received from their parents.

Chei so that what is called!
You wont believe the number of young women that "parole"
It is so in,
It is simply sad.

I'm not yet married, but I hope to find mr right soon. I want to get married cos I want 2 have a life partner, some1 who I can share all my ups and downs, some1 who will share my happy moments and I'll share his.
I don't understand why some girls want 2 marry for money. My mum always says that the man her daughters marry shouldn't necessarily be rich, but should have ambitions, not some lazy guy.

debrief08:

A friend of mine recently said if as a man or woman you cannot confidently pray that God should give your son or daughter a man or woman like yourself then you need to start self examination and make positive changes.
To most Nigerian Men being married means having someone to bear your name, produce kids and complete your achievements as a man. To most women in Nigeria being marriage means to get the ring, the house and the title while putting up with cheating and abuse.
I want to state categorically that " all men do not cheat". My Father never did, my Father in law never cheated, my husband has not cheated and Men like Siena on nairaland keep my faaith in Nigerian men up.

Thanks debrief08. Yes most singles go into marriage without first asking themselves why they want to be joined to a man or woman in the first place. Parents really do have a lot to do when it comes to teaching kids values in life especially when it comes to choosing the right person. I got married because I have so much love to give and share and I wanted to do it with someone who loves me as much as I love him. Trust me before I met him I didnt think there was any man who wouldnt be a cheat or who I could trust but he proved me wrong.

Marriage for some is just a title and most people dont even respect the vows they took when they were getting married

debrief08:

I want to state categorically that " all men do not cheat". My Father never did, my Father in law never cheated, my husband has not cheated and Men like Siena on nairaland keep my faaith in Nigerian men up.

This part caught my eye. Me, i am a good man and have never run after another woman since i got married. However a girl was running after me some time ago and i was seduced, the no panties kind of thing and as a man i fell. I felt bad but its really difficult resisting a hot woman who is bent on sleeping with you.

Madam op, You should never ever vouch for any man. The day i found out the secrets of a supposedly ''holy man'' i lost faith in humans, pls never ever vouch for anybody. Its best that way so u can keep ur sanity when you uncover dirt.

As for Mr Sienna u are talking about, he is just an e-personality u dnt knw him. I'm sure he is a bad guy who hasn't been caught.

Aqva yea that's the excuse given by men who lack self respect and body control to justify their actions, I refuse to buy it. No one seduced you, you lacked xontrol and respect for your sefl and your wife. Siena is more than an online personality, he is someone who has made his life even on nairaland an open book. Learn from good people it will help you instead of justifying wrong doing. Stop creating problems for yourself

debrief08:

Hmmm, One of the younger staff in my office got married about a year ago, I remember while planning for the wedding I called her in one day to give her my personal contribution and she told me the gift was an answered prayer because her account is empty, I lectured her about the folly of spending all her resources for a one day even and told her to plan financially well with her fiancee so they wont be in debt. She told me the whole wedding responisbilities were solely on her head as her young man was not working. I remember telling her then that she should have had a smaller less expensive wedding. One year later, they are in a messy messy seperation, he said she said blah blah blah, the guy accuses her of still seeing her old boyfriend who is also married, the lady accuses him of being a lazy drunk. He has come to the office once to embarrass her and I pulled him in to talk to him, boy was I sad that day. He claimed he married her because she had promised to send him abroad for his masters and she had failed to do so. She on her part said she didnt get the money she needed to send him abroad and had gotten him 2 jobs which he rejected because he is only interested in going abroad, yet all he does is eat, sleep and even sold his wedding ring when she stopped paying him allowance. He said she was still seeing her sugar daddy and she told him to deal with it since he cannot keep a job and support him. To say the least I was scandalised. I later found out that in their area their public fighting was a normal morning activity.
I was really sad because I had always told her to calm down about her wanting to be married before she got married, she was 29 then and felt like the world was ending cos she was single.
We have so much work to do on our kids oh

My dear, girls like that are plenty on the streets, my younger sister served in GTB bank last year, and she was telling me how a custonmer bought a car for a colleague of hers who is married, and the lady was bragging that she was going to tell her hubby that they were all given car loans to get new cars, majority of Nigerian girls and women are so wayward. that parole thing has taken over.

Aqva:

You should never ever vouch for any man. Its best that way so u can keep ur sanity when you uncover dirt.

I agree. The individuals involved are the only ones that can vouch for themselves 100%. Nothing wrong with trusting that your hubby will never cheat but to vouch for one’s dad AND father in law is a bit much.

ileobatojo:

I agree. The individuals involved are the only ones that can vouch for themselves 100%. Nothing wrong with trusting that your hubby will never cheat but to vouch for one’s dad AND father in law is a bit much.

Why can't you vouch for them There are men that have been married for 30- 45 years and have not for one day cheated on their spouses. ( they are few, don't get me wrong, but such men exist.

Ronke

I cant agree with you any less. I left Nigeria in 2008 but my cousin travelled to Nigeria last year and if you see what I heard about naija girls and their sexcapades You wont believe

Actually he believes now that 95% of girls are into "runs"

They even told him its a normal thing for girls to do runs.

He was like some of these girls who are not full time ashi who stay by roadside or brothels might have slept with 50-100 men before they are 30yrs

I just pity some men who from Obodo Oyinbo would abandon all the girls here to go and look for "fresh ones" from naija

Na dem I pity pass.

In 2010 in NJ, I met some younger guys and they were telling me that since I am new in town incase I need female entertainment, there is one fresh from Naija girl they can give me, This girl they are talking about was a "fresh innocent" import to America by one 40yr old man and all those young boys about 26-30yrs around the area don sample am

My dear I will vouch oh, and there are several good, nice decent men out there, remove that belief from your mind and open ur heart to a great relationship. My father and I have a one of a kind relationship so yes I can vouch for him. My father in law raised 5 sons to be great decent men and responsible husbands not by what he said but by how he lived his life. Stop setting urself up for failure women. You don't deserve to manage

ronkebp:

Why can't you vouch for them There are men that have been married for 30- 45 years and have not for one day cheated on their spouses. ( they are few, don't get me wrong, but such men exist.

How can you vouch 100% for anyone but yourself? Have you followed them around 24/7 during those 30-45 yrs? If they have any secrets to expose why should they tell you? It’s between them and their spouses. I didn’t say specifically that these men have cheated. It is the idea that someone else but themselves is vouching for them based on external things that I question. One can just never say never.

ileobatojo:

How can you vouch 100% for anyone but yourself? Have you followed them around 24/7 during those 30-45 yrs? If they have any secrets to expose why should they tell you? It’s between them and their spouses. I didn’t say specifically that these men have cheated. It is the idea that someone else but themselves is vouching for them based on external things that I question. One can just never say never.

you are right one cannot 100% vouch for anybody, but you can 100% believe it when someone candidly says he has not cheated before.

debrief08:

My dear I will vouch oh, and there are several good, nice decent men out there, remove that belief from your mind and open ur heart to a great relationship. My father and I have a one of a kind relationship so yes I can vouch for him. My father in law raised 5 sons to be great decent men and responsible husbands not by what he said but by how he lived his life. Stop setting urself up for failure women. You don't deserve to manage

I didn’t ask anybody to manage anything and I didn’t say there are no decent men out there.

Exactly what this thread intends to address. Stop expecting the worst in a relationship and conditioning your mind to accept it as a norm.

dayokanu:

Ronke

I cant agree with you any less. I left Nigeria in 2008 but my cousin travelled to Nigeria last year and if you see what I heard about naija girls and their sexcapades You wont believe

Actually he believes now that 95% of girls are into "runs"

They even told him its a normal thing for girls to do runs.

He was like some of these girls who are not full time ashi who stay by roadside or brothels might have slept with 50-100 men before they are 30yrs

I just pity some men who from Obodo Oyinbo would abandon all the girls here to go and look for "fresh ones" from naija

Na dem I pity pass.

In 2010 in NJ, I met some younger guys and they were telling me that since I am new in town incase I need female entertainment, there is one fresh from Naija girl they can give me, This girl they are talking about was a "fresh innocent" import to America by one 40yr old man and all those young boys about 26-30yrs around the area don sample am

Dayo you can say that again, again and again,  you know i thank God for where i am today, maybe i would have joined in the ''runs'' stuff, and that is only because i have big aunties and cousins ''runsing'' about, iAnd i don't mean some cheap ladies, i am talking about highly placed ladies. that ought to be financially independent with the type of money they are making at their jobs, 3 of the ladies i am talking about have already built houses and well furnished in lekki, and they have been calling me to come home that we will ''hook'' me up, i just look at them and laugh, because i feel they are empty inside, that is why they  are into all these nonsense runs.

ronkebp:

you are right one cannot 100% vouch for anybody, but you can 100% believe it when someone candidly says he has not cheated before.

I agree. If she had said I don’t believe that my dad and father in law have ever cheated, I wouldn’t see any problem there.

Aqva:


As for Mr Sienna u are talking about, he is just an e-personality u dnt knw him. I'm sure he is a bad guy who hasn't been caught.

Aqua Mr Siena is not just an e-personality and please my husby is not a bad guy. He doesnt have to be caught cos he has nothing to hide i trust him and vouch for him 200%. You know why? Cos I live with him 24/7. You might have fallen into tempation thats because you couldnt control yourself that doesnt mean some other men won't. Stop justifying yourself by saying oh the woman came after you cos she was hot so if a 100 women came onto you cos they are hot you would sleep with them. I bet you havent told your wife this incident. Nigerian men and their mentality and if it's your wife that fell into this tempation and slept with a hot man cos she couldnt resist I'm very sure you would have sent her out of your house. Men that cant keep their 'sausage' in between their legs to themselves or to their wives.

Mrs. Siena:


Aqua Mr Siena is not just an e-personality and please my husby is not a bad guy. He doesnt have to be caught cos he has nothing to hide i trust him and vouch for him 200%. You know why? Cos I live with him 24/7. You might have fallen into tempation thats because you couldnt control yourself that doesnt mean some other men won't. Stop justifying yourself by saying oh the woman came after you cos she was hot so if a 100 women came onto you cos they are hot you would sleep with them. I bet you havent told your wife this incident. Nigerian men and their mentality and if it's your wife that fell into this tempation and slept with a hot man cos she couldnt resist I'm very sure you would have sent her out of your house. Men that cant keep their 'sausage' in between their legs to themselves or to their wives.

Ok ma'am, was joking about Sienna but i tell u, always keep 1% chance of anything happening. Nobody is God, we are all prone to temptation. By the way u are a woman so i don't expect u to know what it means to resist a hot woman. Of course i didn't tell my wife. Why upset the poor woman, what u dnt know won't kill u.

debrief08:

Aqva yea that's the excuse given by men who lack self respect and body control to justify their actions, I refuse to buy it. No one seduced you, you lacked xontrol and respect for your sefl and your wife. Siena is more than an online personality, he is someone who has made his life even on nairaland an open book. Learn from good people it will help you instead of justifying wrong doing. Stop creating problems for yourself

Another naive woman, may God protect u from heartbreak. We have lot's of over trusting women who are now mentally ill because they couldn't take shock, they over trusted others, May God never let that be ur portion because i'm worried that u are too trusting.

ronkebp:

Dayo you can say that again, again and again,  you know i thank God for where i am today, maybe i would have joined in the ''runs'' stuff, and that is only because i have big aunties and cousins ''runsing'' about, iAnd i don't mean some cheap ladies, i am talking about highly placed ladies. that ought to be financially independent with the type of money they are making at their jobs, 3 of the ladies i am talking about have already built houses and well furnished in lekki, and they have been calling me to come home that we will ''hook'' me up, i just look at them and laugh, because i feel they are empty inside, that is why they  are into all these nonsense runs.

Most big society ladies give sexual favors in exchange for money. It's the sad unfortunate reality of Nigeria. I personally know lots of big women that made it to the top with sexual favors and jazz. One particular woman is the most spectacular example of the big-time runs game. I knew her well when she was a broke, uneducated "business" woman living in a 3bedroom flat in Ikeja because she was my Mum's really close friend from way back in the day. Now, she's probably worth at least $20-$50mm from stolen national cake. She hustled hard and slept with the right people at the right time to get to where she is. I know this because we spent a few days at her place in Abuja and early one morning Uncle Segz himself was lounging in pajamas in her sitting room chewing pako! Before Uncle, she probably slept with half the Yoruba senators. You can't knock her hustle oh! She is one premium obanje pussycat, old as she is.

well im glad we're being honest with ourselves here.

Sienae and debrief I pray you don't run mad or develop acute stroke someday puting absolute hope and trust in Man and when I mean "Man", I'm not specifying any particular gender. If u are a bible believer and a true christian u wuld av noticed time without number how highly placed men of old have always failed and it is clearly stated in the bible that woe unto those that put their trust in MEN (emphasis mine) cuz they are mortals who wuld definately fail u! I'm not in anyway justifying infidelity in any way or manner but when I see u guys puting 100% & 200% trust on mere men then I am sure without any doubt that u need to grow up!

hmmmm
very interestin i must say
i sure ll learn frm all dese
smtyms marriage jst scares me
nt cos him cheatin or anyth related 2 dat bt rili, i dunno

nice1